Does it bother you if your fella cries?

Tar.Aldarion

Real man don't cry. Happy I'm not a real man.

Only thing that has ever made me cry in my life is two women, I thing us men should forget wimmin?!

Dave147

tman wrote: »

I shed a couple of manly tears while watching Marley and me, think that was the first time I'd ever cried in front of someone for over a decade... It didn't seem to bother the GF, and tbh the thought never even crossed my mind that it would. Can't believe there are women out there that have a problem with something like that!

Was in the cinema watching that, I also have a labrador who is 9 years old, his name is Marley also due to me being a huge Bob Marley fan.. My eyes were completely welled up after watching that because it made me realise I don't have that much time left with my fella

I have cried in front of my gf on more than one occasion, as has she, it's a natural thing to do when something really bad happens and I have no shame in it.

Otis Driftwood

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I mean maybe if someone dies or someone you love is in terrible pain it might be justified but crying at films and misfortunes is inappropriate!

IMO

FYP.

Of course getting upset over something like a Hotel checking you out is a bit much but what Im talking about in a sporting context are tears of joy.

There is a monumental difference in the 2.

I dont mean breaking down and blubbing like a baby either.It can be a simple solitary tear which does happen on occasion if the emotion of the situation cannot be verbalised.As Ive said,people either get it or they dont.

cmf86

Doesnt bother me either. My boyfriend wouldnt be the crying type tho.

His father is sick since my boyfriend was 12 and he has been in the hospital for 4 months now, 2 months ago his mum fell down the stairs and is in ICU in dublin, and still has not woke, she nearly died. He is really close to his mum. He gets very upset at times now because he feels he has lost both his parents at 23. I like to see him cry and get his emotions out but it breaks my heart everytime.

My father wouldnt be the crying time either but when my nana (his mum) passed away 2 months ago he was so upset!

I think its good for men to let things out once in a while, i knew men that have never cried at even family funerals and it has done them no good what so ever.

Snowie

I feel like im about to cry right now, Ive got information stuck in my head and it wont come out, :mad:

tho last time I cried was because I had to in some sort of way it made me feel about 50 times better it was the max of 10 tear's and after that I felt great. It was strange really..but the weight lifted of my shoulders was HUge.

I would cry out of joy if i got a job I really really really want i will cry if i won some sort of extream sport competition I would cry to. Some time you need to blub....

valery

For me if a man needs to cry there should be hangups, I always feel fab after a good "ball" and if it was ok for guys too maybe the world would be a bit more at peace ...you know , let the emotions out with a good cry instead of being pent up. Ah, Im just an oul fart of a hippy with outmoded views but thats my two cents :):)

SeekUp

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Only thing that has ever made me cry in my life is two women, I thing us men should forget wimmin?!

But we'd miss you ever so much . . . (and I'd like to see you try!)

Will

Dunno how to say this so i will just write it and see how it flows.

I'm a regular joe, not some macho man beating my chest but no pansy either. Not ashamed to say it. Lately, I spent a lot of time upset, crying on occasion on my own in my room. Why did i stay up here out of the way where no one could see me? I didn't want people to see me upset, i didn't want people to feel sorry for me for being upset. I didn't want the attention. I don't know why, and it's hard to put into words even now.

I tried to hold it in, to the point of my jaw getting sore from clenching my teeth so hard. Then just gave up and let it come out, was relieving. Thinking about it, sadness is one of the only emotions where you lose control of your body and the result is crying (opposite would be laughing). I think the fear of losing control of your body is what scares guys, well me anyway. Women in general are more in tune and accepting of their bodies and bodily functions, and as a result from this i think they are more in tune with their emotions, aren't afraid to cry and show emotion.

Maddison

In 7 years Ive prob only seen my OH cry twice, once was when our son was born & another time was just after his grandad died & he was a bit drunk. It absolutely broke my heart cause here was the guy that was my tower of strength when I was having a hard time & I felt so helpless...all I could do was hug him.

Maddison

I normally find that a good cry works wonders....I hope this made you feel a little better Will x

Will wrote: »

Dunno how to say this so i will just write it and see how it flows.

I'm a regular joe, not some macho man beating my chest but no pansy either. Not ashamed to say it. Lately, I spent a lot of time upset, crying on occasion on my own in my room. Why did i stay up here out of the way where no one could see me? I didn't want people to see me upset, i didn't want people to feel sorry for me for being upset. I didn't want the attention. I don't know why, and it's hard to put into words even now.

