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Another miscarriage thread...

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  • 14-01-2009 9:36pm
    #1
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    we miscarried today at 9.5 weeks, feel emotionally drained but just want to try for a baby again (and have a drink!)...we are being taken in tomorrow for another scan even though the one today showed that baby was dead. Just wanted to vent more than anything. Am running on empty, still looking after my blood sugars and still eating because I want to be strong if we try again. Shane and I are devastated, I feel that it is my fault as I got stressed out and did not eat enough in early pregnancy, plus I was so excited.

    AC


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    #2
    tantipie
    Registered Users Posts: 846 ✭✭✭tantipie


    aw you poor thing,,will say a prayer for you both,,


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    #3
    Grawns
    Registered Users Posts: 2,169 ✭✭✭Grawns


    So sad to hear that Cathy. However - this was not your fault. These things happen to even the healthiest people. You were unlucky this time. My best wishes to you both. Take care.


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    #4
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    Sorry to hear of your loss, Hopefully both of you will have the strength to try again soon.


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    #5
    eimsRV
    Registered Users Posts: 224 ✭✭eimsRV


    So sorry to hear that Cathy. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Take care of each other now


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    #6
    hairyfairy00
    Registered Users Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭hairyfairy00


    So sorry for your loss, you did nothing to cause this so please don't beat yourself up thinking that.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you both.


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    #7
    Quackles
    Registered Users Posts: 1,484 ✭✭✭Quackles


    Cathy and Shane, I'm so sorry for your loss :( Please don't blame yourself - a little stress wouldn't have hurt your baby, and we all get excited, it's only normal. It's just one of those sh*tty things that happens to good people sometimes. Look after yourself, and we'll be right here if you need to vent. Good luck!


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    #8
    NewFrockTuesday
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Im sorry to hear this Cathy having kept an eye on what youve gone through over the last two years. SMcCarrick must be so upset too. Look after yourselves and each other.xx


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    #9
    ArthurDent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 915 ✭✭✭ArthurDent


    sorry to hear of your loss, look after yourself


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    #10
    Sixx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭Sixx


    So sorry to hear this sad news... take plenty of time to come to terms with your loss, take time of work and spend time together, I can't imagine how tough and emotional a time it must be for you both, but be sure to look after your health too and you are bound to be drained and need time to recover. Sx


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    #11
    shaca
    Registered Users Posts: 109 ✭✭shaca


    Was just reading about you today Cathy. I am so sorry it didnt work out for ye. I know exactly how you are feeling. It will take a while to get over the trauma of it all so take your time. Don't blame yourself Cathy. There is nothing that you could have done to change the out come. Enjoy your drink (when you feel up to it). I did the same thing and myself and my husband ended up having a great chat and cry. It was the best venting I ever did.

    Take care. And as 1001 (felt like that at the time) people said to me "What's for you won't pass you". Take time to grieve for your loss and give your body and mind time to recover.


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    #12
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    I posted in the other thread but I just want to let you know that I'm thinking of you and Shane.

    I hope you feel better soon, this is not your fault. Everyone gets excited and stressed when they are pregnant. Get back to trying as soon as you feel ready hun and hopefully we'll be seeing you again soon here.


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    #13
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I am sorry to here that this has happened, please mind yourself and take it easy as much as possible.


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    #14
    eVeNtInE
    Registered Users Posts: 7,020 ✭✭✭eVeNtInE


    This post has been deleted.


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    #15
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    Terrible news.. Make sure you look after yourself and Shane!!


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    #16
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    Its like loosing a parent or sibling...I was holding where I used to hug baby last night...it just seems like endless grief...I can be fine one minute then cry my eyes out the next, anything can set me off...the only good news we got was that we can try in about 6 weeks (ie after what will be my next period), have called it operation eeore. I started to eat a lot more since I found out that I was pregnant, I cant loose that lesson. I have problems with temperature regulation since I had chemo but that solved itself when I was eating enough. Baby did so much for me. I think that I saw baby last night when I was going to the bathroom, it was tiny and looked like a small fruit, I wasnt thinking straight so I got rid of him, I feel guilty, he deserved better than that. I was crying during the night, when i woke up I would talk to baby and hug him and let him know how much we loved him and let him feel his daddies skin and Shane used to rasberry baby in the morning because we knew that he could feel that...he was loved. Does anyone know anywhere or how I can mourne baby?


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    #17
    Dfens
    Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Dfens


    Sorry to hear your sad news & hope you both find strenght in each others support to get through.
    Found this link yesterday for another thread on this forum, they might be of help, notice that they have support meetings.


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    #18
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    Time is the best healer... I planted a beautiful yellow rose out my back garden after my miscarriage I have a little cherub statue beside it...


    Just talking about it and crying and letting it out of your system will help you. Its a very emotional time and it is not helped with by the hormones.

    Dont be afraid to rant!!


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    #19
    zillmere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭zillmere


    Hi,

    Sorry to hear about your loss.

    When it happened to us, we went out & got a plant & decorated the pot with teddy bear stickers and kept in in our bedroom.

    We were able to water it & talk to it & take care of it. Having it near us at night helped my wife to get through the tough patches.

    Nothing but time & hope for the future can get you through though.

    Miscarriage.ie is a great site. There are people you can call to talk about it & support groups.


