Arkward situation read g/f e-mail

axer

SetantaL wrote:

Work on your relationship and this won't happen.

I don't know how you can say that.

Loomis

SetantaL wrote:

What a ridiclous little paranoid rant.

The reason is that you've opened pandora's box

If you're relationship was healthy based on TRUST you wouldn't be sweating, but then again you wouldn't have opened the e-mail in the first place. I think this worry is your punishment. One things for certain, if someone is cheating on you there's nothing you can do about it. Work on your relationship and this won't happen.

That's wonderfully pointless advice. If someone wants to cheat then they will. Working on your relationship won't change them doing it if that's what they want to do. Far better people than you or I have been cheated on through no fault of them not putting in effort into a relationship!

OP - If she meets this guy and never mentions anything to you then there's something seriously up. Again pointless the people here saying 'trust her and you wouldn't have this problem'. They can trust their partners all they want. If this happened to them and their partner made no mention of a meeting they'd be suspicious too, guaranteed. Either that or they're being ignorant

rubyred

Ballsofsituat wrote:

Yes she briefly talked about this guy thats how i recognised his name, they were with each other for a couple of months.

That changes the situation. My bf went away and did the year away thing as well. The girls that he was just friends with, he still stays in contact with and I don't mind at all. However, the girls he was "with" he is no longer in contact with and there is no way that he would be allowed to meet up with them.

DaMadSprogabeen

yeah ignore anyone saying you have trust issues.
nobody likes to be made a fool of or lied to and thats what is fueling your paranoia about all this.
It does sound a bit dodge but you havent given enough info to be certain.
I cant say I have any advice for ya but wish you all the best with it anyway. try not to do anything hasty and dont tell her you read her e mail as it will just cause her to have all the same thoughts you are having now! Good Luck!

K-9

Ballsofsituat wrote:

The other day she never logged out of her e-mails, so when i went to log in to my account her inbox popped up.

Not ideal and curiosity killed the cat;) Don't see a big problem with this, not as if you hacked into it or something. Should't be a big problem for her if everything is as innocent as people are suggesting.

Ballsofsituat wrote:

The first e-mail i saw was from a guy she had met on her travels(know i should of had the respect and trust not to open it but i presume most people would have done the same thing in my situation) for a year. Went through a few more and saw that she had planned to meet up with this guy(French) for weekend comming up. Can't get this out of my head at the moment. Haven't been able to sleep for the last couple of nights. If she loves me then why would she wan't to meet up with this guy.

Probably being a bit OTT. However as you said, why didn't she say in passing, that on her weekend away she may have had plans to meet up him.

Ballsofsituat wrote:

Can't really confront her because then she will know i went through her e-mails.Also the weekend she had planned to meet this guy she will be away for some of that weekend but she did not sent him any e-mails confirming that she would meet up or she might do that in the next couple of days.

It's a hard one. I would let the weekend pass and see if she mentions anything and how she acts.

Ballsofsituat wrote:

Any suggestions would be great at moment i feel like ending it also find this extremely hypocritical as we discussed cheating and all that and she said she never would.

Well no man or woman says they will cheat!:rolleyes:

K-9

cowzerp wrote:

My suspicion is that she's meeting up with her french fling for a bit of a reunion, if this fella was just a friend she would of mentioned him, are you sure this weekend she's having away is not a dirty weekend with him and that she is pretending to be doing something else, sorry to be so blunt but everyone here tries to act like every body is worthy of trust even though they have no reason to believe this. sorry for ya man

Depends on how long the weekend was planned! OP, did she have the weekend planned before the emails from this fella suggesting meeting up?

chinafoot wrote:

I mentioned it to him before I headed out that I was meeting Jim from England that I met in Sydney and if he wanted to come. He said no, but have a good time. That was it. It was fine. In fact Jim ended up kipping on our sofa that night.

OP you need to ask her. You seem to have made up your mind that something is going on there and the only way you'll find out is by asking her. Just be prepared to face the consequences of invading her privacy so badly.

