Power in Relationships

Dragan

LouOB wrote: »

But power struggles happen in relationships all the time. This is part of life. As one person one week might not be as strong the next. If you have met a person who is worthy of your time/attention and you are worthy of theirs - As the relationship progresses each of you will need to prop the other one up in down times.

Thats not a power struggle though, that is power sharing and is the key to a balanced relationship i feel.

aoibhebree

I've been in one relationship where I was more into him than he was to me. It wasn't all that much fun, but I certainly wasn't in love with him, and it wasn't serious enough for him to have any "power" over me. I broke up with after two months because I knew I deserved better.

I've been in two fairly serious relationships where the other person loved me more than I loved him. I didn't like the person I became in those situations, I behaved badly and disrespectfully because I knew I could do whatever I wanted and be forgiven. I'm not saying I did anything that terrible, but I still didn't like the way I was acting, so I broke up with them. And both times it had such a bad impact on them, and I did care about them, so I really don't want to ever be in that position again. In fact, if I had to choose one or the other, I think I'd rather be the one with less power than more power. It's a bit boring knowing that you don't have to make any effort and they'll still worship the ground you walk on!

In my current relationship, we love each other to bits in a very healthy, equal way. It's not a case of one of us having "power" over the other, we just both adore each other and want to make each other happy.

I can't see a how a relationship could be sustained in the long term if it was any other way.

LouOB

Dragan wrote: »

Thats not a power struggle though, that is power sharing and is the key to a balanced relationship i feel.

True
Thanks;)

bnagrrl

Dragan wrote: »

My Father still tells me, in secret and on the promise that i never tell my mother and ruin his fun, that she still excites him as much when he see's her now as the first time he saw her, that he still flirts with her as he did and even now, when the light catches her a certain way it almost makes his heart stop.

That's love.

Awwwwwww! Lovely!

MJOR

Generally I have a rule that I never persecute one for anothers mistakes.

I think that both parties are always slightly wary at the start but you sort of bond and grow together in the relationship.

The idea that one loves and the other loves kinda baffles me. My mom always used to say "Don't marry the man you love marry the man that loves you" - I used to laugh because she was engaged when she met my Dad... and I'd imagine did a bit of the chasing. And yet my Dad used to say that he loved her from the minute he saw her (they didn't start dating til five years later) Thats love I think... When you both feel it, both think that you feel so deep about the other one.

I think that we can all find "the one" but all the tral and error and heartbreak that comes before shapes you as aperson. You make the mistakes and then are ready to love.

MadgeBadge

Is the person who has the power the person who loves less?

I always felt my ex-boyfriend was in control of our relationship because I loved him so much more than he did me. I wanted to work through differences, while he would have let them snow-balled until we broke up.

spinandscribble

Dragan wrote: »

Alternatively, you do fall for the person they actually are and the excitment stays there all the time.

My parents have been happily married for over 30 years and not once have i seen them bored in each other's company.

My Father still tells me, in secret and on the promise that i never tell my mother and ruin his fun, that she still excites him as much when he see's her now as the first time he saw her, that he still flirts with her as he did and even now, when the light catches her a certain way it almost makes his heart stop.

That's love.

thats wonderful to hear:)

gagomes

My only relationship so far was basically just like this. I've fell in love for a girl oceans apart and she, for the most part, always acted like as if she could bail out of the relationship at any time without suffering and not exposing her feelings, but I always felt loved by her somehow. However, it all seemed a game to her, but to me, it was my pink-all-around romance, the true one, the one I wanted to get married with. Until I started to get tired of giving my full attention to her in detriment of all the other things I had in life like my own interests, my job, my space, etc and started to care about these the most. It was then that I started noticing that she loved me, however, we just broke up a few days ago (honestly tired of saying this!) and even though it sucks and it hurts, our relationship was so "overused" that I only regret having given so much for someone who was simply more mature than I was in both age and relationships and who didn't quite care and who took it for granted.

Free TIP: Do yourself a favour, don't let any person be in control of the relationship for as much as you love him/her. if he/she loves you as much as you love him/her, make sure both are doing their homeworks and announcing it properly. It's not normal that somepeople act this way.

Just watch it all from a safe distance and act accordingly to your heart's rationale.

Bottle_of_Smoke

It happens an awful lot.

Often the person with the "power" is too insecure to go out with someone they would feel equal to.

Also the people who don't have the power often use subtle guilt trips to make the better half stay around longer