Things you once did but can't anymore.

Pighead

Pighead took off his shoes the other day to find that his new Sex Bomb novelty socks had holes in the big toe area of both. Started cursing and moaning a bit. "Fcuk it, Mam only bought them for me last week. Stupid stinking long toenails." Anyway, went looking for the toe nail clippers but they were nowhere to be found. Searched high and low but they'd obviously been stolen.

Luckily Pighead always has a plan B so he sat down, took off the novelty socks, grabbed his ankle and brought the big toe towards his mouth. That familiar smell started to waft up the old nostrils and Pighead prepared to bite the offending toenail but there was a problem. The toenail was about 6" away from the mouth area making it impossible to bite. How the hell had this happened? Pighead used to be able to do this without breaking sweat. Unfortunately it seems that Pigheads legs have grown at a faster rate than his mouth and he will never again be able to bite his toenails.

What stuff that you used to be able to do in your pomp can't you do anymore?

LeahBaby

Piss myself and it be cute.

starflake

That's rotten

Pighead

LeahBaby wrote: »

Piss myself and it be cute.

You're obviously not socialising in the right circles LeahBaby. Pighead knows cousins people who'd pay to see a grown girl do a wee wee in her underpants.

Pyr0

Pighead wrote: »

You're obviously not socialising in the right circles LeahBaby. Pighead knows cousins people who'd pay to see a grown girl do a wee wee in her underpants.

I'd pay to see tha...

Wait..

Nevermind.

>_>

<_<

missbaker

Anyone there to bite them for you?

here.from.day.1

Fit through my bedroom window.. I found out the hard way. :pac:

Pighead

missbaker wrote: »

Anyone there to bite them for you?

Was going to ask Miss Piggy but thought better of it as she hates the smell of sweaty poo cheese.

alexandros

heroic doses of hallucinogens

Ginny

The splits.

missbaker

Pighead wrote: »

Was going to ask Miss Piggy but thought better of it as she hates the smell of sweaty poo cheese.

Welll it definitely sounds like your feet need some attention. .
sweaty poo cheese and daggers for nails. Lucky miss piggy!!!

Smart Bug

Get a girlfriend

CreepingDeath

Pighead wrote: »

What stuff that you used to be able to do in your pomp can't you do anymore?

Fit into trousers with a 30" waist.

missbaker

Hangovers :eek:

Berty

Listen to 90's dance music anymore without some teenage twat telling me that it only came out last week re-mixed by DJ W*nker or something like that.

Pighead

Berty wrote: »

Listen to 90's dance music anymore without some teenage twat telling me that it only came out last week re-mixed by DJ W*nker or something like that.

Thats similar to another thing Pighead doesn't do anymore. Buy CD Singles. Used to be a fcuker for the old CD Singles. It was a huge event whenever Suede released a new single. Three shiny new B-Sides to listen to back when B-Sides were actually proper new songs rather than a remix or a live version of an old song.

carlybabe1

Swim in the canal/weirs without catching weils disease

Terry

Run. I let myself go.

Singer73

Relose my virginity...

missbaker

Singer73 wrote: »

Relose my virginity...

It can grow back you know! Mine has

Zangetsu

Can't actually think of anything... Must still be young wahooooo!

Kiera

missbaker wrote: »

It can grow back you know! Mine has

I hear ya sista

carlybabe1

Terry wrote: »

Run. I let myself go.

God do I know that feelin, gave up smokin and developed adult onset athsma :(:( now whem I try to run I sound like a wheeze box. Still gonna do the mini marathon though :eek::eek::eek:

things I can no longer do :rolleyes:...hmmm..... oh yes, look at food with out putting on weight

carlybabe1

Zangetsu wrote: »

Can't actually think of anything... Must still be young wahooooo!

GTFO

tony1kenobi

Pighead wrote: »

What stuff that you used to be able to do in your pomp can't you do anymore?

Under 18s.

intermittentmay

I could do handstands anytime i liked years ago. Last summer I tried to do one, thinking innocently that years hadn't passed for me. An unexpected tremor took hold of my arms and I nearly broke my neck. Damn passage of time...

chakotha

100 press ups
Run a mile
Buy a pint and 20 cigs in Ireland for less than a tenner

All somehow related

Smart Bug

missbaker wrote: »

It can grow back you know! Mine has

Kiera wrote: »

I hear ya sista

I didn't think a man's could until me quare thing inverted from lack of use.

Pighead

intermittentmay wrote: »

I could do handstands anytime i liked years ago. Last summer I tried to do one, thinking innocently that years hadn't passed for me. An unexpected tremor took hold of my arms and I nearly broke my neck. Damn passage of time...

Damn passage of time indeed intermittentmay. Back in the day Pighead used to be faster than Usain Bolt as he shimmied up trees here there and everywhere. "Look Mammy, Pigheads a monkey, Oooooh Ooooh Oooh"

Nowadays the reckless abandon has been replaced with fear and trepidation and it takes ten times longer to climb the same blasted tree. But worst of all, when Pighead does finally reach the top and starts acting like a monkey and doing his Oooooh Ooooh Ooohhs, Mammy's no longer at the bottom of the tree smiling up at her dear son. Instead it's the park ranger pointing with a big stick, threatening to throw Pighead out of the park for being drunk.:(

admiralofthefleet

whiskey. wipes my memory now

missbaker

Smart Bug wrote: »

I didn't think a man's could until me quare thing inverted from lack of use.

Oh no!! That doesnt sound too healthy!

intermittentmay

Pighead wrote: »

Damn passage of time indeed intermittentmay. Back in the day Pighead used to be faster than Usain Bolt as he shimmied up trees here there and everywhere. "Look Mammy, Pigheads a monkey, Oooooh Ooooh Oooh"

Nowadays the reckless abandon has been replaced with fear and trepidation and it takes ten times longer to climb the same blasted tree. But worst of all, when Pighead does finally reach the top and starts acting like a monkey and doing his Oooooh Ooooh Ooohhs, Mammy's no longer at the bottom of the tree smiling up at her dear son. Instead it's the park ranger pointing with a big stick, threatening to throw Pighead out of the park for being drunk.:(

Haha, my god, you have such a fantastic narrative style!

Mr.Lizard

Nothing really. My immaturity has made me an enternal youth sorts - both physically and mentally. Very anti-social but quite an enjoyable existence..

Eric Cartman

acid/mushroooms

drink fortified wine

buy smokes and have enough change from a 10er for a hot chicken roll

climb trees

run for more than a minute

be called thin

OldGoat

intermittentmay wrote: »

Haha, my god, you have such a fantastic narrative style!

Pighead elivated to godhood?
Interesting days ahead as we wait to witness his divine vengance and mighty smighting.

I can't see my feet anymore.

Kiera

Smart Bug wrote: »

I didn't think a man's could until me quare thing inverted from lack of use.

A good Dyson will sort that out.

pierrot

More than one flight of stairs without a rest. Tricky bastards.

raah!

I used to be able to do the splits.... man-splits that is

MagicMarker

See my penis.

Kiera

Kiera wrote: »

A good Dyson will sort that out.

MagicMarker wrote: »

See my penis.

See above

Beruthiel

Climb trees - I spent most of my childhood doing that.
Cycle 30 miles.
Run 10 miles.
Doing anything different without getting that next day muscle pain.
Loads of things.
Thanks for depressing me an a Friday Piggie.
Real thoughtful

meditraitor

OPen a bottle of beer with my teeth.

Pighead

Beruthiel wrote: »

Climb trees - I spent most of my childhood doing that.
Cycle 30 miles.
Run 10 miles.
Doing anything different without getting that next day muscle pain.
Loads of things.
Thanks for depressing me an a Friday Piggie.
Real thoughtful

Turn that frown upside down Beruthiel. Pighead wagers that there is plenty of things that you've actually got better at over the years. Making love, tasting wine and concealing wrinkles to name just three. As a wise woman once said: You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again

Smart Bug

Kiera wrote: »

A good Dyson will sort that out.

Yep, tried that. Ended up inside out.


Gonna try corkin' up all my orifices & blowin on me thumb next.

Professey Chin

missbaker wrote: »

It can grow back you know! Mine has

Kiera wrote: »

I hear ya sista

I hereby volunteer myself to assist you both (and myself) in this conundrum:D

Smart Bug wrote: »

I didn't think a man's could until me quare thing inverted from lack of use.

You...........not so much:pac:

longshanks

years ago when being chased through a forest i could leap branches as high as my forehead, i could duck under a branch as low as my knee, and i could pull a thorn from my toe, all without breaking stride or ruffling my braided hair. all this i could do without ever snapping a twig underfoot. at least i think that was me. oh yeah another thing, i used to be able to remember stuff accurately.

builttospill

Booze, fags and drugs. The bloody lot. Too much too young.

useful_contacts

the crab- well i can still do it but i would break my neck in the process

rainbow kirby

Do front splits - I was able to do them around the same time that I got my TKD black belt, but there's no way in hell I could do them now.

DonkeyStyle \o/

Can't sleep in a tent in the back garden.
Can't stack up piles of empty cardboard boxes and perform goofy half-arsed flying kicks on them.
Can't do fake karate chops on blocks of polystirine.
Can't continue work on my treehouse.
Can't dig a hole and fill it with water for no reason.

Well I could... but I'd need a damn good explanation

Handsome Bob

Go to Eddie the Demon Barber. I went bald at 16.:( Now every time I see Eddie he asks me why I don't go up anymore for a haircut to which I reply "why do you ****ing think Eddie!":mad: He's a forgetful so and so.:pac:

EDIT Wait, maybe he's not forgetful and he's just taking the piss! The bastard!:mad: