Bad manners to use first name

adharc

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Jesus Wept

adharc wrote:

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name.

Tell them.

adharc wrote:

This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners.

Are you referring to business to business calls, or when you call as a customer?

adharc wrote:

Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Metaphorically speaking. The bad manners and personal space bits are purely your opinion (naturally) but not a matter of fact.
So you could tell these people how to address you, or bite your lip and complain here to little avail.

dr.bollocko

Shut up Ad. Get over it. Using 2nd names makes the person using it sound like your bitch. and you just want everyone to be subservient to you, dont you, Mr. harc?
And shut up The-. Im not a fan of you helping out Ad either.

adharc

My my what a grovelly liittle slug you are. You probably don't know who your mother is. Go snort some more coke, it can only improve your degenerated brain cells. This would be an improvement.

tman

Lighten up and learn to take a joke, ad....

Ginger

Being very honest, i prefer being called by my first name, being called Mr. usually reminds me of school and when your teacher was giving out to you.

My old university made a point of it, that you called everyone by their first name from the president (who you always introduced as Dr so & so) and who normally said just call me (first name) all the way down the chain of command.

I may however refer to an older person as Mr/Mrs/Ms whatever, just out of respect for their age. However if you introduce yourself as John Smith, I will call you John.

Suppose some people get easily offended

Crumble Froo

yeah, i'd ask more elderly people what they'd like me to call htem, but i'd just naturally call people by their first names...

OP... do you call relatives by things like 'aunt jane/ uncle john?'.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

Ginger

Only to annoy them!!! They dont like it..

edit re aunts and uncles that is

Nevyn

It it good manners and proper equiette not to call a person by thier first name unles invited to do so otherwise it is being over familiar.

Honestly it depends nothing worse then someone doing just to try and ingratiate themselves and being slimy, smarmy about it or trying to foster a friendly relationship that just does not exist.

Dave!

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Jeez, chillaxo. Motor-boating a stranger is an invasion of their personal space! Using their first name is sometimes inappropriate -- that's the extent of it.

Tinytony

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Wow. You seriously need to relax. You are given a name for a reason. Maybe you shouldn't tell anyone your name.

meglome

I deal with a fair few people through work and I call all of them by their first name, wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not trying to actually be their friend but I am being genuinely friendly.

If anyone calls me Mr. Clowry I tell them that's my father and to call me by my first name.

RxQueen

it bugs me sometimes, but it just depends on the person using it, like if they kept saying it after every question they asked then i begins to annoy me, but i would rather be called my name than "hay you".

RAFC

Tinytony wrote: »

Wow. You seriously need to relax. You are given a name for a reason. Maybe you shouldn't tell anyone your name.

Agreed, it's your name, why have it if you don't want people to call you by it.

Personally, I prefer being called by my first name, when someone calls me Mrs. I tend to look for my mother-in-law :eek:. I do call her Mrs. and I do address relations as Aunt & Uncle simply because that's what they prefer.

I prefer my first name, so therfore, my nieces and nephews call me by that. Doesn't being called Mr./Mrs. make you feel soooooo old

Wossack

I wouldnt consider it rude, but geez, there you go.

OP: do you tell the offenders that its an invasion of your personal space and to refer to you in future as Mr/Mrs?

I'd imagine if you did you'd quickly acquire the nickname of Mr Fruitcake...

Dudess

adharc wrote: »

My my what a grovelly liittle slug you are. You probably don't know who your mother is. Go snort some more coke, it can only improve your degenerated brain cells. This would be an improvement.

adharc, read the charter regarding personal abuse of fellow posters. Any more of it and you will be banned. And I must say I find your use of the term "grovelly" as an insult quite ironic, considering YOU expect people to grovel to YOU.

On topic: sales types using my first name in a "buddy buddy" manner is creepy, especially when they keep repeating it to emphasise they know it. When you're actually talking to the person it's not like it needs to be used much anyway. But if someone called me Miss/Ms followed by my surname, it would feel really weird - I agree with another poster, it makes a person subservient to have to refer to another as Miss/Mr/Ms/Mrs etc. I personally think it's only suitable for much older generations and is rather precious (and unusual) of younger people to expect it.

thefinalstage

Dudess wrote: »

adharc, read the charter regarding personal abuse of fellow posters. Any more of it and you will be banned. And I must say I find your use of the term "grovelly" as an insult quite ironic, considering YOU expect people to grovel to YOU.

On topic: sales types using my first name in a "buddy buddy" manner is creepy, especially when they keep repeating it to emphasise they know it. When you're actually talking to the person it's not like it needs to be used much anyway. But if someone called me Miss/Ms followed by my surname, it would feel really weird - I agree with another poster, it makes a person subservient to have to refer to another as Miss/Mr/Ms/Mrs etc. I personally think it's only suitable for much older generations and is rather precious (and unusual) of younger people to expect it.

Precious, what an odd way to describe something. All of my lecturers want me to call them by their first names but I am so use to saying sir from my old school that I always say that....

