Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

SugarHigh

Gillo wrote: »

I recognised them and was able to do something about it before things got really bad.

It's fine if you don't want to get personal but what did you do?

stupidusername

SugarHigh wrote: »

It's fine if you don't want to get personal but what did you do?

yeah i'd be quite interested to know too, if you don't mind sharing.

Gillo

I basically tried to deal with seperate thing as best as I could and made a point of doing things which I know I enjoyed. But in a nutshell:
*I notice my appetite tends to go completely, so I was basically forcing myself to eat a proper diet (last time I had depression I lost a massive amount of weight from not having any appetite)
*My temper was gone completely, so I made a point of not getting into comfrontational circumstances
*Concentration was gone too, which led to making stupic mistakes in work so I started to take a lot more time to do things and get stuff done right first time
*Just didn't feel like dealing with people, I was able to book some time off work as holidays, which I start tomorrow
*also made of a point of doing something I really enjoy, in my case it was the gym

The above things won't cure depression by themself but I've found that by being aware of what it does to you and dealing with them it helps reduce the overall negative feeling.
I've also found keeping a mood diary, and just writing down everything to be great, for me it seems to be a way of just letting everything out and of really thinking about things.

Hope that was helpful, as it's more depression based than anxiety itself.

SugarHigh

I can relate to that, it's good advice. I do actually like working out but when you're down it's hard to get the motivation even though it is something you'd like to do. Once I imagine to go and I'm there for 10 mins I start to get into it more and motivation comes back but the initial step can be a bitch. I've also had a lot of trouble gaining weight because of the loss of appetite so I I buy protein shakes because even if I might not be in the mood for a meal a shake is fine.

starviewadams

Crap day alltogether,feel absolutely terrible and I'm finding it hard to sleep too,even with diazepam,which is only making me feel worse.Have an appintment with the psychiatrist in the community clinic on the 22nd,hopefully he/she will be able to increase one of my meds to help me feel a bit better.

LegacyUser

Very,very down. Waiting for a call on a job that I had really thought I'd get, but nothing has happened yet. Just....sad. Want to cry all day. There just doesn't seem to be any way out of this. And this morning's cup of coffee has made me feel very jittery and panicky, something I haven't felt in a while.

Can't help wondering if I'll ever get a chance to be happy and worry-free again.

RubyXI

Was reading a social anxiety book last night. I got it a good while ago and when i first got it i felt everything related to me. but reading it last night nothing related to me, or rather i wished it did. They seem trivial problems comparatively. I hadn't realised how much worse i've gotten. I don't really know what to do about it.

stupidusername

i'm still waiting to come out of this. it's been weeks.

i've spent so long worrying about saying something to someone, and now i've finally done it, and it didn't go too well. and i know it's done no good. so why bother. he's not bothered, so how is it fair that i spend all my time hung up over it. what im asking is reasonable, it really is. and still, nothing. i'm made to feel like i've asked something huge. i just want to be comfortable. i hate being so bothered about everything. every so often it hits me, this is my only life, my only chance, so why would i spend my time worried about things like this, and people, when they really don't matter. i just don't have that fear engrained enough in my head to be a confident care free person.

SugarHigh

phi3 wrote: »

Was reading a social anxiety book last night. I got it a good while ago and when i first got it i felt everything related to me. but reading it last night nothing related to me, or rather i wished it did. They seem trivial problems comparatively. I hadn't realised how much worse i've gotten. I don't really know what to do about it.

Did it at least help a bit the first time you read it?

I'm not sure about reading self-help books with relation to anxiety. I feel they might just make me focus on the anxiety more which isn't going to help. At same time though if you don't focus on the problem how can you fix it?

SugarHigh

stupidusername wrote: »

i'm still waiting to come out of this. it's been weeks.

i've spent so long worrying about saying something to someone, and now i've finally done it, and it didn't go too well. and i know it's done no good. so why bother. he's not bothered, so how is it fair that i spend all my time hung up over it. what im asking is reasonable, it really is. and still, nothing. i'm made to feel like i've asked something huge. i just want to be comfortable. i hate being so bothered about everything. every so often it hits me, this is my only life, my only chance, so why would i spend my time worried about things like this, and people, when they really don't matter. i just don't have that fear engrained enough in my head to be a confident care free person.

