Q.1 -Why dont women approach men theyre attracted to? + Other enquiries

panda100

Pen1987 wrote: »

Question One: As thread title.
I mean, there has to be a variety of reasons. I'll list a few theories why I'd think a women may not approach to start with...

I find that I always have to do the asking when It comes to blokes,I actually cant remember the last time a guy asked me out! However I still think there a stigma attached to women asking a man out,stupid really.

Pen1987 wrote: »

Question Two:
What makes you notice a man and be attracted to him when youre out?

If he's having fun,friendly and tall.Im a simple gal with simple tastes

Nevyn

panda100 wrote: »

However I still think there a stigma attached to women asking a man out,stupid really.

Yup I would say that there is, that still doesn't stop me and if he reacts badly to it then that for me is a red flag, so it can be a lot of time saved.

Wibbs

The answer to this could simply be that social confidence in men is a major judge of the type of personality that women are selecting for. A man who does the asking is self confident about himself, his looks and his social position, so he's ahead of the posse by going over.

Me, I've sometimes done the asking, sometimes I've been asked. I'd say it was about 50/50 over the years as far as a direct request went. The times I've been asked in most cases I've genuinely missed the signals. Looking back some of them were only short of neon signs.:) Dopey me. I've not gotten better in my experience either.:o:)

Actually I have..... When I was about 22 or so, this woman who I fancied the bum off, I would meet in a regular haunt once a week or so. We'd chat in passing, sometimes longer chats and all my mates knew I was well keen(as did hers it turned out). One of her mates actually told me that she was interested.

So far so good. You would think. Like a complete gobshíte I didn't believe her. fast forward a week or two after that and the object of my longing actually came into the pub and under her coat was wearing a tee shirt that she had gotten printed up that said "Yes Wibbs I like you. Ask me out". I. Kid. You. Not.

It gets worse. I thought she was joking until a rather burly mate of mine suggested he would rearrange my features in an unwelcome fashion if I didn't ask her out. I believed him alright, so I did ask her out. I was only scarlet I can tell you:o:o:o. Went out with her for a good while too. Nice woman. Beat that for dumb.

Madame Razz

I really dont freakin know why we dont. Its something we should really do more often.

Hit it off majorly with a guy about 18months ago, have been firm friends since, hes a lot older than me, never thought much of it, always a bit of a spark there, neither of us did anything about it...until last week.... when we were both very drunk, ended up alone together and basically finally got it on. He glad, me glad, have met up a lot since, felt like the most natural thing in the world etc; he left for the states today, wont be back for a year at least.

Upset to be leaving me and im upset that hes going, but he had to.

Why o why did I leave it so late to act upon stuff.

Im so sad hes gone:(

have been in tears most of today; how bloody ridiculous.....sigh


This is a prime example of why we all need to have more initiative when it comes to the other sex.....lifes too freakin short!!!

bealbocht

been reading with great interest ...

I would like to start with

1) Wibbs you need an award of some kind for that girl with the t-shirt thing. Would love to know what the big guy would have done, if you didnt.. ,
(although some suspicious part of my head is saying.. "mmm all seems a bit obvious, probably some sort of ploy to make a fool out of you *)

Anyway... getting back to this guy (forget name sorry.. Pen??) , talking to the group of girls.. with an eye for "girl 1". Think you are probably a bit focused on the prize, for the tactics you are using. If you are talking to the group, then the group has the right to talk to you. bit more patience perhaps. Or instead of "right, thats it, I'm going back to my mates" , you could talk to girl 3 or 4, or go to the loo or have a smoke and try and re-position. Remember, these girls are her friends, so even if you do hit it off with girl 1, you will probably see the others again too. Or talk to the pushy one for a while.. , if its girl 1's best friend, shes probably just testing ya.. , for a wandering eye, or committment or , whatever it is. Have patience man.

On another note, I kinda agree with trying to talk to a group.. , as waiting till a girl is on her own, is kinda lame. If its just two girls, more often than not, semtex would not shut them up long enough to get a word in, and even if you do, and are getting on well with one of them, the other will grab her friend by the scruff of the neck and drag her away. Hate when that happens. And yes , it happens !!
The problem with the group things is, its hard not to approach with a "girl 1" in mind, but I generally find someone else is far more craic and intersting to talk to, and ocassionaly a 3rd party shows interest in me, at which point you can consider me confused and useless to anyone.


another problem seems to be, I can distract messages from my spin, long enough to hold an intelligent converstation, but then not getting any messages from the spin, completely forget to ask for a number or make a pass, or anything so.. in keeping with , the OP, girls, if you find you have a great conversation with some guy, and have agreed to let him "walk you to a taxi" , and you now find he is sticking you in the car, and dosent seem to be getting in, or asking for a numer, or anything, please , a good kick in the shin, or something... I do have a spine.. I think.






*alas, things like this did happen me as an early teen..

Wibbs

bealbocht wrote: »

1) Wibbs you need an award of some kind for that girl with the t-shirt thing. Would love to know what the big guy would have done, if you didnt.. ,
(although some suspicious part of my head is saying.. "mmm all seems a bit obvious, probably some sort of ploy to make a fool out of you *)

Well she did go to the extreme of going out with me for six months so that's some dedication to a practical joke at my expense. I suppose she rightfully figured I needed visual aids.:o:D

Niamho!

i approached a bloke once but i did it the most Chicken way i could have which didnt help at all. Fear of rejection aye... and not really knowing what to say. thing is i'm great at small talk and real chatty in every other situation... its a bit scary.

Sometimes men have mistaken me being friendly, buying them drinks and just making converstion as a come on.
They have all been terrified....except for one who said he'd wait and see how he was fixed up at the end of the night and come back to me. :eek::D

Censorsh!t

I'm just a chicken****, and that's what I put it down to.

I do know a few girls who do try get in there with guys, but I'm just not one of them, I'm waaay too quiet.

It doesn't help that the guy I like now, is shy too

raemie21

I've asked guys out over the past year-and-a-half...e.g. colleague at work (he was leaving at the time), salesman (met him just in the shop one day), guy used be on the DART every morning (I was soon changing jobs), guy working in a bar etc. ..usually when I'd nothing to lose and was fed up of signals, big build-up blahdiblah and knew I would be annoyed at myself if nothing had happened and I hadn't even tired.Plus I wouldn't have to see them again if I crashed and burned..

But now with the beauty of hindsight, I can say that none of them was worth the effort and in fact they all turned out to be complete d1cks. Someone else said it earlier and I would be in the same boat of thinking that some guys take it as an open invitation if they're asked out. And I know that I tend to lower my boundaries if I've made the first move and tolerate more sh1tty behaviour than if the guy had asked me out. Kinda like I hate the idea of failing more, meh.. don't know. In fairness, all of the above were random encounters rather than friends of friends so there was always a higher probability of them being weird/rude/odd.

Hasn't turned me off but I wouldn't do it again in a hurry to be honest...becoming more and more of a fan of 'He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out' school

Acacia

Pen1987 wrote: »

WOMEN: WHY... why, when there is something wrong, when youre upset about something or pissed off at us men.. when we ask 'is everything ok?'... 'are you ok?'... 'are you annoyed at something?'... You reply with 'fine' or 'yes' or 'No. Nothing'... and then give us the cold shoulder, what goes through your head to make you think this make any sense? I mean youre supposed to be the emotive, expressive sex, just tell us!

Because you should already know why we're annoyed. We're just angry that you haven't figured it out and apologized for it yet.
I know, it's confusing. It's obvious (to us) why we're pished off, and we get even more annoyed when you have to ask why.

In fairness, usually it's something very small that most men probably wouldn't even notice but women make a big deal out of. Like not noticing if we get new clothes. Or saying that a girl on tv has really nice legs/hair/ figure, when you know that we're insecure about our hair/legs/figure. That kind of thing. :pac:

....I feel really sorry for guys sometimes.