Mr. Presentable

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

If you provide your first name expect it to be used. Don't provide it if you don't want it used (introduce yourself as Mr adharc instead of Trevor adharc). You'll be grand.

listermint

I would say life is short, stop being so formal and getting caught up in petty hates such as this they are miniscule in the scheme of things. Its little pet hates like that which manifest into stress.

Quality

What age are you Mr Adharc?

Maximilian

adharc wrote: »

My my what a grovelly liittle slug you are. You probably don't know who your mother is. Go snort some more coke, it can only improve your degenerated brain cells. This would be an improvement.

I love a little bit of hypocrisy in the morning. What were you saying about bad manners?

Lux23

I hate people using second names with me so I suppose its a generational and class thing to a certain extent. I remember a friend calling my mother Mrs. ****** and she was disgusted. I also get uncomfortable when someone calls me Miss or Ms or whatever stupid formality there is out there. PLus alot of people have a problem pronoucing my second name and it grates on me to hear them mangle it. (Im rubbish at pronoucing foreign names but its still annoying).

thefinalstage

Adharc is a snobby inbred **** bag with little grasp of the English language and he smells like...an Elephants butt!

*He deserves it....*

SimpleSam06

Its a standard sales technique, forming a rapport with the customer. Makes it harder for you to hang up or something. munnah munnah munnah...

AckwelFoley

Wow!

Can you do me a favour.

As its the 1970's you are living in, could you get in contact with Mark David Chapman, tell him to refocus his deranged mind to Michael Jackson.

Im only thinking of the Kids :eek:

is_that_so

I've had my first name longer than I've been a mister and it is my name. I always introduce myself as such. I can see where the OP is coming from but I think the use of first names removes that Victorian detachment. The use of the first name shows more interest in the person. I would find it extremely weird in English to hear someone call themselves Mr/Mrs in a conversation.
Mind you I always found the plural sie/vous easier to remember. If IIRC 90% of communication is non-verbal , so there is plenty of scope to show appropriate respect.

monkeyfudge

thelastangryman wrote: »

Precious, what an odd way to describe something.

I think 'precocious' might have been the word we were looking for there.

I tend not to use peoples names in conversation much really... there's no need unless your trying to get their attention, on the phone you already have that. I'd use the first name when ringing up and office to look for someone, the same surnames are far too common in this country to farting about with Mr. and Mrs. and Ms. (And there's another minefield, if you don't know how a woman wants to be referred to as.)

Hmmm...hmmmm.
Well OP, looks like someone has sand in their vagina. I deal with new clients every day & 95% of the time they want you to call them by their first name. I love how hypocritical & RUDE you were in your reply to that fella. What age are you, 97 ?

Lockstep

Being called by my surname makes me sick.
Being called Mr O'Morain feels too formal.

I much much prefer being called by my first name.

I've worked in jobs where everyone is referred to by their first name, from the manager to the personnel officer down to the basic grunts like me.

I liked it, it seemed a fair way to go about things and that regardless of your position in the company, you were still entitled to the same respect of those much higher up. I can understand people getting annoyed at the familiarity of salepeople but thats really due to the attempts of corporations to appear human so they attempt to act in a familar manner: using your first name.

That said, I prefer being called by my first name by a salesman as I think there should be a universal system for everyone, and that even a salesman shouldn't have to bend down when trying to sell something.

From living in France and Belgium, I found the whole system of tu/vous a load of crock. You show respect for someone by the whole manner in which you treat someone. Not by the use of a single word. I had teachers who would hit the roof if ever referred to by tu whereas other (younger ones) would get annoyed if referred to by vous as they felt it old fashioned and based on an impersonal and archaic ancienne regime.

thefinalstage

kickoutthejams wrote: »

Being called by my surname makes me sick.
Being called Mr O'Morain feels too formal.

I much much prefer being called by my first name.

I've worked in jobs where everyone is referred to by their first name, from the manager to the personnel officer down to the basic grunts like me.

I liked it, it seemed a fair way to go about things and that regardless of your position in the company, you were still entitled to the same respect of those much higher up. I can understand people getting annoyed at the familiarity of salepeople but thats really due to the attempts of corporations to appear human so they attempt to act in a familar manner: using your first name.

That said, I prefer being called by my first name by a salesman as I think there should be a universal system for everyone, and that even a salesman shouldn't have to bend down when trying to sell something.

Unless they are selling shoe polish.

rediguana

I'm not crazy about strangers calling me by name, but I'm not sure what the alternative is.

Saruman

Never use anyone's second name unless i do not know their first name.
I find it the opposite... I thought Irish people on the whole deal on a first name basis and that this second name nonsense was a British thing. I remember in Gateway it used to get on the nerves of a lot of the English customers.. though the scotts and welsh did not give a crap

I am rarely ever addressed by my surname... usually only my first name.. If someone called me by my surname i would look at them oddly.
I go from site to site and always deal in first names when i meet a customer for the first time. I have never got a dirty look.

chill out, there are more important things to worry about in life than someone calling you by youy first name, a thing im sure is left over in some people from English rule.

