The Irish dating Scene

LegacyUser

I've lived away for a few years & moved back to Ireland recently.

Since then I've found that I meet men on a night out and that even after a few texts etc. during the week they're more likely to go down the route of asking if I'm out the following weekend - in the hope of running into each other - than to arrange a proper date.

I'm in Dublin - not a small town!

Is this the norm for the Irish dating scene or just the men I seem to be meeting? I never go home with a guy the first night - so it's not a case of wanting a repeat performance without going on a date.

Thanks

yes thats my experience too best just to go with it dating here seems a dying art .

Rocky V

ya i agree, thats basically what happens.

mood

Not always. Maybe it depends on age.

Tchaikovsky

Personally, if I really liked the girl, I'd make sure to arrange a proper date. There are a few romantic souls left out there, don't worry!

AngryBadger

OP why don't you take some initiative with men instead of waiting for them to chase you down?

The passive attitude a lot of women seem to take only really serves to eliminate their control over the kind of man they wind up with.

Think about it; of the guys who are willing to chase women in the pub/club scene, only some of them are going to be looking for a long-term relationship, obviously then if you spend your time waiting for the men to come to you then you're effectively writing off all the potentially lovely guys who aren't great in the pub/club scenario, or who (like myself), just generally aren't bothered chatting up women in that particular setting.

Take the bull by the Horns!

......ok I just realised that last line is riddled with sexual innuendo, but sod it

LegacyUser

Since then I've found that I meet men on a night out and that even after a few texts etc. during the week they're more likely to go down the route of asking if I'm out the following weekend - in the hope of running into each other - than to arrange a proper date.

yep, definitely i've found this to be the case..I wouldn't say its an "irish dating" thing because oddly enough it only seems to happen to me in dublin?! When i lived in smaller towns guys seemed happy enough to suggest going on date, but its definately "a dublin dating thing".

I find it really odd, because its the kinda thing that went on when i was 16/17 lol, i thought at 26 that was all behind me! Its very immature and off putting, you could do what i do OP -when they ask me if i'm out the next weekend i just tell them straight out that i'm way past that at this stage in my life and then i'll suggest meeting in whatever pub for a proper date that weekend. It tends to rule out the boys from the men!, if the agree yeyy! if not well then its no big deal

Sound Bite

Ya, that's Irish men for you. Can't live with them, can't kill live without them!

You're right but I think that's usually just at first when they haven't decided whether they want you for a good time or a long time, then if/when they decide they might have more than a passing interest they'll usually organise a proper date.

Could be wrong! happened once before

greengiant09

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP why don't you take some initiative with men instead of waiting for them to chase you down?

The passive attitude a lot of women seem to take only really serves to eliminate their control over the kind of man they wind up with.

Think about it; of the guys who are willing to chase women in the pub/club scene, only some of them are going to be looking for a long-term relationship, obviously then if you spend your time waiting for the men to come to you then you're effectively writing off all the potentially lovely guys who aren't great in the pub/club scenario, or who (like myself), just generally aren't bothered chatting up women in that particular setting.

Take the bull by the Horns!

......ok I just realised that last line is riddled with sexual innuendo, but sod it

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

magneticimpulse

if he interested (even in dublin girlies) he WILL CALL YOU FOR A DATE

If he not interested and just wants a shag, i suppose this is the way they threat you.

Move on, not all men in Dublin are like this. Find a guy who does like dating and enjoys your company...no point playing mind games with a boy.

magneticimpulse

greengiant09 wrote: »

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

Only because women in general would be happy to date a man...but men are difficult to date...if a guy is really interested in a woman, he lets her know about it and the woman is happy to go along with it. Too many times, women end up wasting their time with men who are not truly interested in them. Sorry but humans were not just born yesterday...its called the mating game and its not just humans who participate in this sport...all animals leave it up to the man to make the 1st move

LegacyUser

Originally Posted by AngryBadger
OP why don't you take some initiative with men instead of waiting for them to chase you down?

The passive attitude a lot of women seem to take only really serves to eliminate their control over the kind of man they wind up with.

Think about it; of the guys who are willing to chase women in the pub/club scene, only some of them are going to be looking for a long-term relationship, obviously then if you spend your time waiting for the men to come to you then you're effectively writing off all the potentially lovely guys who aren't great in the pub/club scenario, or who (like myself), just generally aren't bothered chatting up women in that particular setting.

Take the bull by the Horns!

