Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

iwantadonkey

hi guys
first time posting in here. i suffer from ocd and anxiety
scrimshanker i am seeing a college counsellor aswell but i just didnt find i was coping enough so i went to the GP who refered me back to the pyschiatrist. if you feel you need a bit more support there is no problem going to the doctors.you wont offend anyone.

talullah

So to run away or just end it all.....feel like i'm hanging on to the last thread but I know I have to do my damndest to hold on. It's not fair, why can't I just be normal, confident and happy all the time..why do I have to be crippled with this. Two weeks till my next councelling and I know I wont be able to talk about anything when I get there, I'm so useless I cant even tell anyone how i feel when I know they can help. I know it's stupid but I feel like the councellors will be laughing at me and think i'm stupid, like when I leave they'll be sitting there laughing away. But there is a little voice that says ''don't be silly, they're there to help'' just a shame that little voice gets drowned out by the others.

Uuuugh, rant over, and damn it I don't feel any better, trying not to think of my origional feel better plan (screwing off the blade of the pencil sharpener)...gggggrrrrrrrrrr so frustrating, what am I meant to do, I don't know......

stupidusername

feeling crappy, haven't even bothered talking to friends about it.i hate that i get so anxious so easily. my solution to knowing my housemate was pissed off at me was to stay in my room for as long as possible. and my boyfriend is taking time out, for something, and i miss talking to him. i don't know how long it'll be before we can be ok again. not knowing how long is making it worse, because i'm in constant hope that he'll text me. i hate living like this.

girlonfire

I'm feeling horrible at the moment. It's so hard to talk to anyone as I feel after all this time I should have my **** together. Back to self-harming, don't want to have to leave the house tomorrow. I'm so tired of trying to put on a happy face. I'm at the end of my rope. My ed is back in full swing and I just cannot go on like this. Every day feels like such a ****ing struggle. Have to wait over a week to see a doctor which is also very annoying. Just really need to vent a bit. I want to stay in bed for a month.

iwantadonkey

i was trying to think of a way to word this better but basically i think this thread is great. its good to know that you're not alone. does that make sense?

Gremlinertia

iwantadonkey wrote: »

i was trying to think of a way to word this better but basically i think this thread is great. its good to know that you're not alone. does that make sense?

Words don't come easily at times here, but this is probably the best place i've found in a long time, a place to rant, feel sorry for oneself, get supported and support others. I've even been talking to one user directly because there's a trust here that allowed it to happen, so iwantadonkey, feel free to post as we all do, no matter what way you feel it's what it's here for.

Aoifums

Scrimshanker, don't worry about offending your counsellor. You're the important one here and you need to do what's best for you. The doctor I went to see insisted I stick with counselling so it's not like you're giving up on her.

stupidusername

Cant sleep.going to be so hard to get up in the morning

cloud493

I haven't slept through the night since november Or indeed, got more than 3 hours sleep a night. bloody stupid being so scared.

LegacyUser

I'm finding it really hard to describe how i'm feeling at the moment but i do know if i don't sort myself out, i'm going to end up back in the same place i was in about this time 4 years ago.

I don't want to go back there, depression, anxiety and paranoia crippled me for 18 months of my life, cost me almost every relationship i had (long term girlfriend, friends) and my health.

At the moment i'm having a tough time dealing with the stress and worries of keeping our family business from going under, i'm always tired & irritable and that's causing problems with both my girlfriend and family.

I feel like I want to be on my own but not alone if that makes sense, i feel like everyone & everything is smothering me.
I just want to run away but i know i cant...........

midlandsmissus

Stupidusername you seem to have been consistently very low for a long time now, is nothing helping you?

stupidusername

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Stupidusername you seem to have been consistently very low for a long time now, is nothing helping you?

ah i'm not actually that bad the past month or so, I suppose it can seem that way when all you write in here is the bad stuff. i'm doing ok in general. but then that's stupidly down to the guy i'm seeing.

i've my second CBT appointment next tuesday, so i'm really hoping that will help. i'm about 2/3 weeks gone back on my lower dose of cymbalta.

thanks for the concern though, you're so nice.

midlandsmissus

stupidusername wrote: »

ah i'm not actually that bad the past month or so, I suppose it can seem that way when all you write in here is the bad stuff. i'm doing ok in general. but then that's stupidly down to the guy i'm seeing.

i've my second CBT appointment next tuesday, so i'm really hoping that will help. i'm about 2/3 weeks gone back on my lower dose of cymbalta.

thanks for the concern though, you're so nice.

That's great to hear, well done! Because I know it can be a struggle. CBT - that's an excellent step for you to make, it's often making the first tiny step to do anything that will help us that is the hardest thing to do, and the worst part of depression. You literally can't help yourself. So that's a very positive step to do CBT - well done!

And thanks I do try ha - I think one of the good things about depression is that it does deepen your compassion and understanding for other sufferers. We all know how bad it is to go through it. So I'm proud of you! Well done and keep up the good work!

Gremlinertia

imsickofitall wrote: »

I'm finding it really hard to describe how i'm feeling at the moment but i do know if i don't sort myself out, i'm going to end up back in the same place i was in about this time 4 years ago.

I don't want to go back there, depression, anxiety and paranoia crippled me for 18 months of my life, cost me almost every relationship i had (long term girlfriend, friends) and my health.

At the moment i'm having a tough time dealing with the stress and worries of keeping our family business from going under, i'm always tired & irritable and that's causing problems with both my girlfriend and family.

I feel like I want to be on my own but not alone if that makes sense, i feel like everyone & everything is smothering me.
I just want to run away but i know i cant...........

I think a lot of that is where i am now, especially that odd desire to be alone but not at the same time. i suppose the difference is alone vs. lonely. I can't offer much in the way of suggestions, except the obvious, you seeing a doc? Medication/counselling etc? Family and friends, if they are true will always come back to you, i've discovered that over the years of being a complete c**t to some of them. And for when there are things you just need to get off your chest, post here, the regular posters are a great support.

Grem

midlandsmissus

imsickofitall wrote: »

I'm finding it really hard to describe how i'm feeling at the moment but i do know if i don't sort myself out, i'm going to end up back in the same place i was in about this time 4 years ago.

I don't want to go back there, depression, anxiety and paranoia crippled me for 18 months of my life, cost me almost every relationship i had (long term girlfriend, friends) and my health.

At the moment i'm having a tough time dealing with the stress and worries of keeping our family business from going under, i'm always tired & irritable and that's causing problems with both my girlfriend and family.

I feel like I want to be on my own but not alone if that makes sense, i feel like everyone & everything is smothering me.
I just want to run away but i know i cant...........

Hiya I too feel that way when I'm at my worst, I'm dying to get way from people, but then I hate being by myself once I'm on my own, so there's no peace. It's really that it's your head that's not at peace so you don't feel comfortable anywhere you are. Try to do something relaxing.

I'd say when you're at the stage where you're struggling to cope socially - go easy on yourself.

You're going through a hard time - you need to recoup your energy and resources. Only be around people that don't stress you out, and focus on your core relationships.

Are your family helping you out with the business or have you got main responsibilty?

stupidusername

midlandsmissus wrote: »

That's great to hear, well done! Because I know it can be a struggle. CBT - that's an excellent step for you to make, it's often making the first tiny step to do anything that will help us that is the hardest thing to do, and the worst part of depression. You literally can't help yourself. So that's a very positive step to do CBT - well done!

And thanks I do try ha - I think one of the good things about depression is that it does deepen your compassion and understanding for other sufferers. We all know how bad it is to go through it. So I'm proud of you! Well done and keep up the good work!

thanks, very kind, but i've been looking for help for about a year now, and still haven't gotten it, just have to pay for this myself.

midlandsmissus

You really should be able to tag people in posts so they know when they are being mentioned on the thread.

Lorna123 just getting back to you now. I think your initial post was addressed to me, I did read it before it got erased.

I didn't take offence, you're right, I do feel infinitely better when I get out of the house, and worse when I stay in. It's the getting the foot out the door that's the hard part when I'm at my most depressed, I'd be interested in hearing about how you motivate yourself to get up and go?

