Classic Lines From Funny Films..

NikkiXxX

Leave your classic lines from the funny films like zoolander, dodgeball etc...:D

actuallylike

"OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!!"

NikkiXxX

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE MEATLOAFFFF!!!!!!--Wedding Crashers..Sooo funny!

lucky-colm

the outlaw josey wales

clint eastwood: "people i get to not liking don't stick around long"
injun: "seems to me that people that you get to liking don't stick around long either"

lucky-colm

or the scene at the end of the titanic when yer man is nearly dead and says
"don't ever leave me go"
and yer one says
"never"
and then she leaves him go

brilliant

NikkiXxX

lucky-colm wrote: »

or the scene at the end of the titanic when yer man is nearly dead and says
"don't ever leave me go"
and yer one says
"never"
and then she leaves him go

brilliant

Or where jack is after being taken away to get locked up on the bottom of the boat and rose goes to find him. She finds him and they both go ROSE..JACK..ROSE..JACK..ROSE for about an hour of the film...Ehhhh like come on the boat is sinking get off it!!!!!!!!!!

xzanti

Poem by Steve Martin in 'The Man with Two Brains'

The pointy birds
oh pointy pointy
anoint my head
anointy 'nointy

Always cracks me and I don't know why

NikkiXxX

xzanti wrote: »

Poem by Steve Martin in 'The Man with Two Brains'

The pointy birds
oh pointy pointy
anoint my head
anointy 'nointy

Always cracks me and I don't know why

Thats after cracking me up,I havent seen the film but I can just picture him saying it in the stupid funny voice he uses:D:D

Lorrs33

Mystery Men, yes I know this line by heart. Trying to come up with villains to fight against for publicity.

Captain Amazing: Then get...Deathman.
Publicist: Deathman is dead.
Captain Amazing: OK, Father Doom.
Publicist: Life without parole. Apocolyta's doing twenty years, Armaggezmo's in exile, Baron von Chaos got the chair...
Captain Amazing: (surprised) Really?
Publicist: Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nuthouse...

NikkiXxX

Lorrs33 wrote: »

Mystery Men, yes I know this line by heart. Trying to come up with villains to fight against for publicity.

Captain Amazing: Then get...Deathman.
Publicist: Deathman is dead.
Captain Amazing: OK, Father Doom.
Publicist: Life without parole. Apocolyta's doing twenty years, Armaggezmo's in exile, Baron von Chaos got the chair...
Captain Amazing: (surprised) Really?
Publicist: Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nuthouse...

Im impressed

fikay

Funny line from As Good As It Gets which I, ahem, in no way condone or support:

Woman: "How do you write women so well?"

Melvin: "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

j1974

xzanti wrote: »

Poem by Steve Martin in 'The Man with Two Brains'

The pointy birds
oh pointy pointy
anoint my head
anointy 'nointy

Always cracks me and I don't know why

ya see that, now thats a sense of humour, classic, thought poor steve hasnt been great in ten years.

j1974

NikkiXxX wrote: »

Leave your classic lines from the funny films like zoolander, dodgeball etc...:D

JOhn candy in trains plains and automobiles when the cop pulls him over in car thats been blown up and set on fire!

Cop : "do you know how fast you were going sir"

Del griffith : "that a darn good question officer, I was just discussing that with my colleague and, well, it's tough for us to say with any great degree of accuracy because the O'L speedometer her is melted!!!

Just the nervous laugh and funny pragmatic approach with politeness is hilarious. One of the funniest films ever.:D

jonas7

From a scene in Happy Gilmore

Shooter McGavin-I eat pieces of sh!t like you for breakfast!

Happy Gilmore-You eat pieces of sh!t for breakfast???

Stargal

Moved to Films.

PirateShampoo

"Shut your ****ing face, uncle ****er
You´re a cocksucking, ass-liking, uncle ****er
You´re an uncle ****er, yes it´s true
Nobody ****s uncles just like you

Shut your ficking face, uncle ****er
You´re the one that ****s your uncle uncle ****er
You don´t even sleep or mow the lawm
You **** your uncle all day long

(what´s going on in here?)

Shut you´re ****ing face, uncle ****er
You´re a boner bitting bastard, uncle ****er
You´re an uncle ****er, i must say
You ****ed your uncle yesterday!

Uncle ****er, that´s u-n-c-l-e, **** you!
Uncle ****er!

Suck my balls!"

ziedth

I could pick anyone of 10 lines from Team America but you can't beat the blowjob scene near the end.

GreeBo

Without lamps, they're d be no light.

The Breakfast Club.

furiousox

xzanti wrote: »

Poem by Steve Martin in 'The Man with Two Brains'

The pointy birds
oh pointy pointy
anoint my head
anointy 'nointy

Always cracks me and I don't know why

thats a great movie with lots of good lines.

"ln the mud.......scum queen!!"

InKonspikuou2

Airplane

Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

also

Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

Everything from spaceballs, caddyshack and clerks crack me up too. Oh and blazing saddles has loads too.

Cass

InKonspikuou2 wrote: »

Everything from spaceballs, ..........

"I'm Mog, half man half dog. I'm my own best friend"

Brilliant.

Drawing Dead

"what's a jedi knight?"

ewan mcgregor, the men who stare at goats

chughes

"Are there any women here ?"

One of thousands of great lines from The Life of Brian.

Dman001

"Go F**K yourself San Diego"

Anchorman. Dont really like the film but that scene always makes me laugh.

lucky-colm

sponge bob


crabs: "sniff sniff... do you smell it mr squidward"
squidward: "no mr crabs what do you smell?"
crabs: "sniff sniff..... i smell a smell,...i smell a smelly smell,..... i smell a smelly smell..............that smells"

razorblunt

You cant fool me there aint no such thing as a Sanity Clause.

Anakin.S

'Its the one in the car we want' Army of darkness

BopNiblets

"Qualifications?"
"Rape, murder, arson and rape."
"You said rape twice..."
"I like rape!"

Brilliant.

DazMarz

"Prepare to be fúcked by the long dick of the law!" -Officer Slater; Superbad

Sgt. Angel: "Your dad is judge, jury and executioner!"
Con. Butterman: "My dad is NOT Judge Judy and executioner!"
-Hot Fuzz

Kevin Tonkinson: "I'm sorry, boss... I had to swerve to avoid the traffic."
Mike Bassett: "Only because you were on the wrong side of the bloody road!"
-Mike Bassett: England Manager

Marty deBergi: "Why not make 10 a bit louder, and make it the highest number?"
*pause*
Nigel Tufnel: "These go to 11."
-This Is Spinal Tap

Felix Ungar: "So in other words, you want me to go?"
Oscar Madison: "Not in other words, those are the perfect words!"
-The Odd Couple

docmol

An old one from a Laurel and Hardy film:
"What did he die of?"
"He died of a Tuesday."
Genius!:D

Roar

Hot Shots Part Deux - that whole movie is just one long quote

"Ah Topper Harley! The son I never had. Well, no damn wonder I didn't recognise ya!" - President Benson

Topper "President Benson"
Benson "No you're not. You've seen him on television. He's an older man, about my height"

Topper "Dexter Hayman. He won the Nobel Prize for inventing the artificial appendix"

Benson "Cookie?"
Col. Walters "No thank you sir"
Benson "Young lady?"
Michelle - "No thank you sir"
Benson - "No I was just offering him a young lady".

Topper - "If i'm not there in 15 minutes, you know what to do"
Waters - "Yeah, get the hell out of here!"
Topper - "No, wait another 15 minutes"

I could go on all day...

*EDIT*

How could I forget??

Topper - Colonel, these men have taken a supreme vow of celibacy, like their fathers, and their fathers before them

tech77

"Tic tac, sir?"
Hard to beat IMO.

monellia

So many!

Withnail: Right, you ****er, I'm going to do the washing up!
Marwood: No, no, you can't. It's impossible, I swear it. I've looked into it. Listen to me, listen to me! There are things in there, there's a tea-bag growing! You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. Wait till the morning, we'll go in together.

"Two quid? You're out of your mind. You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and **** off while you are doing it."

"We want the finest wines known to humanity. We want them here and we want them now."

"I feel like a pig shat in my head."

"I've some extremely distressing news - we've just run out of wine. What are we gonna do about it?"

"Don't threaten me with a dead fish."

"I demand to have some booze!"

[Talking about the boiler] "Have you been at the controls?"

"Half an hour? Don't be ridiculous. I need at least an hour for lunch."

"A coward you are, Withnail! An expert on bulls you are not!"

"What happened to my agent? Bastard must've died."

"Jesus. You're covered in sh*t."

deadhead13

Uncle Monty getting a little frisky in Withnail and I

"Tell him if you must, I no longer care. I mean to have you even if it must be burglary".

Reginald P. DuM

Blazing Saddles, they wouldn't get away with this these days!

Taggert: Horses! (Thump) Why we can't afford to lose no horses you dummy. Send over a couple of n*ggers.

Classic...

MrStuffins

j1974 wrote: »

ya see that, now thats a sense of humour, classic, thought poor steve hasnt been great in ten years.

Not from a movie but in reply to this

Dennis Pennis: Steve, Dennis from the BBC, one question please
Steve Martin ignores him

Dennis Pennis: Please Steve, just one question come on Steve
Steve Martin ignores again

Dennis Pennis: One question Steve please

Steve Martin: Ok

Dennis Pennis: Why aren't you funny anymore?

That_Guy

From Knocked Up.

Seth Rogen's character drunkenly hooks up with Katherine Heigl's character.

As they're kissing each other and what not, Seth Rogen's character comes up with a genius line.

"Wow, you're so much prettier than I am."

Duggy747

Though the 2 Hot Shots had excellent quotes Llyod Bridges by far had the best ones:

Admiral Benson: Oh, by the way I would like to thank you for having us over for dinner the other night. Cheryl and I thought the stroganoff was marvelous.
Lt. Commander Block: But sir, we didn't have dinner the other night.
Admiral Benson: Really? Then where the hell was I? And who's this Cheryl?

Admiral Benson: My eyes are ceramic. Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa? The one without the Indians.

Admiral Benson: Pete 'Dead Meat' Thompson is dead. So is Mo Green, Tataglia, Barzini, the heads of all the five families. It is at moments like these, my dear friends, that we must ask ourselves: "How can this not be part of some larger plan?" Do good men like Dead Meat Thompson just blink out one day like a bad bulb? I mean, one minute you're in bed with a knockout gal... or guy, and the next, you're a compost heap. Doesn't that bother any of you? Because it scares the living piss outta me!

Lt. Commander Block: Admiral Benson!
Admiral Benson: Really? That's my name too.

Admiral Benson: Gentlemen, we've waited a long time to hear this. In exactly five hours and 17 minutes, we hit the enemy toast.
Lt. Commander Block: I think that's the enemy coast, sir.
Admiral Benson: Huh? Coast? That'll take a little more planning. But it doesn't matter. Our assignment is to knock out the nuclear-weapons plant at Falafel Heights. The plant goes on line in 12 hours and is heavily defended. Now, if you have trouble hitting your objective, you secondary targets are here and here: an accordion factory and a mime school. Good luck, gentlemen. Blink, take over. Oh, there's one more thing. (admiral gets accidentally hit by a metal pipe with a loud ringing sound). I'll get that. It's probably for me.

Admiral Benson: [after his cap blew off and landed in the sea] Holy Cow! My cap blew off! Swing her round. We'll pick it up.
Officer: But, sir, we're on the mission.
Admiral Benson: Good thinking. We'll pick it up on the way back. We gotta mark the spot, though. Put Robinowitz in a life raft. Have him row in circles until we return.
Officer: It could be days.
Admiral Benson: Then put some food in the life raft, for god's sake, man. Do I have to think of everything? We'll tape his favourite shows, he won't miss anything.

What a fùckin' legend, the best thing about those movies

H1tmonlii

Classic Movies!
How could everyone forget Pulp Fiction?

Jules: What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: *throws table* SAY WHAT AGAIN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHER ****ER! SAY WHAT ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!'

Wayne's World
Garth: Can we move on? I'm getting tired of holding this.
Wayne: Tsha, Thats what she said!

Anchorman
I love lamp!

and

I want to be on you!

candy-gal1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oezKKzYpKc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddUotyR3WEA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9pg6CTZyKg

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

marwelie

A Hard Days Night, Millie and John on the staircase in the television studio

Millie: Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me who you are.
John: No, I'm not.
Millie: Oh, you are.
John: I'm not.
Millie: Oh, you are, I know you are.
John: I'm not, no.
Millie: You look just like him.
John: Do I? You're the first one that's said that ever.
Millie: [motions to the mirror] Yes, you do. Look.
John: No, my eyes are lighter. The nose.
Millie: Oh, your nose is very.
John: Is it?
Millie: I would have said so.
John: Oh, you know him better, though.
Millie: I do not! He's only a casual acquaintance.
John: That's what you say.
Millie: What have you heard?
John: [leans in, lowers his voice] It's all over the place.
Millie: Is it? Is it really?
John: Mmm, but I wouldn't have it. I stuck up for you.
Millie: I knew I could rely on you.
John: Thanks.
Millie: [puts on her glasses] You don't look like him at all.
[John walks away, pouting]
John: [to himself] She looks more like him than I do. Tis the way he says it, trust me!
One of the funniest scenes from one of the funniest films ever. Best soundtrack ever too!

