Irish Mammy

WindSock

What is an Irish Mammy? Do you have one? Are you one?

My Ma likes to watch the Late Late. Does that make her one?

minidazzler

A Proper Irish Mammy makes a Sunday Roast everyday.

My Mammy is not a proper Irish Mammy Most days. It really depends how much I am pissed off really.

Nevyn

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

minidazzler

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

Oh oh oh, I like this one Better, I agree with most of this.

stovelid

WindSock wrote: »

What is an Irish Mammy? ?

They make the best coddle in the whole world.

Pherekydes

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

Nailed! As usual.

Xiney

My mother in law is actually completely great. She's a terrible cook as well, so I don't even get the whole, "It's not as good as my mother's" thing when I make something, which is brilliant.

Oh The Humanity

She is someone who licked a hanky and wiped your face with it while restraining you with a vulcan death grip.

She was someone who showed you how to peel potatoes and make stew when you were 4 and a half if you were her daughter, but brought breakfast and dinner to you in bed till you were 39 if you were a son!

She is someone who would be able to artfully slap the legs off you for laughing in mass in the split second when no-one was looking!

She is someone who went to funerals for recreation.

She loves tea above anything else in the world.

She was obsessed with the neighbours and anyone knocking unexpectedly on the door would result in the Mammy of the house administering a hearty beating to any child who was nearby out of frustration that she'd been 'caught with coats hanging on the hallway bannistair' -she would then open the door with a look of saintly pleasure on her face and welcome the despised unannounced caller into 'the good room'

The 'good room' was a small museum kept by the Irish Mammy to trick visitors into thinking the inhabitants of the house lived like Gentry with a china cabinet containing the 'good delf' and a suite of furniture with those doily things on the headrests and armrests. There would be a crazy busy flowery carpet on the floor as well as a clashing rug with fringes which the kids would be made comb with a hairbrush.

Ahhh.............

pikachucheeks

I don't believe there's such thing to be honest.
It's just a complete stereotype.

If anyone accused my mother of being in any way like how the "irish mammy" is said to be here, I'd probably want to slap them.

Kintarō Hattori

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

Is your mammy and my mammy one and the same? :eek:

Nevyn

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

Is your mammy and my mammy one and the same? :eek:

Thank the gods my Mammy wasn't like that, but I have suffered the sons of Irish Mammys.

Dudess

stovelid wrote: »

They do the best mollycoddling in the whole world.

FYP.

My gran is the ultimate Irish mammy - her two older sons (one being my dad) are utterly hopeless 'round the house. She did leave them just drop things on the floor and she'd come running to pick them up. However, her third son is a good bit younger than his brothers and turned out - to their horror - to be a bit of a hippie type who believes in gender equality and stuff, so he's not too bad. :pac:

My nana was different - but not dissimilar. Her boys wouldn't have to lift a finger either, but she never stopped nagging them.

My mother prides herself on not being an Irish mammy - and she isn't... most of the time. Occasional hints of it shine through all right - in terms of how she treats her boys. And she does the whole "You haven't come to see me in ages" thing to me (I see her every few days) and not my brother, who sees her every few weeks, and he lives the same distance from her as I do.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

Honestly, I think this kind of treatment of their sons is nothing more than pure contempt, treating them like incompetant noobs.

Best definition of Irish mammy I have seen. Should be published.

suki07

they're obsessed with cleaning and what the neighbours think!

Nevyn

Thats cos they are 'RESPECTABLE' and want to remain so and don't want them and thier family to be the talk of the parish.

Ollchailin

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I don't believe there's such thing to be honest.
It's just a complete stereotype.

If anyone accused my mother of being in any way like how the "irish mammy" is said to be here, I'd probably want to slap them.

It's definitely not just a stereotype! There are "Irish mothers" and then there are "Irish Mammys", there's a difference. By the sounds of things, you have an Irish mother, not an Irish Mammy.