I tried to hold it in, to the point of my jaw getting sore from clenching my teeth so hard. Then just gave up and let it come out, was relieving. Thinking about it, sadness is one of the only emotions where you lose control of your body and the result is crying (opposite would be laughing). I think the fear of losing control of your body is what scares guys, well me anyway. Women in general are more in tune and accepting of their bodies and bodily functions, and as a result from this i think they are more in tune with their emotions, aren't afraid to cry and show emotion.

ladhrann

Will wrote: »

Dunno how to say this so i will just write it and see how it flows.

I'm a regular joe, not some macho man beating my chest but no pansy either. Not ashamed to say it. Lately, I spent a lot of time upset, crying on occasion on my own in my room. Why did i stay up here out of the way where no one could see me? I didn't want people to see me upset, i didn't want people to feel sorry for me for being upset. I didn't want the attention. I don't know why, and it's hard to put into words even now.

Fair play and it takes a lot to come out and say that.

I find it difficult to deal with a male friend who cries. It's only happened once but I was absolutely clueless as to how to deal with it.

Personally, like Tar.Aldarion above, I've only cried (thrice) over a woman. I did cry twice during fights that we had actually. Does that make me an emotional blackmailer? She used to all the time, and I to be honest it was such a well of frustration and sadness that I literally could not stop it. Especially as the individual was very hard to talk to. Like Will said, it was almost like a physical wrench and my body took over.

I wonder now if that outlet of the crying, made me stay longer as some the frustration was released and I was more prepared to give in or agree with her???
The last time was of a totally different quality, when we broke up, it was like a catharsis. It was tears without the loss of control or angst, it was almost emotionless. Is anyone familiar with this?

Tar.Aldarion

Did you feel numb and cry was it? I don't really have a choice when I cry, your body takes over and that's that, it takes a lot for it to happen but when it does, it doesn't stop for ages! That's one type, the other is what you mention, sitting there quite emotionless and the tears just kind of run down your face, in a manly a way as possible. I finf the latter one much worse, that numbness, but maybe that is not the same as yours.
It is difficult with a male friend all right, we tend to want to be left alone and so you are just kindof standing nearby not knowing what to do.

TriceMarie

Will wrote: »

Dunno how to say this so i will just write it and see how it flows.

I'm a regular joe, not some macho man beating my chest but no pansy either. Not ashamed to say it. Lately, I spent a lot of time upset, crying on occasion on my own in my room. Why did i stay up here out of the way where no one could see me? I didn't want people to see me upset, i didn't want people to feel sorry for me for being upset. I didn't want the attention. I don't know why, and it's hard to put into words even now.

I tried to hold it in, to the point of my jaw getting sore from clenching my teeth so hard. Then just gave up and let it come out, was relieving. Thinking about it, sadness is one of the only emotions where you lose control of your body and the result is crying (opposite would be laughing). I think the fear of losing control of your body is what scares guys, well me anyway. Women in general are more in tune and accepting of their bodies and bodily functions, and as a result from this i think they are more in tune with their emotions, aren't afraid to cry and show emotion.

I understand how you feel,and I'm a girl.
It's not just guys that feel uncomfortable crying in front of people.
If I ever feel myself beging to cry I'll run out of the room.
I think I hate to be seen vulnerable or as you said,people to feel sorry for you.
Also I don't want to seem like I want attention or something.
If I cry it's on my own,if situations don't get in the way.
The only time I feel comfortable crying is when I'm acting,I guess because it's not really me crying then.
I guess it's weird,but it's great therapy!:o:)

I would not mind in the slightest if a boyfriend etc. cried.
And as people have said,it does really break your heart when men close to you cry.
And if it was a justified reason(non emotional blackmail reasons) it would be good for them to get it out,and I could try comfort them.
It's great to feel that close,safe with someone.

It actually really annoys me when men put on this macho act.
If guys physically don't cry,fine..but if they try to ignore it,no thats not cool.


Although I've never seen a man doing it,film crying is fine too in my opinion.I do it myself...:o

d-gal

Darragh29 wrote: »

Any man crying at a football or rugby match in my opinion is gay. Nothing wrong with being gay by the way!

I would love you to tell that to Jerry Flannery and John Hayes at the national anthem in croker against England!
I have shed tears over matches and damn proud of it, it shows you care and are extremely passionate about it. Hell look at Paul O'Connell, probably the ultimate macho man of Ireland and when Munster first won the Heineken Cup he bucketed in tears of joy. He has given his life to rugby and shows passion. and power to him for it

pikachucheeks

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

But crying is a thing children do. I mean maybe if someone dies or someone you love is in terrible pain it might be justified but crying at films and misfortunes is inappropriate!

Why do you think crying is for children?
People shouldn't feel expressing emotion by crying is something that has an age limit. It's not un-natural or abnormal to cry, whatever your age. or gender.

No one should be embarrassed to cry or to express themselves - bottling up how you feel is a very pressurising, stressful thing to inflict on yourself.

d-gal wrote: »

I would love you to tell that to Jerry Flannery and John Hayes at the national anthem in croker against England!
I have shed tears over matches and damn proud of it, it shows you care and are extremely passionate about it. Hell look at Paul O'Connell, probably the ultimate macho man of Ireland and when Munster first won the Heineken Cup he bucketed in tears of joy. He has given his life to rugby and shows passion. and power to him for it

Totally agree! I loved reading that I think it's amazing to witness moments like that, you get a sense of their joy and how hard they worked to get to where they are.

My younger brother is a massive rugby fan, he has been all his life. He recently found out that he's been accepted to a training squad for Munster. Understanding his passion for the game and his hard work, I cried because I know how much that means to him. I'm so proud of him and his passion for something he loves.

Malari

pikachucheeks wrote: »

No one should be embarrassed to cry or to express themselves - bottling up how you feel is a very pressurising, stressful thing to inflict on yourself.

That's interesting. I tend to cry more when I am very angry or frustrated, rather than sad. If something is beyond my control or I'm having an intense argument. My boyfriend does not understand this and thinks it's an irrational response.

Abi

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Only thing that has ever made me cry in my life is two women, I think us men should forget wimmin?!

Ohhh. Its like that then. If you think women can make you cry, wait till you see what a guy can do to ya =P

Latchy wrote: »

He's already scored two goals for them in a friendly match today :eek:

Its so wrong.

pikachucheeks

Malari wrote: »

That's interesting. I tend to cry more when I am very angry or frustrated, rather than sad. If something is beyond my control or I'm having an intense argument. My boyfriend does not understand this and thinks it's an irrational response.

There's nothing wrong with that! Not everyone cries because they're sad, it's just an emotional response.
I cried hysterically on my friend's shoulder, waiting in A&E because I was exhausted and completely out of energy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with crying, it's a release. Better out than in!

As I've mentioned in other threads, I went to boarding school. I shared a dorm with up to eight girls for six years. I saw tears over everything from losing a hockey match, being cheated on, to family bereavement. I've never been used to having privacy, so I'm perfectly fine with crying in front of people or having them crying in front of me. I take it as natural.

Malari

pikachucheeks wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with that! Not everyone cries because they're sad, it's just an emotional response.
I cried hysterically on my friend's shoulder, waiting in A&E because I was exhausted and completely out of energy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with crying, it's a release. Better out than in!

As I've mentioned in other threads, I went to boarding school. I shared a dorm with up to eight girls for six years. I saw tears over everything from losing a hockey match, being cheated on, to family bereavement. I've never been used to having privacy, so I'm perfectly fine with crying in front of people or having them crying in front of me. I take it as natural.

I know there's nothing wrong with it But I don't really feel comfortable crying in front of people. Anyone. If I want to cry, I'll do it on my own if I can help it.

UpCork

Malari wrote: »

I know there's nothing wrong with it But I don't really feel comfortable crying in front of people. Anyone. If I want to cry, I'll do it on my own if I can help it.

I see what you are saying Malari. I'm female but I'm not an overly emotional person. If I cry, it's because of something that's really important to me, or something that has really affected me. I'd cry in front of my family, but wouldn't be comfortable even in front of friends. I think it's because when you are emotional, you are at your most vulnerable and I don't feel at ease with showing vulnerability in front of other. Odd I know.

Malari

UpCork wrote: »

I see what you are saying Malari. I'm female but I'm not an overly emotional person. If I cry, it's because of something that's really important to me, or something that has really affected me. I'd cry in front of my family, but wouldn't be comfortable even in front of friends. I think it's because when you are emotional, you are at your most vulnerable and I don't feel at ease with showing vulnerability in front of other. Odd I know.