And thanks for the input, and don't feel bad about offending people, it is straddling a very fine line advising people on here, I also worry that I might put my foot in my mouth, things can come across sometimes as 'just buck up and get going' though very well intentioned.

Kudos to you for contributing and I'd like to hear more of your positve tips .

midlandsmissus

P.S. I'm feeling alot better, long may it last.

We should nearly be able to have our own diary threads on here, like on the eating thread, where we could put in our moods every day and write abut how we're doing, what achievements we've accomplished or if we've regressed, it's helpful to me to see how many bad and good days I've been having over the past month just looking at this thread. What do other people think?

CarrieCupcake

I'm having a bad day, was diagnosed with depression before christmas after suffering with it for a long time and not realising what was wrong. I've been doing really well since then but i have a lot of college stuff to do right now and I'm really feeling the pressure. The panic attacks and really low mood have come back over the last few days and this morning my housemate made a comment which upset me (unintentionally, she was trying to be nice)... Not even midday and I've already been in tears and had a panic attack. Worried I'm going to slip back to the way I was last year and I don't really know how to stop it. Couldn't face college but I managed go to the shop this morning so I guess that's something. I'm on a waiting list for the college councillor and I just hope I get an appointment soon.

Gillo

Hey Midlandmisses

Not sure if it helps, but I find a good hard session in the gym helps me, not sure if it's the endorphins, the excercise, that I used to be quite active or at risk of sounding vain I like to keep in shape. The last few years I've found it really hard to get motivated to go.
What I do now is that if how I'll feel after I've been, I know it helps lift the mood so even though the thought of getting out of the house puts me off I think about how I'll feel once I do it. I suppose it's like going to the dentist, we might dread it, but if it gets rid of the tooth ache.
I used to go before work but know now whatever time I get up in the morning I can't stand the thought of getting my gear ready, so now I put my bag the evening before I go. All I have to do now is get up, brekkie, shower and out the door. It's a small change but massive rewards.

I also love music, so I tend to create playlists for different things; gym, bike, house work, chilling out. It's something to listen to while doing whatever.

I don't know if these will help you, I can only go from my experience.

From experience and put simply think of the rewards for doing something.

On a completely different topic, there's been a suggestion for a private forum on depression. I really think it would be great, for a number of reasons not least it'd be private so would allow people to share things without worrieing about the general public reading them. I'm going to ask you all to give it a vote. I'm posting on my mobile so not sure how to link to it but I'll post a link later.

Kaching

Is it just me or does anyone else here feel like everyone hates them and are talking about them

cloud493

I do people on the street even. Quite worrying. And I'd go for a depression forum

Kaching

cloud493 wrote: »

I do people on the street even.

It's actually quite crippling though when you're always this paranoid (talking about me):(

a forum is not necessary if you ask me , everything depression related fits nicely in this thread

cloud493

Yes I know. I always think people are looking at me, or judging me, even when its people I don't even know. Always think they are, always think there's something wrong with me I don't see but they can.

Kaching

broke down crying today because i thought people were avoiding me

cloud493

I could give you some cliched stuff about how they weren't and all that, but it won't help. Just know they really weren't

Temaz

Deeply depressed. Not much else to say!

flyswatter

Kaching wrote: »

Is it just me or does anyone else here feel like everyone hates them and are talking about them

Take it from me, they're almost unequivocally not.

nesf

Kaching wrote: »

Is it just me or does anyone else here feel like everyone hates them and are talking about them

Yup. Feel like I'm being spied on too. Don't believe any of it is true though thankfully. Happens to me when I'm not depressed though.

jammstarr

Kaching wrote: »

Is it just me or does anyone else here feel like everyone hates them and are talking about them

Yep here too. To make matters even worse I have an unusual "look" and do actually attract comments from the local scum.

Anxious as fuck since last night. My Dad collapsed twice last night. Turned out his blood sugar levels were really low so thankfully he didn't have to go into hospital. Just on edge ever since now.