Silly stuff your parents said

DamoDLK

My mothers voicemail on her mobile:

Hello this is

---

sorry I cant take your call please leave a message and i'll get back to you.............................. is that hash?

Cracks me up everytime!

teddy_303

Aww bless....:)

nachos

A few years ago I was going to an Arctic Monkeys concert. Since it was near my mam's house I decided to drop in for dinner.
Had a grand bit bit of dinner and as I was leaving my mam says to me "Enjoy your Arctic Funkies concert!"

I was in bits!

lynchpin

Big Ears wrote: »

In fairness that priest was a bit of a playboy............your father always was cruel.

notso-quiet1

"your tongue will go black if you lie, stick out your tongue" got my brother for years haha

my uncle went to america for his holidays one year and he and my cuz decided to go to the drive tru. they placed their orders and the waitress repeated their order.

waitress: "so thats two ham burgers, fries..." etc etc

Uncle: "NO! NO! NO HAM!!"

priceless

renraw

"If you fall of that and kill yourself, don't come running to me" and my mam wouold be deadly serious about saying it. Laugh to this day about it

Rylan

My Mum said her phone was telling her it had 1 new message and she wanted to know how to listen to it. I dial 171 and hand her the phone.

Message " Hi Mary, John here ect ect ect....."

Que my mum " hello John, Can you hear me...hello .....hello........" Looks at me confused .."he can't hear me."



Sill lady.:D

brummytom

Mom trying to order me a chicken breast in Portugal. She knew the word for chicken, but not breast.


"Ehh.. Frango. Frango breast." (waiter confused)
"Ermm frango.. ermm"
(Grabs a tit and points to it)
"Frango.. this.. frango"

Oh mother

DarkJager

"If you take LSD you'll lose your mind"

Boy was that 16 hours pretending to be Batman fun.....

Big Ears

lynchpin wrote: »

Don't mind me, just amusing myself.

Poor Uncle Tom

Big Ears wrote: »

Don't mind me, just amusing myself.

Stop that, you'll go blind....

Wazdakka

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

Stop that, you'll go blind....

Apt for the thread

achtungbarry

A few years ago my dad picked a glass from a set of John Rocha glasses my sister had got as a wedding present and said........

"Jaysus, those Simon le Bon glasses are awful fancy aren't they"


He also said on the eve of the changeover to the euro.....

"Ah sure I'm not going to bother with that new euro thingy!

Einstein

when i introduced my girlfriend to my granny for the first time, I suggested she get in her good books by bringing her some Jelly babies...

My GF: "Here u go, I heard you like Jelly Babies"
My Gran: "yea, I love biting the little bastards heads off"

grans ftw

Sinall

When the Crocodile Hunter died I rang home as my father was a fan of the programmes and I thought he would be upset. My mother answered and the conversation went as follows:

Me: "The Crocodile Hunter has died"
Mum: (aghast) "Dundee???"
Me: "No, not Crocodile Dundee"

Everyone near me at work was laughing at this for ages.

We had a Monsignor as a priest in our local parish and my mother couldn't get her head around the fact that his name was Monsignor Murphy, as opposed to Father Murphy and she used to call him Father MonMurphy. Every time! And to his face!

I went to see U2 recently and she asked me "So you're going to see O2? Where are O2 playing?"

Acacia

karlog wrote: »

Eat that now, their's people in Africa who would die for your dinner...............

That reminds me. One time my dad bought my brother a hideous pair of grandad-type shoes, and after much complaining about them he was told, "There are kids in Africa who would love to have shoes likes that!" My brother promptly flung them off and said "Well fcuking send them to them then, I don't want them!":pac:

who what when

Wazdakka wrote: »

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice"

I saw a rugby match before where a player was actually sin binned for giving the ref a dirty look!

victoriaa

I ask my ma things like "where's my bag?" and she answers "half past three" :pac:.. thanks ma for the attention! it's not silly though, it's annoying :rolleyes:

thomond2006

"Father Jack is not your typical priest"

Risteard

Wasn't my parents but a friend's. When I was at their house, sometimes I'd have to go to the supermarket. When we passed the cocktail sausages, his father used to say to us. 'See those? They're bold boys' willies that were cut off so you have to be good or it'll be the same for you.'

Needless to say, we didn't misbehave that much, or eat sausages.

SV

Risteard wrote: »

Wasn't my parents but a friend's. When I was at their house, sometimes I'd have to go to the supermarket. When we passed the cocktail sausages, his father used to say to us. 'See those? They're bold boys' willies that were cut off so you have to be good or it'll be the same for you.'

Needless to say, we didn't misbehave that much, or eat sausages.

My father used to say the same to me..except with frankfurters.

SoWatchaWant

lynchpin wrote: »

Back when the playstation first came out(I was around 13) I jokingly asked my dad to buy one for me.
On Christmas eve he waltzes in and says "Son...your Playboy is out in the car!!!!"

There was neither a playboy or a playstation in the car
Worst Christmas ever

What was it?

DamoDLK

Went fishing a few months ago with a mate and her da up to Fraser Island.. He is a real enthusiastic fisherman. So i was pretending to be very interested even though I really didn't give a shi*e.

Me: So Dave whats the best bait for this type of fish?
Dave: Well Damo, oi reckon chum (or something) is great.
Me: So is that the best type?
Dave: Nah.. the absolute best bait or the master of all baits is comon bait fish...

I wet meself laughing!

jobey

My friend ordered tickets to Bell X1 a few years back and when they arrived in the post his mum shouted up the stairs, "Peter, your tickets for 'boll*cks' are here". So funny.

Another friend's parents were giving out to her brother when suddenly her ma shouted at him "You're such a w*nker sometimes!" soon followed by "...what? I don't know what that means!"

Ah ha.

Kalashnikov_Kid

I remember last summer arguing with my dad to transfer at least some of his inheritance of AIB bank shares to Paddy Power, seeing that at the time they were one of the few Irish retail companies that were expanding at the time.

He insisted he would not do so for 'ethical reasons' and tried to assure me that his money was safe....

:mad:

meganj

My favourite one is when I ring my mother and everytime i say "Mammy it's me" and she says "Who?" I'm her only child for god's sake..

The funniest thing my mother has ever said was when I walked into the kitchen and saw her with her ear pressed up against the tiles and she turned to me and said "they're talking to me" turns out she had accidently rang her voicemail and left her phone on the counter.

She also calls facebook myface and told me that there was a little green man in the traffic lights that controlled them.. his name was Barry.

artanevilla

Yous three are a nice pair, but you didn't come in last night till this morning and you would've woke everyone up only they were asleep so if you want to stay here you'd better get out.

ashyle

my mam asked how she could become my 'helper' on farmville on facebook.. (don't pretend you don't know what farmville is)

ashyle

445279.ie wrote: »

My mother told me that if I opened my bellybutton my bum would fall off :eek:

(still have tested her theory)

my mam said i'd undo it and fly round like a balloon when you let the out of it.. heh.

also my dad was talking about singer Brian Kennedy being bisexual 'he's a watchacallit, ambidextrous'

other choice phrases .. 'i'll be dug out of ye'

oh and deanodrummer, my grandad leaves us voicemails on the fairly upto date answering servic, always ending like 'ok...it's nearly... twenty to five, tuesday...' lol

lynchpin

SoWatchaWant wrote: »

What was it?

A lump of coal and an orange.