Irish Mammy

jesus_thats_gre

My mum is Finnish and has turned into an Irish mammy. Tis quite funny as she is only here half her life.

mariaalice

my mother is great but she definitely has a touch of the Irish mammy syndrome....it can funny ...i once met her in a gift shop the kind that sells Waterford crystal and expensive cook wear....she was in there because one of my brothers was going to a wedding...she was buying the wedding present for him...because as she said "he is a man he wouldn't know what to buy"!!!!...she also wrapped the present for him

Wibbs

There are enough Irish mammies in training still out there too. Usually goes like this; hen pecked and dominated father, Brother who the sun shines out of, father spoils daughter, daughter expects same from any man she meets, then gets upset if he doesn't follow her every whim. Of course if he does then it's rinse and repeat for the next generation. Personally I blame the men as much as if not more than the women. They go along with it. The women who marry such men get frustrated and repeat the sins of the past.

Abi

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

Nail on the head, as always. Thats my mother, and her mother, etc. She lives for the home, and keeps it meticulously clean. A single thing out of place would cause WW3.

/ looks around house


I know I've broken the chain :pac:

Nevyn

Yup, Bless this mess, this is a home that is lived in not a show house.
The kids won't remember if the bookcases needed dusting they will remember thier parents spending time playing wiht them.

MrEko

My Mam has some of the traits (house so clean you could eat your dinner off the floor and a masterful grasp of sarcasm), the one that bugs me is the Why-havent-you-called-me obsession. I KNOW it stems from the fact that my grandmother is always in contact with my aunt and Mam and they call her at least 3 times a day but God does it get to me. When I was in college I was expected to call every day (beat that down to every 2 days eventually) and now that she has learned to text my brother cant escape.

On the other hand I (I'm a guy) and my brother can whip up a Sunday roast with all the trimings while Dad makes the soup from scratch. She has left us fairly self sufficiant thankfully. If only she would learn the meaning of 'space'.

Fast_Mover

Thaedydal wrote: »

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

My mother is an Irish Mammy! Always had home cooked dinners/sat around the table as family. Wasn't controlling though, nor does she care what state the house is in 'its a home, not a house', prefered spending time with us/doing things with us.

She has handicapped one of my brothers though! Have two older brothers and the elder one of them is still living at home. Dinner made, clothes washed/dried/ironed/put back in his wardrobe...never lived a day away from home. Can't cook. Doesn't pay for a thing. Really annoys the crap outa me actually. I blame my mother so much! My father's mother did the exact same thing to him..so my mother just took over that role. Thing is girls today (well I know I wouldn't!!!) won't put up with that sorta thing so he really needs to cop himself on if he wants to get a woman. Has has girlfriends (lovely ones aswell in fact!)...but they got sense..couldn't blame them!!!:D

chocgirl

I think my Mum probably broke the cycle of irish mammys in her family. She really resented having to do the housework and cook for my father and I had it drummed into me since I started school that it was a waste of time and that I had to do well in school or I'd end up cooking and cleaning the house for the rest of my life. She probably made my brothers do more than me as no "real" woman would baby them for the rest of their lives.

I think the only part of the irish mammy syndrome that remained was her obsession with looking your best at all times. She still spends a fortune on all the latest beauty products and keeping up to date in the fashion stakes!

rainbowtrout

yep, we have a 'good room' at home, the dining room. A total waste of a room if you ask me. It's got a dining room table, polished mahogany type yoke, and china and waterford crystal type set up going on. The room is never used for anything. When I started secondary school I started using the room for study. The parents knocked the wall between it and the sittingroom when I was in leaving cert - there was a hole in the wall for 6 months, so nowhere to study in peace. There's doors there now, which were put in so the room would be used more. It isn't. The original door is locked all the time and it drives mam cracked that I unlock it for easier access.

Nobody ever sees the room except us and in nearly 31 years I have never eaten a meal at that table not even Christmas dinner, yet mam complained about the tiny scratches on the table from me using it to do my homework all those years ago because it's the good table.

my house on the other hand is covered in dog hair.

After I moved out I used to get calls from my brother when my parents were on holidays asking questions such as 'How long does it take a chicken to cook? What temperature do I set the oven at? How do I work the washing machine?' He's much better now, but is back at home at the moment so no doubt is getting mammied as we speak.

Kalashnikov_Kid

Great thread!

metrovelvet wrote: »

The only element left out of thaed's description is their uncanny and precise ability to master the guilt trip.

