proposing to your guy

L31mr0d · 05-02-2008 04:46PM

Conar wrote: »

Fair enough.

My daughter is only 7 so I think I've a few years left yet, but I have to so I'd be a bit worried if her then partner asked me for my permission.
I would wonder if he really respects her as an equal.
Perhaps I'm wrong on this but thats really how I'd feel.

If the woman does actually propose should she ask his father for permission?
That'd be hillarious!

So should I also assume that you would refuse to walk down the isle with your daughter and give her away on her wedding day? It holds the same meaning.

Asking permission is more about an honour thing between men. Up until I married my wife I accepted that her father was there to look after her safety, but after getting married I accepted, and so did my father-in-law that it was now my responsibility. The asking of permission is more of a gesture to confirm that the father accepts this relinquishing of responsibility.

Conar · 05-02-2008 05:06PM

L31mr0d wrote: »

So should I also assume that you would refuse to walk down the isle with your daughter and give her away on her wedding day? It holds the same meaning.

Asking permission is more about an honour thing between men. Up until I married my wife I accepted that her father was there to look after her safety, but after getting married I accepted, and so did my father-in-law that it was now my responsibility. The asking of permission is more of a gesture to confirm that the father accepts this relinquishing of responsibility.

Firstly, I'm not trying to offrend so sorry if I did.

Would I refuse to give her away on her wedding day?
No I would not refuse but as I am an atheist I'm hoping that she won't ever walk down an aisle. I'm not sure I agree they are the same thing though.
I am getting married next month and my girlfriends father won't be giving her away, he will just be sitting with my parents and her mother.

I don't consider myself responsible for my girlfriends safety though so I guess we just feel differently about our roles as husbands.

Red Hand · 05-02-2008 05:11PM

Oh the women thinking of proposing should go down the Officer and a Gentleman route, and go down to the Dogfood factory, propose, then grab him up in yer arms and walk out of there with yer head held high.:)

Dudess · 05-02-2008 05:21PM

That's crazy talk Jeremiah! We're only weakling women! And we can't be thinking THAT far outside the box! Anyway, we can only do it on February 29th which is a Friday this year. What if he decides to take a half day or a long weekend? So he mightn't even BE at work on that one day we can only propose on!

Red Hand · 05-02-2008 05:26PM

That's true.:) I think you should discuss it with your prospective partner first. He will know what to do.:p

L31mr0d · 05-02-2008 05:38PM

Conar wrote: »

Firstly, I'm not trying to offrend so sorry if I did.

Would I refuse to give her away on her wedding day?
No I would not refuse but as I am an atheist I'm hoping that she won't ever walk down an aisle. I'm not sure I agree they are the same thing though.
I am getting married next month and my girlfriends father won't be giving her away, he will just be sitting with my parents and her mother.

I don't consider myself responsible for my girlfriends safety though so I guess we just feel differently about our roles as husbands.

no offence taken. It must be in the way I compose replies because people always seem to think i'm annoyed or angry when I reply. I can never see what it is in my reply that made them think I was offended

Plus I don't think this is a religious thing. Amongst most mammels there is an inherent instinct to protect their mate to ensure they can procreate. Amongst humans the male has the responsibility of protecting the female. It could be viewed as a residule impulse of natural selection to make sure our strong genes get passed on to the next generation. I find it hard also to believe you don't harbour a responsibility to protect your mate. If a man ran at your wife with a knife would you stand and wait to see if your wife has the ability to defend herself or would you step in before it got to that. Or if a man was insulting to your wife would you not step in on her behalf to tell him to stop.

Earthhorse · 05-02-2008 05:54PM

Dudess wrote: »

Marriage takes things to a whole new level though. My mate's boyfriend of well over nine years recently proposed to her and she said no. She's still mad about him and they haven't broken up or anything. But it just freaked her out. She's 28 and had it in her head that she'd get married in her 30s. Then this came along and floored her. She's very independent - has her own place, he has his own place. She's still studying part-time and wants to have her career sorted first. But again, she's crazy about her man. Of course she is. They're together the bones of 10 years.

I'm kinda surprised by this too. Surely they would have talked, at some stage in the relationship, about whether it was headed for marriage and she would have said she wouldn't be ready till her thirties. Given that it floored her, possibly not, or maybe they just hadn't talked about in a while or she'd changed her mind since the last time they spoked.

I know a girl whose boyfriend of 10 years broke up with her. Sometimes, when a relationship doesn't move to that next level it can stagnate and decay. Not saying that's the case with your friend just saying sometimes time can go against you too.

I always imagine if I were to propose to someone it would be spontaneous but also a foregone conclusion.

Dudess wrote: »

What if he decides to take a half day or a long weekend? So he mightn't even BE at work on that one day we can only propose on!

His tough luck. Don't miss this once in an every four years' opportunity. Propose to his supervisor or more attractive peer.

nevaeh-2die-4 · 05-02-2008 06:20PM

Ok for the girls that are going to but are a bit apprehensive, to get him to say a guarantee yes.

let him knock on door number 2!

