Getting over someone

Mrs Garth Brooks

Any girly tips on how to forget about someone?

I liked this guy who turned out to be an asshole. But i cant get him out of my mind.

So far im treating myself this weekend to a new haircut and i always wanted a tattoo so thats on the list for this weekend too.

Would love a big tub of ice cream.

Mrs Garth Brooks

Sersiously though, what the fk was he playing at?

He led me on only to ignore me. Such a fking asshole.

Need to put all this negative energy into doing something for myself rather than giving him the ego boost by going for revenge.

The Big Red Button

Haircut - yay! Icecream - yay!

Wouldn't go for the tattoo this weekend to be honest though! If it's something that you've always wanted, do you really want to associate it with getting it the weekend that you were upset over this asshole? He is SO not worth it. You'd be much better to wait til you're over him and when you're much happier on your own, then you'll always associate it with completely happy memories!

As for girly tips ... splash out on a pedicure and manicure, or do a DIY job. It always makes me so happy to know that my toenails are perfect and pretty, even if no one else can see them!

Raze_them_all

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

Any girly tips on how to forget about someone?

I liked this guy who turned out to be an asshole. But i cant get him out of my mind.

So far im treating myself this weekend to a new haircut and i always wanted a tattoo so thats on the list for this weekend too.

Would love a big tub of ice cream.

Do not do it. Not a reason to get inked and you will forever associate it with him.

Mrs Garth Brooks

chatterpillar wrote: »

Haircut - yay! Icecream - yay!

Wouldn't go for the tattoo this weekend to be honest though! If it's something that you've always wanted, do you really want to associate it with getting it the weekend that you were upset over this asshole? He is SO not worth it. You'd be much better to wait til you're over him and when you're much happier on your own, then you'll always associate it with completely happy memories!

As for girly tips ... splash out on a pedicure and manicure, or do a DIY job. It always makes me so happy to know that my toenails are perfect and pretty, even if no one else can see them!

You're right, il hold off getting the tattoo for a few weeks. Though it is something iv always wanted. Just feel like doing something mad this weekend.

si_guru

Please don't do the tattoo!

The Big Red Button

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

You're right, il hold off getting the tattoo for a few weeks. Though it is something iv always wanted. Just feel like doing something mad this weekend.

Well if you're getting the hair done anyways, why not go for a totally different cut and colour? The great thing is, it's not permanent, you can always change it back! Ooh and splash out on some fab new makeup, I love doing that! And organise a big night out with your friends to show it all off!

Raze_them_all

chatterpillar wrote: »

Well if you're getting the hair done anyways, why not go for a totally different cut and colour? The great thing is, it's not permanent, you can always change it back! Ooh and splash out on some fab new makeup, I love doing that! And organise a big night out with your friends to show it all off!

Plus it's cheaper than getting inked!

babs78

List out the reasons why you think he's an asshole and then when you find yourself thinking of him/missing him think of them and say to yourself "I no longer love him because of (insert asshole qualities). He does not have the quailitis I want in a long-term partner". Repeat however many times is required!

Mrs Garth Brooks

Feel like crap and has been for weeks. Coming from someone i always liked, its killing me. He knew i like him and led me on and only because he's going through a midlife crisis.

I wouldn't mind if he was just honest in the first place but to lead me on???

:(:(

Sorry for whinging

babs78

Yeah, I'm a total believer in "I'd rather be hurt by your honesty than pleased by your lies".

Did he purposely lead you on or has he just had a change of heart? Has he provided any reasons for why he has backed off and started ignoring you?

Mrs Garth Brooks

babs78 wrote: »

Yeah, I'm a total believer in "I'd rather be hurt by your honesty than pleased by your lies".

Did he purposely lead you on or has he just had a change of heart? Has he provided any reasons for why he has backed off and started ignoring you?

Nothing!

deelite

Lose your mobile phone for the weekend - that way you won't send any drunk texts and also it means he can't contact you ....

Mrs Garth Brooks

deelite wrote: »

Lose your mobile phone for the weekend - that way you won't send any drunk texts and also it means he can't contact you ....

Ya im changing my number. If he thinks he can contact me when he likes in the hope that i would be available when he likes, he has another thing coming. He had his chance.

shrewd

go out, get drunk...,
Flirt :- Enjoy compliments == feel good factor

if that's not enough, get the best looking flirt u got and shag him....real hard and long like you've never done before

Mrs Garth Brooks

Feeling a bit better after that whinge. Pigged out on chocolate and tea.

