TELL US A LIMERICK

Wowbagger

The new cinematic emporium
Is not just a super sensorium
But a highly effectual heterosexual,
Mutual masturbatorium.

filbert the fox

A queer who came from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
About who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom!

There was a young fella named Bright
Who could travel far faster than light
he set off one day
in a relative way
And returned on the previous night

Wowbagger

There was an auld lass in Kilkenny
Whose usual charge was a penny,
For half of that sum
You could fondle her bum,
A source of amusement to many.

filbert the fox

There was an old man with a beard
Who said " I demand to be feared"
address me as God
and love me you sod
and man did just that- which is weird

BattleCorp

There was a woman from Eider
Who p1ssed in the eye of a spider
The spider got mad
He took out his lad
"Be Jaysus says the spider, I'll ride 'er."

Wowbagger

A most wonderful bird is the Pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can,
In his beak he can hold
Food for a week
But I'm dammed if I know how the hell he can.

filbert the fox

Wowbagger wrote: »

A most wonderful bird is the Pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can,
In his beak he can hold
Food for a week
But I'm dammed if I know how the hell he can.

AABBA!

He can hold in his beak
enough food for a week!

but it's one of my favourites...

Wowbagger

Thanks for the correction Should have spotted the error myself :rolleyes:

Wowbagger

A train driver from Crewe
Once met an engine he knew
And e'en though he bowed
That engine was proud and it cut him,
It cut him in two.

Wowbagger

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think -
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Wowbagger

There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was doing his wife on the stair
But the banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air

shrapnel222

There was a young man from madras
who's balls were made of brass
in stormy weather
they clicked together
and sparks flew out of his arse

shrapnel222

there was a young man from belgrave
who kept a dead whore in his cave
i know you must think
i'm a bit of a fink
but think of the money i save

Booms

From deep 'neath the crypt of St Giles.
Came a scream that echoed for miles.
"Oh, goodness gracious!", said Brother Ignatius.
"I'd forgotten the bishop had piles!"

Wowbagger

A thrifty old man named McEwen
Inquired, "Why bother with screwing?
It's safer and cleaner
To finger your weiner,
And besides you can see what you're doing."

Wowbagger

There was a young plumber named Lee
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea;
Said the lady, "Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "That's me."

Wowbagger

There was a young harlot from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it, too."

Wowbagger

The old archeologist Trostle,
Found a most wonderous fossil.
He declared-by the way it did bend
and the knob on the end
twas the penis of Paul the Apostle

Wowbagger

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
old Rover drove her,
Cause Rover had a bone of his own.

Wowbagger

I have been on dozens of larks;
I like it indoors, not in parks.
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn't freeze;
And strollers don't make snide remarks.

Wowbagger

There once was a nervous young Finn,
Who had barely begun to get in
To a lady he knew,
When her husband said "Boo!"
And he damned near jumped out of her skin.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

There once was a hooker called Pru
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
If they pay to get in
Then they'll pay to get out of it, too...

Wowbagger

In days of old,
When knights were bold
And women weren't particular
They used to stand
Against the wall
And do it perpendicular !

Notoldorwise

There once was a comic named Al,
Who thought he was everyone's pal,
His hand, he did shove,
Not in to his glove,
Now, rue that action, he shall...

Wowbagger

I see I'm not alone!! Thanks

Wowbagger

A naughty old lady of Spain
Decided she'd have to abstain
But plugging the entry
That favoured the gentry
Excited the lady again!

Wowbagger

There was an old man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon
When least you'd expect 'em
They'd roar from his rectum
With the force of a Burma typhoon!

washman3

There was a young lady from Crewe
Who said as the Vicar withdrew
The Bishop is slicker, thicker and quicker
And two inches longer than you.

filbert the fox

No listen there's this Albatross,
I shot him, he wasn't half cross,
He had the crew cursed he
made us feel thirsty,
I'm Ancient now tragic eh Boss?

Wowbagger

A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit
"Does **** stick to your fur as a habit?"
"Of course not," said the hare,
"It's really quite rare!"
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.