"Endearing" pet names you have for your ex?

gimmick

Bumped into the girl who broke my heart sometyhing rotten a few years ago the other night. Was having a chat with her, all very civil, apart from her patronising the hell out of me and me taking it as usual - I started grinning out of the blue. I had remembered what I referred to her for years after we broke up - C**tface From Hell (not bitter at all over it you understand ). Of course I didn't tell her this, and the civil chat went on.

Anyone else have certain names for former GFs/BFs which are mildly amusing?

kev_s88

slutforce!

for obvious reasons.

briantwin

HRH Horror Gash III

l3LoWnA

Granite Balls (long story)

ibh

We still call my friend's ex Pigvomit. It's because she looks like a pig and makes you want to vomit. We always called her this, my friend only started after they broke up.

John Mason

mine is pretty tame compared to them "idiot ex boy" or "that wanker with the hairy girlfriend"

smashey

Bitch.

Fratton Fred

hhmmm, what do you call someone who tricked you into marrying her, had an affair and made you part with £60k to split up?

I'm now married to someone far better looking and who is 12 years younger than her so, "laugh in your face bitch" is what I tend to call her.:D

Snarler

Fratton Fred wrote: »

hhmmm, what do you call someone who tricked you into marrying her, had an affair and made you part with £60k to split up?

I'm now married to someone far better looking and who is 12 years younger than her so, "laugh in your face bitch" is what I tend to call her.:D

She still got 60k but so I bet she isn't too worried.

Snarler

I call my ex Rebecca Flynn as thats her name and we left on good terms.

WindSock

Little Willy wanker

Fratton Fred

Snarler wrote: »

She still got 60k but so I bet she isn't too worried.

the swap was worth twice that:D

Jack Vegas

Skittletits Periodhair

She wasnt so well endowed in the chest region and had a ****ty red dye job on her hair when I was with her.

Sleepy

Fratton Fred wrote: »

hhmmm, what do you call someone who tricked you into marrying her, had an affair and made you part with £60k to split up?

Smarter than you?

Fratton Fred

Sleepy wrote: »

Smarter than you?

definately, but she had great tits

TheB

My ex ?? ... "MyBiggestMistakeEver" or.. "PleaseDon'tMentionHimICan'tBearToRememberHowAwfulHeWas" or.. "WTFWasIDoingWithHimMan"

Mostly I just try to blank the freak out of my memory..

MikeHoncho

Yore Ma.

watna

Fratton Fred wrote: »

hhmmm, what do you call someone who tricked you into marrying her, had an affair and made you part with £60k to split up?

I'm now married to someone far better looking and who is 12 years younger than her so, "laugh in your face bitch" is what I tend to call her.:D

Hmm, how do you trick someone in to marrying you? just in case i ever need to!

Fratton Fred

watna wrote: »

Hmm, how do you trick someone in to marrying you? just in case i ever need to!

cook, wash up, do the ironing and perform acts of a sexual nature you may not like, let your man out on the raz whenever he feels like it etc etc etc

until you are married

then turn into satan.

But you need a great body to get away with it

John Mason

Fratton Fred wrote: »

cook, wash up, do the ironing and perform acts of a sexual nature you may not like, let your man out on the raz whenever he feels like it etc etc etc

until you are married

then turn into satan.

But you need a great body to get away with it

you wouldnt be a little bit bitter there, by any chance Fred

_blank_

MikeHoncho wrote: »

Yore Ma.

Deadly.

I just have "Bitchface"

and "The Psycho"

DICK FINGERS

I've never actually had a proper girlfriend:(

i suppose its because i've been to busy working on the farm,
but recently i broke both legs in a car accident so i now have plenty off time to find one now( i hope).

I do own a cat but i've never given it a name i just call it cat or pussy

AlmightyCushion

DICK FINGERS wrote: »

I do own a cat but i've never given it a name i just call it cat or pussy

That's not very nice. That must hurt his self esteem.

DICK FINGERS

I don't think he minds to much:D

He's a good rat catcher all the same

WindSock

DICK FINGERS wrote: »

I've never actually had a proper girlfriend:(

Wow, with a username like yours, you'd think you had plenty

uoluol

My ex is referred to as "Fcuksie"...

And my most recent ex.... is "Thingie".

Seraphina

what a bunch of sad bitter people you are. does insulting these people make you feel better? cause it just makes you seem pathetic really.

i call my exes by their names because i was never stupid enough to go out with any assholes.

Latchy

I agree with previous poster ,having said that a friend of mine refers to his ex as ' Damaged goods ' ..........

kowloon

Someone i knows ex is called Zool, as in "there is no **** only zool"

It amuses me

doonothing

Seraphina wrote: »

what a bunch of sad bitter people you are. does insulting these people make you feel better? cause it just makes you seem pathetic really.

i call my exes by their names because i was never stupid enough to go out with any assholes.

haha! let's see if your oh so perfect judgements of character save you from ever being hurt by someone!

assholes dont always seem like assholes, especially when trying to get into a relationship with you! how naive...

Gran Hermano

I call one of mine 'Seraphina the ignorant' as not only had she no idea
I was giving a good servicing to both her sister and best friend whilst
we were dating but she is still under the illusion I was a nice guy and that
we're still 'bestest friends'.

(Any similarity in names to the poster in post #27 above is purely coincidental).

A-Trak

The Queen of the Harpies.

"Here's your crown your majesty."

Terry

Seraphina wrote: »

what a bunch of sad bitter people you are. does insulting these people make you feel better? cause it just makes you seem pathetic really.

i call my exes by their names because i was never stupid enough to go out with any assholes.

Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?

I call one of mine "That psychotic bitch". She wasn't a nice person really.

echosound

Seraphina wrote: »

i call my exes by their names because i was never stupid enough to go out with any assholes.