La frog fairy

ok all sounds good i would add my personal favourite, cho-co-late !!

Seriously my best friend for moments like that;)

Getting drunk is good, at the moment, not sure how you handle the day after tho, what is up must come down so you might a bit more sad while hanging out with your mate hangover.

My all time "get him out of my head" favourite thing?? Put music on loud in your house/ living room and start dancing! ok this might be odd by the sound of it but i swear it worked for me then. All it is is get yourself active, fun, dance, have a laugh even if its jsut about yourself being silly dancing on the couch singing out loud!

Alright this my sound cookoo but hey, you might try it who knows, it could be a step to recovery!!

good luck miss!

Wibbs

babs78 wrote: »

Yeah, I'm a total believer in "I'd rather be hurt by your honesty than pleased by your lies".

Good line. Like it. though it does sound like a country and western song lyric. Than again nada wrong with that.

RacoonQueen

The only way to get over someone is with time, you are effectively 'grieving' the loss of a loved one.

I've never had a 'bad' break up, there's one or two that I've tried to hate afterwards but couldn't. No matter how many times I tried to think of things I didn't like about them, the good things always over rode that, maybe I've just been lucky! Time does heal though, it might only take a couple of weeks, it might take months. 'Girlie nights' usually just end up with you talking about him anyway or the girls talking to you about him. :rolleyes:

Twee.

I got me a new haircut and sexy little black dress, put on some red lippie and hit the town! The ol' confidence was a bit knocked due to the reasons of the break up, so I wanted to feel lovely about myself and ensure myself that there wasn't a thing wrong with me

OP, the guy turned out to be an asshole, it's better to know sooner than later. You saved yourself in the long run, you deserve someone nice and special.

Faith

I cried for about two months whilst moaning to everyone who would listen. Then I threw myself back into being single. It's had its ups and downs, but I haven't forgotten about him, not by a long shot. But then it was the end of a nearly two-year relationship with my first love, so slightly different circumstances .

Try writing down everything you feel about him, maybe in the form of a letter to him. Afterwards, destroy it. That's quite therapeutic.

WindSock

Get a tattoo!

holystungun9

OK I can hardly give advice from on high .....but.....change your name on here, it is so negative. My tag is crap because I had been having a youtube binge of the old Batman series from the 60's. Sorry for the side track of your topic. As regards that, don't do the tattoo thing. Like someone else said you will forever associate it with this time and the hassle with that guy. Hope things improve for ya though.

Neyite

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

If he thinks he can contact me when he likes in the hope that i would be available when he likes, he has another thing coming. He had his chance.

attagirl!

Earthhorse

Similar thing happened me this year. No idea why someone pretends to like you then backs away (an ego boost maybe?). Best thing to do is just get on with whatever you enjoy doing, don't think about them and don't allow yourself time to think about them either.

lisaface

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

Any girly tips on how to forget about someone?

I liked this guy who turned out to be an asshole. But i cant get him out of my mind.

So far im treating myself this weekend to a new haircut and i always wanted a tattoo so thats on the list for this weekend too.

Would love a big tub of ice cream.

Hey,

I hope you're feeling a bit better now
Oh, I wouldn't do the tatt job just yet, it'll always revert to a reminder of HIM! My friend did this when she broke up with her fiance , she wanted to go wild too, and off she went and got one, she now regrets it - if she'd of told me first, i'd of stopped her ha ha

I'd suggest a girls night in, cheesy dvds, wine/other alcohol, junk food - can't go wrong with that set up

Alternatively, you could write a letter to said man but then destroy it, always destroy it. That way you're getting your feelings out there, but it's not exactly making it worse. Also write down the bad points to him (yes there's a few, there always is, we might have clouded judgment when w/ them , but deep down you'll think of them!) and keep them safe, for when you have a bad day & want to contact him.

I will say this, the old saying about getting over one person is getting under a new person, DON'T - because alike any other 'high', when you come crashing back down you'll feel twice as bad, as you did before AND you'll feel horrible about yourself. You deserve a nice man, so just a lil tip, if you're considering the above!

When people we trust f*ck us around it's always hard to come to terms with at first, and it may take a good while to actually get over him , but you will eventually end up just not thinking about him , and if you do you won't care for him anymore:)

Hope my 2cent has helped!
L

RacoonQueen

Earthhorse wrote: »

Similar thing happened me this year. No idea why someone pretends to like you then backs away (an ego boost maybe?). Best thing to do is just get on with whatever you enjoy doing, don't think about them and don't allow yourself time to think about them either.

