Man... bike... WTF?! [Merged]

daniel3982

Ridiculous; are they going to start adding women who use toothbrushes or deoderant cans next?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml

Man who had sex with bike in court
By Richard Alleyne
Last Updated: 10:02am BST 27/10/2007


A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Bryony Gordon: How do you have sex with a bicycle?

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

An object of lust?

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

g5hn710m4xpdwy

I bet she hardly spoke at all.

I'll get my coat

JohnnyStones

That's Wheelie hard to believe:)

is_that_so

A bit tyre some alright

Binomate

What a day. Riding your bike is now a sexual offence.

Genghiz Cohen

<Insert Really Bad Bicycle Pun Here>

gilroyb

I'm just glad I've never been done for pumping my tyre.

Voodu Child

You'd wanna see the saddle-bags on the thing he was ridin..

Pete4779

That's actually ****ing ludicrous. I wonder was the judge or magistrate female or male?

CreepingDeath

He must have to install windscreen wipers on his TV during the "Tour de France"

ircoha

there is nothing in the article to suggest he is an "Evil sex offender" :mad:

He has been placed on a list

daniel3982

ircoha wrote: »

there is nothing in the article to suggest he is an "Evil sex offender" :mad:

He has been placed on a list

I take it you never quite got Blackadder did you?

ircoha

daniel3982 wrote: »

I take it you never quite got Blackadder did you?

after hrs or not u have libeled him in a public forum and have un-necessarily put boards at risk.

daniel3982

ircoha wrote: »

after hrs or not u have libeled him in a public forum and have un-necessarily put boards at risk.

You have got to be taking the piss surely?

JohnnyStones

daniel3982 wrote: »

You have got to be taking the piss surely?

Just looked at some of his previous posts; No this man's for real:eek::eek:

daniel3982

JohnnyStones wrote: »

Just looked at some of his previous posts; No this man's for real:eek::eek:

My god, I refuse to believe it's not some elaborate joke.

I was going to make a joke about a saddle pole and why it might cause one to be uptight but said poster will probably try and litigate me for slander upon their character :rolleyes::rolleyes:

edit: I have now too read previous jokes, it's literal man! Everyone's "favourite" person to be stuck next to in a bar! Jaysus.

daniel3982

Anyway back on topic, maybe it was a mounting bike? :rolleyes:

Onikage

What a heartbrakeing story.

JohnnyStones

If it was a Tandem Bike would that count as a threesome?

LadyE

I bet he is really sad(dle) now

sorry. Im so embarressed at that one.

Sofaspud

daniel3982 wrote: »

Ridiculous; are they going to start adding women who use toothbrushes or deoderant cans next?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/10/26/nsex126.xml

Dude, put NSFW tags on that attached pic of the bike, I appreciate it for its beautiful form and all, but I was almost caught!

On topic, I bet he rang its bell!

Jesus Wept

Was he fúcking the bike, or was the bike fúcking him? Trying to ponder the logistics. :eek:

ejmaztec

Dirty peddlefile! Hangin's too good for 'em!

Dave

Who can blame him, she was the village bicycle.




:eek:

Karoma

You people disgust me, making puns when there is a serious matter at hand. The guy faces years of intolerance and jokes and possibly losing a job, etc. as an outcome of the trial. That aside, was it consensual? Did he pull a wheelie as he ...finished? These are important questions and I want answers!

ejmaztec

I reckon he was framed!

Karoma

ejmaztec wrote: »

I reckon he was framed!

OWLY?

tech77

Did the bike testify?
Was it offered counselling?

Seriously though this really trivialises the issue of sexual abuse and victims of sexual abuse.

Oh and the punning..
Give it a BRAKE lads.

in_da_club

ha:D

JohnnyStones

I totally agree no more bad puns; it's a vicious cycle though!!

daniel3982

The thing I want to know is will he keep his dead down and let this ruin his life, or will he get straight back onto the saddle?

daniel3982

JohnnyStones wrote: »

I totally agree no more bad puns; it's a vicious cycle though!!

Spoke too soon mate!

ejmaztec

He will be cured after a few sessions with a cycliatrist!

Schlemm

Is it the same fella from this thread?http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055113514

Bikes must be getting a lot of action these days.

daniel3982

I just hope he was wearing protection






and that he didnt burst the rubber

daniel3982

Can someone embed this if it doesnt work..... It really needs to be done:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs1bpL21g3c

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Zs1bpL21g3c

Jesus Wept

daniel3982 wrote: »

Can someone embed this if it doesnt work..... It really needs to be done:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zs1bpL21g3c

you take out the http://youtube.com/watch?v= bit, everything before the =
Other than that, you had it.

Red Hand

Wonder if he made it's bell ring?

JohnnyStones

Schlemm wrote: »

Is it the same fella from this thread?http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055113514

Bikes must be getting a lot of action these days.

Yeah it looks like the same story:eek:

or maybe he was caught again

tech77

TBH even though it's a ridiculous story the guy must still be some sort of cycle-path.

WindSock

ejmaztec wrote: »

Dirty peddlefile! Hangin's too good for 'em!

:mad: Gah, that was my pun!

AlmightyCushion

Move to cycling.

A racy brainrot

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Move to cycling.

remus808

What's next- bicycle pornography? Last thing we need is more dirty smut peddallers..

AlmightyCushion

karmabass wrote: »

What's next- bicycle pornography? Last thing we need is more dirty smut peddallers..

Or pedofiles.

gernon

like Chuck Berry said he was just playin with his ding-a-ling-a-ling, anyway hope this doesn't lead to a 'chain' reaction.

Nephew

All kidding aside, how the **** does this make him a sex offender. He was in his hotel room and the cleaners had to unlock the door to get it. A locked hotel door is usually a sign that the person doesn't want to be disturbed. I could see some logic behind it if he was doing it in the hotel lobby.

Jesus Wept

How can it be quantified as sex when it's an object, not a living thing.

Krieg

The-Rigger wrote: »

How can it be quantified as sex when it's an object, not a living thing.

I believe necrophiliacs try that defence

Sinfonia

Asbad wrote: »

I believe necrophiliacs try that defence

You're dead right

Jesus Wept

Asbad wrote: »

I believe necrophiliacs try that defence

:rolleyes:

With something that has never lived.