I'm just being nosy so you don't have to answer but is there any type of lifestyle that you can imagine where you wouldn't have anxiety?

For example I've always imagined that if I lived a completely self-sufficient life(possibly isolated) where I grew all my own food and generated my electricity that my anxiety would start to fade away because I'd have absolute control over my life.

I've often wondered that if maybe if society developed differently would their be others who have constant anxiety instead of us? It just seems that the world has developed around certain personalities more than others. Mainly the loud,outspoken and gregarious types.

RubyXI

SugarHigh wrote: »

Did it at least help a bit the first time you read it?

I'm not sure about reading self-help books with relation to anxiety. I feel they might just make me focus on the anxiety more which isn't going to help. At same time though if you don't focus on the problem how can you fix it?

It didn't help much but i only read bits of it. It made me feel a bit more normal I suppose. I didn't know other people felt like I did.

Plumeria

SugarHigh wrote: »

I'm just being nosy so you don't have to answer but is there any type of lifestyle that you can imagine where you wouldn't have anxiety?

For example I've always imagined that if I lived a completely self-sufficient life(possibly isolated) where I grew all my own food and generated my electricity that my anxiety would start to fade away because I'd have absolute control over my life.

You're not addressing me but.... I dream about isolation a lot. I have a calendar above my desk with pictures of lighthouses and I love to imagine living in one of them.

If there was a way for me to be self-sufficient and isolated, I can't imagine ever feeling very anxious. I'd have anxiety if something went wrong with my food source etc, but that sort of anxiety is different -- it involves finding logical solutions to external problems, not changing the nature of myself, which is what seems to be required of me if I'm going to be happy in normal society.

I wish I could live at a time when there were lighthouse keepers.... but with the modern tweak of allowing for female ones *sigh*

SugarHigh

Plumeria wrote: »

You're not addressing me but.... I dream about isolation a lot. I have a calendar above my desk with pictures of lighthouses and I love to imagine living in one of them.

If there was a way for me to be self-sufficient and isolated, I can't imagine ever feeling very anxious. I'd have anxiety if something went wrong with my food source etc, but that sort of anxiety is different -- it involves finding logical solutions to external problems, not changing the nature of myself, which is what seems to be required of me if I'm going to be happy in normal society.

I wish I could live at a time when there were lighthouse keepers.... but with the modern tweak of allowing for female ones *sigh*

I have the exact same romanticism of lighthouses.:D In reality I don't know if it would live up to it. There was an island off the coast of Kerry(Valentia Island) that used to let people live there for free if they worked in the lighthouse, up until about the 50's I think.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kahmac/37965572/sizes/z/in/photostream/

MUSEIST

Plumeria wrote: »

You're not addressing me but.... I dream about isolation a lot. I have a calendar above my desk with pictures of lighthouses and I love to imagine living in one of them.

If there was a way for me to be self-sufficient and isolated, I can't imagine ever feeling very anxious. I'd have anxiety if something went wrong with my food source etc, but that sort of anxiety is different -- it involves finding logical solutions to external problems, not changing the nature of myself, which is what seems to be required of me if I'm going to be happy in normal society. I wish I could live at a time when there were lighthouse keepers.... but with the modern tweak of allowing for female ones *sigh*

Could not have said it better myself, I feel the only way I can fit in and be happy in this world is to change myself and adapt to what other people expect, sad but true.

The idea of living in a light house sounds amazing to me, away from people is when I am most relaxed and comfortable.

I am very down today and I dont know why. I am beginning to think maybe its time to go back to the doc and admit I am defeated by this. I have a old box of lexapro, I might start myself back up on these even though they did not agree with me last time, at this stage I am desperate to feel anything different, good or bad:(

stupidusername

I know in a way i'd be a lot less stressed with living by myself.but can't afford that.plus then I wonder would I get a bit more down with having no one around.

Besides that I can't say if anything else being different would make a difference to it.not being in my job would definitely,but nothing to say my next job would be better,if I got one

stupidusername

been to my doctor.it's a while since i've been, but it obviously made me forget how **** she is and how upset and frustrated i come out of there. she basically says i shouldn't have come off my anti depressants because someone who has diabetes needs their insulin or they'll be sick, same goes for anti depressants. this is even though i explained why i'm so stressed and down lately, well as much as she would listen.

she asked about my psych appointment, i explained that it's next week, but it was just suggested i triple the dose i was on before. she said yeah, you know you just came off the anti depressants without trying to increase the dosage, the dosage you were on was very low. HOW THE **** AM I MEANT TO KNOW WHAT DOSE I NEED TO BE ON!!! I said to her sure I don't pick the dosage I take! 'yeah, yeah' to every thing! i told her only one doctor ever suggested to me once that i might try upping the dosage. and i did try it. and it didn't do anything. i've tried 4 different anti depressants. do they know what it's like to expect (4 separate times) that something's going to make things easier only to be severely disappointed. and that's it. no more suggestions. she said you could consider alternative therapies like relaxation therapy but you still the medication with that.

i'm so ****ing frustrated with the system in this country. you look for help and you get nothing, but pills shoved in your face. 3 months it's taken (2nd time round) to get this psych appointment, and all that's going to be said is i should try tripling the dose of efexor. it's a ****ing joke right, please somebody tell me it's a big ****ing joke!?

there's only one doctor i've had previously that made me this frustrated and upset after seeing him, and that was the guy that laughed (literally) at my concern I could get the same cancer my mother died from.

i've never felt more fed up with everything. i'm sick of it all.

Elmidena

Hey S.U.N (that way I'm not offensive using your name, and we have something in common already!

I personally found efexor were awful for me. They got me very erratic, depressed and I self harmed more than when I wasn't taking them before attempting suicide. I've been on probably twelve different kinds over my life, but the ones I'm on now are ok for me (Lusert) as I don't feel the crushing depression in the opening weeks I've felt in the past. That's stopped me wanting to go on them when I've felt bad before, as I know the it gets worse before it's better routine is horrendous. But on these meds it wasn't the case for me, maybe you should ask for a different one. There's no harm in having five different ones in your history; everyone needs time to settle into something and you normally try on different clothes or test drive different cars before settling on one that works.

The I-told-you-so routine is not helpful, but medicines are prescribed for a reason. I've often stopped taking them and attempted suicide (gawd two paragraphs in a row?!) and the repercussions are hard to cope with. The tablets are altering a chemical and if you take them away, the chemical isn't under lock and key anymore (though sometimes it never is when I take meds). I'm not a doctor but going from zero low-dosage tablets to triple low-dosage tablets sounds very odd to me. I'd ring your psych for confirmation before your appointment next week if you are going to take them.

Medicine isn't for everyone either. I'm taking some now after years of bad results and not wanting to for the falseness it provided. In the past I've just been frustrated that I need medicine to make me normal. Now, I've grown up and need to stop hurting those close to me before I do something stupid. At least this way I'm trying.

It's good that you go to a psych as well. Are there any groups there that you think would help? Grief counselling, depression, anxiety, anger management ones? It might help to meet new people and exchange ideas. And if it doesn't work, stop after one or two sessions. Psych appointments are majorly crowded and the backlog is horrific, but at least there's help in a few days time, not a few months down the line

The system is a joke. I've gone looking for help many times in the past and had zero luck and dead ends. I fall through all the cracks in the system. A number of years ago I was on a very downward spiral and wasn't eating. Not anorexia as I don't line up to the symptoms. Not bullimia because I don't line up to the symptoms. I hit 5stone and was begging for help for an appetite and wanted to go into a rehab sorta place where they treat you. Even a mental institute would've done me. But no. Obviously I pulled myself through it but only through gradual helping of myself. I still have a dismal lack of appetite and am regularly under 7st, but it is progress.

As for the cancer your mother had, asking if there's any chance of you falling victim of it is not a laughing matter (unless say, it was ovarian and you are male thus not so likely) The more you know in terms of hereditary illness the better. My mother died of the cancer that got her mother and her great aunt. I know to keep an eye out for any symptoms now, even though I didn't find out from any docs that it IS hereditary....can make an educated guess.

To help with the frustration, find something that releases the negative energy in a positive way, like writing or art. If you have no interest in that, try something new that wouldn't be your normal cup of tea. If you hate it, well you're not losing out. You never liked it anyway. Not everyone thinks you're a lost cause. However you're feeling vent it out in some way and don't let it build up, even if it's trolling sites saying how you hate everything and want it to die. Not the nicest way, but it burns out the frustration. I just mean it doesn't have to be talking about your feelings; that's a very offputting idea to most people. Best of luck and we're here for you

irishh_bob

stupidusername wrote: »

been to my doctor.it's a while since i've been, but it obviously made me forget how **** she is and how upset and frustrated i come out of there. she basically says i shouldn't have come off my anti depressants because someone who has diabetes needs their insulin or they'll be sick, same goes for anti depressants. this is even though i explained why i'm so stressed and down lately, well as much as she would listen.

she asked about my psych appointment, i explained that it's next week, but it was just suggested i triple the dose i was on before. she said yeah, you know you just came off the anti depressants without trying to increase the dosage, the dosage you were on was very low. HOW THE **** AM I MEANT TO KNOW WHAT DOSE I NEED TO BE ON!!! I said to her sure I don't pick the dosage I take! 'yeah, yeah' to every thing! i told her only one doctor ever suggested to me once that i might try upping the dosage. and i did try it. and it didn't do anything. i've tried 4 different anti depressants. do they know what it's like to expect (4 separate times) that something's going to make things easier only to be severely disappointed. and that's it. no more suggestions. she said you could consider alternative therapies like relaxation therapy but you still the medication with that.

i'm so ****ing frustrated with the system in this country. you look for help and you get nothing, but pills shoved in your face. 3 months it's taken (2nd time round) to get this psych appointment, and all that's going to be said is i should try tripling the dose of efexor. it's a ****ing joke right, please somebody tell me it's a big ****ing joke!?

there's only one doctor i've had previously that made me this frustrated and upset after seeing him, and that was the guy that laughed (literally) at my concern I could get the same cancer my mother died from.

i've never felt more fed up with everything. i'm sick of it all.

i only ever took anti depressants for around two months in 1999 and they didnt work , its naieve to think a pill can cure a broken soul and spirit , check out john mc carthy from MAD pride , his views on medication for treating depression are a real eye openner , btw , thier are actual psychiatricst who dont believe in treating people with anti depressants , heard a dutch head doctor on the pat kenny show a while back who is vehemently opposed to it and believes that the notion of chemical imbalance in the brain is a complete myth

Princessdizzy

I asked the mods where to put this question and they suggested in this thread as some of you may know the answer for me.

Me and my husband are moving to Ireland from the UK in September. My husband is on Fluoxetine. Does anyone know how much this will cost him? He takes two tablets a day.

It works so well for him after a lifetime of depression, several suicide attempts (one only a couple of years ago) and everything - so it is very important he stays on it. The doctor over here is going to give him a letter to give a doctor over there and some tablets to keep him going while we get settled but I'd really like to budget for it. I don't care if anything else goes wrong in our move over and if we have to be tight with food and heating but he must have these tablets, he's doing so well.

I've been told there is a max of 120 euros a month for medication but if anyone knows how much Fluoxetine is I'd be really grateful. Thanks.

Novella

Plumeria wrote: »

You're not addressing me but.... I dream about isolation a lot. I have a calendar above my desk with pictures of lighthouses and I love to imagine living in one of them.

If there was a way for me to be self-sufficient and isolated, I can't imagine ever feeling very anxious. I'd have anxiety if something went wrong with my food source etc, but that sort of anxiety is different -- it involves finding logical solutions to external problems, not changing the nature of myself, which is what seems to be required of me if I'm going to be happy in normal society.

I wish I could live at a time when there were lighthouse keepers.... but with the modern tweak of allowing for female ones *sigh*

I think it's really interesting how the thought of being isolated appeals to so many people but for me, the very thought of it makes me feel ill. Being alone for too long is a huge cause of anxiety for me. If there is one thing that scares the hell out of me, that is it.

starviewadams

Princessdizzy wrote: »

I asked the mods where to put this question and they suggested in this thread as some of you may know the answer for me.

Me and my husband are moving to Ireland from the UK in September. My husband is on Fluoxetine. Does anyone know how much this will cost him? He takes two tablets a day.

It works so well for him after a lifetime of depression, several suicide attempts (one only a couple of years ago) and everything - so it is very important he stays on it. The doctor over here is going to give him a letter to give a doctor over there and some tablets to keep him going while we get settled but I'd really like to budget for it. I don't care if anything else goes wrong in our move over and if we have to be tight with food and heating but he must have these tablets, he's doing so well.

I've been told there is a max of 120 euros a month for medication but if anyone knows how much Fluoxetine is I'd be really grateful. Thanks.

Going by this thread: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055480689&page=5 post #72

60 20mg capsules of Fluoxetine will set you back around €56.

LegacyUser

I've spent about 12 hours of the day alone for 5 days of the week, being unemployed for the last few months. It's a lot harder than you'd think.It might suit some alright I suppose. I like my own company, but it's just driving me out of my mind at this stage to be honest.

Stupidusername, when I posted a few days ago about the guest being interviewed on Today FM, one of his problems was that pills tend to be just shoved at people with problems with depression. He was quite irritated by his whole experience. I can't remember if you had a look at it or not, but might be worth listening to. Can you get a new doctor at all?

As for myself, I think I need to stop drinking coffee. My panic levels are through the roof this week. I've managed to get a job, finally, but now it's like I'm in the habit of worrying about things and have started worrying about life, the future, my OH, what'll happen when my contract is up, will I manage to find something else in the meantime, what if my OH loses his job...I seem to have lost the off button for my head. Got absolutely no sleep last night...

stupidusername

I personally found efexor were awful for me. They got me very erratic, depressed and I self harmed more than when I wasn't taking them before attempting suicide. I've been on probably twelve different kinds over my life, but the ones I'm on now are ok for me (Lusert) as I don't feel the crushing depression in the opening weeks I've felt in the past. That's stopped me wanting to go on them when I've felt bad before, as I know the it gets worse before it's better routine is horrendous. But on these meds it wasn't the case for me, maybe you should ask for a different one. There's no harm in having five different ones in your history; everyone needs time to settle into something and you normally try on different clothes or test drive different cars before settling on one that works.

The I-told-you-so routine is not helpful, but medicines are prescribed for a reason. I've often stopped taking them and attempted suicide (gawd two paragraphs in a row?!) and the repercussions are hard to cope with. The tablets are altering a chemical and if you take them away, the chemical isn't under lock and key anymore (though sometimes it never is when I take meds). I'm not a doctor but going from zero low-dosage tablets to triple low-dosage tablets sounds very odd to me. I'd ring your psych for confirmation before your appointment next week if you are going to take them.

it's just that with going on a new med, you've to brace yourself for side effects, and constantly watch out for your mood, and it's so tiring. i've just come off lustral and didn't find them any use. but glad it's working for you. i know how the meds are meant to work by the way, but thanks for explaining.

when i came off efexor the withdrawal was very bad, and i thought to myself something that causes this much upset can't be good for you to be taking, and that's when i said i wanted to get off them and stay off them (I was coming off to rule out allergy triggers) but i said whatever i did i wouldn't go back on efexor as that was the worst. but that's what they want to put me back on, cause it's also the only one i could say i had any positive effect from.

It's good that you go to a psych as well. Are there any groups there that you think would help? Grief counselling, depression, anxiety, anger management ones? It might help to meet new people and exchange ideas. And if it doesn't work, stop after one or two sessions. Psych appointments are majorly crowded and the backlog is horrific, but at least there's help in a few days time, not a few months down the line

i'm not seeing a psych, i've been trying, but got turned down before and this is my second attempt, even though it's left me 3 months waiting to get to this point. and i'm fairly sure this appointment isn't really even the beginning. i've tried the online support groups with aware, and actually pushed myself to go to the local meeting this week. it was an odd experience, but i will go back until I decide it's not worth my time.

The system is a joke. I've gone looking for help many times in the past and had zero luck and dead ends. I fall through all the cracks in the system. A number of years ago I was on a very downward spiral and wasn't eating. Not anorexia as I don't line up to the symptoms. Not bullimia because I don't line up to the symptoms. I hit 5stone and was begging for help for an appetite and wanted to go into a rehab sorta place where they treat you. Even a mental institute would've done me. But no. Obviously I pulled myself through it but only through gradual helping of myself. I still have a dismal lack of appetite and am regularly under 7st, but it is progress.