My Nanny, and I LOVED her to bits was a major Irish Mammy, she could have lectured in it. My mother does have touches of the Irish Mammy about her too alright it must be said... Therefore my Dad is useless in the kitchen and pretty much has always had everything done for him!

Lia_lia

Mine isn't a typical Irish Mammy. I think..

She doesn't go to mass.
Doesn't cook much at home. Even though she's a chef.
I often go to the pub with her when we are both finished work.
We go to music festivals together.

But she does spoil the shite outta my little brother! The day I turned 15 I had to get a job and pay for most things myself, and do to this day. But my brother is nearly 18 and he's never had a job and she pays for everything for him! Really pisses me off!

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

Oh god yes. Nail hitting head and one reason why I have an abject phobia if I even sniff the type.

dfx-

There's as many negative stereotypes here than at a Millwall/West Ham/Leeds mini-tournament, but Oh The Humanity nails it for me.

My mother is somewhat like that with my brother to my detriment...does that mean I'm the daughter? :eek:

cson

@ Oh The Humanity;

Ah yes, the infamous good room. It had a divine air about it, which was probably just the musky smell it acquired from being used twice a year. Despite being used only twice a year it was subjected to rigorous cleaning procedures twice a week. It also contained the drinks cabinet where brandy was kept in constant supply and fed to whoever the guest may be whilst talking about the current local scandal. Our particular brand of good room ended up being Mammy's shrine to Waterford Crystal.

Nothing bates Mammy's cooking though, I tell ya that for nothin' :P

Mr Yellow

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

WORD PERFECT. Bravo

mental07

The one on this ad!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSlfAOxTTIA

bronte

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

This is my mammy.
Now, don't get me wrong...I love the woman to bits, but I really wish she'd snap out of the Irish mammy-ness. Some hope!

shivvyban

My mom is a native american (chumash) indian... everything about her kinda goes against what an 'Irish Mammy' is... :rolleyes:

metrovelvet

The only element left out of thaed's description is their uncanny and precise ability to master the guilt trip.

Dyr

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

She is someone who would be able to artfully slap the legs off you for laughing in mass in the split second when no-one was looking!

She is someone who went to funerals for recreation.

She loves tea above anything else in the world.

She was obsessed with the neighbours and anyone knocking unexpectedly on the door would result in the Mammy of the house administering a hearty beating to any child who was nearby out of frustration that she'd been 'caught with coats hanging on the hallway bannistair' -she would then open the door with a look of saintly pleasure on her face and welcome the despised unannounced caller into 'the good room'

The 'good room' was a small museum kept by the Irish Mammy to trick visitors into thinking the inhabitants of the house lived like Gentry with a china cabinet containing the 'good delf' and a suite of furniture with those doily things on the headrests and armrests. There would be a crazy busy flowery carpet on the floor as well as a clashing rug with fringes which the kids would be made comb with a hairbrush.

Ahhh.............

I think thats more of a culchie mammy. Irish mammy's were brilliant in all areas except for clothing decisions. T

Nervous Wreck

I confess! I'm an Irish Mammy's Boy. The shaaaaaaaaaaame!

Nevyn

metrovelvet wrote: »

The only element left out of thaed's description is their uncanny and precise ability to master the guilt trip.

I think that's covered by the passive aggressive manner.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think that's covered by the passive aggressive manner.

Yeah they are not unrelated all right, share a few things in common but still a bit different, one is about expressing rage without having to responsible for your anger and the other is about manipulation and control. They are both obscured and below the belt so to speak but have a different place.

Honest to god, I dont know how anyone survives them. I know of a 55 year old farmer whose sister makes a special trip from Dublin to do his laundry. [the mammy died so now she is the matriarch] He can drive a tractor and run a farm but cant tie a child's shoelace. You know what. Its sad. I really do feel sad for these men.

Nevyn

I used to and then I stopped when I realised that **** it if they wanted they could make and effort to learn. If I can take up and learn woodturning, they could have the self respect to learn how to use a washing machine, it's not rocket science.