You didn't hide it or not mention it, thats the difference here. Your partner had no reason whatsoever to be suspicious. Don't think he invaded her privacy badly. The Email account was opened. Not ideal but probably more curiosity than anything else. If its all innocent she shouldn't be too offended.

Ballsofsituat wrote:

Its been awhile since she was traveling and she seems to be going out of her way to meet him. So the women who replied earlier are really ok with this if they were in the same situation and you found your boyfriends e-mails. (Don't say i wouldn't have looked at the e-mails in the first place). I'm an understanding guy but i find this fcuked up?

Ballsofsituat wrote:

He knows that she with me,(she said this in the e-mail kind of laughing) but by his reply that didn't bother him(smug french ehh). MAN i hope she not on boards???

She's going out of her way to meet him. E-mail can be hard to guage but I take it they where flirty emails?

Peyton Manning

OP, just ask her does she want to go to the cinema or something the time she's meant to be meeting him and see what she says. If she mentions him, you have nothing to worry about it. If she has another reason on the other hand, she could be on the cock.

finbarrk

Maybe if you mentioned that you were thinking of going to Lisdoonvarna for the weekend if she is going to be gone she might change her mind. You could say that you wanted to catch up on some old friends.

WeeDiddly

If there's a shower of B@stards worse than those Black n' Tans, it's gotta be those fecking romantic frenchies!

I'll be straight with you, dump her. I've got a brother who's just like you, and it does him no good. He's 19 with a gf of the same age, and I'm 15, he can't stand her talkin to me at all... She's causing you more hassle than good, and Love isn't just about having a big heart, and great sex, and wasting dozen's of euro on fancy presents, it's about trust and friendship, and being able to share things.

I know it's human nature that if you see an email, you read it, but if I caught you reading me emails, I'd throttle you into the nearest wall and beat seven shades of ****e into you, but thats a different story.

If she is cheating on you, good and well. I've yet to see a woman walk out on a happy relationship.

And if you think that "xxx" means she's cheating on you, well then god help my girlfriend when she looks through my Bebo/MSN chat logs. xxx means little, only that you are speaking to the opposite sex, and that there is a feeling of friendship...It's only when you see "See you 2nite, xXx" or "Sex last night was amazing! xxx", thats when to worry.

So Grow up and learn to trust her or dump her. But for christ sake, don't marry her, or you'll be divorced before you're 40.

kryogen

has your girlfriend got reason to believe you are a jealous guy?

has anything like this occured in your relationship before, i.e. her meeting up with people from her past? has she told you before the event if so?

you know you shouldnt have opened up the email but if i was in the situation, and i have been, i open it too! you should actually say it to her, you can lie a little bit if you think its necessary...maybe say that you were going to look at your emails when her inbox popped up and you saw this guys name, just ask her about him, like is she in contact with him again, is he coming to ireland or anything... she will know you have read the e mail, or at least suspect it and im sure youll get a cold shoulder but youll probably get an answer too as long as you can convince her that your not spying on her and that you do trust her!!

or just be honest, come clean, say your curiosity got the best of you and that your sorry but that you think it needs to be discussed

if my girlfriend was planning to meet an ex, for a weekend, and didnt plan on telling me at all, i think id be really worried, i mean either she doesnt think your relationship is strong enough/like that you are too jealous to handle the information, if its innocent... if its not innocent then its obvious why she wouldnt be telling you!!

its going to be on your mind all the time and will eat at you one way or the other so just come forward now and sort it out. do you think you have a strong relationship? if she told you would you feel comfortable with her going away to meet this guy?

she will feel that something is wrong and it will cause problems between you anyway so just try talk about it asap

K-9

WeeDiddly wrote:

If there's a shower of B@stards worse than those Black n' Tans, it's gotta be those fecking romantic frenchies!

I'll be straight with you, dump her. I've got a brother who's just like you, and it does him no good. He's 19 with a gf of the same age, and I'm 15, he can't stand her talkin to me at all... She's causing you more hassle than good, and Love isn't just about having a big heart, and great sex, and wasting dozen's of euro on fancy presents, it's about trust and friendship, and being able to share things.

