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Do men really need relationships?

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    #32
    opinion guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    uwala wrote: »
    Don't worry OP, soon she'll divorce you and take you to the cleaners. Of course it will all be your fault because you didn't "emotionally support" her, in other words, pander to her every whim.

    When you are living in your bedsit paying through the nose to see your kid once a fortnight you can console yourself by knowing you "grew up" and "did the right thing" as advised by the all knowing posters here who love nothing better than putting people in their place by telling them to "grow up".


    So before your next highly, highly intelligent contribution do you want to actually read the thread first ?

    They're not married.


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    #33
    uwala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭uwala


    I knew that. I was talking about the future, after he gets married.

    I think you should grow up a bit, don't you?


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    #34
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    uwala wrote: »
    I knew that. I was talking about the future, after he gets married.

    I think you should grow up a bit, don't you?
    So, soon she'll divorce him... AFTER they get married?

    Got ya!


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    #35
    uwala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭uwala


    Oh grow up.


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    #36
    catthinkin
    Registered Users Posts: 1,060 ✭✭✭catthinkin


    op while her behaviour does seem unreasonable it smacks of insecurity , why does she feel this way ?
    If you really feel this way i suggest you talk to her ? she may be feeling the same way

    As for men and marriage there have been numerous studies showing that men who are married are on the whole happier than their married female counterparts just sayin...


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    #37
    PopUp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 236 ✭✭PopUp


    Cavehill Red wrote: »
    Which is beautiful.
    Except both men were still in prison.

    But every life choice imprisons us. Or maybe 'limits us' would be a better way to put it. The road not taken and all that. The bars on the single life look different to the ones on the wife/kids/picket fence life, but they're there nonetheless.

    While I agree with posters who feel the OP was very childish (you have a two month old baby, keep your phone switched on!), I think it's a shame because the actual question posed in the title - how much do men need relationships - is an interesting one.


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    #38
    Bella_purple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 63 ✭✭Bella_purple


    Yes, PupUp, you've noticed something meaningful: every life choise is sooner or later a trap.

    About the main question, weather men are designed for a relationship or not, I find it interesting too. I don't even know if I belive in love, anyaway. There are so many things we struggle nowdays with. When the society was more limited, like in, for example, medieval times, let's say, when some marriages where arranged in advance by the parents, when religion was taken blindly into consideration etc. Well in those days, I think there weren't so many issues. So freedom comes with a price. Like everything in life.

    Basically, I'm saying that I don't know a thing :) . I don't have any values, any landmark, nothing.

    So biologically speaking, men I think don't need a relationship. The family value was praised in another times, now we don't see the point in it.


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    #39
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    uwala wrote: »
    Oh grow up.

    have a read of the charter, and the general site-wide rules.

    that sort of juvenile response is not welcome here.


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    #40
    Fox McCloud
    Registered Users Posts: 189 ✭✭Fox McCloud


    Men, as humans, dont NEED relationships. Women dont need relationships either. Both can be very happy on their own for all of their lives, sometimes with a big network of friends for company, sometimes pretty much alone.

    People choose if they want to get into a relationship or not. They weigh up the good and bad points, they've seen the movies, they know that they'll have less free time and more good company in the shape of someone they love/like. If you get into a relationship because its what everyone else is doing and not because its what you want, then its basically your own fault for following the crowd rather than your own head. For a female veiw on "trapping a man into marriage" take a look at the 'rules' thread in the ladies lounge.

    Also OP, welcome be being a grown up. Your somebodies dad now, try not to screw it up any more than everyone else. You cant return this life you've chosen because the colour didnt suit you when you brought it home... If your not happy in the relationship then thats fine, you can leave your girlfriend. You cant leave the child. That permanent drain on your income and time is here to stay, and has very little to do with relationships and whether you need them or not.


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    #41
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    opinion guy wrote: »
    To be fair. Sometimes women do try and trap a guy. I'm not saying this is what happens, because to be honest the OP's post comes off as childish. But it is possible people.

    hmmm I did have something else to say, but on balance I think the OP needs to grow up alot before it would become relevant.

    I think this is very rare. It's not like 30 years ago when a man and woman were more or less forced to marry if a woman got pregnant. Now a days a man can just walk away and take little or no responsibility for a child. So why would a sane woman risk being left to raise a child alone???

    Any woman I know who had a child outside of marriage was devastated with the news no thinking 'great I've trapped him'.

    OP if you were single and childless you would still have to work, still have bills and still more than likely buy a house at some stage. Just think you get to leave the house ever day and pursue you career and go out with your friends. Your OH has given up her career and it sounds like she is minding the child single handedly 24/7. I think you are in the better situation than her!

    Having sex always carries a possibility of pregnancy so if you didn't want a child you shouldn't have had sex.


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    #42
    uwala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭uwala


    sam34 wrote: »
    have a read of the charter, and the general site-wide rules.

    that sort of juvenile response is not welcome here.