......ok I just realised that last line is riddled with sexual innuendo, but sod it

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

with all respect, i don't see how this is relevant to the OP? She hasn't said she doesn't make the first move or that shes having trouble chatting up/pulling men, her problem is that once either she or the guy has made a move - ie they've progressed to texting/calling each other, the men seem to want to "meet up" again in a club, rather than suggesting a proper date...i don't see why you feel the need to make this into an "irish women never make the first move/irish women are inferior issue" when its clearly not.

Larianne

Loosely asking where you're going to be on a night out is a guy with no balls, tasting the waters, less harsh a rejection. I think if a guy is really interested in the girl they should go out of their way to make arrangements for a date. And vice versa. None of this half arsed business!

greengiant09 wrote: »

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

I was actually called "desperate" by one of my male friends when I said I was thinking about asking a guy out! :cool: So I guess some guys don't like that forward approach from a woman either.

entropi

The Irish dating scene is not dead yet, but you will need to find the right people who will be interested in the first place before that can even happen. I've been on many dates with different women this year, things eventually didnt work out but we had fun and they were dates, not just meeting in some club/whatever trendy bar for a few pints...

The whole pub/club mentality that alot of people have is what puts them off from thinking outside the box and being able to make some sort of an effort to the opposite/same sex with regards to setting up a date, or even an approach! OP, all is not lost, you WILL find people who are interested, hopefully soon enough too so dont despair:)

p.s. Larianne...seriously...desperate? what planet is he living on if he thinks that way? its a wonder how some of us men manage to find a parter with a mentality like that...:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Hey,

OP here. Thanks for the replies.

I don't have any problem asking a guy out and have done in the past - but don't particularly want to end up with a really passive guy.

So I guess I'll have to get the thinking cap on & find another way of meeting men & getting out on a few dates!

LegacyUser

With regards a bird asking a fella out....always a huge no no. Me and my mates see this as a warning. In pretty much all cases the girl in question turns out to be a headcase. If you meet a bloke out and the guy likes you he will call/text to ask you out during the week, that simple. If he doesnt contact you assume he is not interested and move on.

*Never text/call a bloke first for the same reason as above
*If you keep hooking up with the same guy weekend in weekend out and he doesnt offer his number you are getting played- I've seen this happen loads of times but you'dbe surprised how many girls keep falling for this one
*See above, grabbing his phone and entering your number is a no no, offering your number is cool but let him contact you.
*texting to check whereabouts but no date might not mean he is only after his hole. You may have been very drunk the previous weekend and not sure about a one on one date yet. Also you'd be surprised how many ladies somtimes see a guy contacting them as being a stalker( no pleaseing some people!) If you do decide to meet up though and score you prob should expect some sort of date the following week.

seenitall

thewayitis wrote: »

With regards a bird asking a fella out....always a huge no no. Me and my mates see this as a warning. In pretty much all cases the girl in question turns out to be a headcase. If you meet a bloke out and the guy likes you he will call/text to ask you out during the week, that simple. If he doesnt contact you assume he is not interested and move on.

*Never text/call a bloke first for the same reason as above
*If you keep hooking up with the same guy weekend in weekend out and he doesnt offer his number you are getting played- I've seen this happen loads of times but you'dbe surprised how many girls keep falling for this one
*See above, grabbing his phone and entering your number is a no no, offering your number is cool but let him contact you.
*texting to check whereabouts but no date might not mean he is only after his hole. You may have been very drunk the previous weekend and not sure about a one on one date yet. Also you'd be surprised how many ladies somtimes see a guy contacting them as being a stalker( no pleaseing some people!) If you do decide to meet up though and score you prob should expect some sort of date the following week.

The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off! :mad:

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.

SarahSassy

seenitall wrote: »

The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off! :mad:

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.

Quite a vicious response there for what is someone opinion. I have been around for a while and the truth of it is that men like to think they have won the prize and if a woman offers the prize before the men enter the competition then they dont get the sense of winning when they get their hands on the 'prize'.

AngryBadger

Date less wrote: »

I don't have any problem asking a guy out and have done in the past - but don't particularly want to end up with a really passive guy.

My point is that just because a guy doesn't make the first move doesn't mean he's passive.

Take me for example, I rarely bother chasing women in pubs/clubs unless I'm in a group I know, but I seriously doubt anyone would call me passive

dontworryop:

I'm saying that maybe the reason the OP winds up with guys like this is because she lets them do the chasing instead of going after guys herself and thus making it more likely they'll suit her, (notwithstanding poor character judgement which is impossible to avoid 100%).

A few people have mentioned not wanting passive men, feeling that a woman making the first approach is "a no no", I'd have thought such antiquated thinking was gone the way of the dinosaurs by now; you can't make a blanket assumptions about a whole demographic based on some idiotic and arbitrary "rules".

Some women that approach guys ARE going to be overbearing and a royal pain, similarly some guys that approach girls are not going to bother calling, that's just how it is, you have to kiss a few frogs to find that prince/princess as they say. (<- not a rule! Just a metaphor!)

LegacyUser

I'm tired of the argument that Irish women expect Irish men to do all the running, and they expect everything to be handed to them on a plate. I was always one to take the bull by the horns and ask men out, initiate contact, arrange dates etc. End result was that texts and calls started drying up. These men didn't even have the basic decency to say it was over.

So I stopped initiating things with men.

There are very, very few men who will accept a woman being so forward. The reality is that most women would like to initiate things, but they either intuitively know or learn the hard way (like me!) that men do not like to be chased.

LegacyUser

Qoute:
The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off!

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.


Fair enough, thats great.

Unfortunatly, there seems to be a topic on this board every week from some poor lassie who is confused because the romeo she met on the weekend hasnt contacted her or hasnt replied to her texts.

Im simply answering such posts by giving a blokes side of the story. You might not like it but thats the way it is for most part.

Im not saying every girl who has asked either myself or a buddy out first has been reminiscent of Glenn Close but most of them have been.

thewayitis

thewayitis wrote: »

With regards a bird asking a fella out....

Interspecies dating is never a good idea

...
*Never text/call a bloke first for the same reason as above

:rolleyes:
Good advice if OP is 15, maybe

SarahSassy wrote: »

Quite a vicious response there for what is someone opinion. I have been around for a while and the truth of it is that men like to think they have won the prize and if a woman offers the prize before the men enter the competition then they dont get the sense of winning when they get their hands on the 'prize'.

Do you really want to be with a man who thinks women are a "competition" and a "prize"? I'd rather be with someone who views me as a person thanks

SarahSassy

bluewolf wrote: »

Do you really want to be with a man who thinks women are a "competition" and a "prize"? I'd rather be with someone who views me as a person thanks

Well it may be a wake up call but in the majority of cases, in the early days of a relationship, they dont... You may not even know it but they dont...

Floppybits

OP did you ever consider that the reason why he didn't ask you out on a date as he is not too sure and the text to see if you are out at the weekend so that you might bump into each other is to have a second look and after that he will ask you out?

This guy has probably been stung a few times by Irish women and is wary of jumping in with both feet and that is why he is trying to play it cool by not asking you out on a date yet.

LegacyUser

Qoute:

I'm tired of the argument that Irish women expect Irish men to do all the running, and they expect everything to be handed to them on a plate. I was always one to take the bull by the horns and ask men out, initiate contact, arrange dates etc. End result was that texts and calls started drying up. These men didn't even have the basic decency to say it was over.

So I stopped initiating things with men.

There are very, very few men who will accept a woman being so forward. The reality is that most women would like to initiate things, but they either intuitively know or learn the hard way (like me!) that men do not like to be chased.

Qoute,

Point Proven thank you.

seenitall

thewayitis wrote: »

Qoute:
The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off!

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.


Fair enough, thats great.

Unfortunatly, there seems to be a topic on this board every week from some poor lassie who is confused because the romeo she met on the weekend hasnt contacted her or hasnt replied to her texts.

Im simply answering such posts by giving a blokes side of the story. You might not like it but thats the way it is for most part.

Im not saying every girl who has asked either myself or a buddy out first has been reminiscent of Glenn Close but most of them have been.

You are right, I don't like it, and you may be even be right in saying that's the way it is for most part. Which is why I would rather be single till the end of my days, than go anywhere near an insecure boy such as yourself and your mates, who would not have the maturity to give me the benefit of the doubt of not being Glenn Close, just cos I had the temerity(!) to approach first. Thank God we live in the 21st century and you and your kind are (hopefully) not all that I can look ffwd to in my dating future.

