The Pun appreciation thread!

As one shark said to the other "your plaice or mine"

Beanstalk

Why do some dairy farmers never see milk?
Cus sometimes it's pasteurise before you know it...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7410421.stm ah!

as the japanese chip chop owner said "flying tonight!"

Beanstalk

Man walks into an aquarium and says to the attendant, 'I want to conduct a marine ocrchestra', where do I start?' 'Well', said the attendant, 'the first thing you'll need to know is how to tuna fish...

dak

Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens ?
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A: They kept chirping " Bach , Bach .........Bach , Bach"

el_barty

Spielberg is making a new action movie about the secret superhero lives of the great composers. All the big names want in on it - Stallone wrote in and said, "Can I be Mozart?". Harrison Ford told him, "I want to be Strauss." And Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach."

RadioCity

el_barty wrote: »

Spielberg is making a new action movie about the secret superhero lives of the great composers. All the big names want in on it - Stallone wrote in and said, "Can I be Mozart?". Harrison Ford told him, "I want to be Strauss." And Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach."

Classic!

Al_Fernz

dak wrote: »

Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens ?
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A: They kept chirping " Bach , Bach .........Bach , Bach"

That pun was foul.

Two pigeons were found dead next to the cat, fowl play has not been ruled out!

dak

Q: Why did Mozart STOP killing all his chickens ?
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A: They kept chirping " Bach , Bach .........Bach , Bach is Sh*te"

The Bollox

Al_Fernz wrote: »

That pun was foul.

don't say that, you'll offhend him

dak

The Bollox wrote: »

don't say that, you'll offhend him

Don't Lay it on ! Bit of an Eggzadduration.

dak

4 2 B or not 4 2 B ! That is the question ?

The answer is easy 2C !!


No Brazen answers!

The Bollox

dak wrote: »

Don't Lay it on ! Bit of an Eggzadduration.

your puns are like poultry in motion

Al_Fernz

The Bollox wrote: »

your puns are like poultry in motion

What do you call a chicken led rebellion?

A coop d'etat

Beanstalk

News just in:

100 chickens were arrested and 10 hospitalized following a raid by police on what has been described by the locals as 'one of those fowl rave parties hye' in the woods near Egglington airport in Derry last night. Rumours that many of the party-goers had weapons and fired pullets at the police have as of yet to be confirmed. Many of the birds managed to evade police and scramble out of the vicinity, but the majority were unable to escape arrest as they were too mashed on yolks.....:pac:

dak

Beanstalk wrote: »

News just in:

100 chickens were arrested and 10 hospitalized following a raid by police on what has been described by the locals as 'one of those fowl rave parties hye' in the woods near Egglington airport in Derry last night. Rumours that many of the party-goers had weapons and fired pullets at the police have as of yet to be confirmed. Many of the birds managed to evade police and scramble out of the vicinity, but the majority were unable to escape arrest as they were too mashed on yolks.....:pac:

Police now advise that they have a definate lead and are looking for a few hardened eggheads wearing yellow Shell suits. They hope to have the case solved before Fryday!

The Bollox

Update:

the culprits have been found, their shell suits in pieces. when asked why they did it they said "it was just for the crack"

Al_Fernz

Another Update:

The culprit's stories do not match and police fear it may be some time before they manage to un-scrammble the case.

Homer

Aw, come on, lay another one on us...



Keep the sunny side up

Another update. police have passed the investigation onto the serious crime squad, this is no yolk

Homer

News just in.....Police were also called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

dak

Garda intelligence now believe the chickens used the M50 to escape as feathers have been found on Eggs-it 9 !

Homer

One day Frank Sinatra was hosting a BBQ (why I have no idea) and he hired a professional crew to do it right, especially the chicken. Unfortunately they all started cooking the legs first. So they told Frank that the legs were ready but it would take another ten minutes to do the rest of the chickens.

Frank calmly told them to serve the legs and went to the microphone where he announced ...

"The breasts are yet to come, so please sit down and dine."

"They say the legs are done, but the breasts still need time."




(young uns might not get that!!)

The flying corps have been scrambled to assist in the search!

dak

Police have just released a newsflash : They now believe there has been a cockup in the case to date. The theory is now that the chickens hatched a plan to commit the raid after escaping from an overturned lorry in Ballinagh, Co Cavan 4995 eggactly are believed to have escaped.

Homer

Egg-cellent work so far.. keep it up

Some of the escaped chickens have been recaptured!
The hen-pecked farmer had been ordered by his wife to identify them.
They are now being returned to their cells in the battery, and have also been charged.

Al_Fernz

industria wrote: »

Egg-cellent work so far.. keep it up

I'd agree - but I think it might be getting a bit old now. Come on lads an-oeuf is an-oeuf

Al_Fernz

Al_Fernz wrote: »

. Come on lads an-oeuf is an-oeuf

Better get cracking on with some different ones