Win tickets for Dara O' Briain, David O' Doherty, Maeve Higgins and more in Vicar St

Darragh

Hey all

This Saturday night, June 25, there's an amazing line-up of comedians in DUblin's Vicar Street in aid of Temple Street Children's Hospital.

Dara O'Briain, Hector O hEochagain, Maeve Higgins, David O Doherty, Jarlath Regan, Dermot Whelan, Fred Cooke, Eric Lawlor, Eleanor Tiernan and more are on the line-up.



Tickets are €28 and can be bought online here.

We've bought 4 tickets to give away - so we have two pairs of two to offer as prizes.

All you have to do is post your favourite joke for children below.

Keep them clean! We'll pick the winners on Friday afternoon and let you know if you've won! Your submission may not appear straight away, but don't worry, it's not lost. No cash alternative offered. Judges decision is final.

Best of luck to all the comedians participating, and enjoy!

Darragh

20 Times 20 Times

My joke is VERY SIMPLE :-(


Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!

00112984

Q. How do you stop a rabbit digging a hole in your garden?

A. Take away his shovel

irish_goat

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What do you get if you cross a road with a safari park ?






Double yellow lions !

:pac:
[/FONT]

messrs

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here !

BrandonFlowers

how do you know an elephants been in your fridge?

there's footprints in your butter!! boom boom

Lu Tze

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field

BrandonFlowers

oh and whats black and white and eats like a horse?

a zebra!

jim_bob

what did the Ghost say to the bee ?

Boo Bee

Motley Crue

Q: Why did the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
A: He saw the salad dressing!

annainez

'May I go to the toilet?' a boy asked his teacher.
'If you can say the alphabet' the teacher replied.
The boy recited the alphabet ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ
The teacher said 'Where's the P?'
-'Half way down my leg!'

:L

LMGB

what do sheep do on sunny days?

have a baa baa cue

Driven4aLivin

Q. How do you tease fruit?

A. Banananananananana!

LostinBlanch

Q: What's big read and eats rocks?
A: A big red rock eater.

Q: What's big, red and eats sand?
A: A big red rock eater on a diet!

SinisterDexter

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?


A walkie talkie!

joe316

An oldie but a goldie

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman were in a pub chatting about their kids. Paddy Englishman was saying that since his son was born on St. George's Day we named him George. Paddy Scotsman then said that since his son was born on St. Andrew's Day we named him Andrew.

Paddy Irishman was amazed at this, he couldnt believe it and said:



"that's amazing...............................wait til I go home and tell Pancake!"

28064212

Two sausages are in a frying pan. One turns to the other and says "Does it feel hot in here to you?". The other replies

"Aghhh! A talking sausage!"

Benzino

One day a student left the school yard at lunch time and went to the nearby graveyard. The teacher seeing this, followed the student and saw him pour his carton of milk on the graves.

The teacher asked: "why are you doing that?"
The student responded by singing: "Them bones them bones, need calcium!"

nice1franko

What do you call a man hiding in a bush?

Russell

cedomination

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow"

"Interrupting cow wh-"

"MOOOOOOOOO"

00112984

A guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box,"Would you like to go for a pint?"

But there was no answer.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to the pub with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me or not?!

This time, a little voice came out of the box,




"I heard you the first time!
I'm putting on my shoes!"

Keedowah

What's brown and sticky?







A Stick!

clairemcbear

Did you hear about the Farmer that won a nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field


-Gets me everytime

eightyfish

I eat my peas with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It makes them taste quite funny,
but it keeps then on the knife!

cycleofusa2010

What do you call a Spaniard just out of hospital?

Manuel

Teferi

What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?

"No thanks, I'm stuffed! "

TouchingVirus

Why are elephants all wrinkled?

They're too hard to iron

splashthecash

What do you call a sheep with no legs?.....A cloud

tdow

How do you catch a rabbit?

Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a carrot

kerash

What do you give a sick pig?
Oink-ment!

bellylint

Q: What do you call a row of rabbits moving away from you?

A: A receding hare line!

doohan

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Cormac2791

Q. Why did the Kerry farmer feed his cows with money?

A. Because he wanted rich milk!

Also Starring LeVar Burton

What's green, has four legs, and if it falls from a tree it can kill you?

A Pool Table

Thoie

What's green with blue spots?

Grass. I lied about the spots.

IsThisIt???

"What's green and invisable??"

<holds out hand>
"This cabbage!!!"

5500

Q: What do you call a snail on a ship?

A: A snailor!

2468

What do you call a sheep on a bouncing castle?

A wooly jumper.

Baggly

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

Feck it, even if i dont win...that was worth a giggle

sickle

Q: What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A: A wonky.

Jessibelle

A man went to the doctors and said doctor doctor I have a strawberry on my head
the doctor said I think I have some cream for that...

justbringit89

Did you hear about the Carrot's Funeral?

There was a great Turnip..........:D

meenmore

The Queen is visiting a miltary hospital in Glasgow. She gets shown onto a ward with just three patients.

She talks to the first:

Queen "And what are you in here for?"
Soldier "Piles Ma'am, healing nicely though ma'am"
Queen "And what treatment are you receiving?"
Soldier "Wire brush and Dettol ma'am"
Queen "Oh my, and what ambitions do you have once you get out of here?"
Soldier "To get out of here and fight for you and my country ma'am"
Queen "That's mighty brave Of you."

The queen moves to the second soldier.

Queen "And what are you in here for soldier?"
Soldier "Veneral Disease Ma'am."
Queen "And what treatment are you receiving?"
Soldier "Wire brush and Dettol ma'am"
Queen "Oh my, and what ambitions do you have for when you get out of here?"
Soldier "To get out of here and fight for you and my country ma'am"
Queen "That's mighty brave Of you."

she moves to the last wee Scotsman at the end of the row.

Queen "And what are you for?"
Soldier "Laryngitis ma'am" he croaks.
Queen "Ohh, had that myself, very unpleasant. And what treatment are you receiving?"
Soldier "Wire brush and Dettol ma'am."
Queen "And what ambitions do you have now?"
Soldier "To get the wire brush and dettol before those other two ma'am!!!"

venividivici

Policeman trying to stop man in car..

Policeman: Pullover!! Pullover!!

Man: No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!

John 187

Q. What button won't you find in a tailor's shop?
A. A Belly button!

Chuchoter

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking !

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?
'I feel abominable.'

Pj!

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
God Bless You!!!

Miguel_Sanchez

This one used to crack me up as a kid.

Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?
Customer: No.
Barber: Oh dear, I must have cut your throat.

RedXIV

What's white and wears sunglasses?

An egg in disguise

What do you call two apples?

A Pear!

Why did the jelly baby go to school?

He wanted to be a smartie!

Whats black and white and black and white and black and white....?

A penguin rolling down a hill

Whats black and white and laughing?

The nun that pushed it!

Bonkers_xOx

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!

aisling.laura

A young boy puts up his hand in class one day and says,
"Sir, I has no pencil."

The teacher replies,
"No no no:
'I have no pencil,
You have no pencil,
He has no pencil,
She has no pencil,
You all have no pencils,
We have no pencils,
They have no pencils."

The little boy thinks for a moment and then raises his hand again,
"But Sir, then who has all the pencils??"