Stupid Girl WONT SHUT UP...

Steve_o

:mad:Ok I work in a big open plan office and there's a girl down the hall who wont shut up, How is it everyone else seems to be able to do their days work and not be heard, but she can't even answer the phone without wreckin everyones head...SHE'S SO F**KIN LOUD!! I need ideas to make it stop, no matter how wacky....

Agent Smith

whats she talking about?

Fremen

BAM!


...Fork in the eye!

tallaght01

Is he havin one of those "when Harry met Sally" orgasms???

If so, just roll with it, mate.

LouOB

say v loudly - does she eva shut up

silvine

Stand behind her and start shouting about how you can't get a bit of work done in this place, what with all the noise.

Steve_o

Agent Smith wrote: »

whats she talking about?

Everything from what funny thing her dog did this morning all the way up to Fair City, its gone beyond a joke tbh... very unprofessional... And the annoying thing is none of the managers seem to be doing anything about it...

I'm tempted with the "stand behind her shouting" idea.

jester77

Reverse her left/right mouse buttons, should confuse her for a few hours!

Mossy Monk

Steve_o wrote: »

I need ideas to make it stop

Murder.

Clare Bear

Just sit her down and say in a nice way "Look I'm sorry but I can't concentrate on my work, can you just keep your voice down a little bit please".

Of course she'll hate you forever but that's what I'd do.

Steve_o

Mossy Monk wrote: »

Murder.

lol:D

I should clarify... I need to make it stop WITHOUT going to jail as a result!

Ruu_Old

Pull her hair.

Phantasm

Laxatives.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Pighead

First of all, have a bit of respect for the girl. Sure she may talk a lot but that doesn't mean she is stupid or a lesser person than you steve_o.

Secondly, sneak up behind her, knock her out with a sellotape holder, gag her and then throw her into the Office Supplies cupboard for a couple of days.

If that doesn't work you'll probably have to look at changing jobs.

Steve_o

Phantasm wrote: »

Laxatives.

Now ye're talkin'






(Sorry boards.ie...)

mikemac

A horrific accident involving a kettle of boiling water, you and her in the canteen.

Who knows, maybe you tripped and someone gets scalded

Steve_o

Pighead wrote: »

First of all, have a bit of respect for the girl. Sure she may talk a lot but that doesn't mean she is stupid or a lesser person than you steve_o.

Secondly, sneak up behind her, knock her out with a sellotape holder, gag her and then throw her into the Office Supplies cupboard for a couple of days.

If that doesn't work you'll probably have to look at changing jobs.

This also might work...

Vegeta

Steve_o wrote: »

lol:D

I should clarify... I need to make it stop WITHOUT going to jail as a result!

A sneaky murder then

Ross_Mahon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk8H5V-DCqo

Is she like this?

Wazdakka

Steve_o wrote: »

I should clarify... I need to make it stop WITHOUT going to jail as a result!

Fill her Tea / Coffee with super glue.

Or failing that quietly and calmly beat her teeth in with a hole punch.

funk-you

How bout:

"Excuse me xxxxxxxx, could you be a little quieter. I find it a bit distracting while i'm working."

-Funk

armour87

AIDS?

Duggy747

Ask her to meet you in your office alone (Say you need to ask her a favour about "The Thompson Report" or something!)

Next thing while she's blissfully yapping away suddenly ask her "Does this smell like chloroforam to you?" and *BAM* you got her.

Now for the tricky part. Lock you office door and put clear plastic all over the place, things are going to get messy. Chop her up into neat little packages and post them to random places around the world. (I'm sure she always wanted to travel!)

The post may be tracked back to the post office you threw them into but by the time they figure that out you'll be well on your way to Mexico.

At least that way you'll shut her up.

OR

Stuff your cock in her mouth, polite people don't talk with their mouths full.

Steve_o

Ross_Mahon wrote: »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk8H5V-DCqo

Is she like this?

Cant access Youtube in work...:(

Wazdakka wrote: »

Fill her Tea / Coffee with super glue.

I like I like... quite devilish!!!

TeletextPear

leave a load of cake beside her desk, she wont be able to talk if shes stuffing her mouth...

ZygOte

wait for her to go home and then just take the phone off her desk and hide it, this may only work for a little while though........
unlesss you bribe someone in IT/Phones to make sure it stays "gone"

Shadowless

Send her this. Might get the message across.

Homer

This is the ONLY solution to your problem...

That is all...


yes I know it was posted already!

