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How much money do you spend on your girlfriend

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    #182
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Khannie wrote: »
    The friend may never be in a position to repay and I wouldn't care in the slightest. I don't keep tabs on my friends. I think buying a friend a pint with the notion that he's a leech if he doesn't pay you back is properly sad.
    If he may never be in a position to do so, that's fair enough. If he has no intention of doing so, that is what we are discussing.
    Not in the slightest. It's a simple cost / benefit analysis.....

    Drink on my own = boring and depressing but I get to drink more.
    Drink with my friend = not boring or depressing but I get to drink less. Depending on the friends earning potential there's some risk that I may not get paid back.

    Easy choice for me.
    You pay for your company basically. Sounds more like an entourage than friends, TBH.
    In the case of the homeless guy
    Don't care.
    Don't go on holidays because she can't afford to split the cost of everything 50/50
    or
    Go on holidays but you pay for more than 50% of the cost.
    or
    Go on a crappy holiday.
    All three are possible. I will cover over 50% because I trust her to get me back at some stage. Or we could either go on a crappy holiday or just shack up for a week - after all, what's more important the holiday or the company?
    ilovecakes wrote: »
    And then we have the gentlemen who realise the value of love and companionship, and I would bet (using my boyfrend's money, of course) that these gentlemen are far happier than those 'men' who are angry at the injustice visited upon them by previous girfriends.
    It's funny how some women get hyper-defensive (and offensive) whenever this topic is raised. Guilt?


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    #183
    Khannie
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 37,485 Mod ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    If he may never be in a position to do so, that's fair enough. If he has no intention of doing so, that is what we are discussing.

    It's not what I was discussing.
    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Don't care.

    Well....that's it. You got me. :rolleyes:


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    #184
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Khannie wrote: »
    It's not what I was discussing.
    That is what is being discussed though.
    Well....that's it. You got me. :rolleyes:
    What, you want me to argue with you on the merits of giving the homeless a meal?


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    #185
    Khannie
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 37,485 Mod ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    What, you want me to argue with you on the merits of giving the homeless a meal?

    No, I want you to be less dismissive. In the absence of that I'll avoid conversation with you. It's a cost / benefit analysis. ;)


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    #186
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Khannie wrote: »
    No, I want you to be less dismissive. In the absence of that I'll avoid conversation with you. It's a cost / benefit analysis. ;)
    You mean signal to noise ratio analysis, and given some of your points I won't argue with you on that score ;)


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    #187
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    You don't take it as a given, but it's pretty obvious you wouldn't take him without it.

    Well I fell in love with him because of his nature. Anyhow he has never complained that I dont work full time, He takes pride in providing for his family, He has a beautiful happy wife, kids who love him and a lovely home to come home to.
    What more could a man ask for.

    Why would you not like your partner take time off to raise your kids?
    Or if you don't want to be taken for a ride.

    Or if you are a tight git.
    Not if they got me back on another occasion. It would bother me if I was financially subsidizing them as a rule, especially if they then thought I should be doing as much as them in other aspects of our relationship, such as housework.

    Would you keep tabs, and bring it up or try and get your monies worth on other nights out? Or say to them when you get them home, "Right two hours of ironing to pay off that fillet steak you had earlier!"
    But, and leading to the next point, assuming you do so (many women plan to but never do) had it not occurred to you that by then you will be trailing many men who didn't take any break in terms of level and experience - and thus pay?

    I am still working part time, I havent had a major break in terms of service and experience.


    As to why women are the one's who stay at home (about 400k to 8k men in Ireland)? You can hardly say it's because men are forbidding them from working. Actually, do any 'equality' groups ever talk about this particular disparity?

    Well maybe if the male was getting paid 15% lower than his female counterpart, then he could stay at home and she could work.

    An unsubstantiated press release - and that is all that link really is - is hardly credible. Indeed all it claims is that "women's pay still remains an average of 15.5 per cent lower than men's" nothing about this being for the same job.

    I have no doubt you could, but I did say credible evidence.

    esri
    This report by the esri state it is a whopping 22%.

    But neither should they be getting the same overall salary and this is something that many surveys don't take into account. I worked once with a woman who used to complain how she was underpaid for her level at 35k per year - which would be true, except she got 35k per year for working two days a week. For that she was overpaid for her level.

    Well maybe she was...

    My opinion and views are certainly shared by others, or do you think that I am alone on the planet for having them? Many men will certainly differ to me, but that does not mean that there is not genuine resentment in men at the cake and eat it attitude that many (not all) women have.


    I think your views are in the minority...


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    #188
    Khannie
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 37,485 Mod ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    You mean signal to noise ratio analysis, and given some of your points I won't argue with you on that score ;)

    No, I meant what I said. You're being borderline rude (as usual) so I'll tell you what...you just keep keeping track of what everyone owes you and I'll just keep being happy and we can leave it at at that.


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    #189
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    "Charity" like the charity given to 'unfortunates' in the victorian era?
    For chairty read payment and unfortunates read poor women those who had precious little choice but to sell themselves as there was no welfare and they had no trade/skills or man to provide for them.


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    #190
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Quality wrote: »

    Would you keep tabs, and bring it up or try and get your monies worth on other nights out? Or say to them when you get them home, "Right two hours of ironing to pay off that fillet steak you had earlier!"

    on this ironing thing I really need help. we split the bills and I hate ironing. Though I sometimes iron her work clothes and she does the cooking (fear of poisoning I think). I do feed the lizard and clean his tank.


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    #191
    Lux23
    Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    You know I reading this thread and I have been thinking on the men I was with the longest and for the most part I was the one forking out for them. From paying rent to giving them beer money to buying their clothes, when do I get to meet a guy who would do the same for me.


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    #192
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    CDfm wrote: »
    on this ironing thing I really need help. we split the bills and I hate ironing. Though I sometimes iron her work clothes and she does the cooking (fear of poisoning I think). I do feed the lizard and clean his tank.


    Well the next time she has fillet steak out, you make sure you have the chicken...then hit her with it when she gets home....;)


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    #193
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Quality wrote: »
    Well the next time she has fillet steak out, you make sure you have the chicken...then hit her with it when she gets home....;)

    she doesnt she orders me the steak and insists i have chocolate cake. :eek:


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    #194
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Lux23 wrote: »
    You know I reading this thread and I have been thinking on the men I was with the longest and for the most part I was the one forking out for them. From paying rent to giving them beer money to buying their clothes, when do I get to meet a guy who would do the same for me.

    Jeez imagine that on a dating site

    " I like to pay my mans rent, buy him beer and like to treat him to nice designer clothes"


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    #195
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Quality wrote: »
    Well I fell in love with him because of his nature. Anyhow he has never complained that I dont work full time, He takes pride in providing for his family, He has a beautiful happy wife, kids who love him and a lovely home to come home to.
    What more could a man ask for.
    Which is fine, as I said earlier as long as both parties in a relationship go for that, then grand. There's more than one way to skin a cat. But for a man to pay all or the bulk of the bills then say split housework equally is just as wrong as a couple splitting the bills equally and then the woman doing all the housework.

    TBH, getting into the dynamics of a family with children is going OT, because there's a lot more going on than a simple case of paying the bills. The original discussion was about dating - not even cohabitation, let alone raising children. Perhaps a man paying all the time for his girlfriend is a good sign of a future 'provider', but frankly that really is a tad mercenary for my liking.
    Or if you are a tight git.
    Better that than a resource for a parasite, since we're getting a bit personal.
    Would you keep tabs, and bring it up or try and get your monies worth on other nights out? Or say to them when you get them home, "Right two hours of ironing to pay off that fillet steak you had earlier!"
    Of course not (there you go with the accounting again), but if I felt that my other half was not pulling her weight, I would raise it as an issue.
    I am still working part time, I havent had a major break in terms of service and experience.
    Part time work won't do your career any favours is the reality (at least in the private sector). Sorry, but that is the nature of modern Capitalism - the moment you give less than 110% you get left behind by someone who is willing to do that.
    Well maybe if the male was getting paid 15% lower than his female counterpart, then he could stay at home and she could work.
    You're not actually listening are you? Or reading as the next point demonstrates:
    esri
    This report by the esri state it is a whopping 22%.
    Did you actually read the report? Or the article for that matter, that points out that "on average men had more years of work experience than women and this factor was identified the single biggest contributor to the pay gap" and not discrimination - just as I have been saying.

    So the male from your above response would be getting paid 15% lower than his female counterpart if he was staying at home and not because it's some evil patriarchal conspiracy.

    So women don't stay at home because they get 15% less - it's the other way around.
    Well maybe she was...
    Maybe she was what? Underpaid? I assure you for her experience and level she was not.
    I think your views are in the minority...
    With the exception of a few here (largely women, I note) I'd disagree.
    Khannie wrote: »
    No, I meant what I said.
    So did I ;)
    Thaedydal wrote: »
    "Charity" like the charity given to 'unfortunates' in the victorian era?
    For chairty read payment and unfortunates read poor women those who had precious little choice but to sell themselves as there was no welfare and they had no trade/skills or man to provide for them.
    In fairness, charity came into this only because Khannie decided to talk about feeding the poor with the proverbial three loaves and two kebabs.


