proposing to your guy

LegacyUser

So this year is a leap year, which means us girlies can propose to our other halves on feb 29th! there'll be a lot of nervous guys me thinks

my question is two fold:
1) if the girl proposes does she need to get her own ring? can't really expect the guy to get it!
2) What engagement present can you get a guy if he already has a nice watch and big tv?

biko

Get a marker ring. You can then both go and have a look at rings you both like.

No pressie necessary - go out for meal & drinks after. Pay if you like.

Zulu

A car.

evry1sm8

Just a general question on this topic...
What do the guys out there think, would you like to be proposed to as opposed to doing the proposing yourselves??

LegacyUser

well how do you guys feel about engagement rings for guys? not heard of too many guys wearing them!

everyonesm8 - any guys i've asked said they'd be chuffed. my OH has already he said he wouldn't mind being asked he he

funk-you

Personally i wouldn't like my GF to propose to me. I know where and how i want to do it and without sounding chauvinistic it would bother me a little that i didn't get to do it. I'd feel like i lost out on the asking her dad and getting on one knee etc...

I don't know what your partner is like though so maybe he'll receive it well. Best of luck.

-Funk

evry1sm8

Personally if i was a guy id defo wana do the proposing myself!
But im just a bit of an old fashioned romantic

evry1sm8

PS: I know a guy that wears an engagement ring. He did the proposing but he also wanted a ring so he picked it and she bought it.

L31mr0d

imo... and this is only my opinion, but a woman should wait for a man to propose. Now I don't say that from any sort of sexist, conservative viewpoint i'm just talking about the mindframe of the guy. Women are a lot more liberal with their emotions, they excel in emotions and have a greater understanding of them. A woman knows when shes in love.

Men however take longer to understand emotions, love (Agapē) tends to often get confused with lust (Eros) or affection (Storge). This is why I think women need to give men the chance to figure out if what they are feeling is true Agapē love. If a woman preempts this by proposing herself she puts herself in the shaky position of having a man who is still not sure of his emotions refusing the proposal or having a man who feels the wrong form of love accept it only to realise he'd made a mistake in judging his feelings.

Conar

I see no reason to assume only men should ask women.
I wouldn't mind being asked at all.

funk-you wrote: »

I'd feel like i lost out on the asking her dad

Do people really still do that?
I would have thought that asking a fathers permission would be very insulting to a woman, am I wrong?

evry1sm8

Id feel really chuffed if a guy asked my dads permission, it would make me feel kind of respected...in a weird way

And i agree, in my opinion id wait for the guy to ask, at least then you know he really wants to commit

LegacyUser

L31mr0d wrote: »

imo... and this is only my opinion, but a woman should wait for a man to propose. Now I don't say that from any sort of sexist, conservative viewpoint i'm just talking about the mindframe of the guy. Women are a lot more liberal with their emotions, they excel in emotions and have a greater understanding of them. A woman knows when shes in love.

Men however take longer to understand emotions, love (Agapē) tends to often get confused with lust (Eros) or affection (Storge). This is why I think women need to give men the chance to figure out if what they are feeling is true Agapē love. If a woman preempts this by proposing herself she puts herself in the shaky position of having a man who is still not sure of his emotions refusing the proposal or having a man who feels the wrong form of love accept it only to realise he'd made a mistake in judging his feelings.

are they not the same concerns facing a guy who proposes??

saying a guy doesn't know when he's in love is just wrong....

L31mr0d

Conar wrote: »

Do people really still do that?
I would have thought that asking a fathers permission would be very insulting to a woman, am I wrong?

Not at all imo. I asked my wifes fathers permission first, and my wife respected me for it, not because she felt I was viewing her as property I had to ask to be handed over but more that it was showing respect for her father that had raised her to be the person she was.

In saying this, I think it takes discretion on the part of the guy. If the girl doesn't have a particularly good relationship with her father and he isn't in her life then its probably best not to ask him permission.

Overheal

I'd feel a bit out of place if she got down on one knee for the proposal alright.

Pigletlover

It's not something I'd do, mainly for the reasons outlined by L31mr0d. Men and women think differently and I think it's something that should be left up to the man to do when he feels he's ready. I think that a woman asking a man to marry her may cause him to feel a little trapped. That's just what I think and I know there are men who would like it, I just think the majority wouldn't.

BKtje

I'd have no issues if she proposed. I guess from the evidence of this thread it would depend on your guy

Regarding your initial 2 questions: I have no idea about the first but surely the second thing can be anything that he would like?

Marksie

This isnt a PI.

Moving to ah

Dudess

undecided2008 wrote: »

So this year is a leap year, which means us girlies can propose to our other halves on feb 29th!

