borderline personality disorder/bpd

emir27

I have a formal diagnosis of borderline personality and would love to hear form anyone else with this diagnosis. also from anyone who know of someone in their lives who have been diagnosed:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcJowTnmBjE

fi0

Hi,

Just got a diagnosis..... dunno how I feel about it... you posted the message some time ago.. any luck finding a forum to chat about it or anything.....

emir27

Hi, great to hear Im not alone here!! Ive not found any forums here yet addresssing bpd. will keep looking though! I was diagnosed over 10years ago but I pretty much ignored the diagnosis. I thought it was just an umbrella term used when they didnt really know what was wrong. I now take it alot more seriously! Its a difficult disorder no doubt, I really needed psychological support and my life has begun to open up dramatically since I found a really superb pyschologist who has had alot of experience treating bpd. I think its vital to get help from someone very experienced and around awhile!
I would love to hear how you are managing your symptoms. I'll keep you informed if I find any good forums! take care, you're not alone in this thing

LegacyUser

My daughter (20) has been diagnosed with BPD but we cannot get any realistic help.

As she has moved to alcohol and drug abuse she cannot stay at home with young children in the house but we have not found residential care for her...

Any ideas?

emir27

So sorry to hear about your daughter, I am not a healthcare professional so I can only offer my opinion based on my own experiences. I also developed alcohol dependence and abused drugs...It was pointed out to me that I had to tackle the addictions primarily. I entered a residential addiction recovery treatment centre for 5weeks. I was diagnosed at 18 with bpd and only really began getting help for myself at 28. I did not realise what my diagnosis meant, I thought I was depressed I felt so isolated. I dropped out of many treatments, feeling very unsure and untrusting. It was the addiction to alcohol and the misery of bulimia which made the pain of living with bpd unbearable. Getting treatment for addiction was the gateway for me to begin looking for a specialist bpd psychologist.

I have had many hospital admissions and been in residential care 3 times spanning the past 14yrs, I met my current psychologist 5 years ago but I was not ready for the help.
Your daughter may feel very frightened and unable to deal with her intense emotions. She may not trust you or anyone around her. I do feel a residential unit dealing with addiction is perhaps the very first step to take, there are units nationwide providing such rehabilitation.

It may be a thankless job but one day in her recovery she will see what you have done to help her. She wont forget the people who believed in her.
Good Luck

LegacyUser

Thanks for that.....

She has been on a residential drugs program but left. However the period she was there calmed her considerably as she had 24 hour support and company. Retaining relationships and therefore support has been virtually impossible for her due to her unpredictability.

I think the drugs and alcohol for her are just crutches to pass the empty times. Not really addicted (yet). Hopefully we/she can progress before she is really hooked.

I am glad you have made progress - it must have been very difficult - well done.

emir27

I am so glad to hear she is not too dependant on drugs and has already been exposed to a treatment centre that is very positive for her. I felt the exact same comfort in having 24hr support because of the emotional upheaval giving up a crutch causes. Unfortunately when I left I did relapse also. Alcohol and drugs were a coping mechanism with a pay off.
I disregarded the after care programs suggested following treatment and withdrew into myself. Isolating and withdrawing from people and places is something I stil have to find a balance in.

Actively using drugs is really something that nobody could of convinced me against because I felt as though, emotionally I needed it. I got a great pay off from using. All the anxiety went, I lost weight, I felt I could cope because when I took a drug the substance usually gave me a reliable and expected mood change that I was in control of. Also I could remain numb to feeling and detached. It wasnt until the drugs caused paranoia and social anxiety, the very things they intially eleviated that I quit. For me there was no longer a pay off..
Once there is stil a pay off in the crutches despite them being destructive I continue to use them.
I did it the hard way-my way! I stil try to do it alone. I hope you can stil communicate with your daughter and let her know nobody wants to take her crutches away, control is a big thing and she may need to feel she can orchestrate her life in a way that allows her to manage her emotions. She will most likely turn against anyone that threatens her crutches. Educating her is probably the best thing and perserverance. please God she will find her way sooner than later.

fi0

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your daughter.... it's a difficult thing to understand.... the first thing that I found helpful was actually getting a case study of a person with BPD and readin it... it was only then that I could accept I had it.... if your daughter can read the case study and see herself in it she mightn't be as resistant to help for drugs/ otherwise.
You can get them on the net or more reliably from a local mental health team... if you contact the HSE in your local area they should direct you on the help available for your daughter and offer you advice.

Hope this helps,

Fi

LegacyUser

Have any of you heard of The Henderson Hospital in London? It specifically treats people with bpd and other complex personality disorders? I know of one person who went there and was a patient for 8 months and found it helped alot. It treats patients without any medication. The help they offer is based around therapy and behavoural modification. I got the impression that it's quite an intense experience but according to the person I knew it had a good success rate. I don't know if VHI etc would cover it but it might be worth a look for anyone who is really struggling.
http://www.swlstg-tr.nhs.uk/services/henderson_hospital.asp

LegacyUser

Hi guys

sorry to hear you've all been going through so much. It sounds like a pretty tough experience. I think like most people I don't know much about bpd but I do have a friend who suffers from it. I've tried to find out about it and ask her about it but it's hard to see what the difference between bpd and depression is from what I see her go through. I've read a bit about it but I'm still not sure what it is exactly.

I was wondering if maybe you could tell us how it affects you? How does having it impact on your day to day life or your relationships? Is it about having very intense feelings of depression or anger at people? If there was one thing you'd like other people to understand about the condition what would it be?

Like probably lots of people I'd like to understand a bit more so that's why I'm asking. If none of you want to answer that kind of personal question though I understand.I hope you all find some help and support anyway.

fi0

Hi,

Bpd for me sometimes feels like depression..... but the difference is that when I self harm it is to release some intense emotion mainly sadness/anger.... it bascally where ones emotions are more extreme than the average joe soap and the one thing I would like you to understand is that regardless of how mean your friend may be or how angry... it is totally justified in her head and she cannot help feeling these heightened emotions.. so if you think shes over reacting... it should be the reaction you learn to deal with because of BPD.... HOWEVER SHE CAN GET HELP TO LEARN TO CONTROL THESE BEHAVIOURS....somene woth BPD can also feel trapped easily either in a job or relationship and thus jumping from job to job/ partner to partner... i also tend to be quite dependant... thais can run into other problems ie sex addiction/ alcohol/ drugs addiction...

Hope this helps..

LegacyUser

fi0 wrote: »

Hi,

Bpd for me sometimes feels like depression..... but the difference is that when I self harm it is to release some intense emotion mainly sadness/anger.... it bascally where ones emotions are more extreme than the average joe soap and the one thing I would like you to understand is that regardless of how mean your friend may be or how angry... it is totally justified in her head and she cannot help feeling these heightened emotions.. so if you think shes over reacting... it should be the reaction you learn to deal with because of BPD.... HOWEVER SHE CAN GET HELP TO LEARN TO CONTROL THESE BEHAVIOURS....somene woth BPD can also feel trapped easily either in a job or relationship and thus jumping from job to job/ partner to partner... i also tend to be quite dependant... thais can run into other problems ie sex addiction/ alcohol/ drugs addiction...

Hope this helps..

Hi FiO. Thank you very much for your answer. I'm sure anyone reading will be glad to know what this condition feels like from the perspective of the sufferer.It sounds like you go through alot and like it really impacts on your life. My friend definitely does have alot of the same issues too. She can be very difficult to understand at times and she can have a major falling out with you without you doing or saying anything at times. Even when I am at the end of my tether with her I still feel extremely sorry for her alot because I can see how isolated she has become, particularly as I know she has severe depression too.Thanks for the insight and I hope wish you the best of luck getting help hope things will get better for you.

b12mearse

Is this disorder brought on by trauma?

fi0

Sometimes trauma can provoke irrational behaviours and emotions like this yes but there are a number of factors including genetic