As for the cancer your mother had, asking if there's any chance of you falling victim of it is not a laughing matter (unless say, it was ovarian and you are male thus not so likely) The more you know in terms of hereditary illness the better. My mother died of the cancer that got her mother and her great aunt. I know to keep an eye out for any symptoms now, even though I didn't find out from any docs that it IS hereditary....can make an educated guess.

i don't know how you managed to fight through all of that. i really don't. you must be pretty determined.

the cancer my mother had was bladder cancer, and most of the time it's heavy smokers that get it (though mostly also men over 60, too, my mother was 47) and so of course I should've known there's very little chance of me getting it, as a non smoker. i mean how would i have known that? maybe I should've googled it eh doc? :rolleyes::mad:

To help with the frustration, find something that releases the negative energy in a positive way, like writing or art. If you have no interest in that, try something new that wouldn't be your normal cup of tea. If you hate it, well you're not losing out. You never liked it anyway. Not everyone thinks you're a lost cause. However you're feeling vent it out in some way and don't let it build up, even if it's trolling sites saying how you hate everything and want it to die. Not the nicest way, but it burns out the frustration. I just mean it doesn't have to be talking about your feelings; that's a very offputting idea to most people. Best of luck and we're here for you

I know what you're saying, but really i just need to be able to cope with things better. taking up a class of a sort might be good in other ways, but i need to learn how to cope with problems, and deal with confrontation, which is a major problem for me. i feel like many things would be better if i could tackle that. but again, i'm lost.

irishh_bob wrote: »

i only ever took anti depressants for around two months in 1999 and they didnt work , its naieve to think a pill can cure a broken soul and spirit , check out john mc carthy from MAD pride , his views on medication for treating depression are a real eye openner , btw , thier are actual psychiatricst who dont believe in treating people with anti depressants , heard a dutch head doctor on the pat kenny show a while back who is vehemently opposed to it and believes that the notion of chemical imbalance in the brain is a complete myth

Thanks for your input, but it is really irrelevant here. i mean whatever is the cause of depression, it's not like it's going to get solved in here. or like i have a choice not to take the tablets and do something else instead. but then maybe i should've expected my doctor to be like that, she practices medicine, so it's logical that she'll be suggesting medicine. it's just ya know you here things about alternatives, and are constantly told to talk to your doctor about everything...

Panic Central wrote: »

Stupidusername, when I posted a few days ago about the guest being interviewed on Today FM, one of his problems was that pills tend to be just shoved at people with problems with depression. He was quite irritated by his whole experience. I can't remember if you had a look at it or not, but might be worth listening to. Can you get a new doctor at all?

i didn't have a look, as far as i remember. might at some point, thanks. can't go for a new doctor, because my medical card application is only being processed now. plus finding one within my post code is difficult. and you'd really have to visit once to know what they're like, and can't afford that right now.


i've had a bad day today, and just want to get into bed. and there's a good chance when my housemate gets home he's going to bring up a problem with me (I just have a feeling, though i haven't done anything wrong or annoying) and if he does, well i dunno, cause i dunno how much lower i can get right now. i just have to try distract myself. but the distractions i have are looking for a job that isn't there, and pissing around boards, which is often the source of problems.

Sardonicat

@S. username

I for one will be thinking of you.

I keep an eye on this thread even if I don't post too frequently ( my mood has been steady for going on 3 years now -bar a few bouts lating a few days, here and there. Wish I could tell you all how I managed this but I honestly don't know for sure and besides, I am always loathe to pass on advice that might end up doing more harm than good to someone else.)

Still, I can never say never about the black dog and won't ever assume that it won't be coming back for an extended visit. S.username I can see you are at the end of your tether right now and I can hardly blame you. As I'm not in a position to do something nice for you can I ask you to try and find something to give yourself a treat with?you really deserve to enjoy something.

A choccy bar, your favourite music, a soak in the bath, a trip to the cinema?

Anything, as long as it it something you enjoy for no other reason than that you enjoy it.

No, it is not going to take your depression away and I don't for one second claim that it will. but it would be time out for you, even if it's only for a few mins/hours, from the constant battle you have been going through for too long.

