Only one in office not invited to wedding.

IzzyWizzy

The same thing happened to me only it wasn't a wedding, it was a birthday lunch. The girl invited the whole company except for me and one other girl (who is really new), again, I'd thought we got along OK, I liked the girl and assumed she liked me as well, no disagreements at all etc. Another girl asked if I was offended, and I told her the truth - it says more about her than me.

I'm not upset at all, I go to work to work and not be best buddies with everyone, but I thought it was common decency not to do stuff like invite everyone for lunch/drinks except one person. It's such bad manners, imo. Either invite a group of people you're close to or invite everyone. This girl has definitely gone down in my estimation for her blatant lack of manners/consideration for peoples' feelings. I don't care but I imagine a lot of people would take it personally.

I wouldn't worry about it OP. Pretend you haven't even noticed everyone else is going, don't ask her anything about the wedding. Don't give her the satisfaction of mentioning it.

Dave147

Well if you haven't DONE anything to her then I think it's bad form.. Never mind not inviting you, the issue is the fact that she invited everyone else from your work BUT you.. That is the problem, yes it is HER wedding, and it's precisely why she shouldn't be so petty. If she is actually this much of a bitch I hope the groom leaves her at the altar and proclaims his love for you!

Chin up, forget about it and move on.

musicfan

OP, not a nice thing to happen but think of the money you will save not having to go to the wedding - all weddings are soooooo boring anyway- just remember to politely decline the afters invite as well - even if you're only going to be in washing your hair!

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - a friend was getting married but told me she was only having a small family wedding and wasn't inviting any friends - friends were only being invited to the afters. Fair enough I understood. I didn't go to the afters (can't remember why not1) and a little while later saw the wedding photos (from someone who was there) and lo and behold, there was loads of friends there!!! Needless to say not my friend any more............

jprender

Can't you send a fax to the reception that will get read out during the speeches ?

Something along the lines of....


"Best wishes to the happy couple. Sorry i couldn't make it to the wedding to help you celebrate along with all of your other work colleagues, but some bitch didn't invite me."


That is bound to go down well.

BostonB

Yes childish revenge will make you look really good to your work mates. Also validates why you weren't invited in the first place. Clever :rolleyes:

Hagar

My viewpoint on this is way different, here's what I think.

The person who accidentally let it slip is the real villain here. I think it's her who has the problem with you not the girl getting married. She is just winding you up out of badness. Is this person threatened by your presence in the office? Are you more likely to be promoted than her? My guess is that she is trying to fool you into believing that you are not liked and force you to leave your job.

Not everybody from the office is going to the full wedding, that'd just be ridiculous. Have you had confirmation of this from all the other invitees? Who's word are you taking for this? I think she is relying on you not going at all so that you never know who went to the wedding and who only attended the afters. Some people are very devious.

My 2c.

BostonB

While thats possible and I wouldn't discount that. It would be easy for someone to assume everyone is invited unless specifically told otherwise.

PurpleBerry

krd wrote: »

This like a childrens party thing.

If she really hates you for some minor slight. Then you should do something worth hating you for.

Call the hotel and say you need to cancel at short notice, as there's been a death in the family.... you won't be rumbled ,,, even if you're nervous.

Call the Irish star and tell them you know of a paedophile who's on the run from the law is about to get married.

Christian forgiveness is only to fool the weak into not taking revenge.

If you don't take revenge,, these people will never learn to be nice. It's your civic duty.

^^
Christ, that's petty. OP, please don't sink to this level

MarinoMark

nah, life is too short, forget it, put it behind you

happypartygirl

im over it. we werent best pals that went out for lunch every day but i had thought we were on pretty good terms. when we were brought away for our work christmas party me and her had shared a room for 2 days!!! we CHOSE to be in a room together as oppose to someone else organising it for us.

perhaps she has just decided that she doesnt like me which she is entitled to do and if i really get to her that much she doesnt want me at the wedding fine - i dont want to go now anyway.

i am shocked more than anything as i wasnt aware there was an issue between us. and i am also quite hurt that she would single me out in front of all my work colleagues too.

i will just politely decline the invitation to the afters & move on.. many thanks for all of your advice

RxQueen

happypartygirl wrote: »

im over it. we werent best pals that went out for lunch every day but i had thought we were on pretty good terms. when we were brought away for our work christmas party me and her had shared a room for 2 days!!! we CHOSE to be in a room together as oppose to someone else organising it for us.

perhaps she has just decided that she doesnt like me which she is entitled to do and if i really get to her that much she doesnt want me at the wedding fine - i dont want to go now anyway.

i am shocked more than anything as i wasnt aware there was an issue between us. and i am also quite hurt that she would single me out in front of all my work colleagues too.

i will just politely decline the invitation to the afters & move on.. many thanks for all of your advice

well fair play to you, in the end of the day you come of looking far better just brushing it off , than going and asking her what the promblem is , cause she may be a cow but she in her rights and it her wedding.

like sombody said OP do something nice for yourself on the day of the wedding

Jo King

If I was working in an office and i learned that one person was not being invited I would refuse to go myself. people however do get hyped up and worked up about weddings and it is best to adopt a policy of not being offended at the lack of invitations to weddings. There is so much politicking with wedding invitations it is unbelievable. It happens at every wedding.

TheBigLebowski

Jo King wrote: »

If I was working in an office and i learned that one person was not being invited I would refuse to go myself.

Agreed, I think it says a lot about the people she works with that they are all going anyway. (unless the OP is all round unpopular!)

runswithascript

Chinafoot wrote: »

Ask her. Ask her if you have done something to upset her.

This is more ridiculous advice. Whether or not you did something to offend there can be no good outcome from asking her for her reasons, you will only feel worse.

Unless you really think she forgot you but nobody else in the office there is nothing she can say that will make you feel better and if she resents you it will only serve to make her feel better.

Phototoxin

Maybe she subtley used this test on you

Chinafoot

LA3G wrote: »

This is more ridiculous advice. Whether or not you did something to offend there can be no good outcome from asking her for her reasons, you will only feel worse.

Unless you really think she forgot you but nobody else in the office there is nothing she can say that will make you feel better and if she resents you it will only serve to make her feel better.

I don't think it's ridiculous to try and find out why someone you work with every day has singled you out in such a way. If someone you worked with obviouslyhad a problem with you would you think it ridiculous to try and find out what the problem is when you are at a loss as to why the work colleague is behaving in such a way? By asking her if she has offended her (and I'm not saying she should sit her down and demand to know why she wasn't invited to the whole day but simply say something like "Things seem a bit odd between us lately, have I done something to offend you?") she may get an opportunity to clear the air and sort out whatever issue this woman has with her.

Most people would not single out one person in their work environment so obviously like this. You are only making life difficult for yourself. Chances are the OP has done something to upset the bride and just isn't aware of it.

It's ridiculous to let something like this fester in a work environment rather than speak to the person and attempt to clear the air.

Stargal

Is there someone in the office who you could subtly approach about this? Someone you're friends with who may be able to tell you what the problem is and whether you've somehow upset or offended the girl without realising it? Because it just seems really strange that she's done this to you. I agree totally with IzzyWizzy - it's exceptionally rude and inconsiderate of her to invite everyone else except you so there must be some reasoning (however twisted!) behind it.

Sounds like you're handling it very well OP so fair play - it really must have been a bit of a shock when you found out. Since the rest of the office are going to be gone on the day of the wedding maybe you could take that day to do something really nice for yourself - get some beauty treatments done, go for lunch/dinner with other friends/boyf or just go to the pub with people that you like.

Goodluck2me

x in the city wrote: »

I reckon the OP is a hottie and the lass in the wedding would feel seconded at the wedding.

my 2c..

pics or it didnt happen.

