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BF slept with prostitute abroad....

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    #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    OP here again....

    Yes I know there are prostitutes everywhere but he doesn't want to sleep with prostitutes. It was a once off and it was only one prostitute. He told me everything and I believe him. He hasn't put me at any risk cause he's gone to get checked out and we won't be sleeping together til we sort out this mess.

    My first post was a bit vague....I should have said we were on a break but we both hoped the break would be good for us and believed we could sort things out when he got back. I think if I was in his position I would have experimented if I was away and didn't know what I was coming home to....although I wouldn't have chosen prostitute. The fact that it was prostitute is easier than if it was a girl he had fancied cause after all it was just for weird sex.

    The reason I said bout the prostitutes to him before he left was cause I know other guys who were there who said they just did it outta curiosity. Maybe it was stupid thing to say but its done and can't be changed.



    This is fairly naive.

    If he didn't want to sleep with prostitutes then he wouldn't have done so.

    Guys choose a prostitute they fancy where possible. Do not think for a moment she had a face like a bag of spanners. More likely a super-fit 18 year old Thai with a body to die for.

    And the best laugh of all is that guys told you they slept with prostitutes out of curiosity! The instinct is much more base than that! You catch a look at your ex's new squeeze out of "curiosity". You sleep with hookers because it's easy hassle-free no-strings sex and you like that. It's a different matter. Let be real here.

    If it was a question of curiosity then you'd find a hooker in this country is approximately 10 seconds on the net. You don't have to a few thousand miles to satisfy that curiosity. It's not like it's Sydney Opera House. There's one in every town.

    Men come in two types - those who sleep with hookers and those who don't. The location is irrelevant believe me. Your boyfriend is one of the former group....end of.


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    #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    to be honest i would look at it no differnet then a one night stand in ireland. he just needs to get checked out...
    you were on a break and its the done thing in thailand....you can pick someone up a in a restaurant there and not pay anything but still have sex that night with her.

    It is nearly impossible to go to thailand and not have sex with a girl...ive been there...would you be ok if it was more than one ????

    you are an open minded person, and thats good for you. it would of been worse if you told him not to in a stern way and he came back, lied that he was with no one , then had sex with you only to find out you have an STD.


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    #34
    TheZohanS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,582 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Thailand is known for its sex trade and I think most men who go there are curious and wanna try out stuff they can't at home.

    Yes it is well known for it's sex trade but you are incorrect in thinking that most men want to "try out stuff they can't at home".

    I have been over twice, and both times I was with a gang of around 10 mates.

    NONE of us went near any prostitutes.


    It doesn't matter if your b/f's condom split or not; you still have a chance of being infected with several nasties through him.

    Genital warts is one.

    I would suggest you read the sticky on STI's, condoms do not protect you from many different diseases that you can catch.


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    #35
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    A few years back buddies of mine went to Australia for a year and on the way over they stopped in Thailand for some RnR.

    One of the lads was with a hooker and the condom split.

    By the time he got to Australia he was riddled with genital warts. His first week in Australia he is in a clinic getting his knob frozen and hacked at.


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    #36
    gabigeist
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭gabigeist


    Good post OP

    Fairly upstanding of him to tell you IMO.

    You have to ask yourself though: 1) Did he tell you just to give you a reason to break up permanently?
    2) Has this irrevocably broken the trust in your relationship?

    If the answer is no to both then you have as good a chance as any.

    Best of luck


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    #37
    mirwillbeback
    Registered Users Posts: 2,003 ✭✭✭mirwillbeback


    Kintarō Hattori wrote: »
    Sleeping with a prostitute is never cool OP and you essentially gave him permission to do so. You need to take a long hard look at your relationship, ask yourself is it healthy/normal and where can it go.

    Any guy who would willingly sleep with another woman doesn't deserve to be in a relationship.

    No doubt if it were a girl who cheated, you would feel a second chance is deserved. :rolleyes:


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    #38
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    In response to your actual PI. It's very unlikely he'd catch HIV. It's extremely difficult for men to catch it from having sex with women. Though I'd be getting the test if I were him for peace of mind.

    IF he went to thailand he was probably vaccinated against Hepititis B. If the prostitute was an injecting drug user theres a hepititis C risk, afaik its generally not passed on with sexually activity,though still a possibility.

    Now, he's more likely to have caught chlamydia, gonnorrea or syphallis - curable with antibiotics, so not a major issue.

    What also may have caught was Herpes and HPV - Herpes is a virus that causes more painful cold sore type blisters for the genitals which come and go. Condoms don't stop it. Incurable.

    HPV - a virus with multiple strains. Some are harmless and the body's immune system kills them off. Others cause genital warts(most comon sti in Ireland), if they show up he'll require treatment but the body can eventually get rid of them altogether. He could pass this virus on to you even if he has no warts and he's undoubtedly been exposed to it. Other strains can lead to cervical cancer, though most people who've had sex even once or twice with "normal" people will already have been exposed to that strain.

    I'm sure there's plenty more but those would be the common ones.


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    #39
    gd1987
    Registered Users Posts: 114 ✭✭gd1987


    Facepalm


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    #40
    Sir Humphrey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 104 ✭✭Sir Humphrey


    Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

    Any guy who would willingly sleep with another woman doesn't deserve to be in a relationship.



    I take it then that you would be more flexible about guys who unwillingly sleep with another woman - the selfless altruistic guys who grit the teeth and just get on with it for the greater good? I would say they have indeed earned the right to be in a relationship, unlike the other ne'er-do-wells you mention.


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    #41
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    speaking in an entirely general manner. People do sometimes just make mistakes. Obviously I cannot acurately comment on the OP's OH. But, a friend of mine slept with a prostitute about 5 yrs ago while backpacking around eastern Europe. It was once of thing. He was single at the time. But I can tell you now, for two years he battled with depression, anxiety and self disgust because of it. He had had a lot to drink and coupled with that and been surrounded by amazing looking women with little or nothing on, he went for it.

    He claims it was the worst mistake of his life. He hasn't talked about it for a few years now but sometimes I wonder does he still battle his conscience over it. Does this one act define him as a person or is he bad because of it? I think not. He made a mistake, he learned for it and felt crap about it for a long time. I am sharing this because some of the posts aimed specifically at the OPs OH are nasty solely on the basis that he slept with a prostitute. Thats a wrong attitude to have towards people. After all, we are all human and all make mistakes. In the grand scheme of "evilness" sleeping with a prostitute once in a life time is right down the bottom of the list if you ask me.


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    #42
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    gd1987 pictures are disabled for this forum to prevent that type of a reply
    which was no helpful or on topic, I suggest you read the charter for this forum
    as unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.


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    #43
    cojomo2
    Registered Users Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cojomo2


    Unregistered wrote: »

    It is nearly impossible to go to thailand and not have sex with a girl...ive been there...would you be ok if it was more than one ????

    STD.

    total rubbish...im a red blooded 27 yo male with a girlfriend, ive been to thailand 6 or 7 times and go there 3 times a year, quite often alone and have never ever thought about sleeping with a prosi...i was in a bar with naked dancers once with a mate of mine and was only there 5 mins when a prosi was trying to sell herself to me..i just laughed it off and said ''no thanks i have a girlfriend'' ..the only other people in that bar were fat middle aged men, mostly english..they were such sleezy perves ...some in their 60's with 18 yo girls...and they probably tell their wife they are away on a 'golfing trip'...i just remembered thinking how discusted i would be if i thought my dad ever got up to something like that..

    i really cant understand why sm1 would pay for sex, unless they are ugly as hell and single...even still, its taking advantage of a girl in a bad situation ..


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    #44
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    OP, it's time to OPEN YOUR EYES!!

    1. It was premeditated, he knew he was going to have sex, and so did you if it even came up in conversation before he left!

    2. By telling him to ''be careful'', you gave him your approval.

    3. You're defending him saying how you were on a ''break'', yet in more than one post you've referred to cheating and asking whether you should break up with him... which is it?

    3. There's no chance she was ugly, he probably fancied the arse off her. I know I would, it's practically every male's fantasy (the thai ladies that is, not the hooker part)

    4. The condom didn't break as there probably was no condom. But of course he wouldn't tell you that.


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    #45
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »
    In response to your actual PI. It's very unlikely he'd catch HIV. It's extremely difficult for men to catch it from having sex with women. Though I'd be getting the test if I were him for peace of mind.

    IF he went to thailand he was probably vaccinated against Hepititis B. If the prostitute was an injecting drug user theres a hepititis C risk, afaik its generally not passed on with sexually activity,though still a possibility.

    Now, he's more likely to have caught chlamydia, gonnorrea or syphallis - curable with antibiotics, so not a major issue.

    What also may have caught was Herpes and HPV - Herpes is a virus that causes more painful cold sore type blisters for the genitals which come and go. Condoms don't stop it. Incurable.

    HPV - a virus with multiple strains. Some are harmless and the body's immune system kills them off. Others cause genital warts(most comon sti in Ireland), if they show up he'll require treatment but the body can eventually get rid of them altogether. He could pass this virus on to you even if he has no warts and he's undoubtedly been exposed to it. Other strains can lead to cervical cancer, though most people who've had sex even once or twice with "normal" people will already have been exposed to that strain.

    I'm sure there's plenty more but those would be the common ones.

    Its really nice to see someone posting some real sense and facts on this forum for once.

    Op as BoS says, HIV is highly unlikely for a one time hetrosexual exposure and although the condom did break he would have been protected up to the point of the breakage. So the risk is lower again.

    He would not have caught hep c unless he had vigorous ANAL sex with the girl and even then it is quite low risk.

    As BoS states, quite a low risk fro hep b too especially if vaccinated which I am sure he was.

    syphilis is very rare even among prostitutes. not impossible that he would have got it but very rare none the less.

    Herpes - this is the only point I slightly disagree with BoS on. Condoms have been proven to provide approximately 50% protection against HSV transmission. Although in your particularly case that doesn't matter as the condom broke. The chances of HSV transmission is something in the region of 1 in 1,000 per single exposure. this is reduce to 1 in 2,000 with condom use and 1 in 4,000 with condom use and anti-viral regime. So at 1 in 1,000 its highly unlikely that he caught it. If he hasn't developed visible symptoms within 4 weeks from exposure then you can be fairly sure he didn't catch it.

    As for HPV - just don't worry about it. condoms are 70% effective against HPV but it only takes one exposure to get it but generally its not a big deal. just be on the look out for visible symptoms (warts) of low risk type and have annual pap smears to ensure effective treatment against higher risk strains.


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    #46
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    Imo you were on a break, he was free to behave as he wished, did so, and has told you of the possible risks of his behaviour.

    If I were you, I'd abstain from having sex until the tests are through, then work through the issues that caused your break in the first place (if you can)

    Best of luck


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    #47
    Peared
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Peared


    I cannot belieeeevve the focus on the prostitute part and how wrong and awful it is to have sex with one. Not everybody thinks like that.

    To be honest I find the profession of the woman largely irrelevent.

    OP I would just concentrate on the fact that to put it bluntly your boyfriend wants to have sex with other women on 'special occasions'. You have to look to the future and think about stag nights, work dos, lads holidays etc.

    You will always be wondering.


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    #48
    Dave!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    The fact that you took a break indicates that your relationship was rocky to begin with... and then he went off and shagged a hooker...

    And you're questioning whether you should split with him?!

    GTFO


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    #49
    MJOR
    Registered Users Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    I don't want to be mean but every single time you come back to answer you are justifying what he did. "we were on a break" and all this lark really doesn't ring through. I hope that health wise he is ok.

    This is not a good place to be in. Sleeping with hookers while abroad isn't too clever. Come to think of it its not clever anywhere. HIV and all other STDs are on the up. Don't stay with this guy. He should have kept it in his pants if he was coming back to you.


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    #50
    Kold
    Registered Users Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    I'd disregard what these people say. If you're fine with it, you're fine with it. Just make sure he gets tested and voice your opinions to him. Jesus, talk about the thought police in here.


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    #51
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Kold wrote: »
    I'd disregard what these people say. If you're fine with it, you're fine with it. Just make sure he gets tested and voice your opinions to him. Jesus, talk about the thought police in here.


    And what...??...listen to you instead..:confused:

    Are you aware what this is? Thats right...'A discussion forum'..now repeat twice more..:rolleyes:


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    #52
    Kold
    Registered Users Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    partyguinness wrote: »
    And what...??...listen to you instead..:confused:

    Are you aware what this is? Thats right...'A discussion forum'..now repeat twice more..:rolleyes:

    The original post stated that the problem was with possible health risks, she's already stated that she loves her bf. Not everyone needs to subscribe to the same ethical code. I'm just giving another side. That just because you guys think that the bf isn't worth her time, doesn't mean he isn't. She's already said he's a pretty nice guy and having sex with someone when you won't see your partner for a long time is only really bad when it's a betrayal of trust. She'd given him the OK.

