borderline personality disorder/bpd

Xmasholly

MyKeyG wrote: »

I'm a little confused regarding BPD. It seems a lot of the symptoms can be attributed to any one of a number of different mental disorders. I have had CAD for the past two years but I often wonder about BPD.

I know I can be paranoid and combative. I'm certainly given to fits of anger though there is usually an apparent provocation. In a nutshell. What should I be looking for?

I've been to two councillors, a psychologist and a behavioural therapist and they never even mentioned BPD.

Sorry dont want to sound stupid but what is CAD?

MyKeyG

Xmasholly wrote: »

Sorry dont want to sound stupid but what is CAD?

No I made an assumption. Chronic anxiety disorder.

Xmasholly

MyKeyG wrote: »

No I made an assumption. Chronic anxiety disorder.

Ah ok sorry didnt know what it was abbreviated from! Did you have a look at the diagnostic criteria?
Ill try and list what they mean in real life:
So.. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment- for me constantly calling, texting, obsessive behaviour in interpersonal relationships, mates - girlfriends or boyf, asking them how they feel 24/7, looking for unreasonable validation, not wanting them to go out with mates or have hobbies, with mates wanting to be the best friend.

a pattern of unstable r'ships, characterised between idealization or devalaution: For me with men, they're like god couldnt get better they dont answer your 20 phonecalls, u freak, cry theyre like the worst ever
friends- u love them suddenly they dont answer one text or call or forget to meet u then u suddenly feel intense anger or hate

Identity Disturbance- for me - im gorgeous, bright etc to being fat, ugly stupid not worth knowing

Inpulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self harming- sex, drink, drugs, overspending, drink driving, binge eating, for me one night stands and overspending- running up huge mobile bills talking to ppl

Recurrent suicidal threats, behaviour, attempts, for me I had a big row a break up, i have taken tablets and called the ex or mate who left me.

Affective Instability due to marked reactivity of mood - for me tiny things can set me off and i dont talk to my partner for hours sometimes a couple of days, but with mates some i have never spoken to again ( i may even be annoyed at something they said last week, month, year and something triggers the angry response)

chronic feelings of emptiness- for me just feeling so detached and lonely and that theres nothing inside me worth having.

Inappropriate anger, difficulty controlling anger- for me inappropriate is the buzz word, most ppl wont go off on one if their partner laughs at them singing a word wrong in song while driving away to cork for the weekend, i flipped and wouldnt speak to him for 16 hours. I couldnt control how angry i felt coz i was annoyed i got a word wrong, at work if someone makes a mistake in their own work and i find out about it from someone else i go ****ing nuts even though it doesnt effect me directly.

the last criteria is transient, stress related paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms, this is i only have rarely but recently in couples therapy with my fiance, he said something and i erupted, then he started crying, coz clearly i hurt him but yet i told him to wipe his eyes i didnt want to see him crying like a pussy, that it wasnt my fault.

Hmmmmmm.... another big thing with BPD is that the person can be can manipulative, although i hope i am not very often, i do emotionally beat my fiance when i wont or cant responsibility for an argument.

Hope this helps!

MyKeyG

Xmasholly wrote: »

Ah ok sorry didnt know what it was abbreviated from! Did you have a look at the diagnostic criteria?
Ill try and list what they mean in real life:
So.. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment- for me constantly calling, texting, obsessive behaviour in interpersonal relationships, mates - girlfriends or boyf, asking them how they feel 24/7, looking for unreasonable validation, not wanting them to go out with mates or have hobbies, with mates wanting to be the best friend.

a pattern of unstable r'ships, characterised between idealization or devalaution: For me with men, they're like god couldnt get better they dont answer your 20 phonecalls, u freak, cry theyre like the worst ever
friends- u love them suddenly they dont answer one text or call or forget to meet u then u suddenly feel intense anger or hate

Identity Disturbance- for me - im gorgeous, bright etc to being fat, ugly stupid not worth knowing

Inpulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self harming- sex, drink, drugs, overspending, drink driving, binge eating, for me one night stands and overspending- running up huge mobile bills talking to ppl

Recurrent suicidal threats, behaviour, attempts, for me I had a big row a break up, i have taken tablets and called the ex or mate who left me.

Affective Instability due to marked reactivity of mood - for me tiny things can set me off and i dont talk to my partner for hours sometimes a couple of days, but with mates some i have never spoken to again ( i may even be annoyed at something they said last week, month, year and something triggers the angry response)

chronic feelings of emptiness- for me just feeling so detached and lonely and that theres nothing inside me worth having.

Inappropriate anger, difficulty controlling anger- for me inappropriate is the buzz word, most ppl wont go off on one if their partner laughs at them singing a word wrong in song while driving away to cork for the weekend, i flipped and wouldnt speak to him for 16 hours. I couldnt control how angry i felt coz i was annoyed i got a word wrong, at work if someone makes a mistake in their own work and i find out about it from someone else i go ****ing nuts even though it doesnt effect me directly.

the last criteria is transient, stress related paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms, this is i only have rarely but recently in couples therapy with my fiance, he said something and i erupted, then he started crying, coz clearly i hurt him but yet i told him to wipe his eyes i didnt want to see him crying like a pussy, that it wasnt my fault.

Hmmmmmm.... another big thing with BPD is that the person can be can manipulative, although i hope i am not very often, i do emotionally beat my fiance when i wont or cant responsibility for an argument.

Hope this helps!

I did check them up but your personal experiences illustrated them well. I'm pretty sure I've never suffered from many of those criteria or at least not in the extreme you seem to have suffered.

The emotional bullying and manipulation caught my eye and it's certainly something I've been guilty of. Also the feelings of self worth but I suffer from very low self esteem so that could be the primary contributory factor.

I'll probably look into it further and again I appreciate your candid personal experiences. I hope you keep as well as possible.

Xmasholly

MyKeyG wrote: »

I did check them up but your personal experiences illustrated them well. I'm pretty sure I've never suffered from many of those criteria or at least not in the extreme you seem to have suffered.

The emotional bullying and manipulation caught my eye and it's certainly something I've been guilty of. Also the feelings of self worth but I suffer from very low self esteem so that could be the primary contributory factor.

I'll probably look into it further and again I appreciate your candid personal experiences. I hope you keep as well as possible.

I suppose the biggest part of BPD is intense emotional relationships with ppl and how you act or react to ppl.
What symptoms do you have?

sam34

saa and mykeyg, if you are concerned re symptoms and potential diagnosis then you need to see a professional. do not rely on Internet checklists.

Xmasholly

sam34 wrote: »

saa and mykeyg, if you are concerned re symptoms and potential diagnosis then you need to see a professional. do not rely on Internet checklists.

I totally agree sam, sorry if it sounded like i was trying to diagnose saa or mykeyg. I had never heard of Borderline till I was diagnosed with it.
Therefore as I said in previous posts, seek help from relevant professionals what ever the diagnosis.:D

MyKeyG

sam34 wrote: »

saa and mykeyg, if you are concerned re symptoms and potential diagnosis then you need to see a professional. do not rely on Internet checklists.

Hi Sam. It is something I plan to discuss with my Doctor today but I've have been to two counsellors in the past and a behavioural therapist and two psychologists particularly this year for a number of reasons and BPD wasn't even mentioned. I was just trying to get some practical experience or advice before I see my Dr. I find for the most part Doctors like to make the diagnosis rather than be told by a patient what they think they have since the first question he's going to ask is 'why do you think you have this?'.

Cheers for all the info guys.

sam34

MyKeyG wrote: »

Hi Sam. It is something I plan to discuss with my Doctor today but I've have been to two counsellors in the past and a behavioural therapist and two psychologists particularly this year for a number of reasons and BPD wasn't even mentioned. I was just trying to get some practical experience or advice before I see my Dr. I find for the most part Doctors like to make the diagnosis rather than be told by a patient what they think they have since the first question he's going to ask is 'why do you think you have this?'.

Cheers for all the info guys.

it's actually a little reassuring to hear that, as counsellors are not qualified to make such a diagnosis (although there are always a small minority who step over the line). most psychologists will steer away from it also , in my experience.

Irishchick

I display almost all of the symptoms ive researched. Ive been on treatment for anxiety and depression for almost 2 years. I have had therapy twice, I dont think it really helped because I didnt really tell everything about how I was feeling, I dont know if I could.

I would like to be formally diagnosed by I dont know how to go about it. I dont really want to mention it to my doctor. I dont want to come across as just wanting to label myself with something but it would help to understand why I feel the way I do..

lilmissbadass

Hi guys I just wanted to let anyone who visits this thread know that there is now a new irish website open specifically for people who suffer with bpd as welll as other mental health issues. It has news, articles and information about BPD along with a great new forum and chat room where people with BPD and their loved ones can get involved. so if you or someone you know has BPD or any other mental illness and want somewhere to go to get support, vent or just to talk to other people who understand what you are going through, then check out this link http://www.bpdireland.org/# and hopefully if enough people join and get talking we can diminish the stigma attached with BPD:)

Irishchick

Are there any reliable online tests??

sam34

Irishchick wrote: »

Are there any reliable online tests??

in a word, no. this diagnosis should only be made by a professional.