Lambe

What a bitch!! you must be better lookin than her:) she doesn want to be upstaged!! its her loss keep chin up

Burial

Decline, move on, and do something fun at the weekend. Never understood people who do stuff like this. Anyway, at your wedding, don't invite her.

As someone said, the person who let the info "slip" and who sent that e-mail to you about what to get her, and who sent that "All those people not invited" e-mail, they are the one's that probably don't like you. I bet not everyone is invited.

*NOTE ON WHAT I'D DO*

Whenever she's talking about her wedding, or anything related, I would make it quite clear, if she didn't want me at the wedding, I don't want to hear about it either. To me, she doesn't brag to me about the wedding and expect to me to listen. Thats what her "friends" are for.

Third_Echelon

Power_Button wrote: »

To be honest......What kind of a clown invites

• 20 People from Work to the whole of their wedding
• someone they only know 4 months to the wedding

Sounds like your better off away frm this one OP

Yeah its very strange. This is the first thing that I noticed about this anyway...

Sounds like she is just trying to get the numbers up or scab a few more presents... The usual thing with work people, unless you are very good friends, is to invite them to the afters.

20 work people to the full day is a bit odd indeed.

Are you actually that bothered about going to this wedding anyway? I personally couldn't really be arsed going to a wedding unless it was family or a very good friend.

jesus_thats_gre

LA3G wrote: »

This is bad advice. Why ask her to be told that she doesn't like you or she's just not friendly enough with you? If you were to ask her can you think of one possible reason she could have that would make you feel better?

If the answer to this question is no don't ask.

I am not suggesting confronting the person and it turning into WW3.. I am suggesting a quite word in private with as much emotion as possible removed.

The OP seems to be on semi ok terms with bridezilla when it comes to the day to day office routine. If the OP wants to know why she was purposely singled out like she was, there is only one real way to find out.

Eglinton

I've just discovered I'm in a slightly similar situation to the OP. My Senior Manager is getting married in two weeks. She's been yapping about her wedding for a year and a half now so I've become pretty immune to her goings on (me being a guy ). She had been telling everyone that they were inviting only close friends and family as it was only going to be a smallish group. So I automatically assumed that would mean no colleagues invited, particularly as it's taking place in a different part of the country.

Now, I would count myself (and it would it would be difficult to find anyone to disagree) as her number one employee. Without me, she would struggle hugely. I'm not close friends with her by any means but as a shoulder to lean on, she'll find no better than me, and she knows it.

To my surprise, another collegue informed me that she had sent an email to a few select people in the office inviting them to the afters. I find this a bit insulting, especially as some of them are A LOT newer than me. I wouldn't have gone but it would have been nice to be invited.

I'm actually a bit surprised at myself by being so annoyed over this. Not usually my style.

Class A B1tch TBH

oldscoil

This is a great thread sadaftersgirl..... (sorry )

I'm gonna go with leave this one well alone.

Firstly....fcuk her.
Secondly, hold on to your dignity.
Thirdly, everyone that has posted here seems to feel the same, so you can imagine what the mood in the office is like (although try not to ask around, dignity, remember!)
I doubt everyone is thinking, "ha great, thats deadly she's not going, really wise move by bridezilla"...unless you're a complete bitch...JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE!!!!

Forthly, fifthly, whatever, hell hath no fury like a women who's wedding you interfer with!!! Believe me, I asked a close friend why someone we both know well wasn't getting an invite, and I had my fcuking head torn off.

And most of all, NEVER GO TO AN AFTERS IF YOU'RE OVER 25 YEARS OF AGE. Just a personal rule of thumb there!

Me and my special lady friend were the ONLY couple on our road that DIDN'T get an invite to two of our neighbours separate weddings. We all moved into the street at the same time!!
Two years down the road, THEY ALL FCUKING HATE EACH OTHER and we were friendly with all of them.....till we moved to a nicer house/area....and they're all in their little cul de sac of lurve

Rise above.

