Kids say the darndest things!

I was in the cousin's today and my godson fell over a little car garage and said
"ahh fcuk" and I swear I had to leave the room I thought I was gonna wet myself laughing. He is 20 months old and he is smart enough but I was so shocked and yet it seemed so normal I couldnt help but say yes he's my cousins son!:D


Have you ever overheard a child saying something sooo funny that you just couldn't help it....


Feel free to share!:)

Kinetic^

Saw a 4/5 year old stick their middle finger up at their mother........I ROFL'd!!!!

alleepally

In a queue in Argos one day and there was mother with 2 kids, one little girl about 2 and the little brother about 6 or 7. Cue little girl lifiting up her arm to the brother and going "smell my armpit, smell my airpit, it smells..." cue laughter in the queue and little girl marching back and forth with arm in the air inviting everyone to smell her armpit!

Orange69

no

ctc_celtic

my kids are always saying 'daddy, daddy please feed us, were hungry', the funny thing is, i always laugh so much, that i nearly do feed them.

air_war

myself and my boyfriend were walking down a street and he had his hand resting on my bum but i'd say it looked like he had it down my trousers anyway this little boy couldn't have been older than 8 cycles by on his little bike and shouts, "G'wan, lash her out of it!"


EH.... they grow up waay to fast :eek:

FunkZ

My five year old nephew said today that he wanted to start swimming so he could go toilet in the swimming pool, jaysus!

ironictoaster

air_war wrote:

myself and my boyfriend were walking down a street and he had his hand resting on my bum but i'd say it looked like he had it down my trousers anyway this little boy couldn't have been older than 8 cycles by on his little bike and shouts, "G'wan, lash her out of it!"


EH.... they grow up waay to fast :eek:

lol agreed

Also I heard on the bus, some little kid i reckon about 11 said to woman who was leaving to get off the bus

he said "you have a nice arse, do you want to have a ride later?"

Never heard the likes of it!!!

My 4 year old cousin saying "bugger" when he dropped his transformer toy. He said it really quietly and was playing on the floor in front of me so no one else heard him.When I started roaring laughing everyone started looking at me funny.

l33t-krew

the best happened to me today ^^

I walked in on my little 2yr old.

she was watching toy story i think.


Anyway one of the characters get hit and guess what she said..


"Oh my god that son of a bit*h"


I laughed my ass off. But the best was yet to come.

She turned around put her fingers on her lips and said "bitch"


:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:


Where does she learn these words from?

funky penguin

I was on the bus, and just as it was coming to a stop, i noticed a child running wildly round his mother shouting "Here comes the bus, here comes the bus!"

When the bus stopped, he ran to the door. When it opened with that HISSSSssss his jaw fell open and all he said was:

"Holy Sh1t!"

Black Swan

"What's adult? Oh... That's when you stop growing on both ends and start growing in the middle!"

Burning Eclipse

My little one was listening to the news, about the cocaine find in cork.

Her first question was "who spilled their coke". The second was "will the water be brown and sticky".

See, innocence still exists!

jor el

When my niece was about 3 we were leaving the house one morning, and when we opened the front door we could see it was raining outside. She just stands there and goes "Aaaw, it's fúckin raining again". I had to hold back tears so she wouldn't think what she said was funny and do it again. We know where she got that from too, my mother is a habitual weather complainer.

My friend told me a story too about being at the pool with his little one, she was about 3 at the time. They were in the changing room and she farted, and then looked at him and said "Daddy I farted" in that loud way that children do when they think they're being quiet. So he said back to her "Shh, you don't have to tell everyone you know" and her reply was, even louder "I'm not telling everyone, I'm telling you". He just had to laugh, as did a few others.

angeldelight

Apparently when I was about 2 I was embarassed about something and stomped up the stairs, just stopping to say "I feel like such a pr1ck" before continuing on my way!

Femelade

My 6 yr old daughter told me last week that when she grows up she wants to work in mac donalds.....

high hopes for herself.

Jesus Wept

lol, great thread

Dreamer 7

I was playing out in the garden with my son 5 and duaghter 4. I was pretending to be an ambulance (how embarrassing!) and we were rescuing my daughter. "Its my belly" she said "my baby is coming!!" I was so shocked, my son offered to cut her open coz "thats hope babys come out" but she refused on the basis that is was only a tiny baby and she would cough it up!!

Ahhh kids there mad!

Dreamer 7

My son said to me one day "Member when i was in prison mammy" Eh no actually son i don't. "You do mam when we were in the church and the preist put water on my head!"
"Ah son thats christened not prison!!"