There ya go!

Jesus Wept · 05-02-2008 09:45PM

nevaeh-2die-4 wrote: »

Ok for the girls that are going to but are a bit apprehensive, to get him to say a guarantee yes.

let him knock on door number 2!

There ya go!

That's the deal breaker?

Just knock or can he venture in and make himself at home?

angeldelight · 05-02-2008 10:08PM

If my bf asked my dad's permission to marry me I'd be so annoyed!! I'm an adult, and think I have a right to know before my dad that my bf's planning on proposing. Lets be honest, unless the bf is a complete t*at, the dads going to say yes anyway, and the fact he's welcomed by my parents in the house anytime surely shows that my parents approve... also why ask my dad but not my mam?!

05-02-2008 10:22PM

If you ask, you can't catch out the laxidaisycal ones.

OP I would resent asking and then buying my own ring, It would me feel like all the responsiblity was on my shoulders.

I would go halves on the ring though, because I think wedding costs should be shared between the couple.

deisemum · 05-02-2008 10:59PM

I met my now husband on a blind date almost 20 years ago and 5 months after meeting I proposed to him and we'll be married 18 years in April.

If I hadn't proposed and my now hubby was planning on asking me to marry him and had gone to my father beforehand I'd have been very angry and insulted that he'd treat me as someone's chattel

Kipperhell · 05-02-2008 11:03PM

I was asked by my now wife and it was fair enough> I am comfortable enough with my masculinity to know it meant nothing. I got to pick the venue which was Vegas.

She didn't get me a ring or a present but I did get an awful hang over the next day as she got me liqueured up before asking.

Zulu · 06-02-2008 09:51AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

OP I would resent asking and then buying my own ring, It would me feel like all the responsiblity was on my shoulders.

But why would he buy you a ring if you asked?

The point of the ring was a security guaranteeing the wedding. Ergo, you provide the security if you ask. Personally, I'd like a nice car (watches are bad luck) and I've made that VERY clear to my better half. If she produces the keys to an A5, I'd weep like a girl and say yes!

Ah girls, equality when it suits, tradition when it doesn't.

Coffea · 06-02-2008 11:05AM

I would be more embarrassed than annoyed if my hubby had asked for my hand in marriage. I could imagine my dad laughing about it for years to come! Do people still do that? I suppose it's kinda cute but I just didn't imagine that people still did that in 2008.

Besides, most couples I know just announced their engagement and there was never any proposal involved.

Conar · 06-02-2008 11:20AM

L31mr0d wrote: »

no offence taken. It must be in the way I compose replies because people always seem to think i'm annoyed or angry when I reply. I can never see what it is in my reply that made them think I was offended

Cool, I think its always difficult to gauge the tone of someones reply so its often the case on these forums. Anyway, glad I didn't offend.

L31mr0d wrote: »

Plus I don't think this is a religious thing. Amongst most mammels there is an inherent instinct to protect their mate to ensure they can procreate. Amongst humans the male has the responsibility of protecting the female. It could be viewed as a residule impulse of natural selection to make sure our strong genes get passed on to the next generation. I find it hard also to believe you don't harbour a responsibility to protect your mate.

I see where you're coming from and I think we're just interperetting the word "responsible" differently.
I consider myself responsible for my 2 year old son.
If he fell and cracked his head on the concrete when I was looking after him then I would feel responsible for his pain and should have been there to prevent it.

I feel concerned for my wifes safety, and if she fell in a similar situation I would feel empathy etc but wouldn't feel responsible.
Thats where I was coming from.

L31mr0d wrote: »

Or if a man was insulting to your wife would you not step in on her behalf to tell him to stop.

Would I stick up for her if a man was insulting her?
Well I guess that would depend on whether she felt threatened or not.
If she was having an argument with some random bloke then I would watch carefully but unless she wanted me to step in or appeared to seem threatened by him then I would leave her at it.
I would ask her if she was ok but I don't think she would want me to assume that I should fight her battles for her.

L31mr0d wrote: »

If a man ran at your wife with a knife would you stand and wait to see if your wife has the ability to defend herself or would you step in before it got to that.

Well in this situation yes of course of course I would, but I still don't really think thats because I feel responsible for her.
I would do the same for my friends and I don't feel responsible for their safety.

Anyway I know thats all depending on how you interperate things.
I can see exactly where you are coming from.

nevaeh-2die-4 · 06-02-2008 11:55AM

Do people still get marrried?????????

