TELL US A LIMERICK

minister poxbottle

There was a young girl from hoboken

who swore that her hymen was broken

from ridin a bike

on a cobbled stone pyke

but it was really was broken from pokin

Sardonicat

The two ugly sisters from Furnham
Went out on a walk 'til it bored 'em
They were on their way back
When a sex maniac
Jumped out from a bush and...ignored 'em

(Needs to be recited with a Pam Ayers low country accent for full effect)

sfakiaman

There was a young fellow from Twickingham
Who looked over the bridge down in Buckingham
He was watching the stunts of the cnuts in the punts
And the tricks of the pricks who were f*cking em

sfakiaman

There once was a bishop of Lings
Whose delight was small boys of all things
His greatest desire was a boy in the choir
With a bottom like jelly on springs

deadwood

There was an old woman from Slough
Who suffered a terrible cough
She wasn't to know
It would last until now
And we certainly hope she pulls through.

pappyodaniel

There was a young scobe from Southill

Who went to Moyross and felt ill

So he rode down to Weston

to see Dr Dundon

and went home with a carload of pills

garancafan

There was a young man from Rathmines
Who thought Limericks should have just two lines.

MonkieSocks

There was a fair maiden called Heather

Whose labia were fashioned in leather.

She made a strange noise,

Which attracted the boys,

By flapping the edges together.

youtheman

Hickery Dickery Dock
Three mice ran up a clock
The clock struck one
Ane the other two escaped with minor injuries


PS : does a Limerick have to have 5 lines, was always 5hite at English in school

Stinicker

There was a young woman from Ealing

Who got a peculiar feeling

So she laid on her back

and opened her crack

and p1ssed all over the ceiling!

__________________________________________________________________

There once was a man from Peru

who fell asleep in his canoe

while dreaming of venus and stroking his penis

he woke up with a handful of goo ...

Kristopherus

There was a young girl from Aberystwyth
Who brought corn to the mill to get grist with,
The miller's son, Jack,
Laid her flat on her back,
And united the organs they pissed with.

Rockery Woman

There was a young girl from Madrid
Who thought she would never be rid
up came an Italian
with balls like a stallion
and rode her like Billy The Kid

JohnnyBananas

My English teacher once asked me to compose a Limerick, SO I STABBED HER.

jacool

There was a young man from near Hyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
His unfortunate brother
Fell down another
The verdict on both, sewer-cide

Ronin247

There was a young man from Galosham
Who took out his bollocks to wash em'
His wife said "Jack,
If you don't put them back,
I'll jump on the f*ckers and squash em"

There was a young lady from Clare
Who couldnt piss past her hair
She met an Italian
With balls like a stallion
And now she can piss like a mare

There was a young lady from Thrace
Whose corsets no longer would lace
Her mother said "Nelly
Theres more in your belly
Than ever went in through your face

There was a young lady from Surrey
Who needed a piss in a hurry
She went round the back
And opened her crack
And in backed a bloke with a lorry

blackbird98

There once was a cop at Limerick Junction,
who couldn't get his tool to function,
so for the rest of his life,
he fooled his wife,
with a snot at the end of his trunchion.



hickory dickory dock,
some bi*ch was sucking my c*ck,
when the clock struck two,
i dropped my goo,
and dumped the bi*ch on the next block

Bearhunter

There was a young man named McLeod
Who heard something strange in a crowd.
A man at the front
Said "Hmm, I smell c***"
Just like that, quite quiet, not loud.


There was a young girl from Bulgaria
Whose fanny got hairy and hairier
When a man from Peru
Dived in for a screw
They'd to hunt for the c*** with a terrier.

A young lady from the Azores
Had a fanny all covered in sores
No one would eat the half-decayed meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers.

A pretty young lady named Alice
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus
The found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her arsehole in Dallas.

minister poxbottle

There was a young plumber called lee

who was plumbing his girl by the sea

she said stop your plumbing there's somebody coming

said the plumber still plumbing it's me

Barneslow

There once was a boy named Jonny Locket,
Who was blown down the street by a rocket,
The force of the blast,
Blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his Pocket.

dohouch

There was a young girl from Azores
Whose c-nt it was covered in sores
And the dogs in the street
Ate the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers

feargale

In the garden of Eden lay Adam
Complacently stroking his madam,
And loud was his mirth
For he knew that on earth
There were only two balls and he had 'em.

Wowbagger

The Limerick's an art form complex
Whose contents run chiefly to sex,
It's full of virgins,
Neurotic urgin's
And vulgar erotic effects!

RichieO

There once was a woman called Pallin
Who specialized in spectacular failin
She thought it clear,
but really my dear
It sounded like insane ravin…

RichieO

There was a crooked man who had a crooked dad
He was not only evil but also downright bad,
He made loads of money but it was only a fad.
He bought a job as president because he knew could,
And found a way of taking … everybody’s wad…

Wowbagger

The parish commission of Roylette
Bought their Vicar a brand new toilet
But he still empties his bowels
On heaps of old towels
Cos he's very reluctant to soil it.

Wowbagger

There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went out one night with a builda
He said that he should, that he could and he would
And he did
And he damm nearly killed her!

The Rev Henry Ward Beecher
Called the hen a most elegant creature
The hen, pleased with that,
Laid an egg in his hat
Thus, did the hen reward beecher.

uch

There was a Girl from Madrid,
Who claimed she'd never been Rid,
Along came an Italian,
With a flute like a stallion
and he rode her like Billy the Kid

Wowbagger

There was a young lady from Niger
Who went for a ride on a Tiger,
They returned from the ride,
With the lady inside
And a smile on the face of the Tiger.

dxhound2005

In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Tickling the tits of him madam
He chuckled with mirth
For he know on this Earth
There were only two balls, and he had 'em.

Wowbagger

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates
But a fall on his cutlass
Rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates!

filbert the fox

There was a young fella named Reg
who once dragged a girl through a hedge
when along came his wife
with a big carving knife
and chopped off his meat and two veg.

I Caesar, when I heard of the fame
of Cleopatra straight way laid I claim
ahead of my legions
I invaded her regions
I saw, I conquered, I came.

Wowbagger

The new cinematic emporium
Is not just a super sensorium
But a highly effectual heterosexual,
Mutual masturbatorium.

filbert the fox

A queer who came from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
About who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom!

There was a young fella named Bright
Who could travel far faster than light
he set off one day
in a relative way
And returned on the previous night

Wowbagger

There was an auld lass in Kilkenny
Whose usual charge was a penny,
For half of that sum
You could fondle her bum,
A source of amusement to many.

filbert the fox

There was an old man with a beard
Who said " I demand to be feared"
address me as God
and love me you sod
and man did just that- which is weird

BattleCorp

There was a woman from Eider
Who p1ssed in the eye of a spider
The spider got mad
He took out his lad
"Be Jaysus says the spider, I'll ride 'er."

Wowbagger

A most wonderful bird is the Pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can,
In his beak he can hold
Food for a week
But I'm dammed if I know how the hell he can.

filbert the fox

Wowbagger wrote: »

A most wonderful bird is the Pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can,
In his beak he can hold
Food for a week
But I'm dammed if I know how the hell he can.

AABBA!

He can hold in his beak
enough food for a week!

but it's one of my favourites...

Wowbagger

Thanks for the correction Should have spotted the error myself :rolleyes:

Wowbagger

A train driver from Crewe
Once met an engine he knew
And e'en though he bowed
That engine was proud and it cut him,
It cut him in two.

Wowbagger

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think -
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Wowbagger

There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was doing his wife on the stair
But the banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air

shrapnel222

There was a young man from madras
who's balls were made of brass
in stormy weather
they clicked together
and sparks flew out of his arse

shrapnel222

there was a young man from belgrave
who kept a dead whore in his cave
i know you must think
i'm a bit of a fink
but think of the money i save

Booms

From deep 'neath the crypt of St Giles.
Came a scream that echoed for miles.
"Oh, goodness gracious!", said Brother Ignatius.
"I'd forgotten the bishop had piles!"

Wowbagger

A thrifty old man named McEwen
Inquired, "Why bother with screwing?
It's safer and cleaner
To finger your weiner,
And besides you can see what you're doing."

Wowbagger

There was a young plumber named Lee
Who plumbed his girl down by the sea;
Said the lady, "Stop plumbing!
I hear someone coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "That's me."

Wowbagger

There was a young harlot from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it, too."

Wowbagger

The old archeologist Trostle,
Found a most wonderous fossil.
He declared-by the way it did bend
and the knob on the end
twas the penis of Paul the Apostle

Wowbagger

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
old Rover drove her,
Cause Rover had a bone of his own.

Wowbagger

I have been on dozens of larks;
I like it indoors, not in parks.
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn't freeze;
And strollers don't make snide remarks.