I hear you! I was the 'babby' - youngest son of 3 - and had to deal with this on a continuous basis after the others had the right sense to leave the flock - one of the reasons I've left the country! I love her and all, but there is that deviant aspect of the 'Irish mammy' that would literally drive you insane if you're not careful!

rainbowtrout wrote: »

yep, we have a 'good room' at home, the dining room. A total waste of a room if you ask me. It's got a dining room table, polished mahogany type yoke, and china and waterford crystal type set up going on. The room is never used for anything. When I started secondary school I started using the room for study. The parents knocked the wall between it and the sittingroom when I was in leaving cert - there was a hole in the wall for 6 months, so nowhere to study in peace. There's doors there now, which were put in so the room would be used more. It isn't. The original door is locked all the time and it drives mam cracked that I unlock it for easier access.

That's probably the most extreme 'good room' example I've ever heard of. Me and my bros used to call ours the 'good-for-nothing' room!

Catari Jaguar

Thats like my Gran. She must have been a real Irish Mammy. Definite matriarch with the hen pecked husband. She was a right roaring wagon to him. He'd feck off to the tennis club to get away from her. Hahah!

She kept a garden and made rhubarb tart, home made jam etc. Every dish was made with mince and tons of home grown cabbage! She sent all the kids to boarding school, except for one who was kind of special so sent to an institution and it was kept very quiet :rolleyes: The kids were smacked with a wooden spoon for getting out of line.

Down to Mass every day and forcing her religious views (and Holy Water) on everyone, and of course being the least Christian person you could meet. From a country village but adopted this posh Dublin accent and obsessed with appearances, keeping up with the Jones and shopping in Brown Thomas. Still goes to bridge once a week where she gossips and bitches about everyone.

Then there was the shotgun wedding and her obvious dislike towards her son's wife... Oh, she also has a fancy room that's never used.

Yea, I lived with her for 2 years minding her. Not a pleasant woman at all. I'm glad my Mam didn't take after her!!

Abi

Thaedydal wrote: »

Yup, Bless this mess, this is a home that is lived in not a show house.

Funny you say that, that is one of my sayings whenever my mother gets in the front door... she gets snooping, then the eying up 'in disgust'... trying to make it obvious that you don't do it how she does it.. :rolleyes:

Years ago I would have been a bit scatty trying to hide things / tidy as she came in. I'm 30 now, and honestly, I love her. But what is acceptable to her and to me are two different things. I know my home is clean, its just not how she'd like it. I'm too old to care now, and if I catch her doing the disappointed look, I ask her when she left the house last to do something for herself, and remind her life is for living.

You can only do housework outside of the rest of the chores life demands of you. Its nothing to do with being lazy. Womens lives have gotten far more complicated than our mothers and grandmothers etc. Thats no disrespect to them of course, it was laborious and thankless mostly.

But I clean and cook when I can, and I'm studying Science full time. when I get home I'm doing my notes till my hands are sore. So that attitude doesn't cut it with me anymore, and I'm done thinking about what others think.


Irish Mammys need you to need them, so unless its extremely important - cut the supply.

Anouilh

I am Irish...

also a mother...

Much of this thread is seriously scary...

BumbleB

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

you should put that up in wikipedia .Even when I was living at home and in school .I was fiercely independent washed ironed and dryed my own clothes . My brother who is the opposite ,is married with a kid ,his wife went away for 2 weeks left him ,and the house is as state my sister and i had to go over yesterday to clean up the place as she's coming back on Monday.

My Mum is controlling though, but her heart is in the right place ,she'd say stuff like I dont like the way you have your hair ,I am skint on top no choice there.

Dyr

BumbleB wrote: »

you should put that up in wikipedia .

Except that it would be wrong, the core of the irish mammy is that they dote on their sons, as they should

Most of the irish mammy descriptions here seem to be more like demented-middle-class-culchie-weapon descriptions.

BumbleB

Bambi wrote: »

Except that it would be wrong, the core of the irish mammy is that they dote on their sons, as they should

Most of the irish mammy descriptions here seem to be more like demented-middle-class-culchie-weapon descriptions.

Agreed Bambi ,its a tad bit OTT and very sexist towards blokes , and what isn't demonstrated is the love and the lengths irish Mammies would go for their kids not just the sons ,daughters too.:)

opinion guy

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for ...............

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

She is someone who licked a hanky and wiped your face with it while restraining you with a vulcan death grip............

OMG - two best posts of the year.

metrovelvet wrote: »

The only element left out of thaed's description is their uncanny and precise ability to master the guilt trip.