Yeah, I'd go along with that! It is a very vulnerable position when you are crying and personally I see it as a weakness in myself (not that I judge anyone else for crying easily) and would only let very few people see me in that way.

I don't cry at movies, or listening to someone's sad story, or reading. I can feel moved, but separate myself enough from it to avoid crying.

pikachucheeks

UpCork wrote: »

I see what you are saying Malari. I'm female but I'm not an overly emotional person. If I cry, it's because of something that's really important to me, or something that has really affected me. I'd cry in front of my family, but wouldn't be comfortable even in front of friends. I think it's because when you are emotional, you are at your most vulnerable and I don't feel at ease with showing vulnerability in front of other. Odd I know.

I wouldn't say it's odd to be uncomfortable with being vunerable in front of someone at all!

I think everyone can indentify with that, on some level and has been there at some stage in their lives!

I cried in front of the girls in school because we were literally always exposed, we lived our lives in front of each other and we had to learn to deal with that! We learned to trust each other, their problems became mine and vice versa. We had nights when one person was sad and we'd all end up in one bed, crying our eyes out!

Being through that has made me a firm believer that it's perfectly fine and normal to show emotion! Bottling things up causes you a great deal of stress and it's not healthy.

I believe if you're feeling emotions, it's for a reason. It's natural and it's nothing to be ashamed of! It's fine to want to shield your reactions, like crying, from people and want to maintain composure, but it's fine to give in, to break down, sometimes. No one's going to laugh or think you're stupid, if they have any sort of heart or human compassion!

Oh The Humanity

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Why do you think crying is for children?
People shouldn't feel expressing emotion by crying is something that has an age limit. It's not un-natural or abnormal to cry, whatever your age. or gender.

I think some people are criers and some are not.
For me its not that I am supressing it, its just not there as an automatic reaction. I would try to do things about the problem and bear it.

I suppose in our house you wouldn't really be encouraged to entertain self pity you would be expected to get on with it.

The closest I would have come to it in the last few years would have been when my Mam was sick.
Actually after reading this thread I was feeling a bit strange about it and I asked my boyfriend if he thought I was cold.
He said no way at all but he has never seen me cry now that he thinks of it.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

No one should be embarrassed to cry or to express themselves - bottling up how you feel is a very pressurising, stressful thing to inflict on yourself.

But you have to carry things stoicly and solve your own problems. Crying about things is really for children. I mean its a way of telling the world you have a problem and expect others to solve it for you sort of, isn't it really.

Wheras adults should not burden others with their own responsibilities. I mean thats self pity then really isn't it!

pikachucheeks

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

But you have to carry things stoicly and solve your own problems. Crying about things is really for children. I mean its a way of telling the world you have a problem and expect others to solve it for you sort of, isn't it really.

Wheras adults should not burden others with their own responsibilities. I mean thats self pity then really isn't it!

I think it's a misconception that crying is expecting people to solve your problems and issues.

Sometimes, crying can just be a way of releasing pressure or tension, rather than the result of a serious problem or a plea for attention or help.

I think it's quite sad that you think adults shouldn't burden people with their "responsibilities".
It's true that it's a good thing to be self-reliant sometimes - but to claim that adults shouldn't burden people by sharing their responsibilites, that's a very despairing attitude to have.
Friends and family are always there to speak to, if you have an issue. They're there to support you, to give you advice! We all have problems, from time to time, some more than others, but no one should feel like they're being a burden by asking for help, or by showing their emotions.

Malari

pikachucheeks wrote: »

We had nights when one person was sad and we'd all end up in one bed, crying our eyes out!

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I think some people are criers and some are not.

I think the same as OTH. I've been there when a bunch of my female friends were bawling their eyes out over something and I just don't have any empathy. Sympathy, yes, if someone is upset, but I never feel the urge to cry if someone else is upset. The phrase "don't you start or we'll all be crying" has always been unfathomable to me.

Ollchailin

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I think it's a misconception that crying is expecting people to solve your problems and issues.

Sometimes, crying can just be a way of releasing pressure or tension, rather than the result of a serious problem or a plea for attention or help.

I think it's quite sad that you think adults shouldn't burden people with their "responsibilities".
It's true that it's a good thing to be self-reliant sometimes - but to claim that adults shouldn't burden people by sharing their responsibilites, that's a very despairing attitude to have.
Friends and family are always there to speak to, if you have an issue. They're there to support you, to give you advice! We all have problems, from time to time, some more than others, but no one should feel like they're being a burden by asking for help, or by showing their emotions.

I would definitely be the type who gets annoyed at people who are full of self pity, the "woe is me" types who won't get on with things and just tend to dwell on the past.

However, if someone is genuinely upset over something, be it failing an exam, having a horrible day at work, physically injuring themselves, the break up of a relationship- then you should absolutely feel that it's ok to share your problem with someone, regardless of the fact that you're an adult. The minute you turn 18 does not mean that you have to keep everything to yourself and just get over it if you're upset about something. As I said, it's not good to dwell over things, but sharing your problem can often help to make you feel better more quickly.

It's not that you're expecting someone to solve your issues, it's just that sometimes it releases all the tension you've been building up inside. I have one friend who I've known for 23 years and have only seen her cry once. So I do agree that some people are criers and some are not- but just because you might cry over something does not mean that you are over sensitive and over emotional.

Oh The Humanity

Well as you both describe it thats reasonable of course but I read a post on here recently where a girl said her boyfriend had seen her cry every week....!

I mean that makes me feel very uncomfortable indeed. I've heard of grown women crying because they are drunk/have period pains/someone hurt their feelings/they had a bad day at work/their boyfriend argued with them/they crashed their car etc....

I mean is that not strange?

I am very soft and hate to see people suffer so I think to cry about things like that is shocking or amazing. I have to go if it starts!

I can remember occassions where things like that would happen and I would just carry on as normal and deal with it. I mean several heavy things would layer up and then you would see someone crying because their Work Review didn't go their way or some sh1t and you'd just think....oh ffs pull yerself togetha!

Ollchailin

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I've heard of grown women crying because they are drunk/have period pains/someone hurt their feelings/they had a bad day at work/their boyfriend argued with them/they crashed their car etc....

I mean is that not strange?

I am very soft and hate to see people suffer so I think to cry about things like that is shocking or amazing. I have to go if it starts!

Is crashing your car not a big deal?! I would definitely cry if I crashed my car.

I'd probably cry if my boyfriend argued with me too, although depends on the reasons. I have cried because of having a bad day at work- only a few times though. I'm a teacher and to have 25 teenagers in your face is horrible.

I agree though if someone's crying because they are drunk it's really uncomfortable (and i've done it myself many times!) because you just know that the person is going to be so embarrassed the next day. It's totally different to someone being genuinely upset about something- alcohol gets rid of all reasoning!!

Gauge

Several posts imply that "crying" and "getting on and dealing with it" are mutually exclusive- why is this? Whether I'm crying over something or not doesn't affect my ability to solve problems.

Oh The Humanity

Ollchailin wrote: »

Is crashing your car not a big deal?! I would definitely cry if I crashed my car.

I'd probably cry if my boyfriend argued with me too, although depends on the reasons. I have cried because of having a bad day at work- only a few times though. I'm a teacher and to have 25 teenagers in your face is horrible.

You see thats what makes me wonder is there something wrong with me. I mounted a verge in snow and ice before and broke the wishbone in my car. So I got out, saw the damage, rang and arranged a tow and went to work on the bus and said nothing.

Another time I wrote off the car (not my fault) the airbag went off punched me in the face and covered me in white powder, the car was like a concertina, but I just got out and went to the other car to see if they were ok and they were all crying. I was astounded!

Yet another time a fella crashed into (luckily) the passenger side at 50kph and my car ended up backwards on the other side of the road. I didn't cry or want to cry. Exchanged details and went home.

Another time a fella rear ended me due to him looking at the wrong lights on a roundabout he got out and roared at me calling me a cnut. I explained about the lights and even though he broke my rear reg plate I let him on as I just wanted to go home and you could still open and close the boot and read the reg.

In all cases I got myself home and organised sorting the car. Did not enter my head to cry.

But a friend of mine was in a MINOR fender bender, I mean someone TIPPED her rear bumper, bit of paint, nothing even worth exchanging details and she locked the doors and windows and stayed inside the car crying blocking off one of the lanes on the North quays for no reason!

I mean.....if you are not hurt and the other people are not hurt, insurance will cover damage....what is the point of crying!

I have never cried at work or in an argument.....work is not important enough to me to cry and well I dont argue much with my boyfriend but if I am in the wrong I will admit it, if he is he will so no point in crying!