Dudess · 06-02-2008 12:02PM

angeldelight wrote: »

If my bf asked my dad's permission to marry me I'd be so annoyed!! I'm an adult, and think I have a right to know before my dad that my bf's planning on proposing. Lets be honest, unless the bf is a complete t*at, the dads going to say yes anyway, and the fact he's welcomed by my parents in the house anytime surely shows that my parents approve... also why ask my dad but not my mam?!

deisemum wrote: »

If I hadn't proposed and my now hubby was planning on asking me to marry him and had gone to my father beforehand I'd have been very angry and insulted that he'd treat me as someone's chattel

HALLELUJAH!!! Yesterday I was really starting to despair for womankind...

Orlee · 06-02-2008 01:27PM

My beau knows better than to go and ask my dad for his "permission".

He'd get a quick slap up side his head if he did!!!

I think (hope) that if it's the right time - it'll just happen and you'll both know it's right. Oh and I'll drop a few 'gentle' hints just for good measure!

Stercus Accidit · 06-02-2008 01:32PM

Someone ask me to marry them, right now, for the craic, I promise to say no I just want a pick me up at work.

"So was proposed to today..."

Pighead · 06-02-2008 01:34PM

Proposing marriage is obviously a mans job. The whole notion of a woman proposing is as ridiculous as a BGRH regular winning a "Physique of The Year" contest.

If any chick came up to Pighead and said "Pighead you sexy intelligent beast of a man, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband and partner for life so we can spend the rest of our days together in a blissful bubble of love" the answer would be "Fcuk off love, Pighead doesn't know you from Adam"

If Miss Piggy asked, then it'd be ok.

Orlee · 06-02-2008 04:20PM

Motosam wrote: »

Someone ask me to marry them, right now, for the craic, I promise to say no I just want a pick me up at work.

"So was proposed to today..."

Motosam, *gets down on knees*

Would you do me the honour of becoming my husband/wife/life partner? Tick as appropriate

*fights back the tears and waits expectantly*

junior_apollo · 06-02-2008 04:27PM

Pighead you sexy intelligent beast of a man, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband and partner for life so we can spend the rest of our days together in a blissful bubble of love

06-02-2008 07:00PM

L31mr0d wrote: »

imo... and this is only my opinion, but a woman should wait for a man to propose. Now I don't say that from any sort of sexist, conservative viewpoint i'm just talking about the mindframe of the guy. Women are a lot more liberal with their emotions, they excel in emotions and have a greater understanding of them. A woman knows when shes in love.

Men however take longer to understand emotions, love (Agapē) tends to often get confused with lust (Eros) or affection (Storge). This is why I think women need to give men the chance to figure out if what they are feeling is true Agapē love. If a woman preempts this by proposing herself she puts herself in the shaky position of having a man who is still not sure of his emotions refusing the proposal or having a man who feels the wrong form of love accept it only to realise he'd made a mistake in judging his feelings.

Isn't agape brotherly love.

06-02-2008 07:02PM

deisemum wrote:

If I hadn't proposed and my now hubby was planning on asking me to marry him and had gone to my father beforehand I'd have been very angry and insulted that he'd treat me as someone's chattel

Ditto. Wtf, a woman can make up her own mind. We're not back in the days of daughter being owned by father -> daughter being owned by husband

Dudess · 06-02-2008 08:27PM

Yeah, the fact that people still unquestioningly use the phrase "giving away" in the context of a wedding, makes me quite nauseous. So what if it's lost its original meaning? All the more reason for it to be done away with.

Zulu · 06-02-2008 09:01PM

Dudess wrote: »

... makes me quite nauseous. So what if it's lost its original meaning? All the more reason for it to be done away with.

...but you'd still want an engagement ring, right?

Stercus Accidit · 06-02-2008 09:03PM

Orlee wrote: »

Motosam, *gets down on knees*

Would you do me the honour of becoming my husband/wife/life partner? Tick as appropriate

*fights back the tears and waits expectantly*

Aha, the trap is sprung, cue papa lazarou moment,

*grins menacingly*

"Yes... you're My wife now!

Dudess · 06-02-2008 09:11PM

Zulu wrote: »

...but you'd still want an engagement ring, right?

What exactly does an engagement ring signify?

But to answer your question, never thought about it before, but now that I am thinking about it, my answer is no, I wouldn't give a fukk if I didn't get one.

A lot of wedding traditions are beyond pathetic: in particular is the way couples feel they "have" to invite the partners of their friends even if they're going out with each other a few weeks. Why on earth would anyone feel obliged to invite someone they don't even know to their wedding? And it's not as if the guy/girl would want to go anyway - unless they enjoyed going to weddings full of people they don't even know...

Zulu · 06-02-2008 09:33PM

Dudess wrote: »

What exactly does an engagement ring signify?

It was a guarantee effectively - that the man would actually take the girl.

I wouldn't give a fukk if I didn't get one.

Good work - at least you're consistent!

(I don't mean that in a condescending way btw)

A lot of wedding traditions are beyond pathetic: in particular is the way couples feel they "have" to invite the partners of their friends even if they're going out with each other a few weeks....

That and the partner of the cousin you haven't seen in 15 years!! It's madness I tells yea.

proposing to your guy

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