    So how about you help with the OP's problem and be less of a sensationalist?

    ROLLEYESROLLEYESROLLEYES


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    #53
    RossFixxxed
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭RossFixxxed


    I agree to a degree, it is up to her to choose, however i fell the concerns expressed here relate to the degree of latitude he has been given. There could be issues down the line. And the health concerns from a hooker in Thailand are HUGE, I mean come on it's not like a sex worker is guaranteed clean.

    If she's happy being a doormat who am I to object. It's a free world and everyone is entitled to suck if they want to.

    Ross


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    #54
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Kold wrote: »
    The original post stated that the problem was with possible health risks, she's already stated that she loves her bf. Not everyone needs to subscribe to the same ethical code. I'm just giving another side. That just because you guys think that the bf isn't worth her time, doesn't mean he isn't. She's already said he's a pretty nice guy and having sex with someone when you won't see your partner for a long time is only really bad when it's a betrayal of trust. She'd given him the OK.

    So how about you help with the OP's problem and be less of a sensationalist?

    ROLLEYESROLLEYESROLLEYES


    Ultimately, the only people that help the OP is the OP and her b/friend..nobody here can..she is only looking for opinions to help her tease out the problem she has...

    You gave a sweeping dismissal of everyone elses opinion and then followed it by saying we all want her to dump him..for the record..I dont subscribe to that view and yes some posters do... I doubt very much you read all the posts. You might not agree with other posts but sweeping dismissals is unhelpful and quiet frankly obnoxious.


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    #55
    Lollipops23
    Registered Users Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    OP you told your BF that "if" it happened to be careful....you didn't think to tell him that he'd also be dumped "if" it happened?for god's sake woman get a bit of respect for yourself. My OH would be dumped in heartbeat if he cheated with a regular girl never mind a cheap hooker!and FYI Thailand is more than just a sex trade and plenty of lads of all ages go there and miraculously manage to avoid screwing a hooker.....


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    #56
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


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    #57
    Kold
    Registered Users Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    partyguinness wrote: »
    Ultimately, the only people that help the OP is the OP and her b/friend..nobody here can..she is only looking for opinions to help her tease out the problem she has...

    You gave a sweeping dismissal of everyone elses opinion and then followed it by saying we all want her to dump him..for the record..I dont subscribe to that view and yes some posters do... I doubt very much you read all the posts. You might not agree with other posts but sweeping dismissals is unhelpful and quiet frankly obnoxious.

    No I didn't, how exactly can you be sure of who I meant by 'these'? I read this thread and read an unfortunate trend, a bunch of posters with copy and pasted morals stating that just because they'd be unable to tolerate the behaviour that the OP is deluded and that the bf is a dick. Having sex with a prostitute isn't really all that different from an expensive **** (except for the health risks ofc).
    Their relationship may be fine, they may very much love eachother, all I'm saying is that if the OP dumps her bf for this let it be known that it would be because of her own neurosis and insecurity than any real fault of the bf and some of the posters need to ease up with their comments. It just points out how close minded they are.


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    #58
    Toto Wolfcastle
    Registered Users Posts: 25,005 ✭✭✭✭Toto Wolfcastle


    OP you keep saying that you were on a break, but you also keep saying that you both had decided that you'd be able to sort things out when he got back.

    He knew he was coming back to you, and he still slept with her. If you still want to be with him that's you're decision, but personally I wouldn't.

    No sex until he's sure he's clear though!


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    #59
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Unregistered wrote: »
    He told me before he left he didn't wanna be with anyone else.

    Actions speak louder than words.


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    #60
    nerraw1111
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,818 ✭✭✭nerraw1111


    Sleeping with the most vulnerable people of a developing country is a pretty scum bag thing to do. They're exploited by pimps, forced from their homes and forced to have sex.

    And your BF added to their misery.

    You deserve each other if you the only thing your worried about is what disease you mave have received.


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    #61
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    nerraw1111 wrote: »
    Sleeping with the most vulnerable people of a developing country is a pretty scum bag thing to do. They're exploited by pimps, forced from their homes and forced to have sex.

    And your BF added to their misery.

    You deserve each other if you the only thing your worried about is what disease you mave have received.
    Oh get off your high horse. I'm sure you've no problem wearing cheap clothes that were made in India or Indonesia, or even buying cheap products from China.


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