Oh and congrats... 35 posts and off to a flying start insulting members of boards

thefinalstage

Saruman wrote: »

Never use anyone's second name unless i do not know their first name.
I find it the opposite... I thought Irish people on the whole deal on a first name basis and that this second name nonsense was a British thing. I remember in Gateway it used to get on the nerves of a lot of the English customers.. though the scotts and welsh did not give a crap

I am rarely ever addressed by my surname... usually only my first name.. If someone called me by my surname i would look at them oddly.
I go from site to site and always deal in first names when i meet a customer for the first time. I have never got a dirty look.

chill out, there are more important things to worry about in life than someone calling you by youy first name, a thing im sure is left over in some people from English rule.

Oh and congrats... 35 posts and off to a flying start insulting members of boards

Look at his age.

egan007

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

Take a gun, climb a bell tower.

.........'all i said was that piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah'
.........'Blasphemer!'
....Monty python LOB

Dun laoire

nipplenuts wrote: »

If you provide your first name expect it to be used. Don't provide it if you don't want it used (introduce yourself as Mr adharc instead of Trevor adharc). You'll be grand.

You've nailed it right on the head.

Earthhorse

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners.

daveirl wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Thaedydal wrote: »

It it good manners and proper equiette not to call a person by thier first name unles invited to do so otherwise it is being over familiar.

When I first started dealing with customers over the phone I would always address them by their surname. I soon gave up on this however as firstly, most people immediately asked me to stop doing it and secondly, I felt it created a distance between you and the client; I agree they weren't my friends but to treat them so informally felt almost cold.

Personally I prefer to be addressed by my first name; it feels to me that using surnames creates the reverse effect nowadays - it sounds like you're patronising someone, addressing them as you would a child.

18AD

Hide behind your miscreant shrowd of secrecy, mister.

This would be more understandable when you're a young man and your title is master!

watna

I used to hate when banks etc rang me up and called me by my first name, until I started working. Now I realise how stuffy and stand-offish it would be to call everyone mr and ms/mrs. I spend a lot of my day phoning/emailing people and always say Hi John or Hi Sarah. I have no problem being called by my first name by people, in fact it's more natural and friendly and starts your dealings with people off ona friendly foot. Everyone that calls me says Hi watna.....

It's just very old fashioned these days. If you don't like being called by your first name correct them and say Mr Harc (they'll think you're so cool btw!) or just don't give peope your first name. It's simple!

Dudess

thelastangryman wrote: »

Adharc is a snobby inbred **** bag with little grasp of the English language and he smells like...an Elephants butt!

*He deserves it....*

Don't abuse other members - even if you're doing it partially in jest.

chakotha

Talk about standing on ceremony!

Remembering such nonsense as how to address the many, many people you might regularly speak to in your day to day professional capacity before even speaking is a waste of time and grey matter IMO

Doctor DooM

When I was in sales one company I worked for wanted us to call our customers by their first name. They wanted us to do this by reading it off their credit cards without telling them so they would be impressed by our mad psychic skillz. I never once did this because it was wrong on many levels.

What I DID do though is have a large customer base who knew my name and I knew theirs, through, you know, doing my job and giving them good advice.

You can see with some people they love coming into a shop and getting someone who remembers them. Other people are a bit too stuffy for that.

everyone in work uses first names with each other and brokers and clients
so i follow suit
even emails are addressed as "Hi -firstname-" :eek: thats if they bother addressing and signing it off at all
i like the first name thing, we dont all need an excuse to be more distant from each other

BKtje

The state body that i work has it as policy to address everyone within the organisation by their first name. Emails going out are more a do as you think best scenario though.
I use formal language just not the honourisms (or whatever they called).

ejmaztec

What about the people who call you by your initials, when they can't figure out what your proper name is?

eg "Good morning DJ"

The Real B-man

Don't call me Len, you prick. Refer to me as 'Bishop Brennan'!

nice1franko

Saruman wrote: »

Never use anyone's second name unless i do not know their first name.
I find it the opposite... I thought Irish people on the whole deal on a first name basis and that this second name nonsense was a British thing. I remember in Gateway it used to get on the nerves of a lot of the English customers.. though the scotts and welsh did not give a crap

I am rarely ever addressed by my surname... usually only my first name.. If someone called me by my surname i would look at them oddly.
I go from site to site and always deal in first names when i meet a customer for the first time. I have never got a dirty look.

chill out, there are more important things to worry about in life than someone calling you by youy first name, a thing im sure is left over in some people from English rule.

eggs
zacly

Earthhorse

B-K-DzR wrote: »

I use formal language just not the honourisms (or whatever they called).

Honorifics, I think.

FunkZ

adharc wrote: »

I hate people I don't know calling me by my first name. This is prevalent by businesses and firms on the telephone. It is just bad manners. In France and germany you must know the person well before you can use tu or du. Calling a person one doesn't know by their first name is quite an invasion of their personal space.

I'd say you'd be a great ball of fun to be friends with.

FunkZ

The Real B-man wrote: »

Don't call me Len, you prick. Refer to me as 'Bishop Brennan'!

Ha ya just made me laugh!

RandolphEsq

I not only call people by their first names, but by their full first names
e.g. Vikki; Victoria
Alex; Alexander
and so forth