How do you know he 'pretended' to like you? Did he tell you? Maybe he thought he did or was unsure of what he wanted and in the end decided that pushing you away was easier than dealing with his feelings or didn't want a relationship. I've been in the situation where I've been with someone, liked them and didn't like them, liked them again, didn't like them etc etc etc but the reasons for not liking them were because I was TYRING not to. Not because I wanted to be an ass to him, just because thats the way I felt. Not sure I wanted to be in a relationship, not wanting to lead him on yet a big part of me wanted to be with him - and still you push them away. Doesn't mean you're pretending to like them.

lisaface wrote: »

Alternatively, you could write a letter to said man but then destroy it, always destroy it. That way you're getting your feelings out there, but it's not exactly making it worse. Also write down the bad points to him (yes there's a few, there always is, we might have clouded judgment when w/ them , but deep down you'll think of them!) and keep them safe, for when you have a bad day & want to contact him.

I don't get this. Why do people do this?

g'em

RacoonQueen wrote: »

I don't get this. Why do people do this?

which part - the letter or the list of bad points?

Writing a letter is a really cathartic way to get the massive jumble of thoughts racing around your mind out of your system, it's a kind of cleansing ritual to put a spiritual slant on it. In a letter that you don't send you can say all the things you would love to say to a person (but know you never should lest your sanity be called into question ). Regardless of whether it's a good or a bad break up the letter thing can help you resolve any lingering questions you have about someone, it helps put clarity on a situation. Particularly if it's a bad break up - you can call them every name under the sun, rant and rave and give out shyte to them and go mental in private whilst keeping your dignity firmly in tact in public!

The list of bad points works better when it's a bad break up, but applies to good ones too. Not only is time a healer, it also has a tendency to be viewed with rose-tinted glasses. As time goes by you may tend to forget that 99% of a person's actions were toxic or bad, and only fondly remember the 1% of the good stuff. Having something on paper, in hard copy, to read and remind of you just what a bad person they were or how not right for you they were can help you see the past more clearly.

Earthhorse

RacoonQueen wrote: »

How do you know he 'pretended' to like you? Did he tell you? Maybe he thought he did or was unsure of what he wanted and in the end decided that pushing you away was easier than dealing with his feelings or didn't want a relationship.

Well, I guess I don't know whether she was pretending to like me or not but she effectively led me on so the net result, to me, is the same. We've all been in situations where we feel ambiguously about people but it's our responsibility to clarify our feelings before acting on them.

metrovelvet

Earthhorse wrote: »

Well, I guess I don't know whether she was pretending to like me or not but she effectively led me on so the net result, to me, is the same. We've all been in situations where we feel ambiguously about people but it's our responsibility to clarify our feelings before acting on them.

She may not have. SHe may not even have been ambivalent at the time. Revisionism is a very popular course of action for people.

I love you.

I don' t love you anymore.

I never loved you.

Revisionism, imo has nothing to do with the truth of the past, but is an indicator of how someone is going to proceed into the future.

So don't feel too conned.

Earthhorse

Sure, but revisionism usually takes place after some time and distance, it's not normally something that happens in the course of a night.

metrovelvet

Earthhorse wrote: »

Sure, but revisionism usually takes place after some time and distance, it's not normally something that happens in the course of a night.

You'd be surprised. Nothing as strange as folk as they say.

Xiney

I just posted this in the emotions thread, but I figured I'd repost it here too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

starlit

1. Cry, grieve and get all your emotion and feelings out of the system just let it all out and get rid of all excess emotional baggage, clear the head and declutter your life which was surrounded by your ex beau.
2. Watch dvd's, eat ice-cream, popcorn, sweeties, indulge chocolate etc have a little party for yourself.
3. Get busy, any projects that need doing, do it and do things around the house and meet up with friends and chat.
4. Go out get drunk, meet loads of guys, flirt, snog them, have one night stands if your into them and going out on the prowl will really perk you up, you realise what you were missing. Enjoy being single. Plently more fish in the sea nd wondering what you saw in your ex beau. Good talent out there if you know where to look!
5. Before you know it you'll be with another new beau!

RacoonQueen

g'em wrote: »

which part - the letter or the list of bad points?