So why are they exes then?

Mine is very mild, and reserved for one guy only -anytime his name crops up I tend to go "oh that pr*ck".

looder

Terry wrote: »

Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?

I call one of mine "That psychotic bitch". She wasn't a nice person really.

I think i dated her too, Terry

Fratton Fred

irishbird wrote: »

you wouldnt be a little bit bitter there, by any chance Fred

not bitter, just a realist:D

the biggest reason people get divorced is that a women marries a man thinking she can change him and she can't and a man marries a women thinking she wont change, but she does.:)

watna

DesF wrote: »

Deadly.

I just have "Bitchface"

and "The Psycho"

+1 except replace bitch with dick... i.e. dickface. Also, the girl he cheated on me with.. his now girlfriend is that filthy tramp. it made me feel better at the time anyway! Now i don't call him anything because I rarely think or talk about him.

Seraphina

doonothing wrote: »

haha! let's see if your oh so perfect judgements of character save you from ever being hurt by someone!

ive been hurt by people, but im aware it was never their intention to hurt me and it wasn't done on purpose. people grow apart and all that shiz, they dont have to have been assholes for things to just not work out. i'm not gonna lay all the blame on their door and attempt to keep it there by insulting them and thinking they're less of a person than i am.

whats all this pedestal crap? am i now an eejit for not being childish about relationships or something? i never understood ex bashing tbh. if they were all such bitches and prick's, why the **** did you go out with them in the first place.

daniel3982

I thought the thread was "endearing pet names for sex" I was going to say the red hot animal in-out...

but as it's my ex, emmm the mentalist probably.

humbert

Seraphina wrote: »

whats all this pedestal crap? am i now an eejit for not being childish about relationships or something? i never understood ex bashing tbh. if they were all such bitches and prick's, why the **** did you go out with them in the first place.

Well because they had lovely bottoms, of course!

No real bitterness with any ex but used to casually refer to one girl as "bitch faced slut". Not so much out of bitterness but she was a horrible, horrible, person and the only reason she would be around was because she'd be tearing into some one of my friends.

WindSock

Oh, I also refered to another as Tall Paul (surname also rhymes) from Donegal, who was so boring I was better off with a brick wall. One of my finest poems

doonothing

Seraphina wrote: »

ive been hurt by people, but im aware it was never their intention to hurt me and it wasn't done on purpose. people grow apart and all that shiz, they dont have to have been assholes for things to just not work out. i'm not gonna lay all the blame on their door and attempt to keep it there by insulting them and thinking they're less of a person than i am.

whats all this pedestal crap? am i now an eejit for not being childish about relationships or something? i never understood ex bashing tbh. if they were all such bitches and prick's, why the **** did you go out with them in the first place.

there are as many reasons which explain why people (including myself!) go out with ****ty people as there are people posting on this thread!

believe it or not but the pedestal stuff comes from you having claimed to never have been stupid enough to have gone out with an asshole, when intelligence has very little to do with certain aspects of relationships (like lust, and being blinded by love), and also from your (i have to say, it sounded so bitter!) outburst that we were all "sad bitter people" who were "pathetic", for voicing a distaste for the people that treated us badly and hurt us because yes, most of the time if these nicknames are anything to go by, it was their fault!

i honestly have no idea what your argument is, it's like you've never been anything but entirely rational when it comes to relationships! how!?

arybvtcw0eolkf

Pretty boring here really.

I've never really fallen out with any!.

Still on very civil terms with them all, and honestly wouldn't hear a bad word said against any of them.

lilmissprincess

Director Disaster. For his submission to whatever college course he needed to make a four minute film. He cast me, we broke up, he guilted me into doing it anyway, it was the week from HELL. If it wasn't for the friend who was also guilted into it, the chap would be dead.

TerrorFirmer

Generally, just 'bitch', 'whore' 'psycho' etc etc. nothing too original. 'Stick insect' was another hard hitter.

Sinfonia

A-Trak wrote: »

The Queen of the Harpies.

"Here's your crown your majesty."

What are harpies?
Or is it meant to say herpes?

WindSock

Harpies are Greek (I think) Mythological Female creatures with Talons and wings. And Herpes.

marshmallow

fagface

A-Trak

SumGuy wrote: »

What are harpies?
Or is it meant to say herpes?

Nope, she was the queen of the harpies

Description - A winged beast, with the head and breasts of a woman, and the body of a bird.
Features - Noisy, filthy, and always hungry.

The following girlfriend was the queen of herpies, but that's a thread I'm pursuing in Personal Issues.

Tricity Bendix

Seraphina wrote: »

ive been hurt by people, but im aware it was never their intention to hurt me and it wasn't done on purpose. people grow apart and all that shiz, they dont have to have been assholes for things to just not work out. i'm not gonna lay all the blame on their door and attempt to keep it there by insulting them and thinking they're less of a person than i am.

whats all this pedestal crap? am i now an eejit for not being childish about relationships or something? i never understood ex bashing tbh. if they were all such bitches and prick's, why the **** did you go out with them in the first place.

I would agree with you in so far as I've never felt the need to come up with insults for my ex's, even the ones that hurt me. But you are wrong if you think you can suss someone out entirely from the get-go. Relationships are voyages of discovery (or some other, equally ****-sounding phrase for 'process') and those who seemed nice at the beginning can end up being selfish or spiteful, especially if they take advantage of you.

Also, from the sounds of things, you've never been cheated on. Neither have I, but I gather it can leave people feeling (justifiably) bitter.

Sleepy

Don't have any pet names for exes, there's one I wouldn't be too keen to see again but I find grudge-holding to be a bit pointless.