Toilet Break???

Smart Bug

Folks, how long, do you think, is it acceptable to spend in the toilet? At work especially...

Xavi6

Number 1 or 2?

The_Conductor

Smart Bug wrote: »

Folks, how long, do you think, is it acceptable to spend in the toilet? At work especially...

A couple of minutes?
Why- what have in mind- to bring a book in with you for a read or something? :eek:

Frisbee

As long as it takes.
I'be no problem spending an age in the jacks if Im trying to squat one out...

whiskeyman

Depends.... what if your job is a toilet cleaner?


/head explodes


Does a toilet cleaner take an office desk break?

ScumLord

Frisbee wrote: »

As long as it takes.
I'be no problem spending an age in the jacks if Im trying to squat one out...

QFT. You don't want half it left in your jocks.

Smart Bug

Toosies. But yes, I do have a habit of bringing a book in with me at home, much to the consternation (constipation) of my flatmate.

I see nothing wrong in this practice. It helps bring a whole feeling of serenity to the ocasion that would otherwise be missing.

Nehaxak

A good 30 minutes for a number 2.

KTRIC

As long as I please. I'm not hurrying for anyone.

chin_grin

Drop + read + wipe.

Around 20 minutes max. If it was a "neverending wiper" then it would be longer.

RubyXI

Nehaxak wrote: »

A good 30 minutes for a number 2.

:eek: you must have plenty free time. You'd be better off going in and rooting it out :eek:

jor el

Smart Bug wrote: »

But yes, I do have a habit of bringing a book in with me at home

And if the book turns out to be crap, you're in the perfect place to deal with it, and you'll never be caught out without bog-roll.

5-10 minutes should be acceptable at work, depending on how many pints you had last night, and pints of what. Guinness has been known to take a good 15 minutes, 4 or 5 times in the day.

Smart Bug

Smart Bug wrote: »

Folks, how long, do you think, is it acceptable to spend in the toilet? At work especially...

Depends on 3 things ;
1 - Are you having a piss?
2 - Are you having a ****?
3 - Are you having a ****?

Smart Bug

Deleted User wrote: »

Depends on 3 things ;
1 - Are you having a piss?
2 - Are you having a ****?
3 - Are you having a ****?

Sometimes all three. Depends on the book.

Nehaxak

phi3 wrote: »

:eek: you must have plenty free time. You'd be better off going in and rooting it out :eek:

Ah but I have mine more or less on a natural timer. 12.45 to 1pm every day I'm off to the loo for a crap. Given it's lunchtime anyway, nobody cares and suits me fine. I also wash my arse afterwards though so that 30 minutes is warranted.

Messes things up though if I'm travelling/working abroad, having to get up at like 3am for a crap is fairly annoying.

You're looking at 20 minutes and bring your iPod then kind sir.

Smart Bug

Deleted User wrote: »

You're looking at 20 minutes and bring your iPod then kind sir.

I find listening to Ring Of Fire on repeat helps the sh!te gallop out of me.

admiralofthefleet

Smart Bug wrote: »

Sometimes all three. Depends on the book.

also known as an economy dump

Smart Bug

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

also known as an economy dump

Can lead to the jack-knife effect - all 3 sensations at once resulting in one disconntecting with the potty at an abrupt angle...

Vic Vinegar

chin_grin wrote: »

Around 20 minutes max. If it was a "neverending wiper" then it would be longer.

:D

chin_grin

Nehaxak wrote: »

I also wash my arse afterwards though so that 30 minutes is warranted.

Because you had a bidet
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bidet
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bidet
You had a bidet

Smart Bug

Smart Bug wrote: »

I find listening to Ring Of Fire on repeat helps the sh!te gallop out of me.

Naa welcome to the jungle tbh

dr.bollocko

Smart Bug wrote: »

Can lead to the jack-knife effect - all 3 sensations at once resulting in one disconntecting with the potty at an abrupt angle...

Well at least you only have to flush once. Water conservation people.
Its important.
Where the hell is fluttering bantam?

Hagar

It all depends on how hard the Times crossword is that day.

FlutterinBantam

Ode to the office Shíte.. Flutterinbantam.


I slipped from my desk to take a big shít
I gasped in amazement as the pewter she hit
she slid 'neath the water and sank out of sight
Ignominious end for a prize winning shíte

*****************************

So folks ,if you feel a hot stool at your hole
Proceed with all haste and back up to the bowl
Unload at your ease,and don't rush your shíte
And make sure that your ringpiece isn't clenched up and tight
*******************************************

Bring your paper, your book, and back out your load
blow out freely and strong and blast the commode
Clean your badge nice and slowly,and examine your knob
Then slowly and calmly walk back to your job.

FB

Captain Darling

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Ode to the office Shíte.. Flutterinbantam.


I slipped from my desk to take a big shít
I gasped in amazement as the pewter she hit
she slid 'neath the water and sank out of sight
Ignominious end for a prize winning shíte

*****************************

So folks ,if you feel a hot stool at your hole
Proceed with all haste and back up to the bowl
Unload at your ease,and don't rush your shíte
And make sure that your ringpiece isn't clenched up and tight
*******************************************

Bring your paper, your book, and back out your load
blow out freely and strong and blast the commode
Clean your badge nice and slowly,and examine your knob
Then slowly and calmly walk back to your job.

FB

Signing that at the bottom adds just a little extra bit of class.

Gummy Panda

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Ode to the office Shíte.. Flutterinbantam.


I slipped from my desk to take a big shít
I gasped in amazement as the pewter she hit
she slid 'neath the water and sank out of sight
Ignominious end for a prize winning shíte

*****************************

So folks ,if you feel a hot stool at your hole
Proceed with all haste and back up to the bowl
Unload at your ease,and don't rush your shíte
And make sure that your ringpiece isn't clenched up and tight
*******************************************

Bring your paper, your book, and back out your load
blow out freely and strong and blast the commode
Clean your badge nice and slowly,and examine your knob
Then slowly and calmly walk back to your job.

FB

Did you write that on the toilet?

goz83

chin_grin wrote: »

Drop + read + wipe.

Around 20 minutes max. If it was a "neverending wiper" then it would be longer.

LOL.....:pac: that's disgusting.

rainbow kirby

How the hell does it take people 20 minutes for a #2?

Keith186

10 minutes is loads to get it out unless you got problems.

If there's only one jacks I can see why your flatmate is annoyed! Nothin worse than holding it in, then when you get to go you nearly get sick cos of the stink!

towel401

rainbow kirby wrote: »

How the hell does it take people 20 minutes for a #2?

lots of pushing

Nehaxak

chin_grin wrote: »

Because you had a bidet

There is no bidet though, have to wet toilet roll, wipe, repeat (I can take pictures if you like???)

I have this thing I do if I'm constipated though, I just think about robbing an orchard and off we go, plops out no problem. Dunno what it was but whenever I was just about to hop over the wall or whatever as a kid to rob an orchard, I'd have to have a shyte. Doc leaves where your best friend back then...ahhh....memories....

Andrewf20

If I have to bring Mr Brown and his friends down to the coast, then 5-6 mins. Had a crummy student type job years ago that I hated. Think I was in the cubicle for 20mins as well on 1 occasion. Sore feet to blame.

Rabies

rainbow kirby wrote: »

How the hell does it take people 20 minutes for a #2?

Poor diets.




Did ya hear the one about the constipated mathamatican?

We worked it out with a pencil.

Hagar

Personally I hate it when you're in there so long your legs go dead that you get pins and needles and have to try and walk it off in the cubicle.

Rabies

then need to go back and wipe.

brendansmith

Rabies wrote: »

then need to go back and wipe.

ah ha

Run_to_da_hills

Those working in Dell, Intel, HP, GE, Panemetrics, Microsoft, De Beers, Commissioners of Irish Lights, the Airports, or any other company that requires you to carry an electronic clock card around your neck on the job can all be tracked into the crapper. :eek:

So if you are going for your daily read of the Sun on the can, leave your ID e_tag in your locker

The ESB unions rejected the idea of their employeese carrying E_cards in the job, probably for the above reason. They must now have some of the most intellectual workers in the country.

zuutroy

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

Those working in Dell, Intel, HP, GE, Panemetrics, Microsoft, De Beers, Commissioners of Irish Lights, the Airports, or any other company that requires you to carry an electronic clock card around your neck on the job can all be tracked into the crapper. :eek:

lol, magnetic strip cards don't have GPS in them. They can only be used to track your movements when you physically scan them at a reader

m@cc@

Smart Bug wrote: »

Folks, how long, do you think, is it acceptable to spend in the toilet? At work especially...

What the hell do you mean by 'acceptable'? Is someone timing you?

Zangetsu

As long as it takes to empty the tanks, I'm not gonna burst a vein for the sake of a few extra mins work...

Run_to_da_hills

zuutroy wrote: »

lol, magnetic strip cards don't have GPS in them. They can only be used to track your movements when you physically scan them at a reader

E_tag ID cards are not magnetic strip based.

zuutroy

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

E_tag ID cards are not magnetic strip based.

clearly I'm outta the loop. How the hell can they track your position?

Run_to_da_hills

zuutroy wrote: »

clearly I'm outta the loop. How the hell can they track your position?

Most high security firms have touch pad scanners leading into restricted areas of their buildings such as store rooms, offices and areas where valuable information or items are kept. Your card is your key so they know exactly who went in and went out.

They can also install “portal scanners” concealed throughout the building including the jacks. I would be very surprised if Dublin Airport didn’t have them.

This technology makes it easy for management to pinpoint the exact location of employeese in the case of an emergency such as a bomb threat or fire.

Jigsaw

I have recently been spending a considerable portion of my working day in the bog. There is a disabled toilet just across the way from me. It is clean and spacious and never used. I am about to leave my job so I don't give a f*ck about how long I'm there. Put it this way, mid morning there will be a sh*te + **** hybrid visit followed by a separate sh*t and separate **** visit in the afternoon. Sh*t + **** is going to be about 30 mins, and the individual visits, 15 mins each, so there is an hour gone already. If hungover, I like to go in, sit on the throne and have a good beery fart and a blast and then have a wee snooze whilst my arse whistles like a kettle.

AnonoBoy

I'm off for a dump now.

Somebody get out the stopwatch!!!!

Roadend

Just post when you get back and we'll see the difference, durrrrrrrr:)

Run_to_da_hills

When I worked in "civil service" back in the 80ies, we had a library system going with everything from the Sun to the Times wedged in behind a radiator opposite the jacks.

Smart Bug

Sometimes someone leaves a Metro in the jacks here. Those are happy days.

The_Conductor

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

When I worked in "civil service" back in the 80ies, we had a library system going with everything from the Sun to the Times wedged in behind a radiator opposite the jacks.

:eek:
Thats disgusting.....

Run_to_da_hills

smccarrick wrote: »

:eek:
Thats disgusting.....

What?...... page 3 :rolleyes: