Only one in office not invited to wedding.

happypartygirl

So basically the title says it all. I just found out a girl I have worked very closely with the last 1.5 years is getting married and has handed out wedding invitations to everyone in my office (20 staff + partners). I was the only person in the office to not get an invite.

At first I thought maybe it was a mistake until then I found out emails have been also sent around with "wedding present ideas etc" and I also wasnt included so therefore there is no way it is all a "coincidence".

Obviously this lady very much dislikes me and I had thought we got on.

I am sitting in work now and I am obviously very hurt and offended.

I am also annoyed that she has invited other people who have only been with the company 4 months and doesnt even know them.

I got an invite (the only person in the office to get this) to the afters.

I had been looking forward to going but obviously I dont want to go anymore to someones wedding who doesnt even want me there.

Can I ask her what her problem is or just leave it alone?

Please help...

Gone West

Just leave it be. The girl is getting married, let her invite who she wants.
I would find something good to go to that same weekend, and politely decline the invitation to the afters.

Cyrus

happypartygirl wrote: »

So basically the title says it all. I just found out a girl I have worked very closely with the last 1.5 years is getting married and has handed out wedding invitations to everyone in my office (20 staff + partners). I was the only person in the office to not get an invite.

At first I thought maybe it was a mistake until then I found out emails have been also sent around with "wedding present ideas etc" and I also wasnt included so therefore there is no way it is all a "coincidence".

Obviously this lady very much dislikes me and I had thought we got on.

I am sitting in work now and I am obviously very hurt and offended.

I am also annoyed that she has invited other people who have only been with the company 4 months and doesnt even know them.

I got an invite (the only person in the office to get this) to the afters.

I had been looking forward to going but obviously I dont want to go anymore to someones wedding who doesnt even want me there.

Can I ask her what her problem is or just leave it alone?

Please help...

i wouldnt ask, obviously she doesnt see you as a friend so you should bear that in mind in the future

AARRRGH

I'm really sorry to hear that.

Try not to take it personally - it would be a very boring world if we all had the same personalities and got along with everyone.

In another company you could be the most popular person in the office.

It's just unfortunate that you're working with a girl who is obviously a bit insensitive.

Malari

FuzzyLogic wrote: »

Just leave it be. The girl is getting married, let her invite who she wants.
I would find something good to go to that same weekend, and politely decline the invitation to the afters.

Yeah, happened to a girl I know too...only 2 people of about 30 staff not invited. Then an email went around asking "everyone not invited to the wedding" to the afters! Polite decline is the best. I'm firmly of the belief that people's wedding invite lists should contain ONLY the people they want there.

chump

Some serious issue there.

That's pathetic on her part. Unless of course you did something extreme to get yourself in her bad books.

It's a shocking indictment of her tbh. Chin up

whiskeyman

Some people...
It's a horrible way to find out, especially that you thought you got on well!
Don't bring it up at all.
Don't resent her in the future either - it might be exactly what she wants.
Plan something else with mates and have a brill time!

Deadeyes

This says more about her than it does about you. I suppose her reason for not inviting you is causing you some anguish. Just try to accept that she sees you in a different light than you thought, and move on. At least now you know.

krd

This like a childrens party thing.

If she really hates you for some minor slight. Then you should do something worth hating you for.

Call the hotel and say you need to cancel at short notice, as there's been a death in the family.... you won't be rumbled ,,, even if you're nervous.

Call the Irish star and tell them you know of a paedophile who's on the run from the law is about to get married.

Christian forgiveness is only to fool the weak into not taking revenge.

If you don't take revenge,, these people will never learn to be nice. It's your civic duty.

runswithascript

happypartygirl wrote: »

So basically the title says it all. I just found out a girl I have worked very closely with the last 1.5 years is getting married and has handed out wedding invitations to everyone in my office (20 staff + partners). I was the only person in the office to not get an invite.

At first I thought maybe it was a mistake until then I found out emails have been also sent around with "wedding present ideas etc" and I also wasnt included so therefore there is no way it is all a "coincidence".

Obviously this lady very much dislikes me and I had thought we got on.

I am sitting in work now and I am obviously very hurt and offended.

I am also annoyed that she has invited other people who have only been with the company 4 months and doesnt even know them.

I got an invite (the only person in the office to get this) to the afters.

I had been looking forward to going but obviously I dont want to go anymore to someones wedding who doesnt even want me there.

Can I ask her what her problem is or just leave it alone?

Please help...

Did you do something really bad to her? Otherwise she's just a complete bitch.

krd wrote: »

This like a childrens party thing.

If she really hates you for some minor slight. Then you should do something worth hating you for.

Call the hotel and say you need to cancel at short notice, as there's been a death in the family.... you won't be rumbled ,,, even if you're nervous.

Call the Irish star and tell them you know of a paedophile who's on the run from the law is about to get married.

Christian forgiveness is only to fool the weak into not taking revenge.

If you don't take revenge,, these people will never learn to be nice. It's your civic duty.

Do not cross this one!

happypartygirl

nah never did anything to offend her. always happy & friendly. we all work in quite pressurised roles so i havent had enough time to chat with her as i did previously but i havent had time to chat with anyone really just sit quitely doing my work. we got the invitations like a month ago and i assumed we were all only invited to the afters until someone let slip that infact they were all going to the wedding and it was only me that was to "follow them there after". Why on earth would I want to do that.. im def. not going but im very hurt because i am quite an inoffensive person so i dunno wat her problem is

AARRRGH

You could try asking her...

Maybe it is all a misunderstanding...?!

krd

happypartygirl wrote: »

nah never did anything to offend her. always happy & friendly. we all work in quite pressurised roles so i havent had enough time to chat with her as i did previously but i havent had time to chat with anyone really just sit quitely doing my work. we got the invitations like a month ago and i assumed we were all only invited to the afters until someone let slip that infact they were all going to the wedding and it was only me that was to "follow them there after". Why on earth would I want to do that.. im def. not going but im very hurt because i am quite an inoffensive person so i dunno wat her problem is

That's actually really weird.

Sounds like Bridezilla.

Glad I'm not marrying her.

runswithascript

happypartygirl wrote: »

nah never did anything to offend her. always happy & friendly. we all work in quite pressurised roles so i havent had enough time to chat with her as i did previously but i havent had time to chat with anyone really just sit quitely doing my work. we got the invitations like a month ago and i assumed we were all only invited to the afters until someone let slip that infact they were all going to the wedding and it was only me that was to "follow them there after". Why on earth would I want to do that.. im def. not going but im very hurt because i am quite an inoffensive person so i dunno wat her problem is

That's really horrible, I don't know what to say

x in the city

she is just a bitch forget about her for god sake...

jesus_thats_gre

Ask her why but make sure you think carefully about what you are going to say beforehand and avoid getting annoyed/angry or emotional. You loosing the plot or breaking will just make you feel a thousand times worse.

By any chance, are you hotter than her or do you tend to have a vastly superior taste in fashion?

MAKE MY DAY

happypartygirl wrote: »

nah never did anything to offend her. always happy & friendly. we all work in quite pressurised roles so i havent had enough time to chat with her as i did previously but i havent had time to chat with anyone really just sit quitely doing my work. we got the invitations like a month ago and i assumed we were all only invited to the afters until someone let slip that infact they were all going to the wedding and it was only me that was to "follow them there after". Why on earth would I want to do that.. im def. not going but im very hurt because i am quite an inoffensive person so i dunno wat her problem is

Hi OP,

Firstly sorry to hear that has happened to you. I really feel for you. To be honest it is a poor reflection on her and shows the type of mean person she really is. Hold your head up high you deserve better (at least you now know who your friends are). Truthfully its awful behaviour by specifically singling you out it shows her to be pathetic .

I am not suggesting that people should invite those they do not get along with to their wedding etc.. but as you pointed out some of your colleagues have been with the company a very short period of time and it is unlikely that she is friendly with all of them. I would further point out that it is unlikely to be a cost issue as the savings to be made by not inviting you to the main event would be minimal. As others have said earlier do something special yourself when the wedding is on and make sure you have fun.

Try and put it behind you and best of luck.

runswithascript

jesus_thats_gre wrote: »

Ask her why but make sure you think carefully about what you are going to say beforehand and avoid getting annoyed/angry or emotional.

This is bad advice. Why ask her to be told that she doesn't like you or she's just not friendly enough with you? If you were to ask her can you think of one possible reason she could have that would make you feel better?

If the answer to this question is no don't ask.

Gazza22

As hard as it is, i would just leave it be. She obviously has some sort of problem with you but i wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing you're bothered by it.

krd wrote: »

Call the Irish star and tell them you know of a paedophile who's on the run from the law is about to get married.

Thanks, you made me laugh on that one, i could just see the press/church situation in my head

x in the city

I reckon the OP is a hottie and the lass in the wedding would feel seconded at the wedding.

my 2c..

Green Hornet

Its certainly strange. Particularly as you thought you got on well. I know from experience that trying to work out numbers etc can be tricky but she really should have just asked her CLOSE friends from the office and left out the remainder. That way at least you would not be the only one and ther would be no issue.

Gotta say it was not a nice thing to do but it's her who will feel bad when she thinks about it later.

AARRRGH

Power_Button wrote: »

To be honest......What kind of a clown invites

• 20 People from Work to the whole of their wedding
• someone they only know 4 months to the wedding

Sounds like your better off away frm this one OP

I agree, it's very odd.

Amazotheamazing

x in the city wrote: »

I reckon the OP is a hottie and the lass in the wedding would feel seconded at the wedding.

my 2c..

Almost certainly.

were I the OP I'd go away on a class holiday or something, say you had it booked for ages etc. Don't ask her about it, she obviously wants a reaction.

cliokat

Take the high moral ground on this one and ignore it. Asking her about it will only keep drawing attention to it and provide gossip for all the others working with you.

spinandscribble

it says more about her then you.

BostonB

Power_Button wrote: »

To be honest......What kind of a clown invites

• 20 People from Work to the whole of their wedding
• someone they only know 4 months to the wedding

Sounds like your better off away frm this one OP

I don't get any of that either. Especially people you only know a few months. Whats with that?

Normal for work mates is to ask them to the afters. Unless your very good friends.

All very strange.

dresden8

Screw it. Rest assured the 20 other people in the office have noticed but think she's a weirdo. The thing is they probably don't give a crap and will go if it suits them.

At least you won't have to contribute to a present.

Chinafoot

happypartygirl wrote: »

nah never did anything to offend her. always happy & friendly. we all work in quite pressurised roles so i havent had enough time to chat with her as i did previously

Maybe she thinks you're being rude to her?

Look, we're only getting your side of things. You reckon you're "inoffensive" but maybe she disagrees. Maybe you have done something to offend but you're not aware of it. You're obviously not as friendly as you thought because you're the only one not invited to the whole day. Ask her. Ask her if you have done something to upset her. If you're not comfortable with that, ask someone you work with (and trust) if they have any idea why you're not invited to the full day.

I disagree with this "it says more about her than it does you". How on earth do we know that? Because the OP says she's inoffensive? For all we know the OP has badly offended the bride and just isn't aware of it. The only way she'll know is if she asks.

spinandscribble

well thats how it'll look to the rest of the ppl in the office if the op is as agreeable as she makes out. we don't know if she is or not but for the moment all we have to go on is what the op said.

the_syco

Do ye get on like a house on fire? Have you brought her out for drinks? Gotten pissed and fallen home legless?

If yes, then she's a cow.

If no, then, and get this, for this is a real shocker: IT'S HER WEDDING. Her once in a lifetime happy day. Why bother inviting someone who never had time to talk to her within 1.5 years?

AARRRGH

I'm trying to imagine if this happened to me.

I get along with most (or all, I think!) of the people in my office.

If they were all invited to a wedding except me, I think they'd all be talking to me about it, and asking the bride if she'd simply forgotten to invite me.

If they didn't say anything to me, I'd think there was something up, which they're all aware of. Probably my fault!

It's a very weird situation altogether.

The same thing happened to me only it wasn't a wedding, it was a birthday lunch. The girl invited the whole company except for me and one other girl (who is really new), again, I'd thought we got along OK, I liked the girl and assumed she liked me as well, no disagreements at all etc. Another girl asked if I was offended, and I told her the truth - it says more about her than me.

I'm not upset at all, I go to work to work and not be best buddies with everyone, but I thought it was common decency not to do stuff like invite everyone for lunch/drinks except one person. It's such bad manners, imo. Either invite a group of people you're close to or invite everyone. This girl has definitely gone down in my estimation for her blatant lack of manners/consideration for peoples' feelings. I don't care but I imagine a lot of people would take it personally.

I wouldn't worry about it OP. Pretend you haven't even noticed everyone else is going, don't ask her anything about the wedding. Don't give her the satisfaction of mentioning it.

Dave147

Well if you haven't DONE anything to her then I think it's bad form.. Never mind not inviting you, the issue is the fact that she invited everyone else from your work BUT you.. That is the problem, yes it is HER wedding, and it's precisely why she shouldn't be so petty. If she is actually this much of a bitch I hope the groom leaves her at the altar and proclaims his love for you!

Chin up, forget about it and move on.

musicfan

OP, not a nice thing to happen but think of the money you will save not having to go to the wedding - all weddings are soooooo boring anyway- just remember to politely decline the afters invite as well - even if you're only going to be in washing your hair!

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - a friend was getting married but told me she was only having a small family wedding and wasn't inviting any friends - friends were only being invited to the afters. Fair enough I understood. I didn't go to the afters (can't remember why not1) and a little while later saw the wedding photos (from someone who was there) and lo and behold, there was loads of friends there!!! Needless to say not my friend any more............

jprender

Can't you send a fax to the reception that will get read out during the speeches ?

Something along the lines of....


"Best wishes to the happy couple. Sorry i couldn't make it to the wedding to help you celebrate along with all of your other work colleagues, but some bitch didn't invite me."


That is bound to go down well.

BostonB

Yes childish revenge will make you look really good to your work mates. Also validates why you weren't invited in the first place. Clever :rolleyes:

Hagar

My viewpoint on this is way different, here's what I think.

The person who accidentally let it slip is the real villain here. I think it's her who has the problem with you not the girl getting married. She is just winding you up out of badness. Is this person threatened by your presence in the office? Are you more likely to be promoted than her? My guess is that she is trying to fool you into believing that you are not liked and force you to leave your job.

Not everybody from the office is going to the full wedding, that'd just be ridiculous. Have you had confirmation of this from all the other invitees? Who's word are you taking for this? I think she is relying on you not going at all so that you never know who went to the wedding and who only attended the afters. Some people are very devious.

My 2c.

BostonB

While thats possible and I wouldn't discount that. It would be easy for someone to assume everyone is invited unless specifically told otherwise.

PurpleBerry

krd wrote: »

This like a childrens party thing.

If she really hates you for some minor slight. Then you should do something worth hating you for.

Call the hotel and say you need to cancel at short notice, as there's been a death in the family.... you won't be rumbled ,,, even if you're nervous.

Call the Irish star and tell them you know of a paedophile who's on the run from the law is about to get married.

Christian forgiveness is only to fool the weak into not taking revenge.

If you don't take revenge,, these people will never learn to be nice. It's your civic duty.

^^
Christ, that's petty. OP, please don't sink to this level

MarinoMark

nah, life is too short, forget it, put it behind you

happypartygirl

im over it. we werent best pals that went out for lunch every day but i had thought we were on pretty good terms. when we were brought away for our work christmas party me and her had shared a room for 2 days!!! we CHOSE to be in a room together as oppose to someone else organising it for us.

perhaps she has just decided that she doesnt like me which she is entitled to do and if i really get to her that much she doesnt want me at the wedding fine - i dont want to go now anyway.

i am shocked more than anything as i wasnt aware there was an issue between us. and i am also quite hurt that she would single me out in front of all my work colleagues too.

i will just politely decline the invitation to the afters & move on.. many thanks for all of your advice

RxQueen

happypartygirl wrote: »

im over it. we werent best pals that went out for lunch every day but i had thought we were on pretty good terms. when we were brought away for our work christmas party me and her had shared a room for 2 days!!! we CHOSE to be in a room together as oppose to someone else organising it for us.

perhaps she has just decided that she doesnt like me which she is entitled to do and if i really get to her that much she doesnt want me at the wedding fine - i dont want to go now anyway.

i am shocked more than anything as i wasnt aware there was an issue between us. and i am also quite hurt that she would single me out in front of all my work colleagues too.

i will just politely decline the invitation to the afters & move on.. many thanks for all of your advice

well fair play to you, in the end of the day you come of looking far better just brushing it off , than going and asking her what the promblem is , cause she may be a cow but she in her rights and it her wedding.

like sombody said OP do something nice for yourself on the day of the wedding

Jo King

If I was working in an office and i learned that one person was not being invited I would refuse to go myself. people however do get hyped up and worked up about weddings and it is best to adopt a policy of not being offended at the lack of invitations to weddings. There is so much politicking with wedding invitations it is unbelievable. It happens at every wedding.

TheBigLebowski

Jo King wrote: »

If I was working in an office and i learned that one person was not being invited I would refuse to go myself.

Agreed, I think it says a lot about the people she works with that they are all going anyway. (unless the OP is all round unpopular!)

runswithascript

Chinafoot wrote: »

Ask her. Ask her if you have done something to upset her.

This is more ridiculous advice. Whether or not you did something to offend there can be no good outcome from asking her for her reasons, you will only feel worse.

Unless you really think she forgot you but nobody else in the office there is nothing she can say that will make you feel better and if she resents you it will only serve to make her feel better.

Phototoxin

Maybe she subtley used this test on you

Chinafoot

LA3G wrote: »

This is more ridiculous advice. Whether or not you did something to offend there can be no good outcome from asking her for her reasons, you will only feel worse.

Unless you really think she forgot you but nobody else in the office there is nothing she can say that will make you feel better and if she resents you it will only serve to make her feel better.

I don't think it's ridiculous to try and find out why someone you work with every day has singled you out in such a way. If someone you worked with obviouslyhad a problem with you would you think it ridiculous to try and find out what the problem is when you are at a loss as to why the work colleague is behaving in such a way? By asking her if she has offended her (and I'm not saying she should sit her down and demand to know why she wasn't invited to the whole day but simply say something like "Things seem a bit odd between us lately, have I done something to offend you?") she may get an opportunity to clear the air and sort out whatever issue this woman has with her.

Most people would not single out one person in their work environment so obviously like this. You are only making life difficult for yourself. Chances are the OP has done something to upset the bride and just isn't aware of it.

It's ridiculous to let something like this fester in a work environment rather than speak to the person and attempt to clear the air.

Stargal

Is there someone in the office who you could subtly approach about this? Someone you're friends with who may be able to tell you what the problem is and whether you've somehow upset or offended the girl without realising it? Because it just seems really strange that she's done this to you. I agree totally with Aydin Rich Suffix - it's exceptionally rude and inconsiderate of her to invite everyone else except you so there must be some reasoning (however twisted!) behind it.

Sounds like you're handling it very well OP so fair play - it really must have been a bit of a shock when you found out. Since the rest of the office are going to be gone on the day of the wedding maybe you could take that day to do something really nice for yourself - get some beauty treatments done, go for lunch/dinner with other friends/boyf or just go to the pub with people that you like.

Goodluck2me

x in the city wrote: »

I reckon the OP is a hottie and the lass in the wedding would feel seconded at the wedding.

my 2c..

pics or it didnt happen.

Lambe

What a bitch!! you must be better lookin than her:) she doesn want to be upstaged!! its her loss keep chin up

Burial

Decline, move on, and do something fun at the weekend. Never understood people who do stuff like this. Anyway, at your wedding, don't invite her.

As someone said, the person who let the info "slip" and who sent that e-mail to you about what to get her, and who sent that "All those people not invited" e-mail, they are the one's that probably don't like you. I bet not everyone is invited.

*NOTE ON WHAT I'D DO*

Whenever she's talking about her wedding, or anything related, I would make it quite clear, if she didn't want me at the wedding, I don't want to hear about it either. To me, she doesn't brag to me about the wedding and expect to me to listen. Thats what her "friends" are for.