Am I wrong?

Nevyn

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

She snapped and broke up with me. To answer the other question by someone else whether I want to salvage the relationship. Yes and no, I care about her but if it has to be this hard than is it really worth it? Have enough stress in my life as it is.

Life's too short to drink bad wine.

So you say you want to feel that things are on an equal footing,
have you taken time of work to spend with her or were you considering it ?

Tbh you are entitled to a social life with out her having to be there,
time to make a list of pros and cons about the relationship and what
would need to change and see if it is possible.

Nevyn

consultech infracted.

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Sinall

You have to think about what you want Blue Wolf. Is this the type of relationship you want to be in? Do you think the situation would improve down the line?

If she thinks you are in the wrong you would probably have to grovel to get her back. Do you want her back? Is it worth it?

Don't go back to her just because you want to be with someone or because it seems like the easier option - there could easily be more problems down the line!

A relationship should be about give and take and it should be enjoyable!! This doesn't sound very enjoyable to me.

Sephiroth_dude

she sounds very high maintainance.I dunno why she expects you to apologise,you did nothing wrong :S

consultech

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

Ya she's very stressed out at the moment. She misses her family back home. She's jealous that I'm able to go to my parents and stay the night with them. She's stressed out that she might be losing her job.

To be honest she's been like this from nearly the start so I dont think it's got to with her being stressed out.

To be honest OP who isn't stressed in this day and age? Factor in the consideration that no-one's job is safe in this country and we all have crosses and stresses to bear. Just be careful of enabling her by accepting double standards and cop-outs in your relationship, as you can be full sure it'll be 12am next time, and so on. All this is said without knowing her though obviously, and not having a full set of facts. Bottom line though: she's an adult, and having the maturity to relocate etc Im sure she has all the tools and coping mechanisms to deal with being away from home etc.

Oh The Humanity

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

Hi Humanity are you bloke or girl?

Touchy topic. I would never suggest that to any woman as I would probably be in the A&E instead of the pub.

Im a girl.

Do you mean you would not suggest for her to go home as she said at 9 or 11, well, you could have seen her into a taxi, thats perfectly reasonable.

If I am done in and need to go home, I would go home and leave the fella to it, it wouldn't be fair to expect him to roll as well.

You gave her plenty of notice too so its not like you sprang it on her.

Blue_Wolf

To make matters worse.

I used to earn 4k per month after tax and brought her out for dinner 3-4 times a week, now ive taken pay cut of nearly 50% in the last 4months, scraping at 2,200. I havent taken her out for dinner in 3weeks. Have bills that im tied into for a year etc so i dont see a change in this for another 6months or so. But she thinks that i dont care about her because I dont bring her out as much. Yes Ive explained that I'm having a little bit of difficulty but she says she cant help how she feels.

consultech

shellyboo wrote: »

OMG, we've come full circle!!! :eek:

:pac::D:p

*Twilight zone music!*

Definitely end-of-the-world stuff!

Sinall

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

To make matters worse.

I used to earn 4k per month after tax and brought her out for dinner 3-4 times a week, now ive taken pay cut of nearly 50% in the last 4months, scraping at 2,200. I havent taken her out for dinner in 3weeks. Have bills that im tied into for a year etc so i dont see a change in this for another 6months or so. But she thinks that i dont care about her because I dont bring her out as much. Yes Ive explained that I'm having a little bit of difficulty but she says she cant help how she feels.

If she really wants to be with you the money shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter that you can't take her out as much. Spending time together, cooking dinner for each other and all the little things you can do to show how much you care about a person should be enough. It's the person you are with, not where you go for dinner that counts!

consultech

Yeah; How much you earn coming in to it at all should be throwing up major red flags OP, if that is indeed the case.

Wibbs

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

To make matters worse.

I used to earn 4k per month after tax and brought her out for dinner 3-4 times a week, now ive taken pay cut of nearly 50% in the last 4months, scraping at 2,200. I havent taken her out for dinner in 3weeks. Have bills that im tied into for a year etc so i dont see a change in this for another 6months or so. But she thinks that i dont care about her because I dont bring her out as much. Yes Ive explained that I'm having a little bit of difficulty but she says she cant help how she feels.

Ohhhhh now that right there would have me walking. She expects a meal ticket or at least an "old fashioned" relationship, where the man puts in the financial input and she becomes a housewife kinda thing. She provides the looks, sex, and kids and you provide the lifestyle. Now that's fine if that's your bag and both are on the same page, but not so fine if it's not. It smacks too much of what you can do for her as opposed to what you are to her. Maybe I'm twitchy about this as I have mates who've gone down that route and it brought a lot of issues down the line.

Oh The Humanity

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

To make matters worse.

I used to earn 4k per month after tax and brought her out for dinner 3-4 times a week, now ive taken pay cut of nearly 50% in the last 4months, scraping at 2,200. I havent taken her out for dinner in 3weeks. Have bills that im tied into for a year etc so i dont see a change in this for another 6months or so. But she thinks that i dont care about her because I dont bring her out as much. Yes Ive explained that I'm having a little bit of difficulty but she says she cant help how she feels.

ahhh man, she sounds unreasonable.

She sounds like she is all "me me me" -you've explained the situation logically and she replies she can't help how she feels...

Thats bull, she is an adult not a sulky baby, of course she can help how she feels.

She sound full of drama.

ellie1

You used to take her out 3-4 times a week and now she is unhappy because you have to cut back on this due to other committments. You cook her dinner, drive her around, acknowledge she is stressed , make her bubble baths etc etc..... Would this women be with you if you were not working , if you lost your job....i can here that song playing in the background ....with kanya west...whats it called again....

Blue_Wolf

You are very right. She's independent and shouldnt have to rely on me being around 100% of the time. Yes we are all stressed out about whats going on. Just because im not frieking out about it doesnt mean i dont care. In fact the reason I dont go OMG about things is it worsens the situation and makes the other person more nerving. But this comes across to her as I dont care. Jesus, I cant change my whole personality. Ya your going to say compromise which I have tried but according to her I havent.

The only thing that I do that annoys her and I admit is a pain in the ass is that I'm a stubborn di*k and dont let things go. You say sky is green i will argue with you and wont stop.

consultech wrote: »

To be honest OP who isn't stressed in this day and age? Factor in the consideration that no-one's job is safe in this country and we all have crosses and stresses to bear. Just be careful of enabling her by accepting double standards and cop-outs in your relationship, as you can be full sure it'll be 12am next time, and so on. All this is said without knowing her though obviously, and not having a full set of facts. Bottom line though: she's an adult, and having the maturity to relocate etc Im sure she has all the tools and coping mechanisms to deal with being away from home etc.

Blue_Wolf

Something about digging :P

ellie1

im not sayin shes a gold digga:D

What are you getting out of the relationship?

Sinall

You are very right. She's independent and shouldnt have to rely on me being around 100% of the time. Yes we are all stressed out about whats going on. Just because im not frieking out about it doesnt mean i dont care. In fact the reason I dont go OMG about things is it worsens the situation and makes the other person more nerving. But this comes across to her as I dont care. Jesus, I cant change my whole personality. Ya your going to say compromise which I have tried but according to her I havent.

The only thing that I do that annoys her and I admit is a pain in the ass is that I'm a stubborn di*k and dont let things go. You say sky is green i will argue with you and wont stop.

You shouldn't have to change your whole personality. You are yourself and that should be more than enough for her. If she wants you to change everything about yourself then she is not the right girl for you!!

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

Ohhhhh now that right there would have me walking.

Yeah, alarm bells ahoy. If you've no money to take her out, you've no money to take her out. She should be with you for you, not all that superfluous stuff.

Blue_Wolf

ha this has gotten further than I thought it would go. Money is an issue for me when it comes to upholding my old lifestyle. Im only 23 years old so I'm not one these guys who has 09 beamer and a mansion.
I dont think shes a gold digger, ive met my fair share of them and know one when I see one. Her problem is I think she depends on me too much and wants me to be around all the time. I like my spare time. I could easily sit unfront of a tv for 6hours while eating crisps
We see and want different things but we are attracted to each other on a physical sense more so as I dont think we have anything else in common. I do try my best to show that I care. I'm confused.

Sephiroth_dude

Does she do anything for you?to show she cares for you?like cook dinner etc

ellie1

Is she very attractive and fantastic in bed? You dont actually have to answer this but ask yourself why you are with her. The fact is she is unhappy that you cannot take her out as much as you used to and then she gets upset when you want to spend time going out with your mates. And despite the fact that you dont own a beamer, at one stage you were earning 4000grand a month thats a huge some of money for a 23 year old... Would she be with you if you werent driving her about and taking her out??? Your lifestyle appears to be important to you so it may be important to her too. But at the end of the day, if worst came to the worst and you ended up on the dole would she be there for you?

Blue_Wolf

she sent me an email giving me points to why shes annoyed. I just received it 5min ago

1.He never said that he loves me and I’m waiting 7 months.
2.he never said sorry to me for anything because his blaming everybody
else except himself
3. last time we were out together it was month ago
4. On Saturday he went to the pub for 7hours with his friends
5. He's a lovely guy but selfish more than the other people (in my opinion)
6.Insted of work full days his going to cinema with his friends during work
7. I am jst stupid to ask somebody to love me that is my mistakes

Ok right she says she fell in love with me after 3months. Shes upset that I havent fallen in love after 7months. How can she get angry at me like, i cant force myself to fall in love.

I never say sorry to her when shes wrong, like i said im stubborn.

Ok we havent gone out in a month but like we spend 6 days a week together and i know it looks like well how can he go out with his mates but not me for one month. I did invite her in all fairness.

Saturday I went to watch the liverpool and manu match with the lads.

Im selfish...she says in her opinion which obviously means shes the only one who thinks that because that is a very bold statement.

Shes jealous that she works more than I do. I just like to get out a good bit during work.

And once again i cant be forced to fall in love.

Blue_Wolf

I think alot of it circles around her being jealous. She says that if i lose my job than I dont have to worry because I will end up back in the parents and they will pay for everything. That's what she believes. Sure like if that was the case I wouldnt have been living by myself for the last 2years paying for everything myself. Oh but I supposidly have it easy. Ya ok I may have it easier than herself. But why give out to me for it?

puglover

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

I think alot of it circles around her being jealous. She says that if i lose my job than I dont have to worry because I will end up back in the parents and they will pay for everything. That's what she believes. Sure like if that was the case I wouldnt have been living by myself for the last 2years paying for everything myself. Oh but I supposidly have it easy. Ya ok I may have it easier than herself. But why give out to me for it?

OK so in fairness, you went out twice with the lads over the last week and haven't been able to manage a night out with her, apart from a lame ass invite to join you on a lads night out.

I don't see where you got that she is being jealous from the fact that you go to the cinema etc during work, I think she is just pointing out that this is more fun time you spend with the lads.

It's all very well seeing someone six days a week, but is it quality time. Do you do fun stuff with her? or is it just boring mundane everyday life stuff?

shellyboo

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

she sent me an email giving me points to why shes annoyed. I just received it 5min ago

Wow... that's an utterly mad thing to be doing.

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

1.He never said that he loves me and I’m waiting 7 months.

Do you love her? If you do, tell her... if you don't - does she want you to lie?

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

2.he never said sorry to me for anything because his blaming everybody
else except himself

Depends what she wants you to be sorry for, really... if you've done something wrong, you should apologise. You say you're stubborn - sometimes you're going to have to just swallow your pride.

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

3. last time we were out together it was month ago

That's a bit bad. You had five full days off, you could have made some time to take her out somewhere.

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

4. On Saturday he went to the pub for 7hours with his friends

Em... so? This shouldn't be a problem unless you had plans with her.

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

5. He's a lovely guy but selfish more than the other people (in my opinion)

What makes her think you're selfish?

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

6.Insted of work full days his going to cinema with his friends during work

What's this got to do with her? And how come you have time to go to the cinema at work?

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

7. I am jst stupid to ask somebody to love me that is my mistakes

Well, yes. You can't make someone love you.

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

Ok we havent gone out in a month but like we spend 6 days a week together and i know it looks like well how can he go out with his mates but not me for one month. I did invite her in all fairness.

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go out on St Paddy's Night with a group of boozed-up lads. Inviting her to tag along on a night out is not taking her out.

Blue_Wolf

Majority of the time I spend with one the lads is when I'm in work and I cant see her anyways during that.