I know it's human nature that if you see an email, you read it, but if I caught you reading me emails, I'd throttle you into the nearest wall and beat seven shades of ****e into you, but thats a different story.

If she is cheating on you, good and well. I've yet to see a woman walk out on a happy relationship.

And if you think that "xxx" means she's cheating on you, well then god help my girlfriend when she looks through my Bebo/MSN chat logs. xxx means little, only that you are speaking to the opposite sex, and that there is a feeling of friendship...It's only when you see "See you 2nite, xXx" or "Sex last night was amazing! xxx", thats when to worry.

So Grow up and learn to trust her or dump her. But for christ sake, don't marry her, or you'll be divorced before you're 40.

My God, thats some 15 year old! Not a bad grasp of relationships!

However, I would say nothing, play it by ear and see what happens. If she doesn't mention her friend and they meet up that would be a concern me.

If its completely innocent why would she hide it?

Pinker

look its simple, just say mention in passing "so have you heard much from "Frenchies name" lately?"..., and gauge her response...if she lies then thats not on, is she replies with yes blah,blah, well then your cool,....despite the fact its a slightly odd question to ask it doesnt really matter, she can wonder all she wants how you knew to ask or why you asked, but she'll never know, just do it- who cares what she thinks, people ask odd questions all the time right?...so do it...keep us posted...

lilly07

If she hasnt mentioned it to you or would like you to go meet him.. she up to no good

LegacyUser

Not really a jealous guy, Yes she might have reason to believe that i am jealous guy tho.To be honest was going to ring her last night and tell her everything. But i know if i do that it could change our whole relationship which was pretty amazing for me up to that point of reading the e-mail. I love her and don't want to jeopardise what we have at to moment, but at the same time as another poster said noone likes to be made a fool of, this is my first serious relationship so i don't want to be hung out and dry. Can't really ask her to do something that weekend she already has plans for that weekend and me asking her to do something would be weird. The only thing that will suss the whole situation would be if she gone for that whole weekend (down in cork) initially she said it would be one night and back the following morning if this changes or anything unexpected pops up after a couple of days, then i would be pretty confident she is cheating.

aidan24326

You haven't said there was anything in the emails that looked suspicious, signing off xx or whatever is fairly harmless. Was there any suggestion of this being more than a just a casual meeting?

Ok she's meeting a guy she had a fling with (people seem to be forgetting this bit), hasn't mentioned it, they've sent each other romantic e-cards cards etc., so I can see how you might be slightly concerned whatever the trust police would say. But there's not much evidence of cheating in what you've said so far.

Try pinker's approach maybe. Mention him casually and gauge her reaction. If she is evasive or lies about it I'd be worried, if not then you probably have nothing to worry about. Might put your mind at ease, or not as the case may be.

Pompey Magnus

I wouldn't mention frenchie at all. It would be much too obvious and unless she is very slow she will cop on straight away that you know something you shouldn't, ask something neutral like "So who will be down in Cork?". If she is innocent she should mention him.

Another possibility you could think about (if you are desperate) is to find out what is going on in Cork that weekend and "arrange" a mate to have plans to go to it and for him to invite you along also:

"Guess what. Friend X has got tickets to see Cork City play on that weekend you are heading down and has invited me along, we could all go out that night."

lilly07

In all fairness, she is going to cork for a night on the same weekemd she is meeting up with this 'frenhie' and has not mentioned to you that she is meeting him... 'CHEATING'...

Pompey Magnus

Rephrase that as:

She is going to Cork for a night and is secretly meeting an ex-boyfriend...

Ekancone

lilly07 wrote:

In all fairness, she is going to cork for a night on the same weekemd she is meeting up with this 'frenhie' and has not mentioned to you that she is meeting him... 'CHEATING'...

He should ask her, i wouldnt jump to conclusions straight away but it is slightly dodgy.

PopeBuckfastXVI

She has arranged to meet this guy.

She has slept with him before.

She hasn't told you anything about it.

We all know what he is after.

Unless she's thick, she knows what he is after.