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    #196
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Thats a bit mean on Khannie. I think it is a very cool thing to do to feed a homeless guy & I have done so myself.

    I also think that when you are with someone it works both ways and not everything is always rosey. I find myself doing things with my partner differently than when i was on my own. Sometimes its inconvenient.

    For starters she is well paid but we live in my home - and while we do eat out she has improved my diet no end thru eating in . I hurt my back and God it hurt.She was there.

    So its not all money and sex -there are other things too.


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    #197
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Which is fine, as I said earlier as long as both parties in a relationship go for that, then grand. There's more than one way to skin a cat. But for a man to pay all or the bulk of the bills then say split housework equally is just as wrong as a couple splitting the bills equally and then the woman doing all the housework.

    Where the hell is this housework thing coming from now?? So now it is only fair that a partner be a parasite if they stay at home and do all the housework?
    TBH, getting into the dynamics of a family with children is going OT, because there's a lot more going on than a simple case of paying the bills. The original discussion was about dating - not even cohabitation, let alone raising children. Perhaps a man paying all the time for his girlfriend is a good sign of a future 'provider', but frankly that really is a tad mercenary for my liking.

    Yes I think that women look for signs early on in a relationship... If a partner is abusive early on in a relationship it is likely that he will be abusive in the future, same goes for someone who is generous.


    Better that than a resource for a parasite, since we're getting a bit personal.

    Sorry that wasn't meant as a personal attack on you. You also didnt answer my question on whether you would expect your partner to return full time to work after children.
    Of course not (there you go with the accounting again), but if I felt that my other half was not pulling her weight, I would raise it as an issue.

    Yes well, I like accounting, it was a good career choice for me.
    Part time work won't do your career any favours is the reality (at least in the private sector). Sorry, but that is the nature of modern Capitalism - the moment you give less than 110% you get left behind by someone who is willing to do that.

    There is a lot more to life than career, I do intend on returning to work full time, but I will put my family before my career. If these means I get left behind it is a sacrafice I am willing to take to benefit my family.. You only get one pop at raising kids, I would always put them first, using all my effort into raising them into well adjusted adults as they would be more important to me than the big career.
    Thats my humane side.

    You're not actually listening are you? Or reading as the next point demonstrates:

    Did you actually read the report? Or the article for that matter, that points out that "on average men had more years of work experience than women and this factor was identified the single biggest contributor to the pay gap" and not discrimination - just as I have been saying.

    So the male from your above response would be getting paid 15% lower than his female counterpart if he was staying at home and not because it's some evil patriarchal conspiracy.

    So women don't stay at home because they get 15% less - it's the other way around.

    Well all and all there is a gender difference with pay.

    If your opinions (male opinions) were shared by the majority, there would be less women staying at home, thankfully your opinions are in the minority.
    Maybe she was what? Underpaid? I assure you for her experience and level she was not.
    Well I cannot comment as I do not know the full circumstances.
    With the exception of a few here (largely women, I note) I'd disagree.


    You had better not be calling Khannie a woman!!;)


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    #198
    Khannie
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 37,485 Mod ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    So did I ;)

    In that case: Don't tell me what I was trying to say again. Thanks. Your SNR ain't that great either.
    The Corinthian wrote: »
    As I said, I didn't consider it charity. You're the one who keeps calling it that..

    In fact you're the one who called it that. I didn't consider it charity.

    You say you'd "raise it as an issue" if your other half wasn't pulling their weight, but what if they would never be able to do so (through having less earning potential for example). If you think that the person who earns less in a relationship should spend more time doing housework then you intrinsically place a euro value on housework. What is that value? Would you keep track of it? If not, how would you know that the debt was paid and that you weren't sad any more? If so, how would you keep track of it so that you'd know that you weren't sad any more?


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    #199
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Quality wrote: »
    Where the hell is this housework thing coming from now?? So now it is only fair that a partner be a parasite if they stay at home and do all the housework?

    Tempted to post that its womens work but really we get more done when we do it together.

    I must make a spring resolution on that as I hate it.


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    #200
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    CDfm wrote: »
    Tempted to post that its womens work but really we get more done when we do it together.

    I must make a spring resolution on that as I hate it.


    I prefer to do it.... I like for him to save his energy for other things...;)

    Now I am off... I need to get some cake... All this talk of cake today has put a longing on me....


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    #201
    SLUSK
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,156 ✭✭✭SLUSK


    CDfm wrote: »
    I am going to get all freudy now.

    Slusk you have been keeping your self out of the girlfriend frame so long you are starting to believe your own hype.
    I have no idea what it is you are trying to say.


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    #202
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    CDfm wrote: »
    Thats a bit mean on Khannie. I think it is a very cool thing to do to feed a homeless guy & I have done so myself.
    I suppose so, but the homeless analogy was a bit ridiculous IMO.
    I also think that when you are with someone it works both ways and not everything is always rosey. I find myself doing things with my partner differently than when i was on my own. Sometimes its inconvenient.
    That's called compromise and this thread is about where one party in a boyfriend-girlfriend context is not doing so - she is letting the man foot (the vast bulk of) the bill.
    Quality wrote: »
    Where the hell is this housework thing coming from now?? So now it is only fair that a partner be a parasite if they stay at home and do all the housework?
    No, I was pointing out that two people in a relationship give and take and it is not all about money. Then I backed off from that because it is going OT.
    Yes I think that women look for signs early on in a relationship... If a partner is abusive early on in a relationship it is likely that he will be abusive in the future, same goes for someone who is generous.
    The problem I have with the word generous here is that it is expected but not reciprocated.
    Sorry that wasn't meant as a personal attack on you. You also didnt answer my question on whether you would expect your partner to return full time to work after children.
    TBH, that is up to me and her. I would prefer it as I have seen it work well in couples, but it really depends on the people involved.
    There is a lot more to life than career, I do intend on returning to work full time, but I will put my family before my career.
    Grand that's your and your partner's choice but is OT as this thread is on boy/girlfriends. Nonetheless, the calculated seeking of a 'provider' to enable this lifestyle choice is a bit distasteful to me personally (I do not speak for anyone else on that opinion).
    Well all and all there is a gender difference with pay.
    But because women like you want to sacrifice their career and because the men with them are happy to let them, not because of discrimination - so you really cannot turn around and say you will stay at home because otherwise you'll earn less, because you earn less precisely because you stay at home.
    If your opinions (male opinions) were shared by the majority, there would be less women staying at home, thankfully your opinions are in the minority.
    I didn't say all my opinions are shared by the majority. I said that the 'cake and eat it' attitude is something resented by many men - nothing else.
    You had better not be calling Khannie a woman!!;)
    I'm not.


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    #203
    beegirl
    Registered Users Posts: 393 ✭✭beegirl


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    this thread is about where one party in a boyfriend-girlfriend context is not doing so - she is letting the man foot (the vast bulk of) the bill.

    Is it??? The OP never said that she expected him to foot the bill for anything, they haven't even gone on a date yet! Give the poor girl a chance :eek:


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    #204
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Quality wrote: »
    I prefer to do it.... I like for him to save his energy for other things...;)

    Now I am off... I need to get some cake... All this talk of cake today has put a longing on me....

    LOL :D
    SLUSK wrote: »
    I have no idea what it is you are trying to say.

    I am saying that if you are out of the habit of being in a relationship it might be a scary concept. So saying its about money is probably a way of getting around it.

    It may be your heart saying its what you want but your rational mind fighting it.


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    #205
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    SLUSK wrote: »
    Looks like I won't be getting a girlfriend after all, she called and cancelled the date plants for the weekend because she is "sick". I know she does not want to give it to me straight.

    Anyways I have deleted her number and blocked her on my msn so she can't see when I'm online. Don't have to worry about if she will cost me any money.

    She could genuinely be sick! It happens.


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    #206
    SLUSK
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,156 ✭✭✭SLUSK


    mood wrote: »
    She could genuinely be sick! It happens.
    I am an excellent judge of character. I am very rarely wrong.


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    #207
    SLUSK
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,156 ✭✭✭SLUSK


    Just to let you guys know I will never get a girlfriend instead I will go back to my normal "arrangements".


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    #208
    princess-lala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    SLUSK wrote: »
    I am an excellent judge of character. I am very rarely wrong.

    So because shes sick you delete her number and block her from msn? I for one wouldnt like to be going on a date with you!

    Its terrible that you think that way about meeting a potential girlfriend!


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    #209
    opinion guy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    SLUSK wrote: »
    Just to let you guys know I will never get a girlfriend instead I will go back to my normal "arrangements".

    Why what's happened ?


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    #210
    princess-lala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    opinion guy wrote: »
    Why what's happened ?

    She probably knew what he was at long before she accidentally agreed to go on the date :D


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    #211
    MagicSean
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,897 ✭✭✭MagicSean


    SLUSK wrote: »
    Just to let you guys know I will never get a girlfriend instead I will go back to my normal "arrangements".

    I'm sure you just broke many hearts with that declaration.


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