We "CAN"?! Yay! We can!!!

my question is two fold:
1) if the girl proposes does she need to get her own ring? can't really expect the guy to get it!
2) What engagement present can you get a guy if he already has a nice watch and big tv?

Wait... I know! What about if the girl thinks for herself?!

Dudess

Conar wrote: »

Do people really still do that?
I would have thought that asking a fathers permission would be very insulting to a woman, am I wrong?

'Course you're wrong! What are you thinking?! She is her father's property and is thus "given away" by him on her wedding day. Proper order too!

Rb

I've no problem with women proposing to men, I'd actually encourage it.

HOWEVER, I'd rather be the proposer as it lets me have all the time in the world to make my mind up over it before doing it, if out of nowhere the girlfriend proposed to me, I definitely wouldn't be able to give an answer on the spot, which would be a horrible thing for her to endure.

challengemaster

Dudess wrote: »

We "CAN"?! Yay! We can!!!

Wait... I know! What about if the girl thinks for herself?!

hehe, I lol'd

Conar

L31mr0d wrote: »

Not at all imo. I asked my wifes fathers permission first, and my wife respected me for it, not because she felt I was viewing her as property I had to ask to be handed over but more that it was showing respect for her father that had raised her to be the person she was.

In saying this, I think it takes discretion on the part of the guy. If the girl doesn't have a particularly good relationship with her father and he isn't in her life then its probably best not to ask him permission.

Fair enough.

My daughter is only 7 so I think I've a few years left yet, but I have to so I'd be a bit worried if her then partner asked me for my permission.
I would wonder if he really respects her as an equal.
Perhaps I'm wrong on this but thats really how I'd feel.

If the woman does actually propose should she ask his father for permission?
That'd be hillarious!

azezil

It's rather difficult for me to imagine, my longest relationship to date has been 5 months ffs :rolleyes:, but I suppose if a guy did get down on bended knee, felt that much in love with me, it might be alright

Reku

What's this February 29th malarky, women propose to guys all the time!!!


It usually goes:




"Honey, you'd best sit down"

"Oh god! What's wrong?!?"

"Remember that night we had a bit too much to drink and kept the neighbours up 'til all hours?"

"...Yeahhh... ... *adopts look somewhere between skeptical and concerned* ...."

"I'm pregnant"

Extraplus

Conar wrote: »

If the woman does actually propose should she ask his father for permission?
That'd be hillarious!

No, she has to ask his mammy.

Coffea

undecided2008 wrote: »

any guys i've asked said they'd be chuffed. my OH has already he said he wouldn't mind being asked he he

Go for it!!

I think it's a lovely idea. From what you've said, I think it sounds like the answer will be a big 'Yes'!

And if all goes to plan, at least you'll never forget the date of your engagement

junior_apollo

Extraplus wrote: »

No, she has to ask his mammy.

Best of luck to any girl brave enough to attempt that hurdle!... hahahaa.....

Nobody is ever good enough for mammy's boy...


Plus the girl should be careful...

Girl get down on bended knee ...
Girl "Will you marry me?"
Guy "Yes of course my darling... Now.. while your down there... "

:rolleyes:


IMO I'd prefer to be the proposer - not the proposee... more romantic and traditional I'd feel.

Conar

junior_apollo wrote: »

Girl get down on bended knee ...
Girl "Will you marry me?"
Guy "Yes of course my darling... Now.. while your down there... "

ROFL

Coffea wrote: »

From what you've said, I think it sounds like the answer will be a big 'Yes'!

I always find it a bit odd that someone would ask someone else to marry them and not know the outcome.
Surely if you love someone enough to ask them to marry you then you should already know them well enough to know what their answer would be.

Dudess

Marriage takes things to a whole new level though. My mate's boyfriend of well over nine years recently proposed to her and she said no. She's still mad about him and they haven't broken up or anything. But it just freaked her out. She's 28 and had it in her head that she'd get married in her 30s. Then this came along and floored her. She's very independent - has her own place, he has his own place. She's still studying part-time and wants to have her career sorted first. But again, she's crazy about her man. Of course she is. They're together the bones of 10 years.

Conar

Yeah I guess its not always as cut and dry as I put it.
Still I'm suprised the boyfriend of 10 odd years didn't realise she felt that way.

Must be a real kick in the stones to have a marriage proposal turned down.

Here_Young_Wan

Once you propose to him and he says yes you show him the huge sparkler you picked out for yourself and used his lazer card to pay for

L31mr0d

Conar wrote: »

Fair enough.

My daughter is only 7 so I think I've a few years left yet, but I have to so I'd be a bit worried if her then partner asked me for my permission.
I would wonder if he really respects her as an equal.
Perhaps I'm wrong on this but thats really how I'd feel.

If the woman does actually propose should she ask his father for permission?
That'd be hillarious!

So should I also assume that you would refuse to walk down the isle with your daughter and give her away on her wedding day? It holds the same meaning.

Asking permission is more about an honour thing between men. Up until I married my wife I accepted that her father was there to look after her safety, but after getting married I accepted, and so did my father-in-law that it was now my responsibility. The asking of permission is more of a gesture to confirm that the father accepts this relinquishing of responsibility.

Conar

L31mr0d wrote: »

So should I also assume that you would refuse to walk down the isle with your daughter and give her away on her wedding day? It holds the same meaning.

Asking permission is more about an honour thing between men. Up until I married my wife I accepted that her father was there to look after her safety, but after getting married I accepted, and so did my father-in-law that it was now my responsibility. The asking of permission is more of a gesture to confirm that the father accepts this relinquishing of responsibility.

Firstly, I'm not trying to offrend so sorry if I did.

Would I refuse to give her away on her wedding day?
No I would not refuse but as I am an atheist I'm hoping that she won't ever walk down an aisle. I'm not sure I agree they are the same thing though.
I am getting married next month and my girlfriends father won't be giving her away, he will just be sitting with my parents and her mother.

I don't consider myself responsible for my girlfriends safety though so I guess we just feel differently about our roles as husbands.

Red Hand

Oh the women thinking of proposing should go down the Officer and a Gentleman route, and go down to the Dogfood factory, propose, then grab him up in yer arms and walk out of there with yer head held high.:)

Dudess

That's crazy talk Jeremiah! We're only weakling women! And we can't be thinking THAT far outside the box! Anyway, we can only do it on February 29th which is a Friday this year. What if he decides to take a half day or a long weekend? So he mightn't even BE at work on that one day we can only propose on!

Red Hand

That's true.:) I think you should discuss it with your prospective partner first. He will know what to do.:p

L31mr0d

Conar wrote: »

Firstly, I'm not trying to offrend so sorry if I did.

Would I refuse to give her away on her wedding day?
No I would not refuse but as I am an atheist I'm hoping that she won't ever walk down an aisle. I'm not sure I agree they are the same thing though.
I am getting married next month and my girlfriends father won't be giving her away, he will just be sitting with my parents and her mother.

I don't consider myself responsible for my girlfriends safety though so I guess we just feel differently about our roles as husbands.

no offence taken. It must be in the way I compose replies because people always seem to think i'm annoyed or angry when I reply. I can never see what it is in my reply that made them think I was offended

Plus I don't think this is a religious thing. Amongst most mammels there is an inherent instinct to protect their mate to ensure they can procreate. Amongst humans the male has the responsibility of protecting the female. It could be viewed as a residule impulse of natural selection to make sure our strong genes get passed on to the next generation. I find it hard also to believe you don't harbour a responsibility to protect your mate. If a man ran at your wife with a knife would you stand and wait to see if your wife has the ability to defend herself or would you step in before it got to that. Or if a man was insulting to your wife would you not step in on her behalf to tell him to stop.

Earthhorse

Dudess wrote: »

Marriage takes things to a whole new level though. My mate's boyfriend of well over nine years recently proposed to her and she said no. She's still mad about him and they haven't broken up or anything. But it just freaked her out. She's 28 and had it in her head that she'd get married in her 30s. Then this came along and floored her. She's very independent - has her own place, he has his own place. She's still studying part-time and wants to have her career sorted first. But again, she's crazy about her man. Of course she is. They're together the bones of 10 years.

I'm kinda surprised by this too. Surely they would have talked, at some stage in the relationship, about whether it was headed for marriage and she would have said she wouldn't be ready till her thirties. Given that it floored her, possibly not, or maybe they just hadn't talked about in a while or she'd changed her mind since the last time they spoked.

I know a girl whose boyfriend of 10 years broke up with her. Sometimes, when a relationship doesn't move to that next level it can stagnate and decay. Not saying that's the case with your friend just saying sometimes time can go against you too.

I always imagine if I were to propose to someone it would be spontaneous but also a foregone conclusion.

Dudess wrote: »

What if he decides to take a half day or a long weekend? So he mightn't even BE at work on that one day we can only propose on!

His tough luck. Don't miss this once in an every four years' opportunity. Propose to his supervisor or more attractive peer.

nevaeh-2die-4

Ok for the girls that are going to but are a bit apprehensive, to get him to say a guarantee yes.

let him knock on door number 2!

There ya go!

Jesus Wept

nevaeh-2die-4 wrote: »

Ok for the girls that are going to but are a bit apprehensive, to get him to say a guarantee yes.

let him knock on door number 2!

There ya go!

That's the deal breaker?

Just knock or can he venture in and make himself at home?

angeldelight

If my bf asked my dad's permission to marry me I'd be so annoyed!! I'm an adult, and think I have a right to know before my dad that my bf's planning on proposing. Lets be honest, unless the bf is a complete t*at, the dads going to say yes anyway, and the fact he's welcomed by my parents in the house anytime surely shows that my parents approve... also why ask my dad but not my mam?!

If you ask, you can't catch out the laxidaisycal ones.

OP I would resent asking and then buying my own ring, It would me feel like all the responsiblity was on my shoulders.

I would go halves on the ring though, because I think wedding costs should be shared between the couple.

deisemum

I met my now husband on a blind date almost 20 years ago and 5 months after meeting I proposed to him and we'll be married 18 years in April.

If I hadn't proposed and my now hubby was planning on asking me to marry him and had gone to my father beforehand I'd have been very angry and insulted that he'd treat me as someone's chattel

Kipperhell

I was asked by my now wife and it was fair enough> I am comfortable enough with my masculinity to know it meant nothing. I got to pick the venue which was Vegas.

She didn't get me a ring or a present but I did get an awful hang over the next day as she got me liqueured up before asking.

Zulu

Moonbaby wrote: »

OP I would resent asking and then buying my own ring, It would me feel like all the responsiblity was on my shoulders.

But why would he buy you a ring if you asked?
The point of the ring was a security guaranteeing the wedding. Ergo, you provide the security if you ask. Personally, I'd like a nice car (watches are bad luck) and I've made that VERY clear to my better half. If she produces the keys to an A5, I'd weep like a girl and say yes!

Ah girls, equality when it suits, tradition when it doesn't.

Coffea

I would be more embarrassed than annoyed if my hubby had asked for my hand in marriage. I could imagine my dad laughing about it for years to come! Do people still do that? I suppose it's kinda cute but I just didn't imagine that people still did that in 2008.

Besides, most couples I know just announced their engagement and there was never any proposal involved.

Conar

L31mr0d wrote: »

no offence taken. It must be in the way I compose replies because people always seem to think i'm annoyed or angry when I reply. I can never see what it is in my reply that made them think I was offended

Cool, I think its always difficult to gauge the tone of someones reply so its often the case on these forums. Anyway, glad I didn't offend.

L31mr0d wrote: »

Plus I don't think this is a religious thing. Amongst most mammels there is an inherent instinct to protect their mate to ensure they can procreate. Amongst humans the male has the responsibility of protecting the female. It could be viewed as a residule impulse of natural selection to make sure our strong genes get passed on to the next generation. I find it hard also to believe you don't harbour a responsibility to protect your mate.

I see where you're coming from and I think we're just interperetting the word "responsible" differently.
I consider myself responsible for my 2 year old son.
If he fell and cracked his head on the concrete when I was looking after him then I would feel responsible for his pain and should have been there to prevent it.

I feel concerned for my wifes safety, and if she fell in a similar situation I would feel empathy etc but wouldn't feel responsible.
Thats where I was coming from.

L31mr0d wrote: »

Or if a man was insulting to your wife would you not step in on her behalf to tell him to stop.

Would I stick up for her if a man was insulting her?
Well I guess that would depend on whether she felt threatened or not.
If she was having an argument with some random bloke then I would watch carefully but unless she wanted me to step in or appeared to seem threatened by him then I would leave her at it.
I would ask her if she was ok but I don't think she would want me to assume that I should fight her battles for her.

L31mr0d wrote: »

If a man ran at your wife with a knife would you stand and wait to see if your wife has the ability to defend herself or would you step in before it got to that.

Well in this situation yes of course of course I would, but I still don't really think thats because I feel responsible for her.
I would do the same for my friends and I don't feel responsible for their safety.

Anyway I know thats all depending on how you interperate things.
I can see exactly where you are coming from.

nevaeh-2die-4

Do people still get marrried?????????

Dudess

angeldelight wrote: »

If my bf asked my dad's permission to marry me I'd be so annoyed!! I'm an adult, and think I have a right to know before my dad that my bf's planning on proposing. Lets be honest, unless the bf is a complete t*at, the dads going to say yes anyway, and the fact he's welcomed by my parents in the house anytime surely shows that my parents approve... also why ask my dad but not my mam?!

deisemum wrote: »

If I hadn't proposed and my now hubby was planning on asking me to marry him and had gone to my father beforehand I'd have been very angry and insulted that he'd treat me as someone's chattel

HALLELUJAH!!! Yesterday I was really starting to despair for womankind...

Orlee

My beau knows better than to go and ask my dad for his "permission".

He'd get a quick slap up side his head if he did!!!

I think (hope) that if it's the right time - it'll just happen and you'll both know it's right. Oh and I'll drop a few 'gentle' hints just for good measure!

Stercus Accidit

Someone ask me to marry them, right now, for the craic, I promise to say no I just want a pick me up at work.

"So was proposed to today..."