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    #20
    beachbabe
    Registered Users Posts: 161 ✭✭beachbabe


    Cathy,
    I know what you are going through. I miscarried at 5 weeks and was devestated. At the time people kept saying that at least we had got pregnant. It was not what i wanted to hear at the time but a few weeks later it was very comforting to think that. You will also notice over the next few weeks every woman you see will be pregnant or be pushing a buggy. The next few weeks will be tough, so look after yourselves and things will get better. I will be thinking of you both during this difficult time.


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    #21
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    I have decided to change my avatar back to tigger - my hubby said that he got tigger stuff for baby...we are both crying our eyes out as I type, I love my husband, how will we ever cope?


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    #22
    gowayouttadat
    Registered Users Posts: 506 ✭✭✭gowayouttadat


    CathyMoran wrote: »
    I have decided to change my avatar back to tigger - my hubby said that he got tigger stuff for baby...we are both crying our eyes out as I type, I love my husband, how will we ever cope?


    Hi Cathy, am gutted for you. Hope you are holding up ok. I don't have any advice cuz I've never been in that situation but I know yourself and your hubby will get through it.


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    #23
    templetonpeck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 364 ✭✭templetonpeck


    Cathy ((hugs)) I'm so sorry to read your thread.

    I wish you and your husband all the strength you need to get through this sad time.


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    #24
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    We are just back from the hospital. Baby deffinitly does not have a heartbeat but is still there - I will be going in for a D and C on Monday. It was not developing as it should. There is a lovely midwife in there called Mary who deserves a mention, she could not be kinder. She reassured me that my blood sugars were 5.5 average when we concieved (anything below 5.9 is ideal for pregnancy), my thyroid levels were good, so it was nothing that I could have done. We are hoping that our next baby will be tiger 2, Shane already had stuff for the nursery with a tiger on it and I think that it will be a good way of remembering its brother or sister (though at the moment the thought of that brings me to tears), we both really wanted this baby. We are a very close couple and we are doing the best to support one another - it was as much his baby as mine. I can not ever express in words or actions how much I love him, the idea of carrying a piece of him for a while was precious. I know that I want to try for another baby as soon as we can...sorry, I am rambling.


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    #25
    templetonpeck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 364 ✭✭templetonpeck


    CathyMoran wrote: »
    We are just back from the hospital. Baby deffinitly does not have a heartbeat but is still there - I will be going in for a D and C on Monday. It was not developing as it should. There is a lovely midwife in there called Mary who deserves a mention, she could not be kinder. She reassured me that my blood sugars were 5.5 average when we concieved (anything below 5.9 is ideal for pregnancy), my thyroid levels were good, so it was nothing that I could have done. We are hoping that our next baby will be tiger 2, Shane already had stuff for the nursery with a tiger on it and I think that it will be a good way of remembering its brother or sister (though at the moment the thought of that brings me to tears), we both really wanted this baby. We are a very close couple and we are doing the best to support one another - it was as much his baby as mine. I can not ever express in words or actions how much I love him, the idea of carrying a piece of him for a while was precious. I know that I want to try for another baby as soon as we can...sorry, I am rambling.

    Ramble all you like, it's kind of the sort of thing others won't let you talk about in the real world.

    I'm glad you're not blaming yourself anymore and as soon as you're ready I wish you all the luck for the future.


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    #26
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,865 ✭✭✭✭January


    Hi Cathy, I think that the tigger stuff is a lovely way for your next baby to remember it's little brother or sister.

    Which hospital was it?? There were some lovely midwives in the Rotunda, one of the ladies when I had Addison was particularly helpful. Her name was Laura.

    Remember to take as much time as you need to recover after the D&C, take as much time off work as you need to. I'm sure your employer will understand.

    You can rant as much as you like!


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    #27
    littlebug
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,832 ✭✭✭littlebug


    Hugs Cathy,

    you're not rambling at all.. you know we're always here. I can't even imagine what you're going through :(


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    #28
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    We are supposed to be having a d and c on Monday, the doctor said that it was like a vaccum but I have read else where that it is more like scraping baby up, has anyone had one of these. I know that our baby is dead but it deserves respect and would hate to hurt it if that makes any sense. I am sort of glad that baby is still with us for a few days as I know where it is and I can tell it that I love it (as I did all the time when it was alive) and that we really cared for it. I will never forget our baby, we love it so much.

    Have been trying to distract myself - went to see parrots in a very good garden center, had been avoiding them while we were pregnant. I also put my hair up, have not been able to do that since I got ill about 2.5 years ago, I probably could have done it sooner but I was too scared in case it would not work. The grief goes in waves, I feel guilty when I laugh the odd time. I also want to make love to my hubby but we cant do that until the bleeding stops and even then we can not try for a baby for 5-6 weeks...forcing myself to eat, I hate it but I have to eat, baby left me a legacy of better health and I owe it to his legacy to look after myself (and his daddy).

    I want baby back...


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    #29
    Catari Jaguar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,649 ✭✭✭Catari Jaguar


    I'm so sorry Cathy. My heart is breaking for you both :( xx


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    #30
    G&T
    Closed Accounts Posts: 303 ✭✭G&T


    Cathy & Shane,

    What a lucky baby Tigger was to have had
    such wonderful parent's for those 9 weeks.

    Your next baby will have a wonderful guardian angel
    to alway's watch over it.

    Am so sorry you did not get to bring this baby
    home,


    Kate.


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    #31
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    Now I am panicking as I read in quite a few places that stress can contribute towards a miscarriage and that day a coworker sent me an obnoxious mail and I got upset and very stressed - I feel that I killed our baby. Sorry if I seem all over the place, I just feel that it was all my fault...I tend to live on stress, that is my nature, did this cause our baby to die?


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