+1. the Irish Mammy Guilt Trip tm is a powerful thing indeed. not to be messed with.

chocgirl wrote: »

I think my Mum probably broke the cycle of irish mammys in her family.....

We salute her great achievement!

Anouilh wrote: »

I am Irish...

also a mother...

Much of this thread is seriously scary...

Lol......too familiar ?:p

Buceph

I know an Irish Mammy who is 22 and has no children. Instead she dotes on her boyfriend and his friends. It's absolutely horrendous. She has this ridiculous notion that "boys" are silly and stupid and don't know what's good for them so they need to be cared for and looked after by their all knowing Irish Mammy. She goes to their house and cleans for them. They used to live in filth knowing full well she'd come and clean up for them. Then she'd make a bag full of empty booze bottles and place them at the end of the stairs and make one of the "boys" carry it out to the rubbish, because "lol that's the only thing they're good for." She cooked for them as well, and actually took delight when they moved to a new house because there was a much better kitchen for her to cook in. Someone ended up having to stay in their house for a night and in return for letting him stay over he said he'd make them all dinner. He was busy cooking away (he's cooked for me before and he's a good cook) and she came in and chased him out of the kitchen because it's not a place for "stupid boys."

She's a running joke, like the 1950's transplanted a housewife into the new millenium. If you want to cook and clean for people fine, but stop calling me a "stupid, silly boy" who can't look after himself.

Anouilh

opinion guy wrote: »

Lol......too familiar ?:p

Au contraire...

I cannot stand suffering...

Women the world round are given the subtle task of easing young people into their cultural context, as this entertaining analysis shows:

http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/j/james/henry/j2p/chapter7.html

Many of the traditional behaviour patterns of the "Irish" are now very much in the past.

It's all hands on deck these days.

King of Kings

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

you are not bitter are you...:rolleyes:

my mam never did any of that and kicked me out when i was 19 - and she was full blown irish catholic

Anouilh

shivvyban wrote: »

My mom is a native american (chumash) indian... everything about her kinda goes against what an 'Irish Mammy' is... :rolleyes:

You may find this interesting:

http://anthro.palomar.edu/social/soc_1.htm

I grew up in a society where it was considered "unmanly" for boys to cook. Since Irish food was generally not much to write home about, the ritualized practices of women in the kitchen seemed odd in any case.

I taught both my children to cook and have recently learned that it is a dying art in the generation currently in their 20s and 30s, though posters here may be able to correct this.


I am now a grandparent and am very interested in how young children are being reared and educated at present.



http://www.lplm.info/spip/spip.php?article615

I have always tended to treat people equally and expect to be treated so as well. Sometimes I have been quite shocked by the gender sterotyping and not only in Ireland.

Once while taking photos on a street in France, a family stopped to analyse my odd behaviour.

"Oh look, it's the woman who is taking photos", the young mother said.

"Is Monsieur ill", asked the boy...
the only possible explanation was that my husband must have lost the power in his arms.

Abi

King of Kings wrote: »

you are not bitter are you...:rolleyes:

I fail to see how its bitter, especially when her description is so commonly agreed upon.

my mam never did any of that and kicked me out when i was 19 - and she was full blown irish catholic

I'm sure she had her reasons

Herbal Deity

Anouilh wrote: »

I taught both my children to cook and have recently learned that it is a dying art in the generation currently in their 20s and 30s, though posters here may be able to correct this.

I am a 20 year old male. Making dinner for the family tonight. I cook quite often.

Just waiting for my mammy to get back from the shop with some ingredients I need.

BumbleB

Anouilh wrote: »

I taught both my children to cook and have recently learned that it is a dying art in the generation currently in their 20s and 30s, though posters here may be able to correct this.

You would be stunned by how many guys know how to cook and don't let on ,and I dont mean beans on toast .

Anouilh

BumbleB wrote: »

You would be stunned by how many guys know how to cook and don't let on ,and I dont mean beans on toast .

"Learned helplessness" is a subtle art...

Thought to share my food blog here

http://fruitycook.blogspot.com/

Anybody who has nice recipes or links to other food writers are welcome to post, if you have time.

There's a lot to be said in favour of the classic "Irish Mammy" when it comes to baking, I think.

astral8

Basically they eff their son's head up and undermine them so the women
they go with suffer the fall out. I have heard lots of women slag irish men
but i blame their mothers. A lot of irish mammies dont want their sons to
have a woman. It was well known in old ireland that another woman wasnt
allowed in the farmhouse kitchen as it was the mammies territory!

No wonder so many Irish men have issues and are terrified of intimacy with
women

eeeeek!!

Lucyfur

ZOmbie thread, locked