Plenty people who use this thread are rooting for and wish we could do something to make things a little easier for you.Do you think you could please take this post as permission to do something nice for yourself, on behalf of us?

Take care and keep us posted.

Sardy.

stupidusername

thanks.

I do things I enjoy all the time. i eat chocolate every night before bed. I spend my evenings on boards and talking to my friend. it's just never enough. it doesn't make anything better.

my housemate came home, and suddenly screamed something, and I thought it was to do with me. I started shaking, but assuming it was something to do with me, I thought it'd be best just to get things over with now, so I went out to ask him what was up. he was just annoyed at something that wouldn't work. nothing to do with me. but i couldn't stop myself shaking and crying. why am i so afraid of confrontation??!! how ****ing pathetic. how can i expect to be happy when i'm like this. but i just can't. i can't talk to him. i can't have him pissed off, and giving out to me, and have an atmosphere in the apartment. I don't want to come home to that every day, worried he's going to have a problem with me and going to approach me about it every day.

irishh_bob

stupidusername wrote: »

it's just that with going on a new med, you've to brace yourself for side effects, and constantly watch out for your mood, and it's so tiring. i've just come off lustral and didn't find them any use. but glad it's working for you. i know how the meds are meant to work by the way, but thanks for explaining.

when i came off efexor the withdrawal was very bad, and i thought to myself something that causes this much upset can't be good for you to be taking, and that's when i said i wanted to get off them and stay off them (I was coming off to rule out allergy triggers) but i said whatever i did i wouldn't go back on efexor as that was the worst. but that's what they want to put me back on, cause it's also the only one i could say i had any positive effect from.




i'm not seeing a psych, i've been trying, but got turned down before and this is my second attempt, even though it's left me 3 months waiting to get to this point. and i'm fairly sure this appointment isn't really even the beginning. i've tried the online support groups with aware, and actually pushed myself to go to the local meeting this week. it was an odd experience, but i will go back until I decide it's not worth my time.


i don't know how you managed to fight through all of that. i really don't. you must be pretty determined.

the cancer my mother had was bladder cancer, and most of the time it's heavy smokers that get it (though mostly also men over 60, too, my mother was 47) and so of course I should've known there's very little chance of me getting it, as a non smoker. i mean how would i have known that? maybe I should've googled it eh doc? :rolleyes::mad:



I know what you're saying, but really i just need to be able to cope with things better. taking up a class of a sort might be good in other ways, but i need to learn how to cope with problems, and deal with confrontation, which is a major problem for me. i feel like many things would be better if i could tackle that. but again, i'm lost.



Thanks for your input, but it is really irrelevant here. i mean whatever is the cause of depression, it's not like it's going to get solved in here. or like i have a choice not to take the tablets and do something else instead. but then maybe i should've expected my doctor to be like that, she practices medicine, so it's logical that she'll be suggesting medicine. it's just ya know you here things about alternatives, and are constantly told to talk to your doctor about everything...



i didn't have a look, as far as i remember. might at some point, thanks. can't go for a new doctor, because my medical card application is only being processed now. plus finding one within my post code is difficult. and you'd really have to visit once to know what they're like, and can't afford that right now.


i've had a bad day today, and just want to get into bed. and there's a good chance when my housemate gets home he's going to bring up a problem with me (I just have a feeling, though i haven't done anything wrong or annoying) and if he does, well i dunno, cause i dunno how much lower i can get right now. i just have to try distract myself. but the distractions i have are looking for a job that isn't there, and pissing around boards, which is often the source of problems.

depression is caused by an unhappy event or a culmination of unhappy events in your life , something or someone triggered it , nobody gets depressed for no reason

stupidusername

irishh_bob wrote: »

depression is caused by an unhappy event or a culmination of unhappy events in your life , something or someone triggered it , nobody gets depressed for no reason

yeah I think that's the case for many. for me i think it's more about the way i was brought up, than one particular event. i mean everyone has **** happen them, i'm not saying i'm any worse off, but i just seem to have problems coping and dealing with them.

do you have depression yourself?

Sardonicat

stupidusername wrote: »

thanks.

