Relationships: living in different counties

Raze_them_all

My birds in dub, I'm in Kilkenny, Tis grand.

Acacia

I also thought the title says 'countries' instead of 'counties'... I was glad that I've an oppurtunity to talk about my 'semi-LDR' as I call it. No doubt partners living on other sides of the world have it hard, but with travel times and other commitments sometimes living in different counties can be difficult too.

I live in Kildare, my boyfriend lives in Laois. I guess we're fairly lucky that we're not too far away but because neither of us drives it can be awkward sometimes, especially when jobs/college get in the way. I find the biggest barrier in LDRs isn't necessarily distance but time. For example, there was a time I didn't see him for a month because we both had so much on. We don't get to do things other couples maybe take for granted. For example, if I have a bad day, i cant call in to him for a hug and a chat. That kinda thing seems small I know, but it can grind you down after awhile.

People often say ''sure, you're only an hour away from each other by car''. True, but when you factor in the commuting, traffic, unreliable public transport it could be 3 hours or more door to door. Again, obviously that's nothing compared to what others have to travel but it often means little things get in the way. For example, I could be visiting him for a day and maybe I could stay an extra day but I have an appointment/errand at an early time the next morning. It may only take a half-hour to do whatever it is, but because of the awkwardness of travelling from his house to mine, I have to leave the evening before... again I suppose this all seems petty stuff but it does get annoying.

You have to have complete trust and good communication for LDRs to work. If you can't see each other for weeks/monthes at a time, you have to put in the work at phoning/emailing, etc.

Another misconception people have about LDRs is that you have more time to yourself... it's true in some ways, but when you have to set aside certain times for ringing your OH ( perhaps more applicable for those in different time zones), it makes other things more awkward to fit in. Or you want to do a class or sport that takes place on a Wednesday evening but that's the only day both you and your OH have time together and you cant do both cause of travel times... something's got to give...

having said all that, I love my OH to bits and the relationship is totally worth the effort. sorry for the long post but it felt good to have a bit of a rant.

squeakyduck

I was in an LDR for a very long time, it wasn't good for either of us.
Meeting up was great, but being apart killed me. It wasn't for my physical/mental wellbeing.

But that's not to say that someone else can't make it work. If the two people are willing to try their hardest at making the relationship work it will have a happy ending!

Konata

I live in Dublin, my boyfriend lives in Clare. We've been going out 6 months (3 of which I was in Sligo so even further away ) and tbh, it's working out great. Sure I miss him sometimes but I get to see him at least every 2 weeks, and often every week.

Yes, it's a bit awkward at times and those train journeys cost money but it's totally worth it. Knowing he's coming up at the weekend is something to look forward to, especially when my week is going shít.

Sure, I could totally do with a cuddle every day/night but living in different counties isn't all that bad, and I'm sure you'll manage it fine OP

00112984

My now husband and I did a distance-based relationship for the first couple of years. I was in Kerry, him in Dublin when we met in 2002. It was tough going and definitely meant that things could be taken up wrong over the phone and we were probably a little more conscious of eachother than we would have been if we were able to meet up every day but it worked out pretty well.

After a few months of €300+ phone bills each we found a good package that gave us free calls and texts (this was in the days before Skype etc) plus we had e-mails, MSN etc. We got to the stage where we'd take it in turns to travel and would see eachother maybe every 3 out of 4 weekends. At one stage, I think I kept Aer Arann and Kerry airport in business.

Like everything else with a relationship, if it's going to work out it will take a lot of work. We established a routine fairly early on in terms of calling eachother and checking in. We were very open with eachother too and became very close very fast so trust didn't become any more of an issue as it would have been if we were in the same town.

While I much prefer our situation now- being in the same city, living in the same house and spending lots of time together, I do look back on the old days fondly. The excitement of seeing eachother for the first time in a fortnight, the surprises in the post, the chatty e-mails. Even now, I still have loads of old e-mails where we were just chatting and flirting and really getting to know eachother and they're lovely to look back on.

Anyway, I'm rambling but what I wanted to say is that if it's a good relationship you'll make it work whether you're living nextdoor to eachother or 7,000 miles away.

mahamageehad

My guy is in Canada for a year since September and I am in Germany. Distance is a killer, but when I fly over to see him in February it will all have been worth it! Again the time zone thing is the most difficult. Trying to coordinate times when we are both around is very difficult! I really miss him, but if you really want to make something work you can! I envy the people who can see their bf/gf with a two hour drive! Having said that I also think it's important to really know the person first, I don't know how well it would work if you were trying to get to know the person as well as being apart!

mariebeth

This past week I actually broke up with the guy who I was going out with for the year & a half. He was in Dublin & I was in Cork. It wasn't the most ideal situation, and while I wouldn't blame the distance on it totally, I think in the end of the day it probably contributed to it in some way. I just felt that after a year & a half, the romantic feelings of love had gone, and had been replaced by more feelings of him just being a friend. Maybe if we had been living in the same place those feelings might not have changed, or they might have changed to something stronger, but they didn't for me. I just felt like he was a friend, and when I looked at the bigger picture, I couldn't see myself being happy if we had a long term future.

But that said, I do have two close friends who were in LDR's and both they're relationships are strong, happy & stable. One girl moved to London to live with her boyfriend, while the other ones boyfriend made the move from Holland to live with her over here. So it can be successful. You just have to have a lot of trust, and good communication between the two of ye.

woolymammoth

00112984 wrote: »

whether you're living nextdoor to eachother or 7,000 miles away.

10,315 miles for me

video calling ftw

dcfc

Dublin and Donegal for us! Difficult sometimes but it makes the time we spend together all the more special!!!!

Michellenman

I'm struggling a bit with France-Ireland at the moment with my best friend in the whole world, never thought I could miss him this much, he's coming to visit though in 9 days, which will be the first time we've seen each other since August. We literally spent 5 out of 7 days together up until I left so it's been a shock to the system. My internet access is really really really crap so skype isn't that great... I'm currently spending about €50 every two weeks on credit so we can keep in contact... we text... a lot then we just email and stuff too. It's manageable for now , I'm home for a month at christmas so that will be brilliant, but I just can't wait to see him now

jester77

Long distance is tough, myself and my partner were 2 years apart, Oz-Germany. We only saw each other 3 times the first year, relationship almost fell apart. We made a commitment to see each other more often the second year. There was never more than 6 weeks between visits and things improved. We are now back together in the same country and things are getting better. I will never do long distance again and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

nermal15

I've been in a LDR for about a year and a half now. When we started out I lived in Waterford and he lived in Galway-5 hours in a car, 7 on that God awful bus. It definitely has its problems-so easy to pick a fight over the phone if you're in a bad mood. I actually find that problems have come from over-communicating. Because we didn't see each other often, we felt the need to talk non-stop via phone, texting, internet etc. and I think it put a bit of pressure on us both after the novelty of it all wore off but we still felt obliged to do it.

Now I'm in Dublin for college so the distance is a lot more manageable and I feel like I'm in a normal relationship, haha.

sunflower27

Ireland-UK for me.

Meet up usually every fortnight. I do miss him obviously but we went out years ago and it was the same thing, only we are a lot more grown up and appreciative of each other now.

Funny how when we split all those years ago I hoped it would somehow work out... it's a lot better now. Maybe it's the fact I am used to the distance that I don't get too upset.

I think I'll end up moving over there if things work out though.