Internet "diagnostic checklists" ( for most conditions really) are ridiculously inaccurate.

Irishchick

I just don't know how to approach my doctor with it. I've had therapy before, would they have picked up on it without me saying anything ?

I was in psychiatric care, day hospital, out patient and regular sessions from the age of 16, and was 30 before BPD was diagnosed - getting your doctor to refer you to your local mental health services is the way to go - no GP should diagnose mental conditions. My GP wont even adjust my antidepressants because he himself says he is not qualified to treat mental illness. This is a good thing and something that makes me trust him more as a GP, I have been on too many different antidepressants prescribed by doctors who thought the placebo effect would do the job - and almost died as a result.

Earlier in the thread I saw that someone's psych disagrees with medication for BPD. I'd be fooked without mine. I used to be incredibly violent, my medication stops my outbursts and also helps to limit self harm, plus my anxiety is practically zilch now. This is only since about last March when I was put on a high dose of my meds as apposed to before, it was a practical placebo dosage. I have a decent health service shrink now which has made all the difference in my medication, but still no therapy available, with waiting lists going up to two years. I've had counselling before but I've been screwed up by some counsellors more than helped.

Irishchick

Same here with regards to the counsellers.

I just didnt feel like telling this stranger my inner most thoughts. It just felt weird and awkward. Every time I went in I was counting the minutes until I could leave.

I found he would just take what I said and repeat it back to me.

I just don't know how to bring it up with the doc.

sam34

Deleted User wrote: »

no GP should diagnose mental conditions

I just want to pick up on that. it's not true to say that no gp should diagnose mental conditions. in fact, the evidence suggests that almost 90% of people with mental health issues are seen and managed at gp level. most people dont need referral to secondary services. of course, these people are those at the mild end of the spectrum. much like how a gp will manage domeone with straightforward high blood pressure but if it's treatment resistant or they have major complications then they will refer to cardiology.

I do agree Sam! My illness was managed at GP level for seven years and I almost died as a result - the GP has to know when their ability to manage has hit a wall - I don't think referal to psych services goes amiss for evaluation either. I was mostly refering to mental illnesses as acute as BPD. I agree that a lot of mental illness can be handled by a GP. I know I had a GP who thought my illness was "nonsense", so have a much greater trust and respect for the GP who said he wont touch it with a bargepole.

Kranium

Everyone here has BPD?

Recently I was diagnosed with it and I kinda knew there was something wrong .
People usually just think I'm a bitch ! my relationships are so turbulent that I sometimes wonder whether I am cut out for this .

Is there any medication or anything to help sort out my way with people?

Kaching

Just thought I should pop in here and say I'm new here and was recently diagnosed as such so I was hoping to meet others like me

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have a friend with BPD she has only been diagnosed with the last year or so . She finds ahe has alot of questions that can't be answered which is true. She also feels that she has had this from a very young age. She is going to group and one to one once a week which is briiliant i can see her coming on in leaps and bounds. When she was first diagnosed she wanted to end her life and didn't care. Over a year has passed now and in every day things she is so strong she doesn't want to end her life anymore, but now its gotten really serious . She recently told me that she fantacises about killing people, strangers mainly and how thrilling and good it would feel. She says "this person inside" takes over and its "him" that puts this thought in her head .... But whats scary is she gets extremely excited about this .

I need to get her the help she needs and not the kind that makes her numb and unaware of her surrounding she got thru last year she will get thru this too with the answers or some structure in her life to make her understand all thats going on....

Can anyone give me the advice i need to help my friend who is lost and confused

singlewing

Kaching wrote: »

Just thought I should pop in here and say I'm new here and was recently diagnosed as such so I was hoping to meet others like me

same! pm me if you want to chat

Galbin

My sister fits the criteria for BPD to a tee. I studied personality disorders at college, and she definitely fit into BPD. She even told me before that she thought she had it. Her life is a complete disaster as a result. She is in an abusive relationship and will do things like stay up till 5 in the morning screaming at her partner and then have to get up for work 3 hours later!

She did have a stint in a psych hospital, but she completely lied and hid her real personality (as she always does in public), so they missed the dx. She was also functional and nice on antidepressants, but came off them the second she got home from hospital.