There comes a point where we as adults have to stop blaming our parents and take responsibility for ourselves and learn the basic skills to be able to function in this world.

IvyTheTerrible

My mum is one of the nice Irish mammies.

She is a great cook, likes us all to sit down together to meals, spoiled my brothers. But she is not controlling or anything like that.

jesus_thats_gre

My mum is Finnish and has turned into an Irish mammy. Tis quite funny as she is only here half her life.

my mother is great but she definitely has a touch of the Irish mammy syndrome....it can funny ...i once met her in a gift shop the kind that sells Waterford crystal and expensive cook wear....she was in there because one of my brothers was going to a wedding...she was buying the wedding present for him...because as she said "he is a man he wouldn't know what to buy"!!!!...she also wrapped the present for him

Wibbs

There are enough Irish mammies in training still out there too. Usually goes like this; hen pecked and dominated father, Brother who the sun shines out of, father spoils daughter, daughter expects same from any man she meets, then gets upset if he doesn't follow her every whim. Of course if he does then it's rinse and repeat for the next generation. Personally I blame the men as much as if not more than the women. They go along with it. The women who marry such men get frustrated and repeat the sins of the past.

Abi

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

Nail on the head, as always. Thats my mother, and her mother, etc. She lives for the home, and keeps it meticulously clean. A single thing out of place would cause WW3.

/ looks around house


I know I've broken the chain :pac:

Nevyn

Yup, Bless this mess, this is a home that is lived in not a show house.
The kids won't remember if the bookcases needed dusting they will remember thier parents spending time playing wiht them.

MrEko

My Mam has some of the traits (house so clean you could eat your dinner off the floor and a masterful grasp of sarcasm), the one that bugs me is the Why-havent-you-called-me obsession. I KNOW it stems from the fact that my grandmother is always in contact with my aunt and Mam and they call her at least 3 times a day but God does it get to me. When I was in college I was expected to call every day (beat that down to every 2 days eventually) and now that she has learned to text my brother cant escape.

On the other hand I (I'm a guy) and my brother can whip up a Sunday roast with all the trimings while Dad makes the soup from scratch. She has left us fairly self sufficiant thankfully. If only she would learn the meaning of 'space'.

Fast_Mover

Thaedydal wrote: »

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

My mother is an Irish Mammy! Always had home cooked dinners/sat around the table as family. Wasn't controlling though, nor does she care what state the house is in 'its a home, not a house', prefered spending time with us/doing things with us.

She has handicapped one of my brothers though! Have two older brothers and the elder one of them is still living at home. Dinner made, clothes washed/dried/ironed/put back in his wardrobe...never lived a day away from home. Can't cook. Doesn't pay for a thing. Really annoys the crap outa me actually. I blame my mother so much! My father's mother did the exact same thing to him..so my mother just took over that role. Thing is girls today (well I know I wouldn't!!!) won't put up with that sorta thing so he really needs to cop himself on if he wants to get a woman. Has has girlfriends (lovely ones aswell in fact!)...but they got sense..couldn't blame them!!!:D

chocgirl

I think my Mum probably broke the cycle of irish mammys in her family. She really resented having to do the housework and cook for my father and I had it drummed into me since I started school that it was a waste of time and that I had to do well in school or I'd end up cooking and cleaning the house for the rest of my life. She probably made my brothers do more than me as no "real" woman would baby them for the rest of their lives.

I think the only part of the irish mammy syndrome that remained was her obsession with looking your best at all times. She still spends a fortune on all the latest beauty products and keeping up to date in the fashion stakes!

rainbowtrout

yep, we have a 'good room' at home, the dining room. A total waste of a room if you ask me. It's got a dining room table, polished mahogany type yoke, and china and waterford crystal type set up going on. The room is never used for anything. When I started secondary school I started using the room for study. The parents knocked the wall between it and the sittingroom when I was in leaving cert - there was a hole in the wall for 6 months, so nowhere to study in peace. There's doors there now, which were put in so the room would be used more. It isn't. The original door is locked all the time and it drives mam cracked that I unlock it for easier access.