Boo-yah

From In The Loop

Malcolm Tucker: General Flintstone... Was it you? Did you leak PWIP-PIP?
Lt. Gen. George Miller: No, I didn't leak it. I'm not like some little gay mercenary running around doing other people's dirty work.
Malcolm Tucker: Hey, I'm doing my own dirty work. I'm doing my job.
Lt. Gen. George Miller: I think you're doing Linton's dirty work. You're his little English bitch and you don't even know it. Bet if I came to your hotel room tonight, I'd find you down on all fours, him hanging out the back of you.
Malcolm Tucker: Oh, that's nice. That's really tough talk coming from the Armchair General. Put your feet up on a pouffe and go back to sleep, why don't you.
Lt. Gen. George Miller: Look, Tucker, you might be some scary little poodle****er over in England, but out here you're nothing. You know what you look like? A squeezed dick. You got a big blue vein running up your head all the way to the temple. See, that's where I'd put the bullet. Only I'd have to stand back 'cause you look like a squirter.
Malcolm Tucker: Have you ever even actually killed anybody? Really?
Lt. Gen. George Miller: Yeah.
Malcolm Tucker: Falling asleep on someone, that doesn't count!
Lt. Gen. George Miller: That's funny. What about you, pussy drip? Ever kill anyone?
Malcolm Tucker: Maiming's what I prefer. Psychologically.
Lt. Gen. George Miller: Yeah? Why don't you try to maim me? I'll hit you so hard in the face you'll be ****ting teeth.
Malcolm Tucker: Go right ahead. I can see the headlines now. "Peace-Loving General Starts Brawl in U.N., Swiss Intervene". I don't know, I'm no expert on spin but that could hurt your career.
Lt. Gen. George Miller: Yeah?
Malcolm Tucker: Right. Do excuse me, I've got to get back to work.
[pause]
Malcolm Tucker: Don't ever call me ****ing English again.

DEVEREUX

Trains planes and automobiles

Steve martin and John candy's charactors share a motel bed for the night and slowly wake up to find themselves spooning

Steve M. = " why are you kissing my ear ? "

John C. = " why are you holding my hand ? "

Steve M. = " Wheres your other hand ? "

John C. = " Between two pillows ! "

Steve M. = " Those are'nt pillows ! "

Steve M. and John C = " AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH "

Hollyg'lightly

She died in a freak liposuction accident - Clueless
You wouldn't have the balls Kevin - not a clue what film it came from but me and my cousin thought it was hilarious at the time, still do, considering it was uttered by a Granny in the corner.

alwaysadub

he's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
The Life Of Brian.

eman66

Marry me, and I'll never look at another horse. From At the Races.

tok9

Hot Fuzz
[Nicholas Angel is having a crackdown on underage drinkers in the pub]
Nicholas Angel: Oy! When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #1: 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Underage Drinker #1: Every year!

Brilliant

bnt

From L.A. Story (with Steve Martin):

Tom: I'll have a decaf coffee.
Trudi: I'll have a decaf espresso.
Morris Frost: I'll have a double decaf cappuccino.
Ted: Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream.
Harris: I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.
Trudi: I'll have a twist of lemon.
Tom: I'll have a twist of lemon.
Morris Frost: I'll have a twist of lemon.
Cynthia: I'll have a twist of lemon.

Hello, this is Harris. I'm in right now, so you can talk to me personally. Please start talking at the sound of the beep. BEEP.

Harris: SanDeE*, your... your breasts feel weird.
SanDeE*: Oh, that's 'cause they're real.

(SanDeE* is played by Sarah Jessica Parker on roller skates.)

irish_bob

the blues brothers

dan akroyd while sitting in traffic while some parade passes asks an on duty cop what the delay is , cop replies , ah its those american nazis association , they got thier licence to parade back

akroyd to belushi , well what do you know , illinois nazis
belushi = i hate ILLINOIS nazis

ynotdu

Groucho Marx to a woman who was bugging him:

*I never forget a face,but in Your case i'll make an exception!*

tech77

Duggy747 wrote: »

Though the 2 Hot Shots had excellent quotes Llyod Bridges by far had the best ones:



What a fùckin' legend, the best thing about those movies

Don't forget Lloyd Bridges in Airplane:
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines

Naturally funny man.