    And that sort of infantile whip cracking isn't needed either, Dr Ego von Dictator.

    Just grow up.


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    #43
    opinion guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    uwala wrote: »
    And that sort of infantile whip cracking isn't needed either, Dr Ego von Dictator.

    Just grow up.

    Bye!


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    #44
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    uwala wrote: »
    And that sort of infantile whip cracking isn't needed either, Dr Ego von Dictator.

    Just grow up.

    banned for 7 days


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    #45
    kippy
    Registered Users Posts: 18,401 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    Meh,
    Everyone is different to be honest........
    Personally I wanted a stable relationship from the early twenties and got it. Enjoyed life, still do, but now I have someone who I love to enjoy it with.

    At this stage I'm honestly wanting to have a few kids. While this isnt for everyone, I feel a bit like I have done everything I can till this stage and would like to spend the next 20 or so years supporting and teaching my kids, to leave my mark on the world so to speak. Again, its a different phase of life with completely different goals and responsibilities but thats what life is about for me anyway.

    Indeed, the early years of having a child are a big change from what I have seen but people had to do it before us in far worse circumstances.

    Whether men or women need relationships depends on the people themselves.


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    #46
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    sam34 wrote: »
    banned for 7 days
    Oh grow up Sam, you know you want to! :pac:


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    #47
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Oh grow up Sam, you know you want to! :pac:

    no, you grow up! ;)


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    #48
    mardybumbum
    Registered Users Posts: 1,939 ✭✭✭mardybumbum


    After tonights events, I can safely say that the answer to the OP's question is a resounding NO.


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    #49
    Boskowski
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,361 ✭✭✭Boskowski


    djimi wrote: »
    Im not sure about, but we do have a shocking amount of blokes (and ladies) who think that it works 100% of the time, and ignore the fact that there are many many factors that render the pill useless, such as if she vomits the thing doesnt work for 7 days...

    Vomiting

    which brings it back to the Irish thing then I suppose :pac:


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    #50
    candy-gal1
    Registered Users Posts: 6,568 ✭✭✭candy-gal1


    Sure doesnt everyone know that having kids is a MAJOR responsibility, takes a lot of your money, and 99% of your freedom?! So why would you have one thinking any differently?


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    #51
    budgemook
    Registered Users Posts: 3,829 ✭✭✭budgemook


    is that vomiting thing true? i may get down to boots


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    #52
    candy-gal1
    Registered Users Posts: 6,568 ✭✭✭candy-gal1


    budgemook wrote: »
    is that vomiting thing true? i may get down to boots


    yep, it is very true! :)


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    #53
    Boskowski
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,361 ✭✭✭Boskowski


    To answer the question. No they probably don't. If we're talking primal urges then all men really want is spread their genes and do manly stuff like hunting and fighting or their modern equivalents. Which implies that we're not naturally monogamous and we're not overly keen on decking the cave out and minding the screaming offspring.

    I take it the OP asked more of a theoretical, fundamental question that doesn't really warrant lectures about responsibilty and 'growing up'.


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    #54
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    Do men really need relationships?

    What kind of dumb question is that, anyway? Some men do, and some men don't is the most realiastic response to that kind of black and white, female vs male all or nothing type of limited thinking that stupid people engage in when or if they are looking at the world.

    This is the kind of question I would expect as the opening line of some turgid chick lit novel. Really, what world are you living in OP?

    To be honest, I feel very, very sorry for your girlfriend. How horrible it must be to end up as the mother of a child fathered by the likes of you, by your whole account you are just beyond words, having said that your meanness, lack of love, and decency paints a clear picture about you.

    Do you really think that women enjoy ending up with the type of 'man' who thinks they have a raw deal because they have a child with the woman they have been having sex with? Who on earth can really believe in this day and age, that a woman would try to 'trap' a man by pregnancy? Why would any woman want to do that, give me one good reason why.

    I feel very sorry for her, you sound horrible, and If I were her, I would take my child and run many miles.


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    #55
    arsenallegend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 712 ✭✭✭arsenallegend


    For me no not Really i like it been by myself and having someone else you have to spend time with isn't something i'm big on.


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    #56
    porschespeedst
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37 ✭porschespeedst


    ollie cahill wrote: »
    I was reflecting on my own personal circumstances and how I'm in a relationship with my gf, I became a father within the past few months and bought a house to match.

    I'm starting to feel that my quality of life was better off when I was single. Nothing to do with chasing women but just the fact that I had so much more freedom, more money and far less responsibility. I basically go to work now just to pay bills. GF stays at home and minds the baby so I'm the only source of income. We're not struggling but I couldn't afford not to work. Now I have to pay for mortgage, internet, telephone, bb, esb, car. Previously I paid rent and esb and I had €2K per month disposable income.

    I had arranged to go to a friends B-Day party, my gf was invited but couldn't go because she stayed at home and minded the baby (fair enough). Battery was dead on my phone so later in the evening my gf starts to call up my friends at the party to see where I am and what time I'll be home. Very embarassing.