The very best that you can hope for is that she has no concrete plans to sleep with him, but that she's open to the possibility, maybe even fooling herself that she's not responsible for what happens if she has a few drinks.

Either way, dump her hard and dump her fast.

ali.c

Ballsofsituat wrote:

then i would be pretty confident she is cheating.

Mountain out of a molehill, seriously chill out, i get emails from guys i have worked with in the past or meet away travelling. I dont tell my bf about every single one of them, i am sure if he read through my email inbox and was of a mind to get suspious then chances are he'd find something.

I also have emails from people suggesting meet ups or nights out, i usually would only mention it to him if it was a concrete thing, even then i would mention it in conversation, like oh yeah sure i am meeting blah tonight. Its not like i have to ask his permission to email or make plans to meet people.

IMO you read her emails looking for something, you found something and now its wrecking your head.

Of course if you really wanted to know, you could ask her has she heard from any travelling friends recently.

ircoha

Ballsofsituat wrote:

...or anything unexpected pops up after a couple of days, then i would be pretty confident she is cheating.

Or even after a few months.:D

She may not even being going to Cork, she could be going anywhere, such is the beauty of mobile fones. Of course u could always ask her for a landline number to be reached at ..." Bonsoir ..Comment êtes-vous ? "

Given that the world cup is starting there is lots of extra capacity from France this weekend so I suspect he will be here alright.

lilly07

ali.c - do you plan to meet ex's in cork on an overnight stay and not mention to your b/f who u are meeting with?

he is not making a mountain out of a mole hill if anything it is the opposite, if it was all harmless she would have told him and invited him

Get rid before she hurts you...

K-9

ali.c wrote:

Mountain out of a molehill, seriously chill out, i get emails from guys i have worked with in the past or meet away travelling. I dont tell my bf about every single one of them, i am sure if he read through my email inbox and was of a mind to get suspious then chances are he'd find something.

Its not a workmate from the past, its an ex who has said in an email he doesn't care if she is going out with anybody.

The reading of the emails isn't ideal but if it leads to the OP finding out about something then its the lesser of two evils.

ali.c

lilly07 wrote:

ali.c - do you plan to meet ex's in cork on an overnight stay and not mention to your b/f who u are meeting with?

She has plans to go away for part of the weekend and she also has plans to meet this man the same weekend. There doesnt seem to be any evidence that she is going away overnight to meet this man, so yeah i think the OP and a few others on here are reading a bit too much into the situation IMHO.

aidan24326

ali.c wrote:

She has plans to go away for part of the weekend and she also has plans to meet this man the same weekend. There doesnt seem to be any evidence that she is going away overnight to meet this man, so yeah i think the OP and a few others on here are reading a bit too much into the situation IMHO.

Yeah but come on now is it just coincidence that she's going to Cork for the weekend and meeting this guy aswell, in Cork? Why is he coming to Cork at all, is it specially to meet her? If so then his motives may not be innocent, and then it's a matter of whether the OP's girlfriend can be trusted. That wouldn't be for me or anybody else here to say as we don't know her. OP will find out for himself soon enough I suppose.

LegacyUser

Meeting her tonight. Have an idea how im going to approach the whole thing. Cheers for all the advice.
Keep ye all posted.

LegacyUser

'Why not say the EMAIL itself was open when you opened the computer? Hardly your fault for reading something that was in front of you when you looked at the computer now is it? Be smart!

Good luck mate, some people do things like that and think it is ok, as long as they are not caught out. I hope for your sake that isn't the case but be prepared for it. A lot of people cheat, that's just a fact.'

Ekancone

Ballsofsituat wrote:

Meeting her tonight. Have an idea how im going to approach the whole thing. Cheers for all the advice.
Keep ye all posted.

Yeah, good luck man.

LegacyUser

'Nearly a week later and this thing is still playing on my mind, paranoid is not the word for it. Have not done a thing about the whole situation, discussed it with a friend of mine and felt the best thing was not to say it to her. When i meet her i feel i can’t be all loved up any more, i can already feel myself being more and more distant. Don't have the balls basically to say it to her.How can i be confident nothing is going on without bringing this up?'