Acid_Violet

In a special needs school when a six year old with behavioural problems (esp. anger related) falls off the bike and says 'it's a cúnt!' in his tiny, but strong, dublin accent. He spots me trying to suppress a smile to no avail and says 'I don't see what you're ****ing laughing at!'. Both the SNA and I had to look away and rofl.

TequilaMockingBird

100-odd kids said yesterday "Is it a bit windy to go sailing Mammy?" :eek:

Shiva

Me, my five year old son and a stunningly beautiful sales assistant in Boots at Dublin Airport about 4 months ago....

Nobody else in the place, I was just handing the young lady money for the toothbrush I was buying, and the little punk says, out of the blue..."Daddy, didnt you do a huge fart this morning?" in that extra-loud conversational voice five year olds do so, so well.

I could see her trying hard to stifle the laughter

Homer

sueme wrote:

100-odd kids said yesterday "Is it a bit windy to go sailing Mammy?" :eek:

very good!!

zoemax

At a communion mass last year when the priest asked the little angels if they were going to buy a present for their parents to say thank you for the effort made to buy them new clothes amd make their big day special etc etc. One little girl puts up her hand and the priest says to her 'And what will you be buying?' to which she replies 'A bottle of wine for my mamy coz she drinks a whole one every nigh'. Priceless.

hello_kitty

Browsing in a shoe department one quiet afternoon and this little skanger child is shouting "ma where are ya" to which the mother kept replying " at the shoe-is". After the third time the child says at the top of his voice " but ma there's fcuking shoe-is everywhere"!!

Wacker

I was in the waiting room at a GP years ago, and there was this kid who must have been about three playing with some toys on the floor. When a mother comes in with her two year old (or so) daughter, the kid chirps "Hey daddy, there's another baby! She's gorgeous."

Cue everyone roaring with laughter. Young-starters, eh?

RosieJoe

In town shopping. I was minding my 2 sons as my wife shopped. Shop assistant walks past us and my 3 year old shouts "Hello Cutie" and asked me to say hello the the "Cutie"

His mother was not impressed:D

Acid_Violet

zoemax wrote:

At a communion mass last year when the priest asked the little angels if they were going to buy a present for their parents to say thank you for the effort made to buy them new clothes amd make their big day special etc etc. One little girl puts up her hand and the priest says to her 'And what will you be buying?' to which she replies 'A bottle of wine for my mamy coz she drinks a whole one every nigh'. Priceless.

Somewhat tragic more than anything else.

Me, my five year old son and a stunningly beautiful sales assistant in Boots at Dublin Airport about 4 months ago....

Nobody else in the place, I was just handing the young lady money for the toothbrush I was buying, and the little punk says, out of the blue..."Daddy, didnt you do a huge fart this morning?" in that extra-loud conversational voice five year olds do so, so well.

I could see her trying hard to stifle the laughter

His Mammy probably told him to say that if an opportunity with such a young lady ever arose.

Homer

A friends young son was engrossed in a young couple who were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?!!"

Tar.Aldarion

Kenny 5 wrote:

Saw a 4/5 year old stick their middle finger up at their mother........I ROFL'd!!!!

A three year old did that on the street in tuam to a friend, so funny!
Just becuase of my friends reaction which was a a genuine, 'what did I do?'

angeldelight

I was going out with a friend who was known for being very vain, and it had taken at least 25 minutes for him to do his hair, so we finally left the house and were stopped looking in the window of a shop. Suddenly this little boy, about 2 and a half sitting in his buggy started roaring laughing while pointing at my friend's hair. My friend was a bit puzzled and finally the little boy composed himself enough to say, very loudly "Mammy look at his hair! It's stuuuupid". Even thinking about it now makes me laugh.

jor el

This is a great thread for a Friday evening, some very funny stuff from the mouths of babes.

I remember another time I was in Killarney with my niece, about 5 years ago and the Rally of the Lakes was on so naturally the whole place was wall to wall boy racers. Anyway, we were in this car park and there was one lad who had loads of lights on the front of his car. He was sitting inside it with some girl beside him and the windows down. The niece began counting them one by one, as children do, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 8 lights!" sounding very surprised and looking at me as if for some sort of explanation. She looked back at the car and lights and added "That's quare stupid that is". I could see the girl in the car burst out laughing at the guy.

