Fella can't row without walking out

metrovelvet

OP

As an addict who is trying to get off a habit you have every right to stay clear of other addicts, in fact its recommended by most if not all recovery programmes.

Secondly, I dont know what illness you have, but I have been seriously ill and it can make weak and unfocussed and besides which anyone who is ill has every right to cancel at the last minute as you never know when your body will make demands of you whether it be rest, or whatever.

Thirdly, I read the dialogue you typed out and I sounded it out with different tonalities to detect various subtexts, and it does seem that there could be loaded passive aggression in it. What it seems to me is that your bf is punishing you with these silences and huffs for something? There seems also to be an additional element of emotional blackmail, which could have been what you reacted to when you balled him out of it,used to make you afraid to bring up anything contentious. He has also strategised it to make himself look like the victim and you crazy, and successfully too, given what most people's responses are here.

Anyhow, if I were you I'd give him the boot.

K-9

Metrovelvet thats very one sided. Giving him the boot is fine but what about the next bf.

metrovelvet wrote:

He has also strategised it to make himself look like the victim and you crazy, and successfully too, given what most people's responses are here.

Not necessarily. Who forgot the date? Both where as stubborn as the other.

There are people, women and men who's defence is attack often for no reason.

metrovelvet wrote:

What it seems to me is that your bf is punishing you with these silences and huffs for something?

We don't know what that history is. Could be anybodies fault?

Anyway if there's a NEXT bf, one sort out the addiction as you say. Thats too much for a new relationship.

BaZmO*

metrovelvet wrote:

As an addict who is trying to get off a habit you have every right to stay clear of other addicts, in fact its recommended by most if not all recovery programmes.

:rolleyes:

Wibbs

metrovelvet wrote:

OP

As an addict who is trying to get off a habit you have every right to stay clear of other addicts, in fact its recommended by most if not all recovery programmes.

While I would agree with this in the case of many addictions, with smoking a hell of a lot of stop smoking experts take an entirely different tack. Alan Carr springs to mind. Anyone I've known that successfully gave them up didn't avoid other smokers as giving them up that way often reinforces the idea that you're giving up something "good". A sure way to relapse, unless she is going to avoid smoke for life. With ciggies, if you really have made the decision to give up you will. I've seen people with self confessed low willpower give them up quite easily when they came to that conclusion. In fact the most successful ex smokers I know have little issue with others smoking around them outside of the smell of them. The unsuccessful ones are usually the first to blame others smoking for their downfall. The good oul abdicating responsibility lark.

Secondly, I dont know what illness you have, but I have been seriously ill and it can make weak and unfocussed and besides which anyone who is ill has every right to cancel at the last minute as you never know when your body will make demands of you whether it be rest, or whatever.

True. It's how one cancels that can make the difference though.

Thirdly, I read the dialogue you typed out and I sounded it out with different tonalities to detect various subtexts, and it does seem that there could be loaded passive aggression in it.

Tonalities, subtexts, passive agression? Who talks like that? You have to be an American. Calling Dr. Phil(is) Only joking.

What it seems to me is that your bf is punishing you with these silences and huffs for something?

Or he maybe trying to get some peace, believe it or not. His way is to avoid the issue. Not good either.

He has also strategised it to make himself look like the victim and you crazy, and successfully too, given what most people's responses are here.

Or she does over react "crazily" and that's how he deals with it, or more likely there's a pair of them in it. At their ages not such a good sign. You generally dull the edges of that stuff with age and grow past it.

Anyhow, if I were you I'd give him the boot.

Ah back to Irish speak. I agree though, for both their sakes.