Writing a letter is a really cathartic way to get the massive jumble of thoughts racing around your mind out of your system, it's a kind of cleansing ritual to put a spiritual slant on it. In a letter that you don't send you can say all the things you would love to say to a person (but know you never should lest your sanity be called into question ). Regardless of whether it's a good or a bad break up the letter thing can help you resolve any lingering questions you have about someone, it helps put clarity on a situation. Particularly if it's a bad break up - you can call them every name under the sun, rant and rave and give out shyte to them and go mental in private whilst keeping your dignity firmly in tact in public!

The list of bad points works better when it's a bad break up, but applies to good ones too. Not only is time a healer, it also has a tendency to be viewed with rose-tinted glasses. As time goes by you may tend to forget that 99% of a person's actions were toxic or bad, and only fondly remember the 1% of the good stuff. Having something on paper, in hard copy, to read and remind of you just what a bad person they were or how not right for you they were can help you see the past more clearly.

Ta' good explanations. Suppose I probably make a list in my head but never wrote stuff down.

Be interesting to see how guys get over someone, though even with the large volume of men on this site you'd never get many with the guts to post it. I think I'd be largely different to whats on here.

cactuspaw

theres getting over a relationship and the person you shared every thing with and then there is getting over sombody you fancied for ages. both are hard.
the first one is heartbreaking if you let it be, or you could just rember how awful and crap they made you feel. you can get over it by thinkin "f him, i can go have a life now, not have to listen to his moanin and worry about his problems ect". well thats what i did anyway.
the other one takes more for time. I was uncontrolably attracted to a guy i used to work with. a friend had to litterly pull me out of a pub one night when i met him there, for fear that me in a drunk state would make a fool of myself. I used to "just happen to be" near his office or in the smoking area when he was there so I could talk to him. (not to mention a training weekend and me and him being paired up). It was all very childish. But I still get weak at the knees thinkin of him. he was way out of my leauge and off with some sophisticated forgein girl at the time anyway, so nothing would have ever happened. the only way i did get over this insane crush was getting a serious reality check being diagnosed with a awful illness. he wasnt realy that inportant to me after that.
fancying sombody it just so much harder, becouse you always think there is some slight glimmer of hope, or maybe its the excitement of the chase or the "dose he like me?" thing.

La frog fairy

cactuspaw wrote: »

fancying sombody it just so much harder, becouse you always think there is some slight glimmer of hope, or maybe its the excitement of the chase or the "dose he like me?" thing.

agree too, although last time i did had a type of a "strong crush" on a guy i repeated to myself "if he did fancy me, he would ask me out", shy or not, from what i have witness personaly and with my male friends they do take the plunge when they like you so next time you feel overwhelmed by a crush just tell yourself that and believe me you wont feel stuck into neverending thoughts of him and move on quickly.

Cheer up and have a good weekend

Konata

I know it may be hard to admit right now, but the only true healer of heartbreak is time. I've been in your situation many times - with guys who've led me on, guys who've cheated on me, guys who've just generally been assholes and I never thought I'd get over quite a few of them. But with the passing weeks, months and now years, I find myself not even thinking about them anymore - never thought that would happen

So believe that these feelings will pass and for now, just do everything you can to make yourself feel better. It's easy to wallow but try not to - go out with friends, particularly single ones, and enjoy their company. Enjoy dancing, enjoy chatting, whatever - all the things you can take pleasure in without the hassle of an asshole hanging over you!

Mrs Garth Brooks

One thing which made things easier today so im going to keep up with the thought when i do think of him.

I used to work with him. And i hated that job with a passion. The people i worked with weren't too nice either (some of them were but only a few). There was alot of negativity and he used to worry and freak out over the smallest thing. Dont think i can handle a worrier. Thinking of him in work = doesn't do it for me. Think of him, think of work and thats the thought over with.

I left that place and moving onto better things. Screw him too.

blue5000

'Be interesting to see how guys get over someone, though even with the large volume of men on this site you'd never get many with the guts to post it. I think I'd be largely different to whats on here'.

Hi racoon queen, just to let you know from a guy, some of us feel the pain too. As already said its a grieving process and time is the best healer. Painful reminders of where you used meet are the hardest thing to get rid of.

OP please don't get a tat, just not a good time I think, try and forgive him, he's only human too.

yours

know this feeling, its hard, really hard..

try do some things you like doing, go out, try enjoy yourself, let the days turn into weeks and the weeks to months.

I know a lot easier said than done...

Time IS a great healer!

Good luck girl