So I boosted last night :(

FutureGuy

So I aided in boosting last night. Please read until the end as this is a story I need to tell.

Everyone, I am not proud of myself at all. I need to tell you all now because I am quite embarrassed by my actions and I need forgiveness.

I was so content on level 70, everything was going well in my life. I was satisfied. Bodies lying in the gutters of Favela as a result of my ACR. I was feared, I was hated and I was respected all at the same time.

Then I entered Prestige mode. Gone. Everything gone. I was alone, a no-one, battling enemies with stones and knives.

I became depressed, started camping for my kills. I looked for an easy way out and just when all seemed lost, my prayers were answered. The message indicator flashed...I had received a voice message from a friendly player! Although I cannot remember the name, I will never forget his voice nor his offer of charity! My heart raced as he invited me to help boosting with his friend. His ingenious plan revolved around him, his trusted colleague and myself taking turns to nuke boost. I said to myself "It's wrong" "Don't lower yourself to such underhanded tactics". But then I thought of the power I once yielded and how small I had become...feeding on mere scraps in a world where I once dominated.

We met secretly behind the generators in Estate. It's a place where many such people come to meet. I was nervous when I saw the other 2 approaching, and the though of what I was about to do disgusted me.

We began the process. I was the newcomer, and so I was first to take all the kills. As I died over and over again, the third player kept a close eye on the surroundings with his heartbeat sensor.

Nothing could stop the inevitable.

The air swarmed with machinery, Harriers and Attack Helicopters went about their business blissfully unaware of the acts of their master.

I watched the score hit 23 for my friend and as his first Nuke approacheth, I did what I intended to do since I first received his message. What anyone with a sarcastic and dark sense of humor would have done.

I knifed the fcuker on kill 24. Right in the testicles. Take that. Right. In. The Testiculardios. No nuke. Sorry about that.

Then I approached his friend who, with his back tuned to the treachery, was already resting on a job that seemed to have been done well. Heartbeat monitor not so hot now is it. Pulled out a gun, waited a second and blasted his head. Nice Hallmark Killcam moment.

The abuse I got from the kid was unrelenting. Kinda like Cartman from South Park. Back in my day, I didn't know any of those words. Best report the munchkin to Microsoft for verbal abuse.

So anyways, suffice it to say, that I never laughed so hard in my life.

The moral? Stop being such a fcuking douche and play the game the way it was meant to be played.

Boosting. LOL.

Enigma IE

Nice. Spotty American teenagers going bezerk.

Though, pity about your Kill : Death ratio mate.

TheChrisD

You sir, are a legend. Hitting those boosters right where it hurts. And yet they always think that they can make it better by screaming their mouth off at you afterwards...

Sometimes I just don't understand American teens

DOC09UNAM

God damn what an awesome story, grats to you sir.

Anti

James Forde

that brings a tear to my eye

Burning Eclipse

I'd thank that post twice if I could.

theteal

Great story, and bloody well told - you sir, got a laugh out of the entire office. . .I helped with the delivery

SoulTrader

You are my hero.

r3nu4l

Spectacular!! I can just imagine his face!

Huh? WTF? Wait, that's not how it works. Nooooo! My nuuuuke!

Good job!

Btwndeyes

i bow down to you

Robby91

You, sir, are f*cking awesome and I salute thee

I want to do that, but I couldn't bear to change my voice settings from Friends Only - listening to a bunch of kids with very annoying voices? No, thanks.

jayotala

Brilliant. What a story. It appears to be wrote by a true professional.

partyguinness

I have no idea what Call of Duty is or what it entails although I think I have a fair idea...but that composition brought much merriment to my afternoon...

A great ad for the game...now I want to play it and fcuk you up real bad...

winston82

Funny enough I only saw this being done for the last time last night. Tried to kill them before they got the nuke but the 'watchman' nailed me first.

^^^^^
this makes me feel that much better. Wp FG, wp.

nevaeh-2die-4

worst story ever.

r3nu4l

nevaeh-2die-4 wrote: »

worst story ever.

Got anything better then?

FutureGuy

nevaeh-2die-4 wrote: »

worst story ever.

I apologise if my story did not match your own high expectations of story telling. In order to become a better storyteller, I checked the last story you posted.

what’s up arse bandits,

I went in to specsavers on friday as my 2 year old daughter broke me visions , any way I walked over to the cheapest section picked up the first set i seen priced at 39 euro handed them to the clerk and was told my eye test was out of date of aprox a month I would need a test .

I was cool with that, I explained I have contact lenses and want to finish them up before i start up grading my prescription (also on me desk in work I have a free eye test voucher with 65 blips off a pair of specs). :P

I asked can i drop after work to collect me glasses .

He said NO I can’t see sell you them cause your prescription is out of date. I have bought glasses online many times, what’s the big ****n problem,
So I leave the opticians like father jack.
I’m walking around like ****n Jack Duckworth at the moment because of this butt pirate

I have taken many points on board, and I'm going to attempt to expand my vocabulary to include insightful phrases such as "arse bandits", "butt pirate", "me visions", "blips" and "me desk" :P

super_furry

Nicely played sir.

DOC09UNAM

epicly played to be fair.

Daysha

That was amazing.

Tallon

I feel like im on 4Chan

DOC09UNAM

Tallon wrote: »

I feel like im on 4Chan

Haven't been there in a multitude of weeks, went a bit weird a few months ago.


(not that it wasn't weird before that, just weirder)

Anti

And to make this feel all the more like /b/ i present you [Mod EDIT:fags people[/Mod EDIT]* with....






Mod note: *While I appreciate that the use of 'fags' in this sense was in keeping with the 4channery discussion, let's not go too native

Burning Eclipse

Tony, you are a hero.