Steve_o

ZygOte wrote: »

wait for her to go home and then just take the phone off her desk and hide it, this may only work for a little while though........
unlesss you bribe someone in IT/Phones to make sure it stays "gone"

I could replace the phone with a different one, she can ring out still but people can't ring her back.... Its a start i guess!

RedXIV

cut the phone line

Shadowless

Set up an anonymous e-mail account, then tell her she's a loud mouthed clown who needs to shut-up or you'll get her fired.
That should do the trick.

Steve_o

I think she's gone... now's my chance to be bad...
<_<
>_>

boardinwork

Call her a fat b*tch :mad:

Even if shes not

pickarooney

Tell you find her laugh reeeeal sexy with just the right dose of car-park-rapist. See how loud she squeals then.

Steve_o

pickarooney wrote: »

Tell you find her laugh reeeeal sexy with just the right dose of car-park-rapist. See how loud she squeals then.

lol:D

boardinwork

Shadowless wrote: »

Set up an anonymous e-mail account, then tell her she's a loud mouthed clown who needs to shut-up or you'll get her fired.
That should do the trick.

www.deadfake.com

Keano

Following on from the super glue idea put it on her keyboard!

bealbocht

if she says personal/ semi-personal stuff, go and talk to her about it, and when she asks how you know, point at your chair (far away hopefully) and tell her you can hear everything she says from there,

or something like that.. might have an effect... probably only for about half a day

either that or look up " loud Howard" from Dilbert(the comic strip), just to know you are not alone.

Kold

Shout "SHUT THE F*CK UP YOU OBNOXIOUS F*CKING BITCH" and then headbutt her in the tits. Then rip her tits off and wear them as a hat.


This will show everyone that you mean business.

KTRIC

How about ripping her f*cking arms off and shoving them down her neck. Simple but effective

Homer

Italian neck-tie

Definition :

An act of torture in which the neck is sliced open at the bottom jaw and the tongue pulled through. Makes you look like a dumbass right before you die.

As in ...

"How do I look?"

"Fine...wait, your italian neck-tie is a little crooked."

Jimi-Spandex

There is only one answer. CHITB.

Do it.

Steve_o

Kold wrote: »

Shout "SHUT THE F*CK UP YOU OBNOXIOUS F*CKING BITCH" and then headbutt her in the tits. Then rip her tits off and wear them as a hat.


This will show everyone that you mean business.

Ah wee bit extreme but then again, i might need extreme!!! She hasn't stopped talkin' sh*te since 1pm... AAAHHHHH:mad:

Dinter

Go up to her, ask her to come outside with you and then say that somebody else has been giving out to you about how loud and annoying she is.

Steve_o

Dinter wrote: »

Go up to her, ask her to come outside with you and then say that somebody else has been giving out to you about how loud and annoying she is.

Might work, only i've just started here and no one comes to me for anything!!!

Riddle101

When she goes to the bathroom leave a little anonymous note on her desk telling her to Shut Up and then write i'm watching you, it'll totally freak her out because she won't know who sent it, not even the guy with shifty eyes

Davidius

Two words.

Rocket. Launcher.

spoon

Something glittery or shiney should keep her distracted.

Steve_o

Davidius wrote: »

Two words.

Rocket. Launcher.

That might leave a mark on the surrounding desks...

Vertakill

Pighead wrote: »

First of all, have a bit of respect for the girl. Sure she may talk a lot but that doesn't mean she is stupid or a lesser person than you steve_o.

Secondly, sneak up behind her, knock her out with a sellotape holder, gag her and then throw her into the Office Supplies cupboard for a couple of days..

Wazdakka wrote: »

Or failing that quietly and calmly beat her teeth in with a hole punch.

Rofl, those quotes made my day.

Back OT, I used to work in a call centre environment and there were a couple Polish and Swedish guys, that I got along with ok, that were INCREDIBLY loud. What's more is, they never talked about anything remotely interesting either.
I could never work properly so I just said a couple times, jokingly.. "Lads will ye's ever shut the fk up for 2 mins" ...(Note. You have to smile/smirk/laugh while doing this for the first couple of times).
Then, after I'd broken the ice a little with that, I gave it a day or two and said it again, except I added "...seriously", and with no facial expression at all (indicating just how.. serious I was).

I'd love to say that worked, but it didn't. It did make me feel good however, and they did stop shouting for a few days before they got back into swing of things.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you will most likely have to murder this person.