I do things I enjoy all the time. i eat chocolate every night before bed. I spend my evenings on boards and talking to my friend. it's just never enough. it doesn't make anything better.

my housemate came home, and suddenly screamed something, and I thought it was to do with me. I started shaking, but assuming it was something to do with me, I thought it'd be best just to get things over with now, so I went out to ask him what was up. he was just annoyed at something that wouldn't work. nothing to do with me. but i couldn't stop myself shaking and crying. why am i so afraid of confrontation??!! how ****ing pathetic. how can i expect to be happy when i'm like this. but i just can't. i can't talk to him. i can't have him pissed off, and giving out to me, and have an atmosphere in the apartment. I don't want to come home to that every day, worried he's going to have a problem with me and going to approach me about it every day.

Firslty, it's normal to fear confrontation. People who relsih confrontation have deeper issues than anyone who uses this thread.

Secondly, you are not pathetic! You have depression, which affects your emotional responses added to which you have been on a roller coaster of meds for months now which will further effect your emotional equilibrium. None of this is your fault. It's not a crime. It's nothing to be ashamed about.And in light of the past few months of switching and changeing meds with little or no relief your reaction this evening is not surprising.
You seem to be feeling anxious about your housemate. Again, anxiety often accompanies depression. You know, i'm 40 years old now, and I didnt realise I suffered from anxiety until it stopped, suddenly, at the ripe old age of 35(stupid, or what? :rolleyes:).I know how crippling it can be. I can recognise it when it rears it's ugly head, now, thankfully. While this doesnt take the awful feelings away it does stop the thought processes that feed it form taking hold and projecting into the future "WORST CASE SCENARIOS", "WHAT IF...?" etc. You don't have to walk around on tenterhooks in the likelihood of your housemate being unhappy. If he can't resolve houseshare problems (normal, and occur in all houseshares) civilly then he has problems of his own. Try not to take them on board.

And lastly, I hope I didnt offend you with my last post. I wasn't 100% happy with it as I felt it had a patronising tone, which is the last thing I want to convey.

When I suggested that you do something nice, I really mean to give yourself a present but with the good intentions of myself at least, behind it.

I'm not in a position to give you a bar of choccy but tonight, when you eat your choccy before bed, take it as the choccy bar that Sardonicat wants to give you, sort of as a symbol of my good will towards you? I don't now if that makes sense. But try it anyway. You'd be surprised what gives you a momentary lift.

Things will get better, username. I know it doesnt seem like that now. Cut yourself a bit of slack. None of this is your fault and if you do nothing else, just stop beating yourself up. You don't deserve that.

MUSEIST

irishh_bob wrote: »

depression is caused by an unhappy event or a culmination of unhappy events in your life , something or someone triggered it , nobody gets depressed for no reason

No disrespect but I think thats utter crap tbh. Many people get depressed for no reason and many people get depressed for purely chemical reasons, look at people with pms,post natal depression, bipolar (random changes in mood completely unrelated to circumstance), it is clear in some forms of mental illness that depression occurs for physiological reasons also.
While science does not know the chemical reason for some depressions it would be very wrong to say that some biochemical or physiological disturbance is not possible in humans, in fact having studied science I would say its incredibly likely that SOME depressions are caused by biochemical means purely. It would be naive to think otherwise.

stupidusername

Thanks Sardy. no i didn't take it as patronising or anything bad.

after reading things like your post i feel for a split second I could march out there are just bring up the problems I have, or tell my boss go shove his job, but then i have to go do it. and i get panicky, and and go red, and shake. i know the things I have to say to my housemate are small, but reasonable, but no one's ever been reasonable about these things before. I've never had a confrontation with someone that's gone well.

I brought up the idea of a rota last night, just to bring to his attention that cleaning does need to be done in the place at some point, but he didn't take that too well, and said there's no need. i know i'm being reasonable, as crazy as everything i'm actually thinking is, but i still dread it. i'll probably have to at some point. you'd swear they were big problems by the way i'm going on, they're not at all, i'm just afraid of how he's going to react. almost never purposely put myself in that kind of position. sure to ask for holidays from work i emailed my boss, so i didn't have to say it to his face. cause i knew how nervous that'd make me.

this is such stupid stuff. i wish i could not worry about it. and yeah it is as simple as just not worrying, for me at least sometimes, but the aftermath is still something the sober me has to deal with. an atmosphere. not being able to sit and watch tv.