How do you clean your bum?

dame

I don't care how anyone cleans their bum as long as they do clean it, do so in a hygienic manner and wash their hands afterwards.

Ghost Train

dame wrote: »

I don't care how anyone cleans their bum as long as they do clean it, do so in a hygienic manner and wash their hands afterwards.

*borrows dames toothbrush*

MooseJam

I voted water by mistake

dame

eolhc wrote: »

*borrows dames toothbrush*

:eek::eek::eek:Eeeuw, you filthy animal!!!!!!! :eek::eek::eek:

Have a virtual smack-bottom!

Thomas_S_Hunterson

philstar wrote: »

any posh people out there with a vidae...

lol...No never used a bidet but i've been tempted to many a time....

MooseJam

if theres no loo roll i used a towel, can be a bit awkward explaining the stains

I have a mate who has a bidet. The thing freaks him out! So they keep all their cleaning products in it instead!! I'd love a bidet, defo gives ya that "fresh feeking"!

leninbenjamin

where's the option for dockleaf?

Washout

MooseJam wrote: »

if theres no loo roll i used a towel, can be a bit awkward explaining the stains

literally dry vomits reading this

Dun laoire

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Bits!!!??

He must be a wiper downer. Imagine sh1t stuck to your ballbag. Thats wrong man!

Dalfiatach

I tend to need a dump either first thing in the morning or around now in the evening time. So I have a dump, use a bit of paper, then have a shower - and if it's the evening, head out for an pint safe in the knowledge me arse and tackle are clean.

I do it that way cos once I used one of them moist wipe thingies in somebody else's gaff and was shocked at the amount left behind by ordinary paper :eek:

The Bollox

Sean_K wrote: »

lol...No never used a bidet but i've been tempted to many a time....

I took a shít in a bidet before, got rid of the middleman

Outer Bongolia

just use your hands and then lick them clean. There's no point wasting a load of water

Capt'n Midnight

Tip
Ladies don't forget front to back.

A bidet and using cleaning stuff with euclyptus leaves you feeling refreshed

cazzy

HelterSkelter wrote: »

You keep a little jug beside the toilet and fill it from the tap. And yeah, use the toilet paper to dry off.

I think maybe you should invest in a beeday (spelt wrong no doubt never was good at French) if thats your preference. It would be a bit more hygienic than a jug. What do you do when you're not at home ?????

Oman

oh sweet jesus 5 people, so far, use water

Binomate

Three shells.

Pj!

mac123 wrote: »

in thailand and other parts of asia most toilets have a hose to wash your bits with, its weird at first but u get used to it and it seems cleaner!

I'll second that. If the hose has decent pressure it's a great job. Much better than paper.

Not up to the 'jug' idea though.

Capt'n Midnight

Binomate wrote: »

Three shells.

Feck Arse Gob****e

The Bollox

if all other methods fail then resort to the Arnold Rimmer approach: one up, one down and one to polish

Jigsaw

With paper, front of arse to back of arse as many times as is necessary.

I also have a shower every day to get rid of debris.

Call Me Jimmy

A bear rug?

Dont be at yourself

No option for using your socks??

Japanese toilets are mad. There are two essential types. One type is just basically a ceramic hole in the ground that you squat over. You'd want to remove your trousers, just to ensure you accidentally drop your load in your back pocket.

The other type is so high-tech it comes with a control pad. It has a built in bidet for your arse, another for a woman's womanly bits. It has knobs, levers and switches to control water temperature, direction and pressure. It has a heated seat that logs (oho!) when you usually go the toilet and heats it up 10 minutes before. It even has a speaker that plays the sound of running water to disguise your 'noises' and a powerful de-odourizer to get rid of that smell.

Dunno how well it would cope with a Morning-After-Guinness dumps though.

Dalfiatach

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

Japanese toilets are mad. There are two essential types. One type is just basically a ceramic hole in the ground that you squat over. You'd want to remove your trousers, just to ensure you accidentally drop your load in your back pocket.

Toilets in French colonial countries are like this too, mostly in West Africa. Ah, the toilets I have seen in Maroc, Benin and Gabon :eek:

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

Dunno how well it would cope with a Morning-After-Guinness dumps though.

:D:D

FlutterinBantam

Dun laoire wrote: »

He must be a wiper downer. Imagine sh1t stuck to your ballbag. Thats wrong man!

yeah not pleasant at all.

Was in a big hurry a few weeks ago and hopped one off the backboard in my haste, then sat down on it!! Nutsack was coated in slurry from the drawstring down. Had to dangle her in a full sink to make inroads but still needed a shower on arrival home.

More haste less speed they say;)

Blackhorse Slim

NekkidBibleMan wrote: »

It has a heated seat that logs (oho!) when you usually go the toilet and heats it up 10 minutes before.

It knows you need to dump ten minutes before you do!!? Now that's technology!:D

barryfitz

The Bollox wrote: »

I took a shít in a bidet before, got rid of the middleman

LOL Legend

kodute

Atari Jaguar?? Either that or like a billion other people in the world, use your left hand! A billion people can't be wrong...;)

WindSock

LordChessington wrote: »

To be honest, we shouldn't need to wipe our arses. If we all had a strict diet that covered each type of nutrition we needed, it would cause us to be regular AND have the type of sh1t where you sit down, don't squeeze, and let nature take its course.

How many dogs do you see taking a dump and wiping afterwards? We need to be more like dogs.

I must change my diet to that of the rich and varied diet of the dog so.

Ian-101-

Baby wipes!
Perfect for feeling completly clean without the hastle of a shower!

Also amazing for curing of the 'sting ring' especially if you've had cider and / or an indian the night before...... ouch! :eek: