Pregnant girlfriend

Piste

Ok I'm probably going to be slated for this but.....


While it's not your decision as to whether this baby is born or not, it is your decision as to whether you want to stick around as a father or not. You don't have to be a father to the baby, you would just have to pay maintenance. It may seem harsh but if a woman an make the decision to abort the baby or give away the baby then the father equally should be able to decide "no, this is not what I want" and opt-out of being a parent.

I'n not saying whether it's right or wrong, but that it's fair and that it's an option the OP could consider.

seosamh1980

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't know if you were told this in school like the rest of us, but sex is for making babies. The fact that it's fun doesn't change this. If a person is not responsible/mature enough to deal with this particular possible result of sex, then yes, it may be better if they didn't do it.

Oh for God's sake don't be so childish, of course I know it's for making babies, but thanks for the heads up :rolleyes:

Most people go through a large part of their lives having sex for pleasure without contraception failing so it is unfair to say to a guy in his early 20's that he shouldn't have had sex until he wants kids, especially when he thought they were being careful.

Yes people should be responsible enough to realise its a possibility when having sex for pleasure whilst using the aforementioned forms of contraception, but that is exactly what they were created for so it is not a far stretch to suggest that people can have sex for fun, there are entire industries that use the idea of sex as fun (adult entertainment, advertising, etc) and I can tell you not one of them links it to parenthood in any way

pcardin

Spadina wrote: »

Ok, I can't offer any help as I have never been in your situation but I wanted to offer my 2cents anyway.

I'm a 24 year old girl and I am totally on your side with this, so don't feel that you are in the wrong any bit. I am in a very serious committed relationship, we both have jobs at the moment thank god even though mine is part time and a bit uncertain, my boyfriend is in his late 20's but if this situation happened us I would definitely not be having it. I'm not secure at all financially and it's not the right time for me or him, and I am adamant about that.

Now, your circumstances are different, which I think makes your opinion even more valid. You say that ye are in a casual relationship, nothing serious planned, and she was on the pill. So, she was taking the pill to prevent getting pregnant, so you (and I too if I was in your place) would have assumed that she didn't want to get pregnant, so why now should you be willing to bring a baby into the world with her accidentally? If you were happy for her to be on the pill you're not suddenly going to change your mind now just because the worst has happened.

I don't know how to help or advise you, all I can say is talk to both of your parents, if you're lucky maybe her own parents will be able to convince her that she/you/both of you as a couple are not ready for a baby.

OMG! Are you sure you are 24?! You sound like 14.

Acoshla

pcardin wrote: »

OMG! Are you sure you are 24?! You sound like 14.

How do I sound 14 exactly?

MagicMarker

Piste wrote: »

Ok I'm probably going to be slated for this but.....


While it's not your decision as to whether this baby is born or not, it is your decision as to whether you want to stick around as a father or not. You don't have to be a father to the baby, you would just have to pay maintenance. It may seem harsh but if a woman an make the decision to abort the baby or give away the baby then the father equally should be able to decide "no, this is not what I want" and opt-out of being a parent.

I'n not saying whether it's right or wrong, but that it's fair and that it's an option the OP could consider.

100% in agreement.

Nevyn

pcardin Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

ebmma

Pregnancy is a very sensitive issue. Don't pressure her into anything.

If she's pro-life, but you think abortion/adoption is a better option, voice your opinion but leave it at that.

If you were pro-life, but she wanted an abortion, no pressuring is warranted either.

It is not about who has a higher moral ground.

I personally don't think 6 week embryo is the same as a baby, even though it is most definitely life cells that have potential to develop into a child. And I personally won't have a child in her situation.

However what a bunch of random people think is right is going to make very little difference for her decision.
Let her know what you think and that you'll try to help her out whatever she decides.

GunScope

Unregistered wrote: »

Looking for advice on my situation. My gf of 10 months is 6 and a half weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was unplanned & happened even though she was on the Pill. We found out when she took a pregnancy test 2 days after she missed her period. Both of us were shocked and upset, and neither of us wants a pregnancy or a baby, esp since we have both recently been made redundant and are living with our parents (we are in our early 20s). The difference between us is that I would like to have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption, but she is not willing to consider either of those options. I have offered to go with her to England for a medical abortion before she reaches 8 weeks, but she is very pro-life and says that abortion of any stage of pregnancy is "murdering a baby." She also says that she could never have the child & give it up. My pov is that a 6-wk-old embryo is not a "baby." I do not want to start a big debate about abortion on here but would appreciate advice from anyone who has ever been through a similar situation. For the record, we have a casual dating relationship and we have never been planning anything long-term. She now says that if I am going to continue on about the idea of abortion, I should leave her and she will have the baby as a single parent by herself. I do not feel that I have a future with this girl but I am also not the type to run out on a baby if I am put in the position of having one.

Remember that night 6 and a half weeks ago when you were getting hot and heavy and you decided not to wear a condom ... (pill or no pill) BAD CALL BUDDY!

You made your decision then, now you have to deal with that, be a man and support your girlfriend, the poor woman must be terrified. No one is saying you have to get married, but at the very least, if your any sort of decent man, you will support your child.

So stop whinging and get on with it .... or walk away from your responsibilities .... THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

John Mason

I think you gf has a thread about this in the pregancy forum. maybe the two of you should each others thread, so you can both see where you are coming from

LegacyUser

Hi,

This is very strange for me, I wish I hadn't found this thread..

I had an abortion on the 18/July and the baby would have been due on the 21st of this month.

Only myself, my bf know I was preg. We told no one. I'm sorry this post will prob be all over the place but it's hard to think straight and type but I think it will be good to talk about it.

I'm on the pill so I was taking a contraceptive but was sick for a few days so it must have knocked it off. When I first thought I was preg. I kept it to myself but felt so scared and stressed. My boyf picked up on it straight away and we went for a test. It was positive.

I was very upset, he was very supporting. Straight away I told him I wasnt ready, and that the time wasnt right and that I didnt want to keep it. We went to a doctor the same day who was horrible to me. I said I didnt want to keep the baby and he really lectured me and left me even more upset and confused.

Over the next few days we looked into abortion and found a place in Eng. called BPASS. My boyf booked tickets, hotel and appointment.

I don't want to go into too much detail but I had a surgical abortion because they said that if I had the medical one I would be at risk of clotting on the flight home. It wasnt a horrible experience as some poster said it was. Mentally it was tough but physically you dont realis what is happening and you are not left in pain.

3 weeks later we arrived, both a little unsure about what we were about to do. Went to the clinic the morning after I arrived and went through with it.

After I knew we had made the right decision FOR US. Naturally I was upset and felf bad but I knew it was the right thing to do.

Reading some of the posts here I am shocked at how people really don't have a clue. So many of the posts are ignorant and hurtful.

Before I got pregnant, myself and my boyfriend would have considered ourselves pro-life, but when your put in the situation things DO change. It's hard to explain but we just couldnt have a baby.

We are still together, strong as ever and plan on having a family together in the futuer when we are both happy and able to provide for our children

OP I'd keep it between you and your GF untill you decide for sure what you are going to do, it's a very tough decision. I still feel sad now and again, some nights I'll have a cry but at the end I still feel what I did was right for us.

I wish I could explian things better but it's very hard to think about it and explain in a post.

I would appreciate if other posters kept their opinions to themselves about my decision as it would not help to hear others dismissing myself and my BF as bad people because of what we decided.

At the end of the day we both come from two loving families and we want to be in the position of marriage, owning a home and having stable jobs before having a family.

OP if you have any questions let me know, I feel your pain..

kaa

Unregistered wrote: »

Looking for advice on my situation. My gf of 10 months is 6 and a half weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was unplanned & happened even though she was on the Pill. We found out when she took a pregnancy test 2 days after she missed her period. Both of us were shocked and upset, and neither of us wants a pregnancy or a baby, esp since we have both recently been made redundant and are living with our parents (we are in our early 20s). The difference between us is that I would like to have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption, but she is not willing to consider either of those options. I have offered to go with her to England for a medical abortion before she reaches 8 weeks, but she is very pro-life and says that abortion of any stage of pregnancy is "murdering a baby." She also says that she could never have the child & give it up. My pov is that a 6-wk-old embryo is not a "baby." I do not want to start a big debate about abortion on here but would appreciate advice from anyone who has ever been through a similar situation. For the record, we have a casual dating relationship and we have never been planning anything long-term. She now says that if I am going to continue on about the idea of abortion, I should leave her and she will have the baby as a single parent by herself. I do not feel that I have a future with this girl but I am also not the type to run out on a baby if I am put in the position of having one.

hey i know what your going through. me and boyfriend where together 3months and i got pregnant and i was on the pill aswell. i was only 19 and in college. when i found out i cried. i was thinking that i should be holding my own bottle not giving a baby one at three in the morning.

we did think about adoption and abortion but i couldn't do it because i felt i was killing the baby or always wondering what did it look and what is it doing and all that. i do believe abortion at any stage of pregnancy is murder (but like you said we are not getting into that).

eally it is her body and she should be able to decide what she wants to do and you should just stand by her decision. but i do know understand her saying she doens't want it and does because i was like that. but believe me when ye get your heads around it ye will be excited, nervouse and worried. especially when ye go for the first scan. and when it is born the first time you look at it you will be so overwhelmed and love it straight away.

about your relationship not being a long term thing. don't worry. as long as your there for her when she needs you and when the baby comes and pull your weight evrything will work out because she won't be a single parent. and maybe this might even bring ye closer.

i don't regret anything and my daughter is over a year now and i'm loving every second of it. "a unplanned pregnancy is not the end of the world" like they say on the add.

good luck xxx

kaa

Spadina wrote: »

Ok, I can't offer any help as I have never been in your situation but I wanted to offer my 2cents anyway.

I'm a 24 year old girl and I am totally on your side with this, so don't feel that you are in the wrong any bit. I am in a very serious committed relationship, we both have jobs at the moment thank god even though mine is part time and a bit uncertain, my boyfriend is in his late 20's but if this situation happened us I would definitely not be having it. I'm not secure at all financially and it's not the right time for me or him, and I am adamant about that.

Now, your circumstances are different, which I think makes your opinion even more valid. You say that ye are in a casual relationship, nothing serious planned, and she was on the pill. So, she was taking the pill to prevent getting pregnant, so you (and I too if I was in your place) would have assumed that she didn't want to get pregnant, so why now should you be willing to bring a baby into the world with her accidentally? If you were happy for her to be on the pill you're not suddenly going to change your mind now just because the worst has happened.

I don't know how to help or advise you, all I can say is talk to both of your parents, if you're lucky maybe her own parents will be able to convince her that she/you/both of you as a couple are not ready for a baby.

look if have you sex there is a chance of getting pregnant. no matter if your on the pill or not or using other methods. because nothing is a 100% apart from no sex.

LegacyUser

Hi, this is the OP again. Thanks to everyone for all your advice. I think some comments here from people such as GunScope are completely uncalled for, though. I never said that I was unwilling to support the child. My pro-choice position was that we do not have a child yet, and that we still have a choice whether or not to let an embryonic clump of cells develop into an actual baby. However, her pro-life position makes it likely that we will have a child by the end of the year, assuming that she carries the baby to term.

Saying that I don't want the pregnancy is not the same thing as saying that I won't want the baby. If/when the baby is born, I will accept my responsibilities as its father and will do my utmost to love, cherish, and support it.

LegacyUser

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

I think you gf has a thread about this in the pregancy forum. maybe the two of you should each others thread, so you can both see where you are coming from

I did look for the thread and there are similarities, but this definitely is not my gf.

jordainius

Spadina wrote: »

Ok, I can't offer any help as I have never been in your situation but I wanted to offer my 2cents anyway.

I'm a 24 year old girl and I am totally on your side with this, so don't feel that you are in the wrong any bit. I am in a very serious committed relationship, we both have jobs at the moment thank god even though mine is part time and a bit uncertain, my boyfriend is in his late 20's but if this situation happened us I would definitely not be having it. I'm not secure at all financially and it's not the right time for me or him, and I am adamant about that.

OP, you seem to have taken her opinions on board more than most, but you must remember that her opinion is as valid as everyone else's and vice-versa. Just because her opinion is the most supportive of you and what you want to hear doesn't mean you should value it more than everyone else's. The general consensus in a lot of the replies here is that "its her body" and "you should support her decision". So while this may not be what you want to hear, you should bare in mind that it seems to be the most common opinion in this thread.

Spadina wrote: »

Now, your circumstances are different, which I think makes your opinion even more valid. You say that ye are in a casual relationship, nothing serious planned, and she was on the pill. So, she was taking the pill to prevent getting pregnant, so you (and I too if I was in your place) would have assumed that she didn't want to get pregnant, so why now should you be willing to bring a baby into the world with her accidentally? If you were happy for her to be on the pill you're not suddenly going to change your mind now just because the worst has happened.

No. Just because she was taking the pill and the pregnancy was not intended in the first place has nothing to do with the reality of the situation now.

-It doesn't matter that they were in a casual relationship.
-It doesn't matter that nothing serious was planned.
-It doesn't matter that she was on the pill.
-It doesn't matter that she didn't want to get pregnant.
-It doesn't matter that because he assumed she wouldn't get pregnant whether he should or should not "be willing to bring a baby into the world with her accidentally".
-And it now doesn't matter that these two people should have known that even with all the contraception in the world that there is always a risk of pregnancy.

NONE of this now matters.

What does matter is that she is pregnant.
It was unplanned and we must have a degree of sympathy.
Both parties are reluctant to go ahead, particularly the male. He has his reasons and he has discussed this with her.
He wants a termination.
But the crucial point here is, that she doesn't.
And because it is her body I'm afraid that gives her the veto if you can't reach an agreement.
If she is pro-life, and dead set against it, well then you have to accept and respect her views.
She needs your support at this time.
All you have to do is be there for her, this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be with her (in a relationship)

Spadina wrote: »

I don't know how to help or advise you, all I can say is talk to both of your parents, if you're lucky maybe her own parents will be able to convince her that she/you/both of you as a couple are not ready for a baby.

This is very bad advice. You are basically advocating the process of badgering the girl who has already made her mind up into changing her mind. This is not your (Spadina) decision, it is not my decision, and it is not a decision of their parents either. The only people who should be involved in this decision are the couple; the girl who is pregnant, and the OP. Amd if the girl does not want to have an abortion then that should be the end of it.

Her decision must be accepted, and nobody has the right to talk her out of it. So do not "recruit" people to try and change her mind.

jordainius

Unregistered wrote: »

My pro-choice position was that we do not have a child yet, and that we still have a choice whether or not to let an embryonic clump of cells develop into an actual baby. However, her pro-life position makes it likely that we will have a child by the end of the year, assuming that she carries the baby to term.

This is tricky though and a whole other debate. But there is a reason that it is a very gray area, some will say at six weeks it is a baby, and others will say that its not (or its "an embryonic clump of cells" as you state!). Personally I feel it is a baby at this stage but I can definitely see where you are coming from too. Neither of us would be "right", and we could debate on the matter until the cows come home, and beyond.

But (and I take no enjoyment in saying this to you, and I do sympathize) I think at the end of the day, if she wants to keep it, then you have to accept it. I genuinely am sorry, I would not like to be in your position, but I think you have to accept her decision.

Unregistered wrote: »

If/when the baby is born, I will accept my responsibilities as its father and will do my utmost to love, cherish, and support it.

I for one never doubted or questioned this. And if this is what happens I wish you the very best of luck.

Acoshla

jordainius wrote: »

This is very bad advice. You are basically advocating the process of badgering the girl who has already made her mind up into changing her mind. This is not your (Spadina) decision, it is not my decision, and it is not a decision of their parents either. So do not "recruit" people to try and change her mind.

If you would look back at my other posts you will see that I said "convince" was the wrong word for me to use and explained what I meant, just because I would have an abortion if it happened to me doesn't AT ALL mean I advocate bullying the girl into doing it if she is completely sure she wants to keep it, I'm not completely heartless as some of you seem to think I am.

And a few people have quoted me whilst saying "no contraception is 100% effective you know" - Yes, I am aware of this thank you, hence how I have so far managed to avoid this situation for myself

VeryBerry

OP, as someone in a (kind of) similar situation, I thought I'd add my two cents.I'm 6 months pregnant - complete shock, like yourselves was using contraception. Ok I'm a bit older than you (late twenties), and I'm married to my partner. But still, I wasn't (amn't?) ready to be a parent.

The situation between my husband and I was the opposite to you and your gf; I was pretty sure I wanted a termination, he was dead set against it. After much discussion and tears, we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and have the baby - although everyday I still wonder was it the right thing to so.

But as other posters have said, all of that back story, all my own doubts and worries (and yours) don't actually matter - what does matter is that in a few months I'll have a baby that I'll be 100% responsible for, ready or not. And it sounds like you're going to be in the same situation, because I don't think your gf is going to change her mind about an abortion.

My advice to you, and what I've been trying to do myself, is let go of everything that's gone before. And focus and getting ready for this baby. Start planning financially, emotionally, etc. OK, its not great that its happened, but try to move forward and make the best of a really tough situation.

Everyone tells me when the baby is actually born, and I hold it in my arms it will all be worth it. Hopefully this will happen for me, and for you too.

kaa

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi, this is the OP again. Thanks to everyone for all your advice. I think some comments here from people such as GunScope are completely uncalled for, though. I never said that I was unwilling to support the child. My pro-choice position was that we do not have a child yet, and that we still have a choice whether or not to let an embryonic clump of cells develop into an actual baby. However, her pro-life position makes it likely that we will have a child by the end of the year, assuming that she carries the baby to term.

Saying that I don't want the pregnancy is not the same thing as saying that I won't want the baby. If/when the baby is born, I will accept my responsibilities as its father and will do my utmost to love, cherish, and support it.

well that is good to hear. love and cherish will happen to second you see it. believe me you will be fine. everything happens for a reason. ye were ment to parents now.

all i can is good luck to ye and hope that everything works out.

Reflector

whats done is done, if she wants to keep it I'm afraid there's nothing you can do. Should have used a condom.
Anyway now you have to make up your mind how you want to be involved. Is it going to be a monthly direct debit or do you want an active part in your childs life. If you don't see a longterm thing with this girl it would be nice that you assume some of the parental responsibilities as well as I'm sure she has ambitions and dreams that have now been altered. Best of luck and although I am pro choice I believe that once you become a father you'll have no regrets.

kaa

jordainius wrote: »

OP, you seem to have taken her opinions on board more than most, but you must remember that her opinion is as valid as everyone else's and vice-versa. Just because her opinion is the most supportive of you and what you want to hear doesn't mean you should value it more than everyone else's. The general consensus in a lot of the replies here is that "its her body" and "you should support her decision". So while this may not be what you want to hear, you should bare in mind that it seems to be the most common opinion in this thread.



No. Just because she was taking the pill and the pregnancy was not intended in the first place has nothing to do with the reality of the situation now.

-It doesn't matter that they were in a casual relationship.
-It doesn't matter that nothing serious was planned.
-It doesn't matter that she was on the pill.
-It doesn't matter that she didn't want to get pregnant.
-It doesn't matter that because he assumed she wouldn't get pregnant whether he should or should not "be willing to bring a baby into the world with her accidentally".
-And it now doesn't matter that these two people should have known that even with all the contraception in the world that there is always a risk of pregnancy.

NONE of this now matters.

What does matter is that she is pregnant.
It was unplanned and we must have a degree of sympathy.
Both parties are reluctant to go ahead, particularly the male. He has his reasons and he has discussed this with her.
He wants a termination.
But the crucial point here is, that she doesn't.
And because it is her body I'm afraid that gives her the veto if you can't reach an agreement.
If she is pro-life, and dead set against it, well then you have to accept and respect her views.
She needs your support at this time.
All you have to do is be there for her, this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be with her (in a relationship)



This is very bad advice. You are basically advocating the process of badgering the girl who has already made her mind up into changing her mind. This is not your (Spadina) decision, it is not my decision, and it is not a decision of their parents either. The only people who should be involved in this decision are the couple; the girl who is pregnant, and the OP. Amd if the girl does not want to have an abortion then that should be the end of it.

Her decision must be accepted, and nobody has the right to talk her out of it. So do not "recruit" people to try and change her mind.

good on you i agree with everything you said. and since i was in this situation the advice by spadina was rubbish. i found it totally unhelpful. you have to be in the stuation or have a heart to sympathise.

beth-lou

I'm sorry for your situation, and it is a tough one. An unplanned pregnancy takes a while to get your head around, and it is life changing, but and thisis a very big but, from someone who never wanted kids, there are no words to describe how much you will love that kid when you see it, no matter how reluctant you were to begin with.

It sounds as though your girlfriend / friend is keeping the baby, and in fairness abortion is not a quick fix if you're not comfortable with it. It is a very big emotional burden if someone wants to keep the baby and goes through with it for the other. The best thing you can do now is try to support her in the best way you can. Fair enough if you don't want a relationship with her, as was said before, better to stir clear of that if you don't want it. But you can still be there in other ways and you may as well get on board and enjoy it because it is happening anyway. There is no reason why you can't have a career just because you are a parent. Ok travel might be a little bit more complicated, but life goes on, just with a little person full of unconditional love at your side. It's great, I'm telling you!

I wish you all the best and enjoy the adventure. Being a Dad is great believe it or not.

Beruthiel

kaa wrote: »

good on you i agree with everything you said. and since i was in this situation the advice by spadina was rubbish. i found it totally unhelpful.

I'm not interested in whither you found it helpful or not.
The OP asked for opinions, people are entitled to give theirs.
It is up to the OP to decide what advice he will or won't take.
Keep it on topic and quit taking digs at other people.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

After I knew we had made the right decision FOR US. Naturally I was upset and felf bad but I knew it was the right thing to do.

Reading some of the posts here I am shocked at how people really don't have a clue. So many of the posts are ignorant and hurtful.

Before I got pregnant, myself and my boyfriend would have considered ourselves pro-life, but when your put in the situation things DO change. It's hard to explain but we just couldnt have a baby.

We are still together, strong as ever and plan on having a family together in the futuer when we are both happy and able to provide for our children

Hi—your story is really moving. And I really sympathise with yourself and your boyfriend because I feel exactly the same way. I would prefer to have put off having children for years to come. I would like to be better able to care and provide for the child and bring him/her up in a supportive, stable family environment.

I wish we could do what you and your bf did. It would make so much more sense for us, tbh. And it would be to the benefit of any children that either of the two of us had in the future.

@jordainius -- I'm not just listening to the posters I want to hear. I'm open to other perspectives too, and I take it on board. But as the above poster said, a lot of the replies here have been insensitive and hurtful. And she speaks the truth when she says you're never truly going to know how you feel about something like this until you are in the same position yourself.

kaa

Beruthiel wrote: »

I'm not interested in whither you found it helpful or not.
The OP asked for opinions, people are entitled to give theirs.
It is up to the OP to decide what advice he will or won't take.
Keep it on topic and quit taking digs at other people.

excuse me now i gave my opinion since i have been in the same situation as the OP and it is hard. but running to england is not going to make everything better.

so get off your f***ing high horse and read what you just said "The OP asked for opinions" and thats what i gave and i am entitled to do it and say what i think in my opinion and i did. if you have a problem then thats yours not mine

Beruthiel

kaa wrote: »

so get off your f***ing high horse and read what you just said "The OP asked for opinions" and thats what i gave and i am entitled to do it and say what i think in my opinion and i did. if you have a problem then thats yours not mine

Take a week off.

Acoshla

kaa wrote: »

good on you i agree with everything you said. and since i was in this situation the advice by spadina was rubbish. i found it totally unhelpful. you have to be in the stuation or have a heart to sympathise.

Ok, I honestly posted here just to let the OP know he wasn't a bad person for feeling the way he did and almost all I have gotten is personal attacks except from the OP himself.

I'm saying one last thing and then I'll let ye all get back to telling him to suck it up and get over it, even though difficult as it is for her it's not exactly a fun time for him either.