Her main issue now is that she is in a relationship that has made her completely ill. It is so horrible and stressful, yet she refuses to break up. She literally has panic tacks if they ever nearly split up despite the fact that they have the worst relationship I have ever seen. There has even been violence. She wants to get married and have kids, but she will never be able to do that if she stays with him as she has refused his marriage proposals a few times. Plus she is nearly 40.

She says she can't break up with him (even though she kinda hates him!) because she will be suicidal without him. We don't know what to do as she won't engage with counsellors (common BPD phenomenon, I know) and she just gets sicker and sicker and more unhappy as time goes by.

Even beyond the relationship, her life strategies are so bad for her. Like she will stay awake all night worrying, crying and screaming about a health problem rather than go to a doctor. And she is so angry all the time.

Nobody knows what to do. Is there *any* way to get her help?

I found out today that certain regions of the brain that are responsible for perceiving threat, and the region responsible for rationalising or regulating reaction to the threat, are over active and under active respectively, in patients with BPD. Then a quick google of the brain regions combined with my medication showed a clinical trial where by mirtazapine has been shown to decrease fear and increase positive reactions in both regions. Explained clearly to me why I turn into such a paranoid, terrified mess if my dosage is even reduced, never mind trying to come off them completely.

Just something interesting I discovered this afternoon.

endacl

b12mearse wrote: »

Is this disorder brought on by trauma?

Recent research indicates BPD stems from disruptions to early childhood attachment patterns. You may find it useful to look up papers by Peter Fonagy of UC London who had published extensively on the subject. He has also, with Anthony Bateman, manualised a treatment for the disorder which appears to be broadly successful when compared to treatment as usual. If anybody is interested, pm me and I can forward on copies of several of the studies.

RE: Trauma; I wondered about my diagnosis though the glove does seem to fit, because there is no trauma or abuse that fits the description in my early years. I was subjected to emotional abuse and bullying by a sibling (which would still be an issue were we not living apart for all of our adulthood and have little to no contact) though that seems to be often played down or dismissed by health care professionals. I come from a comfortable functional family, in reality, apart from this intense seeming hatred between me and one sibling. I'm very interested in the clinical causes of BPD as I don't remember ever feeling "normal", and a lot of the characteristics and behaviors were there from a very young age.

nothing

From the stuff I have read up on bpd, it can be that the "trauma" in early childhood just factors into the progression (i.e. if that trauma hadn't happened, you may have been less at risk of bpd developing), but honestly there is a lot more to it than just that. No one cause in isolation can bring it on (like any mental illness). But it has certainly been shown to be a major influencing factor.

Of course, the problem with most mental illness is that it can only really be studied after the fact, and there's so little known about how the brain really works in terms of some mental illnesses.

I too had a lot of the characteristic behaviours for as long as I can remember (and before that from what I've been told), so for me I feel like brain chemistry probably played a big part (though I did have a pretty crappy childhood).

Deleted User wrote: »

RE: Trauma; I wondered about my diagnosis though the glove does seem to fit, because there is no trauma or abuse that fits the description in my early years. I was subjected to emotional abuse and bullying by a sibling (which would still be an issue were we not living apart for all of our adulthood and have little to no contact) though that seems to be often played down or dismissed by health care professionals. I come from a comfortable functional family, in reality, apart from this intense seeming hatred between me and one sibling. I'm very interested in the clinical causes of BPD as I don't remember ever feeling "normal", and a lot of the characteristics and behaviors were there from a very young age.

choosinganame

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I found out today that certain regions of the brain that are responsible for perceiving threat, and the region responsible for rationalising or regulating reaction to the threat, are over active and under active respectively, in patients with BPD. Then a quick google of the brain regions combined with my medication showed a clinical trial where by mirtazapine has been shown to decrease fear and increase positive reactions in both regions. Explained clearly to me why I turn into such a paranoid, terrified mess if my dosage is even reduced, never mind trying to come off them completely.

Just something interesting I discovered this afternoon.

What medication are you on, if you don't mind me asking?

choosinganame

choosinganame wrote: »

What medication are you on, if you don't mind me asking?

Mirtazipine, 45mg daily.

margarite

maria.osullivan wrote: »

Hi I know you can get dbt dialectical behavioural therapy in st patricks hospital in dublin, I definitely found it very useful but i am quite high fuctioning which is a big problem because people don't see how bad I am and I am terrififed of telling them in case they think I am crazy. I did find it very useful but it is a slow process which often you can't quite fathom. Would anyone be interested in an online support group? There does not seem to be a lot on offer in Ireland and there is so much stigma in relationship to bpd as well

I would love a on line support group I think it is a great idea.