LegacyUser

I suffer from Borderline also and when i first got the diagnosis I couldnt accept it. It took me over a year or more to come to terms with it. And when the doctor first told me, i was in hospital at the time I collapsed with shock and i had to be brought back to the ward in a wheel chair. It is a very difficult thing to live with and I do get so pissed off at the health care so called professionals who start with and are only interested in your thinking and not how you are feeling. So I am not getting any help from a therapist from the last two months and I only see my psychiatrst. I do suffer with it pretty bad and feeling emotionally all over the place and insecure affects my thinking and functioning.
If i was nt on my meds Id hate to think how bad my head would get, it just gets into knots.
I wasnt always like this, which is sad for me but because I had a nervousbreakdown I have never been the same. It seems there is no way sometimes to get comfort from my own personal private hell !!!!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

The biggest and most helpful thing you can do for someone like a friend who has bpd is to help make them feel safe and secure, i feel that a lot of the psychological distress and emotional distress comes from a lack of feeling safe and secure in yourself and your surroundings/enviornment. I have bpd and staying in touch with my feelings and trying to mother myself and self soothe give myself the right to feel better helps me a lot and i try to do that as much as i can and not just when my distress levels go through the roof and i can barely rememebr my own name.
People with bpd need understanding friends friends and family that can reassure them when they feel insecure and very wobbly. I dont self harm myself thank god but it is ruining my life and holding me back. Because it is a personality thing it affects all aspects of your life.... The biggest fear BPD suffers have is being abandoned and they will do anything to avoid feeling or actual abandonment as they deep down feel that there is something wrong with then or that they are BAD. in some way... I understand it, my bpd, but it doesnt help me feel better, and feeling better is what its all about isnt it?

iasscarra

I cannot believe that this is discussed here, not a bad thing at all. I have variant diagnosis in the last dozen years or so and all between bi-polar and secondary schizophrenia but as cookie crumbles ; nothing concrete, although the phrase 'Borderline personality disorder' has been used towards me more than once and to be honest ones that have used it know me best and they can be trusted, so definitely food for my thought. I must imply that my illness is not holding me back as much as it normally does as I understand the nature of the beast and I have learned to 'duck and weave', saying that I love to make contact with person/ persons that have similar challenges, as I never had the opportunity as yet. slan for a while....... thanks in advance . T

LegacyUser

Ye ah you have your good days and bad days depending whether or not you can regulate your emotions well.
There is a very good course available that is tailored specifically for BPD , and it was designed by a an american woman called Marsha Linehan.
Maybe you could first contact the major universities in cork that do psychological studies and ask have they trained people in treating people with BPD.

thats just a suggestion, it is very hard to find it in dublin even, and my own psychriatist is a from cork and he didnt know where its on.

So Good luck with that

Jesse

iasscarra

Thank you jesse, it is a real pain that help, support cannot be found, perhapes well shall need a celebrity/ politician to suffer from the same before we can get people to shun the stigma and take notice of something that I believe so so many more people are cursed with than suggested.. kind regards again!

LegacyUser

emir27 wrote: »

I have a formal diagnosis of borderline personality and would love to hear form anyone else with this diagnosis. also from anyone who know of someone in their lives who have been diagnosed:)

Hi,

People who have this disorder such as me, have a very strict way of living and dealing with people, people that you once thought/think were great and placed them on a pedestal easily become not good enough and all bad as opposed to all good. You think in black and white and it is a strict line to be crossed, so you may find yourself friendless all the time and alienated as its easy to fall out with people.. People experience the disorder in a very personal and individual way, ways that are hard to accept as bad ways as you have them all your life.. I find myself alone with no newly made friends when it comes to christmas, new years eve, my birthday etc etc such is my strict way of dealing with people and putting them on the chopping block, and i have no friends from childhood though this is a common thing in BPD.... it is something that has to be looked at closely and you have to be brutally honest and sincere with yourself that accepting your ways of living that you have hung on to all your life are flawed,..... but i would also say you do need to trust some aspects of yourself and dont challenge everything, trust is the only way to feel some sense of worth and that life is good.... trust yourself trust your doctor trust your therapist,...... its a long slow battle and relief wont come overnight, keep the faith...

Jesse

LegacyUser

Hi
There are a couple of sites in US which have lots of useful information. www.bpdcentral.com & www.bpdfamily.com. I have just read two excellent books on the subject: "Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells". The latter is more focused at partners/parents/children of BPD sufferers. Unfortunately I think that in Ireland there is limited help/support/therapy available at this time? And probably little awareness within the health care profession (many of whom prefer not to use labels like BPD etc)...
Regards
James

jenortega

Great thread. Has anyone else here read eckhart tolle, or have done byron katie's the work? I found it has helped.

Hardrain

I also suffer with it along with clinical depression, my life is at a standstill. No friends left as I have left behind going to the pub and other such behavior. Out of work and hoping to go back to college in September but so worried in case I don't get in, what will become of me, will i go into a severe depression again etc. All plays on my mind.

LegacyUser

Hardrain - I can totally relate! At times it has hot me so bad I have spent six months or more wanting to stay away from other people / my friends and the whole social scene. I just get so extreme about things and can get very frustrated and angry. I then hide myself away, to the extent that most of my friends have given up on me / don't bother asking, and also I just can't do the whole drinking / pub / club culture any more. I do find exercise helps a little though, and gives you something to aim for / focus on, so fingers crossed!

Shank1970

Hi Emir,
Well i can be added to the list of BPD in Cork.Hope your getting on well.It is indeed only a diagnosis.There is a recovery which is always good.I found an excellent counsellor in Cork and have been working together with the last 4 months.No meds and starting to rebuild my life.

:-)

tbh

I have it on good authority that Emir's doing great. I'm not sure she has internet access anymore, but she's been working really hard and it sounds like she's turning things around.

maria.osullivan

Hi I know you can get dbt dialectical behavioural therapy in st patricks hospital in dublin, I definitely found it very useful but i am quite high fuctioning which is a big problem because people don't see how bad I am and I am terrififed of telling them in case they think I am crazy. I did find it very useful but it is a slow process which often you can't quite fathom. Would anyone be interested in an online support group? There does not seem to be a lot on offer in Ireland and there is so much stigma in relationship to bpd as well

tudlytops

maria.osullivan wrote: »

Hi I know you can get dbt dialectical behavioural therapy in st patricks hospital in dublin, I definitely found it very useful but i am quite high fuctioning which is a big problem because people don't see how bad I am and I am terrififed of telling them in case they think I am crazy. I did find it very useful but it is a slow process which often you can't quite fathom. Would anyone be interested in an online support group? There does not seem to be a lot on offer in Ireland and there is so much stigma in relationship to bpd as well

i have BPD and Bi-polar, gosh would I welcome any help.
Worse still is that now for some reason i panick every time i should go to the doctor, so i don't go, he won't come, so i don't get any medication, so I guess i'll just get wrose.

last time i was real down took my partner's insulin, thank God he knows what to do, or i wouldn't be here today.

e27

Shank1970 wrote: »

Hi Emir,
Well i can be added to the list of BPD in Cork.Hope your getting on well.It is indeed only a diagnosis.There is a recovery which is always good.I found an excellent counsellor in Cork and have been working together with the last 4 months.No meds and starting to rebuild my life.

:-)

so great to hear you found someone in cork, this is emir it has been so long since I was on that I forgot my password so just re registered....I was doing great up until a month ago, got into severe stress, level 5, and clawing my way back now...keep in touch. stil in cork myself and really good to know im not alone..

e27

iasscarra wrote: »

I cannot believe that this is discussed here, not a bad thing at all. I have variant diagnosis in the last dozen years or so and all between bi-polar and secondary schizophrenia but as cookie crumbles ; nothing concrete, although the phrase 'Borderline personality disorder' has been used towards me more than once and to be honest ones that have used it know me best and they can be trusted, so definitely food for my thought. I must imply that my illness is not holding me back as much as it normally does as I understand the nature of the beast and I have learned to 'duck and weave', saying that I love to make contact with person/ persons that have similar challenges, as I never had the opportunity as yet. slan for a while....... thanks in advance . T

would love to touch bass with you on how you are doing etc...living in cork with bpd and finding it immensely isolating..hope you are doing great, emir

Shank1970

Hi Emir,
Good to hear your doing well.Keep ducking and weaving :-)

Shank