How to get my key back?

Taltos

Wow OP - you just blew me away with that update.

As expected she threw the fit we all knew was coming. And it appears ran off to rally support of the rest of your family.

Stick to your guns, remember - do not allow it to become personal.
Stay calm and if questioned just be honest, tired of coming home to fag ends and generally uncomfortable not know who was in your home - irrespective of who it was.

Eventually this will blow over - but how soon all depends on you. Don't allow this to become a bigger deal than it really is. It is not your job to provide a slop house for your family to crash into whenever they are close by - yes it is awkward having to wait the extra time to pick up the 2nd or 3rd child - but that is not your responsibility - she chose to have the kids - she chose to enroll them in that school. All her choices not yours.

When they try to harp on about this - just calmly state - "As far as I am concerned the decision is made. I am not going to rehash this again - please respect my wishes for my home" - and move on - do not get drawn into any types of discussion around this - otherwise they will do their best to wear you down again...

We too had to change our house key - as my in-laws would just arrive in - whether we were there or not... To say I was annoyed was an understatement. So one weekend - popped out and changed the lock - a few days later my wife got a call from her dad or sister - cannot remember which now saying they were stuck outside in the rain and couldn't get in - it appeared our door lock was broken...

Miss Fluff

+1 stick to your guns on this. Don't be intimidated or guilt-tripped into providing another key. Stand firm. You'll have more respect from your siblings now that you've been adult enough to stand up to them.

LegacyUser

Morning...

Spoke to sister number 2 this morning after she'd rang me umpteen times last night, but I didn't answer. I was waiting for more abuse....

Funny enough, she's on my side which has me totally flabberghasted!! She said she never knew why I gave my other key in the first place and that there's no way she'd ever give her, her key. We didn't really get into a bitching session about her - she just said that my sis had been taking the p*ss for a while now (other stuff with her too) and it was about time someone stood up to her. She said my sis had been ranting and raving about the times she brought me to the cinema (when I was a kid!!!) and 'when I think of all the money I spent on her over the years, and this is the repayment I get....' and bringing up other, ridiculous stuff from the past and kept banging on about how without her, I'd never have my house....I can nearly hear her myself!

Anyway, I've asked this sis not to tell me any more about what she says as I don't want to hear it, and to hear it only makes me angry and makes me want to keep this going. And I'd like it to be done and dusted....

However, she does have another key I've been told (her back-up, in case she ever lost her other one!!! - the cheek!) but is putting it in my letter box today and will never darken my doorstep again....which suits me just fine today!

StormWarrior

Don't forget to change the locks ASAP, just in case!

StormWarrior

Taltos wrote: »

We too had to change our house key - as my in-laws would just arrive in - whether we were there or not... To say I was annoyed was an understatement. So one weekend - popped out and changed the lock - a few days later my wife got a call from her dad or sister - cannot remember which now saying they were stuck outside in the rain and couldn't get in - it appeared our door lock was broken...

I can't believe this, if someone was doing this to my house I would murder them! What was their excuse for going round all the time when you weren't there?

Taltos

Unregistered wrote: »

Funny enough, she's on my side which has me totally flabberghasted!!

Just be very careful here - I have 2 sisters - and even when they are fighting - if you agree with them on any of their bitching session - guaranteed it will be used against you when they are best buds again - even to the extent that you will be quoted as having said it in the first place.

Well responded though in terms of asking her not to continue that - keep it up.

And as the other poster just said - change your locks

metalgear2k2

You should still change the lock.

the watchman

yea, change locks girl, and hire security guard lol:D

LegacyUser

Op you don't have to "win". You just have to get them to understand that you're a person too, and you want your wishes respected too.

I've 3 younger sisters. And my own house. And while none of them would ever do that, I would actually hit the ceiling if that was what was going on and I would NEVER treat any of them like that.

Fair play to you. It'll get easier over time. Just keep your mouth shut, pass no further comment on it and life will move on.

username123

Youareselfish wrote: »

I think you are being extremely selfish and mean op.
your sister was good enough to help you in the beginning when you needed help when you were busy at work and needed workers to be let into your home. now that she needs a little help you are pretty much saying fcuk you and your kids. your sister is not a mind reader. you could simply ask to tidy up after herself and then failing that ask for the key back. no! you want to launch into taking the key and pretty much saying you're not welcome here again.

