Guys having close female friends

trickywitch

G86 wrote: »

She is being completely ridiculous!

My boyfriends best friend is female, as are alot of his friends, and I've never thought twice about it! Sure it's the same with me, and I've dated a few of the lads I'm friends with now too - which doesn't bother him at all either.

If you trust each other then it's a complete non-issue. They're 'friends' for a reason, if you wanted more then you'd be going out with them.

Completely agree. Actually belive that if a chap has no female friends at all then that is more suspect to me. In my view, it's better to have a healthy balance of friends of both sexes and both sides benefit from understanding male/female viewpoints. I do also accept that at some stage, usually early on in the friendship, or if circumstances change, there can be a 'what if' moment. It's whether this is acted on or not. Trust and emotional security are the key factors here. From my own experience, while I certainly value my relationship with my OH hugely, I value my friends ofthe opposite sex way to much to allow a potential situation to develop and know OH feels the same. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Elle Collins

The only thing the woman did wrong here was not to read the OP's profile carefully enough. If she wants a relationship with a man who hasn't surrounded himself with females that's her own perogative. Fair play to her for being upfront and honest and not wasting either parties time.

Celtise

This topic really infuriates me as it has come up a lot given 95% of my friends are guys. For the last two years I lived with the same group of three guys and at some stage or another, each one of them has had a female companion have a problem with their close friendship with me. Of course there have been thoughts about what it would be like with each other at some stage due to drunken conversation or suggestions. That same scenario could be with a group of girls in my experience (maybe for guys too, not sure on that one).

Sexuality isn't as black and white as it used to be so why can't friendships between sexes evolve from the primative state where a guy and a girl can't be friends without there being something more as well.

starlit

I don't think there is anything wrong with S-i-n-g-l-e men to have close female friends. It is the norm I guess in society to be friends with both men and women. Its better for both sexes cause when you go into a serious relationship you do become more understanding of the opposite sex. Now in the case of a man who isn't single, who is attached and perhaps married, I would be a bit skeptical about it. I'd trust him but not the close female friend(s), I'd be afraid that they would be closer than I would be with him. I wouldn't get catty over it but I would be aware of it. He can hang out head out together but would rather he go in groups rather than one to one when heading out with female friends unless she was attached I wouldn't worry about it too much. Its when he be alone with one of his close female friends I be concerned. Luckily I've never been in a relationship like that with a man but hypothetically speaking that is my opinion if I were in a relationship with man who had close female friends. Some men are different some are closer to their male friends than female ones everyone is different. There is such a thing as soulmates who are just friends and nothing more can happen between men and women who are soulmates but are just friends and nothing else!

shellyboo

My boyfriend's two closest friends are girls. One is a girl who's lived in his area, he's known her basically all his life -- another is a college friend. They do lots of gaming and stuff together (kinda thing I have no interest in) and text on and off... like friends do!

In the beginning, I had zero issue with it at all. However - few weeks in, there was the revelation that he and his best mate (the one he's known forever) had tried to get together in college, but it hadn't worked out. I was *gutted* at the time. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to ruin things.

I got all the details from him, (thankfully no gory ones ), and used my own judgement. He offered to stop seeing her even, something I'd never ask in a million years. I trusted him, I could see there were no barriers to them being together if they'd wanted to -- they'd tried, it was too weird, it didn't work, they're still mates. Took me a bit to get to that mindset, but I got there. We've gone from strength to strength ever since.

I'd love to be able to say it never ever bothers me, but that would be a big fat lie. My boyfriend is tremendously kind-hearted, very helpful, and if he can help someone out he will -- and honestly, when he offers her lifts or helps her move or can't meet up with me because he has plans with her, it does wound me a bit. I know that it's only my own insecurity and my own pride and possessiveness that's at fault though.

The fantastic thing is that I've told him all this, been totally honest with him about my little green monster and he's totally understanding. He doesn't change his plans or pander to my insecurity, he just acknowledges that it's hard for me, gives me a cuddle, lets me have a little cry if I'm really upset -- and we move on. It helps a lot that he always assures me that he's *mine*.

