Jokes not everyone will get

General Zod

V/I is futile.

chopperbyrne

I'll go with the obvious.

There are 10 types of people in this world, those that understand binary and those that don't.

chin_grin

"What's the most important factor a comedian can have timing."

I sent that around to most of my mates....about say...60% texted back going "what?". Facepalm.

And another;

"Did you hear that exaggerations are up a million percent this year?"

TheTubes

chin_grin wrote: »

"What's the most important factor a comedian can have timing."

brilliant.

ejmaztec

chin_grin wrote: »

"What's the most important factor a comedian can have timing."

I sent that around to most of my mates....about say...60% texted back going "what?". Facepalm.

And another;

"Did you hear that exaggerations are up a million percent this year?"

It's the way you tell 'em.:(

I'm so cultured, I make yoghurt jealous

AnonoBoy

chin_grin wrote: »

"What's the most important factor a comedian can have timing."

I sent that around to most of my mates....about say...60% texted back going "what?". Facepalm.

It doesn't really work as a text joke though, does it?

It's the sort of thing that you need to hear.

Steve Martin used to have a big long involved joke about plumbing with lots of technical jargon thrown in and when he finished there'd be stony silence. He'd look around and say "Is that plumbing convention not in tonight?"

I liked that one.

chin_grin

ejmaztec wrote: »

It's the way you tell 'em.:(

AnonoBoy wrote: »

It doesn't really work as a text joke though, does it?

It's the sort of thing that you need to hear.

See, I'm of the other opinion that it only works when read! Dunno. When you say it people look at you like a dog that's just been shown a card trick. When it's written down you can kinda look back and go..."Ah, yeah....get it now". Or maybe when I first came across it, it was written and that's the medium I use.

Diff'rent Strokes I s'pose.

javaboy

Moved from After Hours. Please read the charter here before saying "that joke is crap".

chin_grin

chin_grin wrote: »

"Did you hear that exaggerations are up a million percent this year?"

Classic..

Steoob

chin_grin wrote:

What's the most important factor a comedian can have timing.

OK can someone please explain this joke haha.

Rabies

Steoob wrote: »

OK can someone please explain this joke haha.

No pause.

Slidey

Rabies wrote: »

No pause.

That the one about the dog with no legs?

kev_s88

how did the crotchet get into the 3/4 bar of music???


he waltzed in *








*this is a very music nerd joke so i really dont expect many people to get it

WithCheesePlease

General Zod wrote: »

V/I is futile.

Uhhh, I had to look that up.

Ok, this joke is crap but it fits the bill...

2 republicans are walking down the road in Belfast when they see a guy standing against a wall.
"An ceapann tú go bhfuil an fear sin san U.V.F.?"
"Ni ceapaim"

Steoob

Rabies wrote: »

No pause.

Oh... ya I got that, I just assumed that there was a funny answer. I was wrong.

sedantez

Q. Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

A. Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon....

whereas ...

Michael Jackson sleeps with small children.

FruitLover

どうして鶏はメビウスの輪を横切ったの？

同じ側にいくためさ。

byrner88

FruitLover wrote: »

どうして鶏はメビウスの輪を横切ったの？

同じ側にいくためさ。

thats hillarious

Bearhunter

gearoid_healy wrote: »

Uhhh, I had to look that up.

Ok, this joke is crap but it fits the bill...

2 republicans are walking down the road in Belfast when they see a guy standing against a wall.
"An ceapann tú go bhfuil an fear sin san U.V.F.?"
"Ni ceapaim"

Genius, pure fuggin genius.

Why was Lieutenant Uhuru brown?

Cos William Shatner

kildara

FruitLover wrote: »

どうして鶏はメビウスの輪を横切ったの？

同じ側にいくためさ。

byrner88 wrote: »

thats hillarious

Hirrarious?

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/

Capt'n Midnight

Meiosis?

thebullkf

did you know that 60% of statistics are made up....and 30% of people believe that.

thebullkf

5/3rds of people don't understand fractions.

thebullkf

statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy

thebullkf

whats the diff. between an apple and an orange?

they're both green.












except for the orange.

WithCheesePlease

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

banjopaul

gearoid_healy wrote: »

Uhhh, I had to look that up.

Ok, this joke is crap but it fits the bill...

2 republicans are walking down the road in Belfast when they see a guy standing against a wall.
"An ceapann tú go bhfuil an fear sin san U.V.F.?"
"Ni ceapaim"

very good!

staker

Two lesbianns in a bath.
One says, "Where's the soap?", the other replies
"Does, doesn't it?"

Slidey

Heard that before but it is class... ^

kumate_champ07

<snip>

kumate_champ07

<snip>

civis_liberalis

I thought this thread was called "Jokes not everyone will get" and not "Stuff I read on Sickipedia".

I didn't get the UVF joke btw...

kumate_champ07

civis_liberalis wrote: »

Stuff I read on Sickipedia.

awesome i just googled that!

amacachi

civis_liberalis wrote: »

I thought this thread was called "Jokes not everyone will get" and not "Stuff I read on Sickipedia".

I didn't get the UVF joke btw...

"An ceapann tú go bhfuil an fear sin san U.V.F.?" = Do you think that man is in the UVF?

"Ni ceapaim." Means "I don't think so." However it sounds like "kneecap him." When read with a northern accent.

Rabies

posts snipped

read the charter

kumate_champ07

Rabies wrote: »

posts snipped

read the charter

you didnt get the jokes?

Rabies

kumate_champ07 wrote: »

you didnt get the jokes?

I did.

You didn't read the charter.

zuroph

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Fish.

passive

staker wrote: »

Two lesbianns in a bath.
One says, "Where's the soap?", the other replies
"Does, doesn't it?"

...I can't figure this out at all?

chin_grin

Or

How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

thebullkf

passive wrote: »

...I can't figure this out at all?

wears the soap...wears it out????


i think!!!

mink_man

wears the soap...wears it out????


i think!!!

i dont get it either still!

thebullkf

mink_man wrote: »

i dont get it either still!

bumpin-n-grindingthe vag off each other,,

a clean joke:p

mink_man

what does the soap stand for??

994

chin_grin wrote: »

"What's the most important factor a comedian can have timing."

I sent that around to most of my mates....about say...60% texted back going "what?". Facepalm.

And another;

"Did you hear that exaggerations are up a million percent this year?"

I read one, "Today we did an exaggeration exam in school. We had to answer a million questions and if we got one wrong, the teacher killed us."

Capt'n Midnight

How did our old currency get it's name ?
It rhymes with bank manager.

aboutimeilogin!

i just beat my son in a game of knuckles,
he's such a sore loser!

GiftofGab

thebullkf wrote: »

whats the diff. between an apple and an orange?

they're both green.












except for the orange.

Should it not be 'what have an apple and an orange got in common?

they're both green.....









except for the orange'

Pal

passive wrote: »

...I can't figure this out at all?

use your finger