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Man... bike... WTF?! [Merged]

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  • 27-10-2007 9:55pm
    #1
    daniel3982
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭


    Ridiculous; are they going to start adding women who use toothbrushes or deoderant cans next?

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml
    Man who had sex with bike in court
    By Richard Alleyne
    Last Updated: 10:02am BST 27/10/2007


    A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

    Bryony Gordon: How do you have sex with a bicycle?

    Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

    An object of lust?

    On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

    She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

    "They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

    "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

    Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

    Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

    He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

    Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.


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Comments

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    #2
    g5hn710m4xpdwy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,763 ✭✭✭g5hn710m4xpdwy


    I bet she hardly spoke at all.

    I'll get my coat


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    #3
    JohnnyStones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyStones


    That's Wheelie hard to believe:)


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    #4
    is_that_so
    Registered Users Posts: 32,136 ✭✭✭✭is_that_so


    A bit tyre some alright


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    #5
    Binomate
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,783 ✭✭✭Binomate


    What a day. Riding your bike is now a sexual offence.


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    #6
    Genghiz Cohen
    Registered Users Posts: 7,182 ✭✭✭Genghiz Cohen


    <Insert Really Bad Bicycle Pun Here>


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    #7
    gilroyb
    Registered Users Posts: 595 ✭✭✭gilroyb


    I'm just glad I've never been done for pumping my tyre.


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    #8
    Voodu Child
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,706 ✭✭✭Voodu Child


    You'd wanna see the saddle-bags on the thing he was ridin..


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    #9
    Pete4779
    Closed Accounts Posts: 622 ✭✭✭Pete4779


    That's actually ****ing ludicrous. I wonder was the judge or magistrate female or male?


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    #10
    CreepingDeath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,016 ✭✭✭CreepingDeath


    He must have to install windscreen wipers on his TV during the "Tour de France"


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    #11
    ircoha
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,290 ✭✭✭ircoha


    there is nothing in the article to suggest he is an "Evil sex offender" :mad:

    He has been placed on a list


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    #12
    daniel3982
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭daniel3982


    ircoha wrote: »
    there is nothing in the article to suggest he is an "Evil sex offender" :mad:

    He has been placed on a list

    I take it you never quite got Blackadder did you?


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    #13
    ircoha
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,290 ✭✭✭ircoha


    daniel3982 wrote: »
    I take it you never quite got Blackadder did you?


    after hrs or not u have libeled him in a public forum and have un-necessarily put boards at risk.


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    #14
    daniel3982
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭daniel3982


    ircoha wrote: »
    after hrs or not u have libeled him in a public forum and have un-necessarily put boards at risk.

    You have got to be taking the piss surely?


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    #15
    JohnnyStones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyStones


    daniel3982 wrote: »
    You have got to be taking the piss surely?


    Just looked at some of his previous posts; No this man's for real:eek::eek:


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    #16
    daniel3982
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭daniel3982


    JohnnyStones wrote: »
    Just looked at some of his previous posts; No this man's for real:eek::eek:

    My god, I refuse to believe it's not some elaborate joke.

    I was going to make a joke about a saddle pole and why it might cause one to be uptight but said poster will probably try and litigate me for slander upon their character :rolleyes::rolleyes:

    edit: I have now too read previous jokes, it's literal man! Everyone's "favourite" person to be stuck next to in a bar! Jaysus. ;)


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    #17
    daniel3982
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭daniel3982


    Anyway back on topic, maybe it was a mounting bike? :rolleyes:


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    #18
    Onikage
    Registered Users Posts: 1,451 ✭✭✭Onikage


    What a heartbrakeing story.


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    #19
    JohnnyStones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyStones


    If it was a Tandem Bike would that count as a threesome?


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    #20
    LadyE
    Registered Users Posts: 9,021 ✭✭✭LadyE


    I bet he is really sad(dle) now

    sorry. Im so embarressed at that one.


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    #21
    Sofaspud
    Registered Users Posts: 3,625 ✭✭✭Sofaspud


    daniel3982 wrote: »
    Ridiculous; are they going to start adding women who use toothbrushes or deoderant cans next?

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml


    Dude, put NSFW tags on that attached pic of the bike, I appreciate it for its beautiful form and all, but I was almost caught!

    On topic, I bet he rang its bell!


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    #22
    Jesus Wept
    Registered Users Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    Was he fúcking the bike, or was the bike fúcking him? Trying to ponder the logistics. :eek:


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    #23
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users Posts: 23,994 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    Dirty peddlefile! Hangin's too good for 'em!


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    #24
    Dave
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,922 ✭✭✭Dave


    Who can blame him, she was the village bicycle.




    :eek:


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    #25
    Karoma
    Registered Users Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    You people disgust me, making puns when there is a serious matter at hand. The guy faces years of intolerance and jokes and possibly losing a job, etc. as an outcome of the trial. That aside, was it consensual? Did he pull a wheelie as he ...finished? These are important questions and I want answers!


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    #26
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users Posts: 23,994 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    I reckon he was framed!


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    #27
    Karoma
    Registered Users Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    ejmaztec wrote: »
    I reckon he was framed!

    OWLY?


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    #28
    tech77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,736 ✭✭✭tech77


    Did the bike testify?
    Was it offered counselling?

    Seriously though this really trivialises the issue of sexual abuse and victims of sexual abuse.

    Oh and the punning..
    Give it a BRAKE lads.


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    #29
    in_da_club
    Closed Accounts Posts: 73 ✭✭in_da_club


    ha:D


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    #30
    JohnnyStones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 306 ✭✭JohnnyStones


    I totally agree no more bad puns; it's a vicious cycle though!!


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    #31
    daniel3982
    Registered Users Posts: 204 ✭✭daniel3982


    The thing I want to know is will he keep his dead down and let this ruin his life, or will he get straight back onto the saddle?


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