Its not selfish and mean to want to have control of your own home and who is in it and when, its normal.
The sister only helped in the beginning because it suited her.
No she isnt a mind reader but the OP had already verbalised the issue to her and she ignored it - so she knew well the OP wasnt happy about the situation yet continued to carry it on.

Youareselfish wrote: »

maybe someday when you have kids you might understand how hard it is. that hour between junior infants and 1st class is a nightmare. on fine day you could possibly go to the beach, the library if theres one nearby and if opening times suit, coffeeshop maybe. you want to leave your sister high and dry with your nieces/nephews and to force her to possibly go to a nearby coffeeshop everyday and spend money that is tight.

Its not the OPs responsibility to worry about how hard life is with kids. She didnt decide to have the children, her sister did. If its too hard then she shouldnt have had them perhaps? Its about taking personal responsibility and not just using a sibling - which is what her sister is doing. Any normal person would go mad at the antics of someone coming to their home unannounced and using the place like a cafe and leaving a mess behind, disrespectful and nasty.

OP - well done on standing up to her. I gather from your posts that she is going to go down the manipulative route of not talking to you/bad mouthing you. Its just a ploy to get her own way again and dysfunctional behaviour as well. Her behaviour reminds me a LOT of my fathers behaviour, he was a bully, a user, and there was no such thing as raising an issue calmly with him, it was a HUGE confrontation anytime you tried to stand up for yourself with him. During confrontation there would be a lot of bringing up old stuff from years ago.

His 'post-confrontation' behaviour followed the pattern of not speaking to you, huge sulks, eyes thrown to heaven, sometimes trying for sympathy (he would sit in a cold room rather than share the sitting room with my mother if they were having a row for example), generally trying to make you feel bad and blowing something simple out of all proportion so that he would end up estranged from people for years because theyd perhaps asked him for repayment of a tenner loan.

Your sisters mirror behaviour there could be to use the kids against you to gain sympathy, dont be surprised if she does this. She may well try to isolate you by bad mouthing to you to all and sundry and making it out that you did something akin to murder. There may also suddenly be real reasons that she needed your house key, financial problems, a sick child, a mystery illness for herself etc....

One way or the other, I doubt its over with her yet. But take the advice of other posters here, refuse to discuss it further - the decision is made. End of.

And well done.

TheDriver

Unregistered wrote: »

The funny thing is my house is never 'in bits'. I am tidy and clean. She, on the other hand, is almost OCD with her cleaning and is one of those people who cannot rest until she uses a tootbrush on the rims of her taps every single day.....she knew that comment would really get to me tho because mam was also obsessed with cleaning (like her) and they often comment about the 'mess' I live in. In comparison to my friends and other family however, my house is immaculate...

Well done OP. Gas thing is smokers don't realise no matter how clean their house it, it stinks of fags and they don't realise its disgusting. Well done again and chin up

LegacyUser

OP here. There's something I haven't mentioned because I didn't think it was relevant to this issue, but I have to address it now. I have a child myself. She is 9 and in the same school as my sisters childrens school. My sister sent them to my daughters school (her eldest is the same age as mine) because I wasn't working when my child started school and I was roped into collecting and dropping her kids to and from that school. She wasn't working either btw, but didn't drive at the time....Since I've gotten back to work (5yrs ago approx), she's bought herself a car and now gets her kids to and from school...has never once offered to collect or drop my daughter tho. So to the poster who commented about how selfish I am and that 'when I have kids, I'll realise blah blah'....I have a child. I know about the primary school run (although I only have the one child). I know how hard life is - I'm a single mam too with no input from my daughters dad. So I know better than my sister how tough life can be.
Like I said, didn't think this was relevant or important for this particular issue, but had to make this point.

Denimgirl

Well only you know how your sister behaves and if you feel you've done the right thing and put her in her place fair play to you!