    I feel as though my life has become all about appeasing my gf and living the so called sterotype and the more I think about it and more men I speak to in similar situations the more I realise that my feelings are not unique. Other men I've spoken to have told me similar stories and how they learn to ignore the "nagging" or they just dont tell their OH certain things just for a bit of peace. Nearly everyone of my friends that has children isn't married and apparantley their partners were all on the pill. Ireland must have the highest failure rate of birth control in the developed world.

    But the more I think about it, it appears to me that the whole relationship/marriage scenario is designed to provide security for women and to contain men.

    Anyone else have similar experience or advice.

    The grass is always greener on other side of the fence. I am literally wasting away from loneliness because of not having a girlfriend.


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    #57
    djimi
    Registered Users Posts: 13,238 ✭✭✭✭djimi


    Darlughda wrote: »
    Do men really need relationships?

    What kind of dumb question is that, anyway? Some men do, and some men don't is the most realiastic response to that kind of black and white, female vs male all or nothing type of limited thinking that stupid people engage in when or if they are looking at the world.

    This is the kind of question I would expect as the opening line of some turgid chick lit novel. Really, what world are you living in OP?

    To be honest, I feel very, very sorry for your girlfriend. How horrible it must be to end up as the mother of a child fathered by the likes of you, by your whole account you are just beyond words, having said that your meanness, lack of love, and decency paints a clear picture about you.

    Do you really think that women enjoy ending up with the type of 'man' who thinks they have a raw deal because they have a child with the woman they have been having sex with? Who on earth can really believe in this day and age, that a woman would try to 'trap' a man by pregnancy? Why would any woman want to do that, give me one good reason why.

    I feel very sorry for her, you sound horrible, and If I were her, I would take my child and run many miles.

    I agree with most of what you have said, but dont be naive to think that there arent women out there who get pregnant deliberately to "trap" men; I know of at least one girl who has openly admitted to pinning holes in condoms in order to get pregnant by a bloke, and another couple who I strongly suspect might be doing the same. The very idea of it sickens me beyond belief. Im not saying its widespread or anything, Ive no doubt its only a very small number of women who would be that twisted as to do such a thing, but it does happen.


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    #58
    djimi
    Registered Users Posts: 13,238 ✭✭✭✭djimi


    budgemook wrote: »
    is that vomiting thing true? i may get down to boots

    Yeah its true. I dont know the exact reason behind it but hearing it was enough to make me realise that the pill is about as effective a method of contraception as packet of Smarties.


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    #59
    rockdrummer4
    Registered Users Posts: 504 ✭✭✭rockdrummer4


    Jenneke87 wrote: »
    If that were the case, why did you decide to engage in a relationship and even got married and having a baby? Surely, if you felt that that would only "contain" you, you could have stayed single?

    He's not married ! and was the point about the pill lost on you? he's in the relationship cause of the kid !!


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    #60
    opinion guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    Darlughda wrote: »
    Do men really need relationships?

    What kind of dumb question is that, anyway? Some men do, and some men don't is the most realiastic response to that kind of black and white, female vs male all or nothing type of limited thinking that stupid people engage in when or if they are looking at the world.

    This is the kind of question I would expect as the opening line of some turgid chick lit novel. Really, what world are you living in OP?

    To be honest, I feel very, very sorry for your girlfriend. How horrible it must be to end up as the mother of a child fathered by the likes of you, by your whole account you are just beyond words, having said that your meanness, lack of love, and decency paints a clear picture about you.

    Do you really think that women enjoy ending up with the type of 'man' who thinks they have a raw deal because they have a child with the woman they have been having sex with? Who on earth can really believe in this day and age, that a woman would try to 'trap' a man by pregnancy? Why would any woman want to do that, give me one good reason why.

    I feel very sorry for her, you sound horrible, and If I were her, I would take my child and run many miles.

    Judgemental much ?

    You want reasons for women to trap a man ?? List:
    1) Being crazy
    2) Emotional insecurity
    3) Encroaching age
    4) Broodyness
    5) Greed when man is rich
    6) Fed up waiting on man to want to settle

    Many more crazy reasons why crazy people do crazy things.
    I'm sorry as someone else said above I know of cases. It does happen.


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    #61
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    djimi wrote: »
    I agree with most of what you have said, but dont be naive to think that there arent women out there who get pregnant deliberately to "trap" men; I know of at least one girl who has openly admitted to pinning holes in condoms in order to get pregnant by a bloke, and another couple who I strongly suspect might be doing the same. The very idea of it sickens me beyond belief. Im not saying its widespread or anything, Ive no doubt its only a very small number of women who would be that twisted as to do such a thing, but it does happen.

    I know no women who got pregnant like this but I do know of one guy who pinning holes in condoms in order to get the girl pregnant!!!

    Men really need to educate them selfs about contraception.


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