Post this on the wedding thread as well PLEEEEEASE!

all the stars

I remember something similar happened me.

Was in a school situation, i went to school in a tiny community where we all knew eachother - one girls birthday. She invited all 31 other students to her party - literally me the only person not invited.
Same as you, i had thought we got on. I was quite upset naturally. But its her thing, let it be...

In the end, would you rather she invited you and was seething all day that you were there? I think falseness/ being 2 faced is more distressing than not being invited. You know exactly where you stand now, focus on other things.
i completely understand how you are feeling, but, its her thing. Just dont bother with her anymore.

Climate Expert

all the stars wrote: »

I remember something similar happened me.

Was in a school situation, i went to school in a tiny community where we all knew eachother - one girls birthday. She invited all 31 other students to her party - literally me the only person not invited.
Same as you, i had thought we got on. I was quite upset naturally. But its her thing, let it be...

In the end, would you rather she invited you and was seething all day that you were there? I think falseness/ being 2 faced is more distressing than not being invited. You know exactly where you stand now, focus on other things.
i completely understand how you are feeling, but, its her thing. Just dont bother with her anymore.

I had hte same thing in school. Some little rich ****er had invited the whole class bar me and maybe one other. In fairness we did bully the lad so I didn't feel too bad about it.

Lesson is, if its a private party then don't expect an invite. They are either your friends or just workmates.

all the stars

Climate Expert wrote: »

I had hte same thing in school. Some little rich ****er had invited the whole class bar me and maybe one other. In fairness we did bully the lad so I didn't feel too bad about it.

Lesson is, if its a private party then don't expect an invite. They are either your friends or just workmates.

yeah. people are sh*te. :mad:

ah no... who cares... same girl now tells everyone what good friends we are.. im like, do you remember all them nasty things you did? oh well..
Be thankful for te good friends you do have. Rather have 2 of them than an army of nasty ones.

GreeBo

Climate Expert wrote: »

I had hte same thing in school. Some little rich ****er had invited the whole class bar me and maybe one other. In fairness we did bully the lad so I didn't feel too bad about it.

:eek:
And he was the ****er because why now?

OP, move on and rise above.
If she starts talking wedding crap in the office I wouldnt make a big scene of it but I would remove myself from the situation.

Dudess

I don't know how a person could do anything to offend another without realising it. And sometimes people just don't like others for no reason other than they don't like them, which is fair enough - except this girl chose to share a room with the OP when they had their staff Christmas party. Very bizarre. And even if you don't like someone for no specific reason, you shouldn't bully them, you should just avoid them. Exclusion is a form of bullying. And this particular example of exclusion is VERY blatant - it wouldn't matter so much if the OP was one of a number of people who didn't get an invite (although I'd still understand her being puzzled) but considering there are people who have only worked there a few months invited (if that's definitely true)? Seems really deliberate.

It's fine to say just forget about it, but you'll continue to work with her and your colleagues who attend the wedding so it might not be too easy to just forget it when there are constant reminders. I'd do as Chinafoot recommended - have a word with her. Or maybe send an email? Sometimes it's easier to articulate things in writing.

Something like:

Girl's name,

I've learned that I'm not invited to your wedding and that there have been group emails circulating between everyone in this office from which I have been excluded. Ordinarily I would simply say you've the right to invite/not invite whomever you want, but on this occasion, I can't help but wonder if I've done something to upset you, seeing as I'm the only person in the office who hasn't been invited. And people who are only working here a few months have also been invited.

I'm sure you can understand why this is strange for me, hence my writing to you.

Your name

runswithascript

Climate Expert wrote: »

I had hte same thing in school. Some little rich ****er had invited the whole class bar me and maybe one other. In fairness we did bully the lad so I didn't feel too bad about it.

You sound like a stand up guy.