The Pun appreciation thread!

RadioCity

I'd be hopping mad.

So would I. If I was the boss, I'd give them their last warren-ing.

After all that drinking last night, you will need the hare of the dog.

Booms

It's no use putting a lock on the stable door, if the horse has already made a bolt for it.

passive

You should all be severely punished for this thread and everything in it...

Hagar

It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."

They were singing it beautifully. But oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.

A visitor listened in wonder to the performance and then approached the conductor.

"I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."

"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.

"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?"

"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor... "They're the Moron Tapanapple Choir."

Thrill

:D

lol, that jokes insanely good.

el_barty

Did you know that Madam Tussauds, the wax museum, make all the bodies for their wax dummies in-house, but contract out the heads to special craftsmen? It's because the heads are more detailed, of course, and need especially close attention. The workshop is situated on the south side of the Thames, whereas the museum is on the north, so what Madam Tussauds does is charter a barge to deliver the heads on a regular basis. And so this barge is known as.....
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The Launch that Shipped a Thousand Faces.

[enter tumbleweed, stage left]

dak

I was devastated when my girlfriend left me for a dwarf. I never thought she would stoop so low

dak

If you suffer from kleptomania, should you take something for it?

Homer

When I was a small boy I swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When my mother telephoned to ask how I was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

dak

A midget fortune teller escaped from the local jail.
The newspaper headline read: Short medium at large

Al_Fernz

dak wrote: »

I was devastated when my girlfriend left me for a dwarf. I never thought she would stoop so low

Did that pi$$ you off a little man?

Homer

dak wrote: »

I was devastated when my girlfriend left me for a dwarf. I never thought she would stoop so low

That really is the lowest form of humour..

Capt'n Midnight

I've taken up a part time course in counterfeiting. I'm forging ahead.

Al_Fernz

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

I've taken up a part time course in counterfeiting. I'm forging ahead.

I've missed most of the classes - would you be able to give me your notes

Beanstalk

I've missed most of the classes - would you be able to give me your notes

don't take those notes unless they're in mint condition

Al_Fernz

Beanstalk wrote: »

don't take those notes unless they're in mint condition

You're right, they're in poor condition and quite old too. They're really more applicable to to people looking to make pun-ts

patmac

Al_Fernz wrote: »

You're right, they're in poor condition and quite old too. They're really more applicable to to people looking to make pun-ts

Anymore puns like that and you will be hung out to dry.

Sherifu

patmac wrote: »

Anymore puns like that and you will be hung out to dry.

This is where I have to tow the line.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I once knew a frog who parked on a double yellow line - the cops came along and toad him away...

WindSock

I would have frog marched him down there myself.

WindSock

Al_Fernz wrote: »

You're right, they're in poor condition and quite old too. They're really more applicable to to people looking to make pun-ts

Thats not what I was told last dime.

Sherifu

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

I once knew a frog who parked on a double yellow line - the cops came along and toad him away...

Hope he didn't croak in custody.

WindSock

I heard he wouldn't stop ribbeting on about how he was wronged.

A frog went into the library, and was looking a bit disappointed as he looked along the shelves of books, he was heard to say "readit","readit","readit","readit"

el_barty

A fishing boat is working the North Sea, when suddenly it starts shipping water. It puts out a Mayday message:

"Help! Help! We are sinking!"

A few minutes back the reply comes through:

"Zis is ze German coastguard. Vot are you sinking about?"

RadioCity

I'm sure the previous post will spawn a few more.

I think we'll all stand together on this one.

Beanstalk

Wow i've had a really enlightened day! I feel like something I must have ate has had a really positive psychological effect on me! Maybe it was that Freud egg I had for breakfast.....

el_barty

Beanstalk wrote: »

Wow i've had a really enlightened day! I feel like something I must have ate has had a really positive psychological effect on me! Maybe it was that Freud egg I had for breakfast.....

That's why you feel so Jung at heart?

WindSock

el_barty wrote: »

That's why you feel so Jung at heart?

Oh how I love these puns. I think I have found my nietzsche.