EDIT: sorry if post became too personal - I will leave it like this anyhoo as I have a feeling you won't be too bothered by it I am definitely not going to change my outgoing MO on the strength of "that's the way it is for most part". If that means singledom forever more, then so be it.

jurgenscarl

The courtship ritual between men and women is relatively simple to explain.
Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.
The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice.
Women therefore are subject to endless unwanted sexual advances from men to the point that the more attractive a woman is, the more bored and unaffected she is going to be and the higher her standards are going to be before a man can have sex with her.
This means that the onus is entirely on the man to make the first approach.
If he is to be successful he must behave completely different to all the other men who are rejected remorselessly by attractive women.
Women are less attracted to men by looks because they have a surplus of men with goodlooks approaching them. However women have a limited number of times they can get pregnant and bear children and a higher price to pay if they have sex with the wrong man. A man can theoretically have sex with thousands of women in his lifetime. Women therefore put a bigger emotional investment in sex which thwarts the plans of men who see women solely as objects and make crude advances that alienate women.
In conclusion therefore, it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex. The more unattractive a man or women is the more they moralise about the morality of sex. In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake.

seenitall

jurgenscarl wrote: »

The courtship ritual between men and women is relatively simple to explain.
Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.
The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice.
Women therefore are subject to endless unwanted sexual advances from men to the point that the more attractive a woman is, the more bored and unaffected she is going to be and the higher her standards are going to be before a man can have sex with her.
This means that the onus is entirely on the man to make the first approach.
If he is to be successful he must behave completely different to all the other men who are rejected remorselessly by attractive women.
Women are less attracted to men by looks because they have a surplus of men with goodlooks approaching them. However women have a limited number of times they can get pregnant and bear children and a higher price to pay if they have sex with the wrong man. A man can theoretically have sex with thousands of women in his lifetime. Women therefore put a bigger emotional investment in sex which thwarts the plans of men who see women solely as objects and make crude advances that alienate women.
In conclusion therefore, it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex. The more unattractive a man or women is the more they moralise about the morality of sex. In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake.

:rolleyes: Here we go again... The only thing about your post that is relatively simple to explain is that it is another one of the increasing variety of PUA inspired BS posts (or as Wibbs puts it, layers and layers of BS wrapped around a kernel of truth about human reproduction).

"Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice." - I take it the news about women' increasing sexual competetiveness, be they beautiful or otherwise, and therefore their need to approach men hasn't reached you yet, has it? It figures, tbh.;)

Here's a newsflash for you: MEN are these days the ones who are spoilt for choice. They can get sex pretty easily when they go to a nightclub, courtesy of the sexual liberation of recent decades (women have sexual needs too, etc...). Whether they strike lucky with a beautiful or an ugly woman WILL be down to their looks too (sorry to shatter another illusion of yours),as women will be just as superficial when it comes to a quick coupling as men can. Since they don't want the guy's babies, why would they consider anything other than looks? (Or be able to do so, considering the noise pollution in nightclubs.)

It is true that uglier people are forced to have lower standards, but don't worry, it all works out in the end - I'm sure at some point you will get your leg over too (just pay attention now:)).

The crux of it is that the onus is on the man to make an approach, IF he wants to be with a beautiful woman. If he just wants to get a leg over, well, it is not so hard to do these days (sorry:o). However, if a beautiful woman wants to be with a handsome man, the onus is on her to make the approach, otherwise he might just get off with an uglier but more direct one, before she has had time to stop fluttering her pretty eyelashes.

We are talking about sex here, yes? Not exactly rocket science. So my best tip to you is there is no need to be desparate and read a load of PUA nonsense, just lower your standards until you attract somebody who could conceivably consider you, and you're laughing...

"it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex." - thanx for the lulz

"In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake." - wow, deep. Poetic. However, less poetry and more nightclub action will get you laid MUCH quicker.

jurgenscarl

seenitall wrote: »

:rolleyes: Here we go again... The only thing about your post that is relatively simple to explain is that it is another one of the increasing variety of PUA inspired BS posts (or as Wibbs puts it, layers and layers of BS wrapped around a kernel of truth about human reproduction).

"Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice." - I take it the news about women' increasing sexual competetiveness, be they beautiful or otherwise, and therefore their need to approach men hasn't reached you yet, has it? It figures, tbh.;)

Here's a newsflash for you: MEN are these days the ones who are spoilt for choice. They can get sex pretty easily when they go to a nightclub, courtesy of the sexual liberation of recent decades (women have sexual needs too, etc...). Whether they strike lucky with a beautiful or an ugly woman WILL be down to their looks too (sorry to shatter another illusion of yours),as women will be just as superficial when it comes to a quick coupling as men can. Since they don't want the guy's babies, why would they consider anything other than looks? (Or be able to do so, considering the noise pollution in nightclubs.)