I do have a heart, as do many of the women in the world who have had abortions, that is a very unfair statement. I have sympathised with people in this situation before, close friends, who I have helped no matter what they decided, I have supported a friend when her boyfriend told her to abort but would not go with her for it, I have held a friend as she cried telling me she was pregnant at 19 after a quick fling and helped her as much as i could after he was born, and I have sat with a friend on what would have been her due date after a miscarriage that nearly destroyed her but that she later realised had been a lucky escape from an unhappy life with a horrible man.

Don't tell me what kind of person I am when you haven't got a clue.

coolmoose

Spadina wrote: »

Don't tell me what kind of person I am when you haven't got a clue.

Boards is full of that Spadina. Your posts made sense to me, and would be how I would feel if I were in the OPs position.

@ OP, hopefully this situation will work out for you, what's most important now if your GF carries to full term is that you have plans in place for how yer going to look after this baby, be there for her and the baby. Have 2 friends who weren't there for their GF or the baby when in a similiar situation, and they both regret it...

Best of luck with it.

KM56

Spadina wrote: »

Ok, I honestly posted here just to let the OP know he wasn't a bad person for feeling the way he did and almost all I have gotten is personal attacks except from the OP himself.

I'm saying one last thing and then I'll let ye all get back to telling him to suck it up and get over it, even though difficult as it is for her it's not exactly a fun time for him either.

I do have a heart, as do many of the women in the world who have had abortions, that is a very unfair statement. I have sympathised with people in this situation before, close friends, who I have helped no matter what they decided, I have supported a friend when her boyfriend told her to abort but would not go with her for it, I have held a friend as she cried telling me she was pregnant at 19 after a quick fling and helped her as much as i could after he was born, and I have sat with a friend on what would have been her due date after a miscarriage that nearly destroyed her but that she later realised had been a lucky escape from an unhappy life with a horrible man.

Don't tell me what kind of person I am when you haven't got a clue.

i think what kaa was trying to say that you have not personal being in this situation so you don't have a clue. and it doesn't matter how many friends you have that got pregnant that there problem and you were there for them but so it is still not the same because it's not you in the situation.
well could your friend not break up from this horrible man??? its not hard. and if he was that horrilbe then maybe you should have told her.

ya there is options out there. but if you don't want to get pregnant then don't have sex it is that simple because there is always a chance.

because it's easy saying what you did because you were there holding crying friends not the one crying. i was 16 pregnant with twins. sure i could have hoped on a plane just as easy but im the one who had sex so i had to deal with my responsilbiltes. i dropped out of school so i could work to provide from my babies and their dad worked too.

i know everyone has an opinion but who are you to tell someone they don't have clue when you are the one that has not been in the situation.


WELL I HOPE THE OP AND HIS GIRLFRIEND WORKS THINGS OUT AND THEY ARE HAPPY WITH WHAT DECISION THEY MAKE

*Honey*

Unregistered wrote: »

Disagree. His girlfriend did not actually want to be pregnant either and she is upset about the circumstances (unemployment etc) that it has happened in. It may well be taboo to talk about it, but I am sure many a woman in her position over the years has wished for a miscarriage to take the decision out of her hands.

And since a high proportion of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, some of them even get their wish. Not every miscarriage is a tragedy. Most of them happen at an early stage because the genetics of the particular sperm and egg that came together didn't result in a viable embryo. Not every woman will by the time this happens have formed an emotional attachment to the clump of cells that doesn't make it.

Anyway, OP, here's another way of thinking of it to help you come to terms with it. Forget abortion for reasons indicated by other posters. Think about why your girlfriend also declines adoption. Let's say she thinks once a baby does exist, it deserves the best chance at life. Adoption would be unfair because it would deny the baby the experience of growing up with its blood parents when this option is actually available (of course adoption is a good thing when circumstances make this impossible). And in your current situation, being a father and mother to your baby is perfectly possible. Not all kids grow up in wealthy households and most of them are all the stronger and more resourceful for it. All this baby needs of you (and I am not being flippant, of course it is a responsibility) is your presence as a dad, and that IS in your power to carry out. The rest WILL fall into place, and you will get used to the idea eventually!

I can only imagine that this is said by someone who's never had to suppor their wife or girlfriend though the utter devastation that is a miscarriage. If you ever had, you'd never have written these words.