This needs to be thread of the day!! Quickly people, more thanks for the OP so that can at least be post of the day!

Penn

FutureGuy wrote: »

I apologise if my story did not match your own high expectations of story telling. In order to become a better storyteller, I checked the last story you posted.

what’s up arse bandits,

I went in to specsavers on friday as my 2 year old daughter broke me visions , any way I walked over to the cheapest section picked up the first set i seen priced at 39 euro handed them to the clerk and was told my eye test was out of date of aprox a month I would need a test .

I was cool with that, I explained I have contact lenses and want to finish them up before i start up grading my prescription (also on me desk in work I have a free eye test voucher with 65 blips off a pair of specs). :P

I asked can i drop after work to collect me glasses .

He said NO I can’t see sell you them cause your prescription is out of date. I have bought glasses online many times, what’s the big ****n problem,
So I leave the opticians like father jack.
I’m walking around like ****n Jack Duckworth at the moment because of this butt pirate

I have taken many points on board, and I'm going to attempt to expand my vocabulary to include insightful phrases such as "arse bandits", "butt pirate", "me visions", "blips" and "me desk" :P

Now thats a Nuke if ever I saw one. Well played FutureGuy

JamieDev

Great story and brilliantly wrote! I now pronounce you, thread starter of the day! Your complimentary plastic crown will be posted to you in the next 6 weeks.

minotour

Hilarious, on both counts...........so much so that i went through the dance of the password change just to post.

blue movie

well well that thread just cheered up my ****ty day

As for the american nuke kiddies on COD serves them right its carrying on like that that ruins the game and i am glad you came to their senses and ruined it for them

As for your second post...... Bravo

JamieDev

nevaeh-2die-4 wrote: »

worst story ever.

is it opposite day today?

mink_man

good job sir....you've done us proud!

Praetor

FutureGuy wrote: »

I apologise if my story did not match your own high expectations of story telling. In order to become a better storyteller, I checked the last story you posted.

what’s up arse bandits,

I went in to specsavers on friday as my 2 year old daughter broke me visions , any way I walked over to the cheapest section picked up the first set i seen priced at 39 euro handed them to the clerk and was told my eye test was out of date of aprox a month I would need a test .

I was cool with that, I explained I have contact lenses and want to finish them up before i start up grading my prescription (also on me desk in work I have a free eye test voucher with 65 blips off a pair of specs). :P

I asked can i drop after work to collect me glasses .

He said NO I can’t see sell you them cause your prescription is out of date. I have bought glasses online many times, what’s the big ****n problem,
So I leave the opticians like father jack.
I’m walking around like ****n Jack Duckworth at the moment because of this butt pirate

I have taken many points on board, and I'm going to attempt to expand my vocabulary to include insightful phrases such as "arse bandits", "butt pirate", "me visions", "blips" and "me desk" :P

hehehehe, that'll teach him....

Lab_Mouse

FutureGuy wrote: »

I apologise if my story did not match your own high expectations of story telling. In order to become a better storyteller, I checked the last story you posted.

what’s up arse bandits,

I went in to specsavers on friday as my 2 year old daughter broke me visions , any way I walked over to the cheapest section picked up the first set i seen priced at 39 euro handed them to the clerk and was told my eye test was out of date of aprox a month I would need a test .

I was cool with that, I explained I have contact lenses and want to finish them up before i start up grading my prescription (also on me desk in work I have a free eye test voucher with 65 blips off a pair of specs). :P

I asked can i drop after work to collect me glasses .

He said NO I can’t see sell you them cause your prescription is out of date. I have bought glasses online many times, what’s the big ****n problem,
So I leave the opticians like father jack.
I’m walking around like ****n Jack Duckworth at the moment because of this butt pirate

I have taken many points on board, and I'm going to attempt to expand my vocabulary to include insightful phrases such as "arse bandits", "butt pirate", "me visions", "blips" and "me desk" :P

Is the above what they mean when they say you've been pawned?

TheMilkyPirate

Ha i like funny guys, Great post OP cheered up my sh!tty day no end.

freshcream

:D:D:D:D:D

ur a funny guy future

AdMMM

I love your writing style, not too dramatic and full of laughs that aren't forced .

r3nu4l

The first post in this thread will be Post of the day at this rate Well deserved too.

53 thanks right now! 20 thanks for the response to 'worst story ever.'

Nuri Sahin

*round of appluase*

Brilliantly excuted and told

c0rk3r

Elevate to epic status if you recorded it and recieved hate mail afterwards

Useful.Idiot

haha. who starts off a post saying "whats up arse bandits?" anyway?

dicey1664

haha wish l could have heard the fcukers reaction,priceless i bet:)

thecornflake

you are a hero , a ****ing hero. Wow , you legend. That is one of the funniest things I've heard ever !.

If i could shake your hand i would , hats off to you sir

Benzino

you sir are a legend!!

TheGod

Brilliant.

sofireland

I actually laughed out loud i was reading this earlier on my iphone, brilliant stuff OP!

ED E

Post of the year.

mink_man

Useful.Idiot wrote: »

haha. who starts off a post saying "whats up arse bandits?" anyway?

an uneducated simple person

skinheadsniper

brilliant

Creasy_bear

funniest things Ive read in a while

Dothehustle

i just want you to know i was in work the office was dead quite started to read your post. at the beging i was annoyed i was going to read it but i have to say i got to


I knifed the fcuker on kill 24. Right in the testicles. Take that. Right. In. The Testiculardios. No nuke. Sorry about that.

and it made my day
thank you sir

Ryan!

Thats a serious story