I dont love him anymore

hopeful_girl

if you dont love him, dont stay with him.

your just breaking his heart.





and being single shows a little independence.

Dudess

midlandsmissus wrote: »

The thing is Dudess, and if you want to fling 'pathetically needy' at me, I'll fling 'overly judgemental' at you.....it's not that I can't survive being on my own, I was single for yrs and extremely happy.

It's just this was my first really serious relationship and for a long time I thought we were dead set,going to get married,all planned out. That's where the jump to single is scary. Im just so used to having some-one now I cant even remember what its like to be single.

And if you cant be a feminist (believe in equal rights to men) and also be allowed to get vulnerable and scared over a break up, then I don't want to be one.

Ok, sorry for my harshness, but while I initially thought when I read your "I'LL BE SINGLE!!!" comment, that you were just freaked at the prospect of your relationship ending because of how lost and alone you'll feel (and yeah, that sucks) you then said "I'm getting old and I'm afraid there'll be no men out there for me" which gave me the impression you were more bothered simply about being single in and of itself. And I consider that fairly grim thinking - and definitely helping to galvanise that attitude towards single women which should have been expunged from society long ago, yet still exists sadly... because of being propagated by attitudes like the above. It didn't seem you were freaked by the break-up that much seeing as you'd rather not be with him anyway.
It's HILARIOUS to think you won't meet someone at 25 or older - where on earth did you get that from? It's extremely silly and a bit bleak coming from an intelligent, strong woman. It's silly coming from a 33-year-old, not to mind a 25-year-old. Did you grow up in a small town? I'm not being facetious but I get the impression that view is more prevalent in rural communities. People I know from rural areas seem to get married very young, or lots of their friends do.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in love (the best feeling ever) and I'm not forcing the whole "yeah, single women are stronger and feistier" mindset on you either (which is nonsense) but I'm just saying it's a bad idea to be of the view: relationship good, single bad... it really depends on the person - and the relationship if there is one.

And I can totally understand you feeling vulnerable and lonely after being part of a couple for so long - I never said there was anything wrong with feeling that way, it's perfectly natural. Remaining in a relationship though because you're afraid you won't meet anyone else... well it's probably the worst reason to stay in a relationship. Free and single versus in an unhappy relationship - a no-brainer, surely?

Walls

Just to add my two cent, I got the same idea as Duddess about your post (sorry if I was too harsh as a result).

MJOR

Being with some that you don't love or not sure do you love is soul destroying after a while trust me. Being single is the braver option. I am Thirty and only met my future hubby two years ago.... Take some time for yourself... Get yourself a plane ticket and spare yourself a lot of heartache girl! Take some time to lick your wounds and you'll be fine

I know when you plan things sometimes the plan is better than the reality... But reality is where you get your heart broken.

Best of luck xxxxxxxxxxx

Mrs Fed

Wow.....you are 25, why should you be unhappy at 25?
I don't want to be superficial, I don't wanna say who cares...you don't love him anymore so...off you go. I know that it hurts, that it's hard but if there is no love....no point in continuing.
Just concentrate on yourself and in understanding what you want really!

Ciao

Vinny-Chase

OP by the sound of it, it sounds like you know what you need to do and what you want to do. You should just go ahead and finish it. No good can come by delaying it. You're only going to make yourself unhappier by the day.

Best of luck with your decision. One way or the other, it will all work itself out for the best.

muttingaa

I believe if you set them free you will find the answer. I'm single myself so if it does'nt work out you can give me a shout!

jojobrad

Id go and then call him from Ireland to say its over. He sounds like a bit of a hot head. You need to think about your safety too.

watna

I feel for you, I do. I know what it is like to be miles from home, away from friends and family with your bf, in a country where you are surrounded by his friends and family. It's scary even when things are going well between you and your boyfriend.

I also understand your first post about worrying about being single, I'm presuming you mean because you thought you'd get married and be with this person for the rest of your life and then suddenly, that future is not there any more and things are far less certain in your life - not that there will be no men left. Again, I understand that compeltely. I don't think it's fair for people to jusge you when you were reaching out for help.

If I were you, I would go home. At the back of my mind I know if things did go tits up that there is always that option. If you don't love him any more and you know that is definitely the case then it is not fair on anyone to keep it going. The longer you are in his country the more used to you being there he will be. I would book a flight, tell him the truth, then tell his family as honestly as you can. Then go home. They will respect you for telling the truth. Yes, it will be crap, but in the long run it will be better.

Good luck and remember, sometimes you have to look after yourself first, because nobody else will.

irishjig69b

How did this pan out any1 no??

Wibbs

No zombie threads please irishjig69b. Plus if the original poster wanted to let us know they would have done over the last three years. Thread closed.