It is true that uglier people are forced to have lower standards, but don't worry, it all works out in the end - I'm sure at some point you will get your leg over too (just pay attention now:)).

The crux of it is that the onus is on the man to make an approach, IF he wants to be with a beautiful woman. If he just wants to get a leg over, well, it is not so hard to do these days (sorry:o). However, if a beautiful woman wants to be with a handsome man, the onus is on her to make the approach, otherwise he might just get off with an uglier but more direct one, before she has had time to stop fluttering her pretty eyelashes.

We are talking about sex here, yes? Not exactly rocket science. So my best tip to you is there is no need to be desparate and read a load of PUA nonsense, just lower your standards until you attract somebody who could conceivably consider you, and you're laughing...

"it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex." - thanx for the lulz

"In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake." - wow, deep. Poetic. However, less poetry and more nightclub action will get you laid MUCH quicker.

Don't know what this pua stuff your talking about is but you seem to know more about it than me. I'll leave you to it.

I have no problems in the ladies department thank you very much.

seenitall

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Don't know what this pua stuff your talking about is but you seem to know more about it than me. I'll leave you to it.

I have no problems in the ladies department thank you very much.

Riiiight...

mitsy

Hi OP, there are no hard and fast rules to what should and shouldnt be done in terms of dating. If you were to apply rules to things like that i fear you could miss out on so much and whats the point in that.

In my experience it comes down to a personality thing, if a guy wants to ask you out they will, if they are laid back and like to go with the flow, they are more than likely to not arrange something in advance but will probably scope out if you will be out and meet up with you then. There are no rules, its just the way it is.

If you like someone it is always nice if they ask you out first, its something girls like but there isnt anything stopping you asking to meet a guy for a drink or whatever.

Applying rules and regulations to the do's and donts of dating is, in my opinion, immature. You have to go with how you feel and give things a go. if they dont work out, so be it but at least you will know you gave it a shot instead of dilly dallying around consulting a non existent rule book.

Best of luck:)

dellas1979

Ive been around the block a few times too...the only thing I can say is if it feels right, ask a man/approach him. Each to their own - if it works for you and all that.

I am of the opinion that if you chase/ask a man out, what sarahsassy said is exactly what happens.

I was in the states lately and the difference in men is crazy - like actually striking up a conversation with you - in shops etc...not like here where they look at you out of the cornor of their eye in sheer panic/pity/ignoring you.

It doesnt get easier as you get older, in fact, i find it gets harder.

The only girls who seem to get any action are the ones who have skirts up to their arse cheeks, pissed off their heads and nasty fake tan/boobs hanging out. I think that that is the level of what men are looking for on nights out, so maybe try meeting men in different environments.

greengiant09

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Only because women in general would be happy to date a man...but men are difficult to date...if a guy is really interested in a woman, he lets her know about it and the woman is happy to go along with it. Too many times, women end up wasting their time with men who are not truly interested in them. Sorry but humans were not just born yesterday...its called the mating game and its not just humans who participate in this sport...all animals leave it up to the man to make the 1st move

god, there's so many things wrong with your post i don't know where to begin!

"men are difficult to date" = horsesh*t

i could say the exact same thing about women but i won't because the truth is that SOME people are difficult to date, BOTH men and women!

"all animals leave it up to the man the make the first move"

got a feeling this is more "made up" crap....i'd verify it off the internet but i couldn't be arsed.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I feel your pain!
I am in my mid 30s, and have been single until recently. I was sick of going out every Sat night to the same bars where I met the same guys who only found the guts of making a move towards the very end of the night. Got asked my number by many, some never called, went on a date with one and then got dropped because I didn't put out (he thought he was God's gift). At the end I started going out with a guy who I had met through a club (on the same lines as meetup). I know I wasn't his first choice as he had tried his luck with other girls in the club before me. He was also sick of being single as getting older, most of his friends settled. Wasn't my type either. Well was afraid of ending up on the shelf. Married now, no more crushed hopes every Sat night for me. I'd say, OP, join clubs and be open minded and give guys a chance even if they are not your type

TitoPuente

formersingle wrote: »

I was sick of going out every Sat night to the same bars where I met the same guys who only found the guts of making a move towards the very end of the night.

See that was your problem right there. You sat around like a wallflower waiting to be chatted up, not taking any initiative whatsoever. In today's "equal" society, isn't it amazing how men are supposed to take all the risk and do all the chatting up?

Advice ladies - I know plenty of eligible bachelors who'd rather remain single forever than be viciously knocked back by some sociopathic woman in a pub. You see a guy you like - you do the chatting up. Subtle body language and eye gestures don't work.

jurgenscarl

I know plenty of eligible bachelors who'd rather remain single forever than be viciously knocked back by some sociopathic woman in a pub.

Sociopathic? Excuse me? Because some idiot came up to them and used the same old boring approach that they heard a thousands times before?

Do you think that women are supposed to just genuflect before men or something?

You are aware that women are pestered all the time by the same 'nice' guys dripping with insecurity and fear of rejection who try to bribe them with presents, drinks, dinner, cinema etc etc in a nakedly calculated needy attempt to get them into bed.

Women aren't stupid.

And why the hell would a women have to approach men when she is approached all the time by men usually making unwanted advances everywhere they go?

The only problem women have is sifting through the haystack and finding Mr. Right.

The best advance any women have is to set her standards high and never compromise them. It's the best way of scaring off sleazeballs.

The best advice for any man is to stop trying so hard, to realise that when he is lusting after a woman she can smell it a mile off, to take a genuine interest in getting to know the woman as a person and to have as wide a social circle and as full a life as possible.

That's what women find attractive.

TitoPuente

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Sociopathic? Excuse me? Because some idiot came up to them and used the same old boring approach that they heard a thousands times before?

My friends are intelligent, charming and decent guys. They've been viciously verbally abused by women in the past for absolutely no reason other than the fact that they were trying to make polite conversation. As had I before I met my current partner. Many times.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Do you think that women are supposed to just genuflect before men or something?

No. But they should at least be polite... whether they're interested or not.

jurgenscarl

My friends are intelligent, charming and decent guys. They've been viciously verbally abused by women in the past for absolutely no reason other than the fact that they were trying to make polite conversation. As had I before I met my current partner. Many times.

I'm sure your friends are intelligent, charming and decent guys but I suspect that when they try to talk to women they become a competely different person - supplicating to the women and making it clear far too early that they are attracted to them. Women are nauseated when a man puts on an act of being 'polite.' They have seen it all before.

No. But they should at least be polite... whether they're interested or not.

Why should they?
For most women the pathetic approaches are painful to endure.
They are actually doing the men a favour by either telling them where to go or blanking them and ignoring them.

Imagine if you were having callers at all times of the day and night trying to sell a product - that is in essence what men are doing when they interact with a women. After dozens of people giving you flyers and trying to give you a sale pitch you would give up even answering the door bell wouldn't you? Even if they wanted you to sign up to donate few cents a day to save black babies you would get sick of the inconvience very quickly.

That's how a woman feels.

TitoPuente

jurgenscarl wrote: »

I'm sure your friends are intelligent, charming and decent guys but I suspect that when they try to talk to women they become a competely different person - supplicating to the women and making it clear far too early that they are attracted to them. Women are nauseated when a man puts on an act of being 'polite.' They have seen it all before.

Nah. My mates are much more discreet and charming than that.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Why should they?

Because politeness is a good quality. Being short and rude with people is, well, a scumbag quality.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

For most women the pathetic approaches are painful to endure.
They are actually doing the men a favour by either telling them where to go or blanking them and ignoring them.

Right.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Imagine if you were having callers at all times of the day and night trying to sell a product - that is in essence what men are doing when they interact with a women. After dozens of people giving you flyers and trying to give you a sale pitch you would give up even answering the door bell wouldn't you? Even if they wanted you to sign up to donate few cents a day to save black babies you would get sick of the inconvience very quickly.

That's how a woman feels.

Well isn't it wonderful that the pathetic men of Ireland are falling over themselves for you, day and night? :rolleyes:

As I said earlier, my mates aren't that bothered about chatting up women anymore anyway and most are happy to be single. Mainly because of attitudes like yours.

And the battle of the sexes continues.

jurgenscarl

Nah. My mates are much more discreet and charming than that.

Really? They are obviously doing something wrong if women are telling them to rudely get lost.

There is either A a vast conspiracy among all Irish women against them or B it is simply because they come across wrong.

B seems far more possible.

Because politeness is a good quality. Being short and rude with people is, well, a scumbag quality.

Aww come on. Grow up.
If you were walking down the street and a smelly guy came begging for change and he followed you and asked for you telephone number so you could meet up and go see a movie, would you waste time being polite?

That's how women feel when they get unwanted attention, passes and advances.

Doesn't matter if he is the most polie guy in the world, if he drips insecurity and neediness he might as well be a homeless bum.

If you pat a stray puppy on the head, he will follow you home.

Most puppies have to be put down.

You have to be cruel to be kind.

Well isn't it wonderful that the pathetic men of Ireland are falling over themselves for you, day and night? :rolleyes:

You've got it all wrong. I'm a guy. Sorry for giving you the wrong impression.:D I'm simply telling you what women I have been with have told me about how they feel when they are approached by guys who make obvious approaches.

As I said earlier, my mates aren't that bothered about chatting up women anymore anyway and most are happy to be single.

Maybe that's the proper attitude for your friends . It's counterintuitive but when them stop trying too hard and stop telegraphing interest to women, the more they will find them attractive.

LegacyUser

TitoPuente wrote: »

Nah. My mates are much more discreet and charming than that.

I once went out with a fella who was loved by his mates, both male and female. They all thought he was a gentleman and couldn't understand why he was single.
I met up with him in Portarlington (probably a mistake meeting there : ), and my friends happened to be out in a pub there. I said I wouldn't mind having a drink with my friends. He said, he wanted to go back to my house. At my house, he wanted to go up to my room. In my room, he wanted more and I knocked him back. I thankfully never heard from him again after I told him to leave. If I was to go back and do it all again, I would have told him where to go after he said he wanted to go to my house. So I enabled his attitude somewhat.

I'm good friends with one of his female friends. I told her what happened and she was very surprised that he would act that way.

So it's really pointless you saying that your friends are lovely, polite and charming. They could turn when they meet someone of the opposite sex, and have an attitude of entitlement that you don't see because your friends don't look at you in that way.

The same goes for single female friends whom everyone says are adorable, and why are they single etc etc. They could turn all needy and pathetic once a man arrives on the scene. And the man, shock horror, has the right to say he doesn't want to have any part in that. Just like a woman has the right to turn down someone she feels she doesn't click with.

TitoPuente

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Really? They are obviously doing something wrong if women are telling them to rudely get lost.

Not really, no. It's only really in a minority of cases anyway. Still though, there is a significant percentage of the female population that will be vicious and abusive when approached by any men. These women, even if in the minority, are the reason my friends no longer approach women when they're out. If there's, say, a 1 in 5 chance that they're going to be abused or humiliated by some man-hating sociopath then they're not going to bother. Why would they?

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Aww come on. Grow up.
If you were walking down the street and a smelly guy came begging for change and he followed you and asked for you telephone number so you could meet up and go see a movie, would you waste time being polite?

My friends aren't smelly, beggars or even persistent. They're polite, dignified and can take 'no' for an answer. Just not when it's followed by verbal abuse for no reason other than a woman's pig-headed sense of superiority and entitlement.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Doesn't matter if he is the most polie guy in the world, if he drips insecurity and neediness he might as well be a homeless bum.

Again, none of my friends 'drip' neediness or insecurity. As I said, they're happy enough to be single. I agree with your point in principal but you have to remember that women can be vicious to even confident and decent guys. You seem to think that acidic verbal abuse dished out by so many women is the man's fault. Ridiculous.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Maybe that's the proper attitude for your friends . It's counterintuitive but when them stop trying too hard and stop telegraphing interest to women, the more they will find them attractive.

As I said, my friends don't really bother anymore. Their 'attitude' is and always has been perfectly fine. They have the same 'attitude' I had when I met my OH. It's the attitudes of many of the women that they've approached that's the problem unfortunately.

jurgenscarl

Still though, there is a significant percentage of the female population that will be vicious and abusive when approached by any men. These women, even if in the minority, are the reason my friends no longer approach women when they're out.

Stop the presses:eek:Women are bitchy.OMG

Well get used to it. Women whine and complain and complain and whine and bitch. That's how women communicate.

If a man wants to get with a woman he has to just laugh it off. It should be water off a duck's back.

When women are vicious and abusive it's just a sh8t test.

They are simply testing the man to see if he will wimp out and run off or if he will be a REAL man and turn the tables.

A bitch has to meet her match in a man who is unaffected, doesn't give a crap and refuses to take any crap.

That's where confidence and a sense of humour come in.

You can use both to cut her down to size.

Polite doesn't cut it.