It's not the most PC or enlightened way of working, but it works for us. In the past I'd have pretended to be ok with things until it all came to a head disastrously -- being open and honest about my feelings, even if they're bad, is the perfect way for me to deal with things. And my boyfriend agrees.

In general, what do I think about men having female friends? I don't. I don't think there is a "general" situation that's the norm between male and female friends. Some opposite-sex friends will get in the way of a relationship, some won't -- but the same can be said for same-sex friends, work, family, money, anything. You have to look at the situation in front of you and nothing else.

cactuspaw

I have absolutly no problem with guys having female friends, i have a considerable amount of male friends, iv mixed with boys since i was young and many of them I would never be interested in. I also conciously try to make an effort to befriend their girlfriends or include them as part of the group.

in saying that, however, i did have a guy to a very sh1tty thing to me once with one of his "close" female friends. the girl in question constantly put me down infront of him. I had made the effort to talk to her, but she seemed to have a problem with me, but hours for the guy I was seeing. she even got to a stage where litterly was buying his attention (drink, food, video games etc).
but i knew she and him werent just friends, eventhough i still beleive guys and girls can be.

rantyface

My best friend is male and it is definitely possible. We've never had crushes on each other, and I'd know if he did. It's unusual though.

Giselle

I'd be more wary of a guy who had no female friends than a guy with lots of them.

I've no problem with opposite sex friends, as long as there are boundaries and both parties know where they are.

margarite

lg01 wrote: »

I went on a date last night with a girl and I was expecting it to go well. We met online and had been chatting for a good while, we got on well and she certainly ticked all my boxes. Most of the date went really well we chatted and had a good laugh etc, but towards the end it took a bad turn. Long sotry short, I have a number of very good female friends. I've been friends with them for a long time, over 10 years with 2 of them - they are like sisters to me. Basically she said that she just does not think tha guys can have female friends, I don't think she would trust them or soemthing. She just said that 'it's never really black or white' - at that point the date was pretty much over.

I don't know why but I was so angry and pissed off. The whole thing just seems like such a giant waste of time, especially considering that I actually say I have a lot of female friends on my profile. But for someone to be so close minded and say that they could not be with a guy who has female friends is ridiculous. Well, I could not be with someone who is that insecure. Maybe she had a bad experience, but its unfaur to tar me with the same brush.

So, what do you think. Girls are you ok with a guy having female friends? I think its a healthy thing to have friends of the oppasite sex, its kinda weird not to really. What do you think?

i think it is great having male as well as female friends, I always have both, until one of them a girl that did not approve, I met him a few years ago and says he should have agreed with me, and knew that I only wanted what was best for him, but he wanted to be loved and have sex all of the time and was blinded by this. It was only when he wanted to have kids that he saw the real her, which I had seen from the beginning. She never wanted him near any of his friends both male or female. If you are a true friend no matter what sex u just want ur friend to be happy. So do not let anyone stop you from having either sex as a friend. please:)

Monkey61

I'd imagine that girl has had bad experiences...but better you know now then, as people have mentioned, the inevitable heartbreak of going out with her, really liking her and having to deal with lots of jealousy issues and her trying to get rid of your female friends.

Do I believe that men and women can be friends? Absolutely. What always made me slightly uncomfortable though, is girls who have exclusively male friendships. But I have learned not to judge everything by the same standards. I knew a girl once whose only friends were guys, who were mad into her. She liked the attention and they would do anything for her, flirt with her and keep her entertained. She lead them all on terribly and ended up hurting all of them - but a lot of them stuck around anyway.

My current girlfriend's friends are mainly guys. All of whom have been in love with her at some stage (some still are), all of whom she has kissed and some of whom she has slept with. I don't like it, but I know that there is honestly nothing like that on her side and she is with me by choice, so I suppose it doesn't matter. She doesn't flirt with them, doesn't give them any impression that she would be interested and nothing has happened with any of them in years...so I accept that and just deal with my own issues myself.

strobe

lg01 wrote: »

I went on a date last night with a girl and I was expecting it to go well. We met online and had been chatting for a good while, we got on well and she certainly ticked all my boxes. Most of the date went really well we chatted and had a good laugh etc, but towards the end it took a bad turn. Long sotry short, I have a number of very good female friends. I've been friends with them for a long time, over 10 years with 2 of them - they are like sisters to me. Basically she said that she just does not think tha guys can have female friends, I don't think she would trust them or soemthing. She just said that 'it's never really black or white' - at that point the date was pretty much over.

I don't know why but I was so angry and pissed off. The whole thing just seems like such a giant waste of time, especially considering that I actually say I have a lot of female friends on my profile. But for someone to be so close minded and say that they could not be with a guy who has female friends is ridiculous. Well, I could not be with someone who is that insecure. Maybe she had a bad experience, but its unfaur to tar me with the same brush.

So, what do you think. Girls are you ok with a guy having female friends? I think its a healthy thing to have friends of the opposite sex, its kinda weird not to really. What do you think?

She sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen if I'm honest. First date and already she is complaining about the fact that you get on well with your female friends? The fact she felt the need to say that right off the bat as well. If it was me big bright flashy, noisy warning sirens would be going off in my brain. Particularly since she felt the need to spell it out like that. Sounds very jealous, controlling and insecure.

But maybe she was just having an off night or something. Explain to her, if you haven't already, like you did in this thread that they are more like your sisters than anything else. If she is still threatened by them after that I do not in visage good care free fun times ahead.

Hope shi t works out good.

Asphyxia

This has annoyed me as well. I have close male friends and I have never thought of them in ways more than a friend. I have known them for so long that I would consider them as my brother it's so wrong on so many levels to think anything else haha!

bronte

Yeah...I have two extremely close male friends that I would consider "like brothers" . Nothing has, or will ever happen.
I do have another very close male friend and lines have been blurred in the past.
While it happens...it doesn't mean it always happens.

Sir Gallagher

lg01 wrote: »

I went on a date last night with a girl and I was expecting it to go well. We met online and had been chatting for a good while, we got on well and she certainly ticked all my boxes. Most of the date went really well we chatted and had a good laugh etc, but towards the end it took a bad turn. Long sotry short, I have a number of very good female friends. I've been friends with them for a long time, over 10 years with 2 of them - they are like sisters to me. Basically she said that she just does not think tha guys can have female friends, I don't think she would trust them or soemthing. She just said that 'it's never really black or white' - at that point the date was pretty much over.

I don't know why but I was so angry and pissed off. The whole thing just seems like such a giant waste of time, especially considering that I actually say I have a lot of female friends on my profile. But for someone to be so close minded and say that they could not be with a guy who has female friends is ridiculous. Well, I could not be with someone who is that insecure. Maybe she had a bad experience, but its unfaur to tar me with the same brush.

So, what do you think. Girls are you ok with a guy having female friends? I think its a healthy thing to have friends of the oppasite sex, its kinda weird not to really. What do you think?

strobe wrote: »

She sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen if I'm honest. First date and already she is complaining about the fact that you get on well with your female friends? The fact she felt the need to say that right off the bat as well. If it was me big bright flashy, noisy warning sirens would be going off in my brain. Particularly since she felt the need to spell it out like that. Sounds very jealous, controlling and insecure.

But maybe she was just having an off night or something. Explain to her, if you haven't already, like you did in this thread that they are more like your sisters than anything else. If she is still threatened by them after that I do not in visage good care free fun times ahead.

Hope shi t works out good.

She hardly attacked him she expressed an opinion, big deal.

alfalad

I was best friends with a girl for years, lived together, often shared a bed when friends were over etc and there was nothing in it from my side ever, until one drunk night she made a move on me, after a year of joking about it and slagging we got together properly and we still are together couple of years later. Before that night i would have said never would happen but it did. She has also scored a number of her male friends, some a couple of times and still hangs round a lot with them. It does bother me, but i have to trust her, even though the little green monster inside doesn't like it as i know what the lads are like and none of them have girlfriends, but I trust her and she has given me no reason not too! Ironically she refuses to hang out with my female friends and doesn't like them and will often have a bit of a mood if i'm meeting them!