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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.
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Going to see my psych and nurse support tomorrow. Really not up for it. While I'm not a socially anxious person usually, I've spent all weekend hidden in my house playing video games. Texting friends but no desire to be outside or with me.
Mortified that tomorrow I go back to my psych and have to tell her that things in my life just aren't working out. It's pathetic. Thanks for screwing me over rapture!
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Benny_Cake wrote: »Back in work today for the first time in a couple of days (was on a course).Almost paralysed with fear,I'm just sick and tired of feeling like this.I've got the number of some CBT counsellors near my home so I'm going to give them a call.I'm at the stage where I'd try anything..
Good luck
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My psychiatrist has just started me on Zispin 15mg. If anyone here has been on it, I'd be interested to hear how you find/found it.starviewadams wrote: »I found it a bit crap for a good few weeks til I got used to it.
Am slightly glad that my psych said going to an actual meeting wasn't a good idea for me just yet, cos I was really worrying about going to one in the day or two before I said it to the psych.
It's kinda nice to hear you got permission to preserve your sanity.
It's hard to get the right balance between pushing myself and preserving myself. And it's hard to know in advance whether a situation is going to be just a bit uncomfortable, or overwhelming to the point where I just feel worse about myself and even less confident in my 'progress'.
It's an issue that bothers me sometimes, and people can, with the best of intentions, throw casual advice around about "pushing" yourself at every opportunity when actually it's not always the best thing for you. I've probably thrown the same advice at others myself.0 -
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I've no clue if this is in the right place or if this is even acceptable here so mods do what you will.
I have been suffering from anxiety for years and have gone down various different routes of trying to get the correct diagnosis.
When I was younger it was thought that I had mild depression and agoraphobia(I was put on fluxotine and valium but didn't want to take them), this then changed to emotionally unstable (someone came to this conclusion after taking to for 20 minutes after I had been experiencing a panic attack for four hours)- which apparently we're unfounded this time around and it was thought that I had a panic/anxiety disorder.
My life is just mistake after mistake due to fear. I have already dropped out of one college course and now due to a mistake in the referral process I am about to drop out of another. I've never had problems with work or when I was in school, but I keep having this feeling that all the lecturers are purely there to fail me. I'm so self concious I find it hard to leave the house, any social outing leads to weeks of going over every word that I've said when out analysing it again and again to make sure I wasn't rude or making a show of myself. This has led to panic attacks when I think i've been stupid or offensive. I've been self harming on and off since I was 16(this i believe is the only reason emotionally unstable traits were given, I was also hearing things being said about me that were unfounded at the time). I am in my early twenties now and this feeling that I am hated by everyone has never left me.
Two years ago I went through schema therapy for 6 months, it made little or no difference to my life. I was willing to give therapy a go instead of medication that time round.
I have an awful feeling that the medical profession are not taking me seriously. My usual doctor was not present when I went back to the doctors a few months ago, the doctor I did see made some quip about emotionally unstable people and about traits that I don't have as my information had been deleted from the system. He said that all they could do was refer me and he could only give me a doctors note for a week, he didn't even enquire what was wrong, I told him I wanted to get things sorted before **** really hit the fan again and I had ruined another year of education. He told me to call the place that I had attended for schema therapy myself and to just go back there, I then asked him to write me a referral letter as I was not sure that I could just ring up. There was an issue with printing out the doctors note so I was asked to call back later for it. When I went back to collect the doctors note he had written that I could not attend college due to "emotional issues". I was very offended by this and seen it as basically calling me nonsensical and hysterical.
So the next day I called the counciling service to be told that not only does a psychiatrist have to make the call for you. I was also in the wrong catchment area. Shouldn't the doctor have known this? This made me feel embarrassed and wondering why I should even bother.
This lead to a three month pinging between services till I was finally referred to appropriate place, another psychiatrist. All she had was my name and address, absolutely no other information had been provided from the doctor I seen or the councilling service I had attended. She thought that I had an anxiety/panic disorder with very very low self esteem and that the only emotionally unstable trait I have is acting impulsively when distressed thus leading to self harm. I expressed my disdain at the diagnosis of emotional unsuitability as I am not manipulative and thinking that I was made me feel far worse. I was told to come back in a week when college had completely finished to see if I would be more relaxed and we could discuss medication/councilling.
In the meantime I found out from the college that the doctors notes I did have were not enough and that i'd basically have to see each lecturer individually and plead my case (this is something I REALLY REALLY can't do). So I've come to the decision that I'm just going to drop out and try college in a few years time when I have finally gotten over all this fear/guilt/worry business. This has me feel much better as I don't have to worry about every going back there or seeing anyone from my class ever again. But I still feel guilty and unreal most of the time.
So I went back to the phycistrist a few days ago. She said that I seemed better, still very very nervous but the whole college thing being gone off my mind seemed to help and she didn't think I needed medication and referred me to their phycology department instead. I have to go back and see her in another few weeks to see how things have panned out.
So after all that heres my question!!
I found schema therapy to be no help at all and I am afraid that this time the therapy will be the same and will not help me at all further delaying me getting on with my life.
I wanted to try medication this time around as college may be gone but I still have obsessive thoughts over situations and a general fear/untrust of everyone bar my boyfriend. I didn't know how to say this at the last appointment and came out of there thinking that it was just one big plot to make me kill myself as I'm just wasting resources and taking time away from people who actually need help. (This stems for the visit to the doctor who fecked up the referral, that if I wasn't in a bad way would he have taken me seriously?)
I came home very upset that I wasn't even allowed give medication a try. My boyfriend completely lost the rag with me for the first time ever(he had an awful day himself that day) saying that every one hated life it wasn't just me. No one is happy and I should just take the councilling that I never do anything to help myself.
So what do I do?
Am I just negative and bring all of this on myself? How to I tell the psychiatrist that I do want help but I have a severe fear that councilling will just take more time from my life and not work and I would like medication?0 -
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What should I do? wrote: »I
In the meantime I found out from the college that the doctors notes I did have were not enough and that i'd basically have to see each lecturer individually and plead my case (this is something I REALLY REALLY can't do). So I've come to the decision that I'm just going to drop out and try college in a few years time when I have finally gotten over all this fear/guilt/worry business. This has me feel much better as I don't have to worry about every going back there or seeing anyone from my class ever again. But I still feel guilty and unreal most of the time.
That doesn't sit well with me at all. There is absolutely no reason you should have to explain yourself when you've got a doctors note.
When I went to one of my lecturers asking for an extension, I was a nervous wreck. I was at the point of tears and he said to me, "You don't need to explain it, I don't want to hear it. Take as much time as you need with the upcoming assignments."
I have only scanned over your post coz it's quite long but I presume you've been seeing the college counsellor? That's the way to do it if the service is there. Through the college, I got a referral to a psychiatrist and was put on meds. I e-mailed the lecturers to let them no that I was on meds and would probably miss some amount of college (I slept a lot when I started on the meds!). I had the college counsellor email all of my lecturers saying that I was suffering from psychological trauma (after an accident in my case) and to give me the assistance I needed. I also had her send a letter to the head of department.
There was no details in the letter. It's none of their business as far as I'm concerned. It's between you and the counsellor.
I managed to defer my Final Year Project for the summer so I'm in the process of doing it at home, in an environment I'm comfortable with. Perhaps you can get something like this to ease some of the workload?0 -
starviewadams wrote: »I think anybody who has even a tiny bit of intelligence would see that you aren't an attention seeker or being dramatic,you can't help the way that you feel.
The idea of change makes me very anxious and I'm not getting on too well at all in my new place in work.
The actual work is fine,just filing and doing invoices and stuff,but the people who I work with don't seem too fond of me,they've all been working there for years and are very cliqish,throw in the fact that I'm very nervous around new people and always say the wrong things and it's kinda hell for me at the moment tbh.I'm glad that I still have a place to occupy me everyday and all,but I dread going in there every morning.Just feel quite hopeless at the moment,I'm seeing my psych again on Friday so hopefuly he'll have some suggestions to help me feel a bit better.
tbh I wish things would calm the **** down, sick of having so much to do all the time, things to worry about, i mean who looks for that!?
I get what you mean about the clique vibe. you said it was mostly girls there yeah? unfortunately I think that's how a group deals with insecurity, to make outsiders feel unwelcome so they feel more popular themselves, if you know what I'm trying to say.
I definitely get what you mean about having somewhere to go. I mean I was on the verge of quitting today, the only reason I didn't cry on the way out of the office was cause I knew I had to make my interview. my boss was a prick to me today. and he did it fully knowing what he was doing. every week he has a new tactic for making me stay on longer. but then thinking about what I'd be like without a job again, I really don't think that'd be good for me. I was thinking of asking for next week off, but now I really don't feel like i can.
oh and I called in about my supposed appointment for the psych. it's towards the end of the month. so much for sending me a frickin letter to let me know this :mad: but i suppose at least i have it. though this is only another consultation. and it'll be another attempt to convince me to go back on efexor. and triple it, like she was saying last time. i'm not doing it.0 -
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