To answer your question, No I dont really think it's quality time, home from work at 7pm maybe earlier, than have to spend 30-60min making dinner, we are both tired. She gets the weekends off, I like to have a weekday and 1 weekend day off. She doesnt really drink, i brought her to the pub about 2weeks ago and was just the two of us but I suppose that doesnt count as taking her out. Ive offered to take her out etc but she says she has no money and doesnt want me to pay for her. Other times shes too tired to go out.
So really when she says oh we havent gone out in month cant be pointed at me as my fault. True we havent gone out except once to the pub but like if your too tired and you have no money than how is that my fault!!?

puglover wrote: »

OK so in fairness, you went out twice with the lads over the last week and haven't been able to manage a night out with her, apart from a lame ass invite to join you on a lads night out.

I don't see where you got that she is being jealous from the fact that you go to the cinema etc during work, I think she is just pointing out that this is more fun time you spend with the lads.

It's all very well seeing someone six days a week, but is it quality time. Do you do fun stuff with her? or is it just boring mundane everyday life stuff?

shellyboo

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

True we havent gone out except once to the pub but like if your too tired and you have no money than how is that my fault!!?

Where does she want to go? Have you asked her?

aye

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

To make matters worse.

I used to earn 4k per month after tax and brought her out for dinner 3-4 times a week, now ive taken pay cut of nearly 50% in the last 4months, scraping at 2,200. I havent taken her out for dinner in 3weeks. Have bills that im tied into for a year etc so i dont see a change in this for another 6months or so. But she thinks that i dont care about her because I dont bring her out as much. Yes Ive explained that I'm having a little bit of difficulty but she says she cant help how she feels.

Here i started thinking it was just about you not going out as much, but she should understand that you cant affrod to go out as much these days since the pay cut. thats fair enough, you cant help that.
Alarm bells if she is giving out about that, money shouldnt matter that much.

Blue_Wolf wrote: »

4. On Saturday he went to the pub for 7hours with his friends

Ok we havent gone out in a month but like we spend 6 days a week together and i know it looks like well how can he go out with his mates but not me for one month. I did invite her in all fairness.

Saturday I went to watch the liverpool and manu match with the lads.

but then you havent been out with her in a month, but you spend money on a day and a night on the beer with the lads.
see what i'm getting at, its mightnt be the money afterall, it might be that you said i cant afford to go for dinner with you, but i can afford to go drinking with my mates, essentially.


Nothing wrong with going out with your mates OP, nothing at all, i just wonder if she kinda took it that you'll happily spend money to be with your mates than her.

Blue_Wolf

Shelly, i know what constitutes taking someone out, emm but when you spend so many days with someone and 5 of those days are during your working days so your tired and dont have much time.

We did go to the cinema together and see Gran Torino and have gone for walks with her. All in the last 2 weeks so really her saying i have taken her out in a month is bull, shes too tired to go out clubbing, no money. i offer money but she says she doesnt want it. It's like morse code. Maybe shes giving me signal trying to say something but like just be upfront and say it. Im not interested in playing games when im tired.

I like the way you answered each point seperatly though

Blue_Wolf

Oh no ive never told her I cant afford to take her out for dinner. I was merely pointing out to you that I have taken a pay cut and am not able to go out as much as I used to. Never told her sorry hun not tonite, bills come 1st. NEVER!

I have although told her off topic that Ive got a few things to sort out.

And as I have pointed out already is that I have asked to come out with me like just the 2 of us because i didnt want to stay at home and she has within the last month said no 3/4 times because she is too tired or has no money and i have offered to pay and shes no. So maybe she doesnt want to go out but is just not giving me the truth to why she doesnt want to go out.

aye wrote: »

Here i started thinking it was just about you not going out as much, but she should understand that you cant affrod to go out as much these days since the pay cut. thats fair enough, you cant help that.
Alarm bells if she is giving out about that, money shouldnt matter that much.



but then you havent been out with her in a month, but you spend money on a day and a night on the beer with the lads.
see what i'm getting at, its mightnt be the money afterall, it might be that you said i cant afford to go for dinner with you, but i can afford to go drinking with my mates, essentially.


Nothing wrong with going out with your mates OP, nothing at all, i just wonder if she kinda took it that you'll happily spend money to be with your mates than her.