Nobody ever sees the room except us and in nearly 31 years I have never eaten a meal at that table not even Christmas dinner, yet mam complained about the tiny scratches on the table from me using it to do my homework all those years ago because it's the good table.

my house on the other hand is covered in dog hair.

After I moved out I used to get calls from my brother when my parents were on holidays asking questions such as 'How long does it take a chicken to cook? What temperature do I set the oven at? How do I work the washing machine?' He's much better now, but is back at home at the moment so no doubt is getting mammied as we speak.

Kalashnikov_Kid

Great thread!

metrovelvet wrote: »

The only element left out of thaed's description is their uncanny and precise ability to master the guilt trip.

I hear you! I was the 'babby' - youngest son of 3 - and had to deal with this on a continuous basis after the others had the right sense to leave the flock - one of the reasons I've left the country! I love her and all, but there is that deviant aspect of the 'Irish mammy' that would literally drive you insane if you're not careful!

rainbowtrout wrote: »

yep, we have a 'good room' at home, the dining room. A total waste of a room if you ask me. It's got a dining room table, polished mahogany type yoke, and china and waterford crystal type set up going on. The room is never used for anything. When I started secondary school I started using the room for study. The parents knocked the wall between it and the sittingroom when I was in leaving cert - there was a hole in the wall for 6 months, so nowhere to study in peace. There's doors there now, which were put in so the room would be used more. It isn't. The original door is locked all the time and it drives mam cracked that I unlock it for easier access.

That's probably the most extreme 'good room' example I've ever heard of. Me and my bros used to call ours the 'good-for-nothing' room!

Catari Jaguar

Thats like my Gran. She must have been a real Irish Mammy. Definite matriarch with the hen pecked husband. She was a right roaring wagon to him. He'd feck off to the tennis club to get away from her. Hahah!

She kept a garden and made rhubarb tart, home made jam etc. Every dish was made with mince and tons of home grown cabbage! She sent all the kids to boarding school, except for one who was kind of special so sent to an institution and it was kept very quiet :rolleyes: The kids were smacked with a wooden spoon for getting out of line.

Down to Mass every day and forcing her religious views (and Holy Water) on everyone, and of course being the least Christian person you could meet. From a country village but adopted this posh Dublin accent and obsessed with appearances, keeping up with the Jones and shopping in Brown Thomas. Still goes to bridge once a week where she gossips and bitches about everyone.

Then there was the shotgun wedding and her obvious dislike towards her son's wife... Oh, she also has a fancy room that's never used.

Yea, I lived with her for 2 years minding her. Not a pleasant woman at all. I'm glad my Mam didn't take after her!!

Abi

Thaedydal wrote: »

Yup, Bless this mess, this is a home that is lived in not a show house.

Funny you say that, that is one of my sayings whenever my mother gets in the front door... she gets snooping, then the eying up 'in disgust'... trying to make it obvious that you don't do it how she does it.. :rolleyes:

Years ago I would have been a bit scatty trying to hide things / tidy as she came in. I'm 30 now, and honestly, I love her. But what is acceptable to her and to me are two different things. I know my home is clean, its just not how she'd like it. I'm too old to care now, and if I catch her doing the disappointed look, I ask her when she left the house last to do something for herself, and remind her life is for living.

You can only do housework outside of the rest of the chores life demands of you. Its nothing to do with being lazy. Womens lives have gotten far more complicated than our mothers and grandmothers etc. Thats no disrespect to them of course, it was laborious and thankless mostly.

But I clean and cook when I can, and I'm studying Science full time. when I get home I'm doing my notes till my hands are sore. So that attitude doesn't cut it with me anymore, and I'm done thinking about what others think.


Irish Mammys need you to need them, so unless its extremely important - cut the supply.

Anouilh

I am Irish...

also a mother...

Much of this thread is seriously scary...

BumbleB

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

you should put that up in wikipedia .Even when I was living at home and in school .I was fiercely independent washed ironed and dryed my own clothes . My brother who is the opposite ,is married with a kid ,his wife went away for 2 weeks left him ,and the house is as state my sister and i had to go over yesterday to clean up the place as she's coming back on Monday.

My Mum is controlling though, but her heart is in the right place ,she'd say stuff like I dont like the way you have your hair ,I am skint on top no choice there.

Dyr

BumbleB wrote: »

you should put that up in wikipedia .

Except that it would be wrong, the core of the irish mammy is that they dote on their sons, as they should

Most of the irish mammy descriptions here seem to be more like demented-middle-class-culchie-weapon descriptions.

BumbleB

Bambi wrote: »

Except that it would be wrong, the core of the irish mammy is that they dote on their sons, as they should

Most of the irish mammy descriptions here seem to be more like demented-middle-class-culchie-weapon descriptions.

Agreed Bambi ,its a tad bit OTT and very sexist towards blokes , and what isn't demonstrated is the love and the lengths irish Mammies would go for their kids not just the sons ,daughters too.:)

opinion guy

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for ...............

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

She is someone who licked a hanky and wiped your face with it while restraining you with a vulcan death grip............

OMG - two best posts of the year.

metrovelvet wrote: »

The only element left out of thaed's description is their uncanny and precise ability to master the guilt trip.

+1. the Irish Mammy Guilt Trip tm is a powerful thing indeed. not to be messed with.

chocgirl wrote: »

I think my Mum probably broke the cycle of irish mammys in her family.....

We salute her great achievement!

Anouilh wrote: »

I am Irish...

also a mother...

Much of this thread is seriously scary...

Lol......too familiar ?:p

Buceph

I know an Irish Mammy who is 22 and has no children. Instead she dotes on her boyfriend and his friends. It's absolutely horrendous. She has this ridiculous notion that "boys" are silly and stupid and don't know what's good for them so they need to be cared for and looked after by their all knowing Irish Mammy. She goes to their house and cleans for them. They used to live in filth knowing full well she'd come and clean up for them. Then she'd make a bag full of empty booze bottles and place them at the end of the stairs and make one of the "boys" carry it out to the rubbish, because "lol that's the only thing they're good for." She cooked for them as well, and actually took delight when they moved to a new house because there was a much better kitchen for her to cook in. Someone ended up having to stay in their house for a night and in return for letting him stay over he said he'd make them all dinner. He was busy cooking away (he's cooked for me before and he's a good cook) and she came in and chased him out of the kitchen because it's not a place for "stupid boys."

She's a running joke, like the 1950's transplanted a housewife into the new millenium. If you want to cook and clean for people fine, but stop calling me a "stupid, silly boy" who can't look after himself.

Anouilh

opinion guy wrote: »

Lol......too familiar ?:p

Au contraire...

I cannot stand suffering...

Women the world round are given the subtle task of easing young people into their cultural context, as this entertaining analysis shows:

http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/j/james/henry/j2p/chapter7.html

Many of the traditional behaviour patterns of the "Irish" are now very much in the past.

It's all hands on deck these days.

King of Kings

Thaedydal wrote: »

Irish mammy syndrome is short hand for the passive agressive manipulative manner in which some women control thier children even when those children are in thier 40s.

It also tends to go hand in hand with the worship of their sons and handicapping them to be able to look after themsleves as they were never made pick up after themselves or cook or do any household chores for themsevles, while also putting down thier daughters and trying to stiffle their spirit as they may as well get used to the life of being a stay at home skivy rather then getting notions.

It is a perverse type of self martyrdom.

you are not bitter are you...:rolleyes:

my mam never did any of that and kicked me out when i was 19 - and she was full blown irish catholic