FFS the milkman or the postman or kind old ladies are polite.

TitoPuente

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Stop the presses:eek:Women are bitchy.OMG

Well get used to it. Women whine and complain and complain and whine and bitch. That's how women communicate.

That's how insecure little girls communicate. Real women show intelligence and civility.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

When women are vicious and abusive it's just a sh8t test.

They are simply testing the man to see if he will wimp out and run off or if he will be a REAL man and turn the tables.

It's a pretty misguided s**t test if you ask me. As opposed to "wimping out" and running off, I'd generally just assume the girl had serious mental issues, smile and back away quickly. Real men don't go out with bitchy, socially aggressive women.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

A bitch has to meet her match in a man who is unaffected, doesn't give a crap and refuses to take any crap.

Well I'm assuming these bitchy women will get what they deserve in the end. Good luck to them.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

That's where confidence and a sense of humour come in.

I'm confident and have a great sense of humour. I just don't like bitchy women. I consider them quite below me and, most probably, dragged up. Not my cup of tea. Nor my friends'.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

You can use both to cut her down to size.

Oh PLEASE! PUA nonsense straight from the textbook of the socially inept.

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Polite doesn't cut it.

It worked for me. I'm with a real woman. A strong, confident woman who sees men as equals in a social setting and doesn't try to mask any of her insecurities through caustic behaviour.

Anyway - we're getting off topic. My point was that the Irish dating scene is a mess because of all the hostility. I think we can both agree on that. Good guys worth dating don't generally engage in the childish, mentally unsound courting rituals that we seem to have imported from the States.

jurgenscarl

Oh PLEASE! PUA nonsense straight from the textbook of the socially inept.

How would you know?

Silverfish

This is hardly helpful to the OP.


If you wish to have a debate, please either take it to pm or Humanities.

Thank you.

Discodog

I would urge any female to never be afraid of making the first move. Personally I would see this as a positive. It would not make me think of her in any sort of bad light.

There can be many reasons why a guy does not approach a girl even if he finds her attractive. Maybe some women make the mistake of assuming that we can read, what to her, are obvious signs of attraction.

jurgenscarl

I would urge any female to never be afraid of making the first move. Personally I would see this as a positive. It would not make me think of her in any sort of bad light.

That's never going to happen and you know it.
Women aren't afraid of making the first move.
They just simply don't need to.
Do you think women care what you think?
Pleading for water not to be wet is not going to get you anywhere.
The onus is entirely on you to approach.

There can be many reasons why a guy does not approach a girl even if he finds her attractive. Maybe some women make the mistake of assuming that we can read, what to her, are obvious signs of attraction.

If a guy can't read the obvious signs of attraction why should a woman have to help him? There are lots other guys who can read the signs and are prepared to make the approach. Women don't wait for slowcoaches to figure it out.

Discodog

jurgenscarl wrote: »

That's never going to happen and you know it.
Women aren't afraid of making the first move.
They just simply don't need to.
Do you think women care what you think?
Pleading for water not to be wet is not going to get you anywhere.
The onus is entirely on you to approach.
If a guy can't read the obvious signs of attraction why should a woman have to help him? There are lots other guys who can read the signs and are prepared to make the approach. Women don't wait for slowcoaches to figure it out.

I am not getting drawn into a debate with you. Many women have & will make the first move. There is nothing unnatural about doing it. People post here to express opinions & yes I do think that people, both male & female, care.

You may consider yourself an expert in the field of seduction. You may have a harem of women trying to tear you away from your keyboard. Then again...........

Silverfish

jurgenscarl, please try and keep on-topic and helpful to the OP.

If you wish to start a debate on women's dating habits, please try the Humanities or Gentlemen's Club forums, thank you.

gavney1

OP,

I'm a guy, and usually I would have always tried to go down the route of the "traditional dating" route - i.e. meet a girl on a night out, then meet her for a drink etc. or do something just the two of us

BUT I have met girls in the past who just seem to find the idea bizarre!
Like, I'd suggest to meet them for a drink, but they want to meet on a night out with all their friends.

I'm not a 100% sure why - it seems a bit teenagerish.

My guess is one of two reasons
1. They feel nervous and would feel more comfortable with their friends and plus maybe it's more fun?
2. They want to get their friends opinions of the guy they're meeting?

I can relate to the first reason. But at the same time, you don't really get a chance to get to know the person. I find friends can be a bit distracting and you end up barely talking to the person you came out to see.