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The Pun appreciation thread!

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    #212
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Al_Fernz wrote: »
    Did you quit or did they give you the boot??


    I got laced and kicked the clogs !


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    #213
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    'This lemon sorbet is horrible!' said Tom, frostily.
    'Man I'm loving this burger' said Tom, with relish.
    'Balls!' Tom said roundly.
    'That little devil didn't tell the truth,' Tom implied.
    'Wow that wave was freakin' awesome man, like, totally tubular' said Tom, woahfully....


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    #214
    el_barty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭el_barty


    Beanstalk wrote: »
    'This lemon sorbet is horrible!' said Tom, frostily.

    If he was eating it from a chemistry beaker, it would have been an acid retort.


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    #215
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    dak wrote: »
    I got laced and kicked the clogs !

    What a load of cobblers.


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    #216
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    "I love having red hair - the ladies really dig it," said Tom, gingerly.


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    #217
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    "I only have diamonds, clubs and spades," said Tom heartlessly


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    #218
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    Al_Fernz wrote: »
    What a load of cobblers.

    Serious joke


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    #219
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Won't somebody please think of the chilled wren?


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    #220
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I was feeling hot and bothered as I robbed the bank until the the policeman said "freeze!".


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    #221
    Panda
    Registered Users Posts: 2,615 ✭✭✭Panda


    Groucho Marx classic...

    "time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana"


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    #222
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    A couple had two children, a boy and a girl, who both turned out to be gay. At first they remained closeted, but they were both musicians, and when they found themselves quasi-famous, they feared being exposed in the press and decided it was better if they were forthcoming about their sexuality. The daughter has scheduled a press conference for this afternoon in which she plans to introduce her life partner to the press and tell the world she's a lesbian. And the son'll come out tomorrow.


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    #223
    horsecrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 131 ✭✭horsecrap


    shay given won man of the match with a remarkable amount of saves to keep a clean sheet:

    Shay Given Not Stirred


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    #224
    oobydooby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 697 ✭✭✭oobydooby


    Hagar wrote: »
    And the son'll come out tomorrow.

    homophoney


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    #225
    It BeeMee
    Registered Users Posts: 748 ✭✭✭It BeeMee


    Hagar wrote: »
    A couple had two children, a boy and a girl, who both turned out to be gay. At first they remained closeted, but they were both musicians, and when they found themselves quasi-famous, they feared being exposed in the press and decided it was better if they were forthcoming about their sexuality. The daughter has scheduled a press conference for this afternoon in which she plans to introduce her life partner to the press and tell the world she's a lesbian. And the son'll come out tomorrow.

    Annie idea what time?


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    #226
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    It BeeMee wrote: »
    Annie idea what time?

    ASCII silly question, Get a silly ANSI


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    #227
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    I hear if you want to improve your diet to build more muscle that protein supplements are the whey to go.


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    #228
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    apparently being unhealthily overweight is no weigh to live, i don't care though, because i'm a gluten for punishment...


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    #229
    Thrill
    Registered Users Posts: 5,485 ✭✭✭Thrill


    What are the chances of me coming up with a pun about being overweight?

    Slim.


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    #230
    el_barty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭el_barty


    On the subject of food, ever noticed how many pop songs are about cannibalism?

    The Smiths: "Girlfriend in a Korma"; not heeding Phil Collins' warning, "You Can't Curry Love"
    Bob Marley: "No woman, no pie"
    Sometimes they were the victims as well: Elton John pleaded to Kiki Dee, "Don't Go Baking My Heart", while Madonna sang, in Evita, "Don't Fry [for] Me Argentina." Westlife seemed to welcome it - "You Braise Me [Up]" - pity no-one took them up on the offer ;)

    Like Duran Duran, they all seemed to be "Hungry Like the Wolf". Maybe they should've followed Vanessa Williams' example, who would always... "Save the Best till Last"

    Any more ideas?


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    #231
    RadioCity
    Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭RadioCity


    'Meatloaf' : I would do anything for grub (but I won't do rat)

    Denise Williams: Lets hear it for the boil

    Forgive me, I'm steamin' at the minute...:)


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    #232
    Thrill
    Registered Users Posts: 5,485 ✭✭✭Thrill


    RadioCity wrote: »
    '
    Forgive me, I'm steamin' at the minute...:)

    Why?

    Well, why?

    Why the hell are you steaming?

    I'm sorry, but I really have to grill you over this.


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    #233
    RadioCity
    Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭RadioCity


    Would you oven be that agressive?


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    #234
    passive
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭passive


    http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=55971587&postcount=15


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    #235
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,261 ✭✭✭Homer


    RadioCity wrote: »
    Would you oven be that agressive?

    If we keep at it, we may turnip a good pun.

    I doubt it, though I can really 'ear the corn.

    I hope no one poaches any of these yolks.

    I'll quit now, and let things simmer for awhile...


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    #236
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    industria wrote: »
    If we keep at it, we may turnip a good pun.

    I doubt it, though I can really 'ear the corn.

    I hope no one poaches any of these yolks.

    I'll quit now, and let things simmer for awhile...

    If you keep this up you are going to get a good grilling !


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    #237
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,261 ✭✭✭Homer


    Lettuce sleep on it- something's bound to turnip?


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    #238
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    One of my mates studied accountancy but got a job as a chef when he left college. Unfortunately, he didn't last too long. The restaurant owner fired him for cooking the books!


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    #239
    Oliverdog
    Registered Users Posts: 968 ✭✭✭Oliverdog


    Well if you like seafood songs, the following are on the menu ...

    Salmon Chanted Evening
    Michael Roe the Bloater Shore


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    #240
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,261 ✭✭✭Homer


    I went to a seafood disco last week... I pulled a mussel!


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    #241
    Al_Fernz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,021 ✭✭✭Al_Fernz


    industria wrote: »
    I went to a seafood disco last week... I pulled a mussel!

    The only thing you pulled was a cockle!


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