Ishmael

When i was about 2-3, my mother brought me to mass one Sunday. Seemingly i spent most of the time climbing on the seats trying to get a look at the priest at the alter whilst shouting "I want to see God!".

electric69

sueme wrote:

100-odd kids said yesterday "Is it a bit windy to go sailing Mammy?" :eek:

go get your coat

stratospheres

A couple of years ago I was at a bus stop and there was an ad on the side of the shelter with a girl in a bikini. A woman comes past with her son of about 2 and he points at the picture and shouts "Look Mammy, diddies!"

ROCKMAN

at home one day with guest's in the house of course.
My 2 and a half year old who is been potty trained starts his " i need the toilet dance " So I ask does he need the toilet " without warning he drop his pants to his ankles and declares loudly " yesss see my water hose is big "

lemansky

creggy wrote:

lol agreed

Also I heard on the bus, some little kid i reckon about 11 said to woman who was leaving to get off the bus

he said "you have a nice arse, do you want to have a ride later?"

Never heard the likes of it!!!

Dublin Bus? You always hear that stuff there very funny!But you can't laugh cos whenever i'm there they always have friends 10 years older than them who look like they'd knife you if you laughed.

I got the bus on Thomas St. once and it was one of those situations above^^, anyway a 12 year old was saying to his 20 something year old friends that his brother "had his head fcuking wrecked yesterday. The garda (there way of saying gardaí) are bringing him to the court on Thooorsday for beating the sh1te outta two tourists."They then started to laugh and tell him how mad his brother was.

Orange69

lemansky wrote:

I got the bus on Thomas St. once and it was one of those situations above^^, anyway a 12 year old was saying to his 20 something year old friends that his brother "had his head fcuking wrecked yesterday. The garda (there way of saying gardaí) are bringing him to the court on Thooorsday for beating the sh1te outta two tourists."They then started to laugh and tell him how mad his brother was.

How is that funny?

Collie D

Waiting for a bus after the Ireland-Wales game. Welsh fan walks by with big silly hat on. Little boy on bike who has obviously been following him and annoying him all the way up the road says "You must be on drugs" to which your man replies "I think I must be because you're on a pink bike". The whole bus stop started laughing and annoying brat on pink bike nearly cried.

lemansky

Orange69 wrote:

How is that funny?

Not meant to be funny. I was merely telling a little story about what happens on DUblin Bus to expand on the earlier post, actually...where did I personally say it was funny?

Orange69

Here...

lemansky wrote:

Dublin Bus? You always hear that stuff there very funny!But you can't laugh cos whenever i'm there they always have friends 10 years older than them who look like they'd knife you if you laughed.

Collie D

Convinced I just heard a kid calling Orange69 a pedantic peice of crap with no sense of humour.

lemansky

Orange69 wrote:

Here...

Yes I siad THAT stuff clearly referring to what had been said in the comment that I had quoted as Ihad not even mentioned my little story yet, not THIS stuff which I would have said if i was referring to what I was about to say. What you just did there is one of the best examples that I've ever seen of people taking something out of context to change its meaning and then make a point based around the resulting crap.

lemansky

Collie D wrote:

Convinced I just heard a kid calling Orange69 a pedantic peice of crap with no sense of humour.

Also I think I heard another asking him/her to actually contribute something USEFUL to the thread......:D

Karoma

...get back on-topic...

Thrill

Yeah, they say the darndest things alright.

Just a few day's back a little sh*t told me to "f*ck off" when i told him to be careful crossing the road.
I could have twisted his little neck at the time but I can laugh about it now.*



[SIZE=-2]*Still fuming:mad:[/SIZE]

Smellyirishman

One from my own childhood.

We were heading into Stephen's Green one bright summers day to feed the ducks but had to make a quick stop for mass on the way. Well during the proceedings, I got tired and started to just walk up and down the nave, seemingly oblivious and totally uninterested in what the priest had to say. Well once he got to the communion and recited "We take this bread..."

I skipped in with; "...for the ducks; Quack, Quack!"

This probably could have gone in for my entry in the wittiest moments thread too .

tolosenc

I was in a restaurant in Offaly a while back. Ordered a steak rare, and the owners 8 year old daughter brought out our meals. I take a bite to find it, well, not rare. I turn to her and say "this steak is well-done". She looked at me puzzled and replied: "Oh. Thank you."

golden gal

my brother works in a clothes shop and a little boy walked up to him and stared at him then said "you must be really smart", so my brother goes "thanks alot" and then the boy looks at him for a bit more and says "cuz you got a really big head"

shane86

Femmy wrote:

My 6 yr old daughter told me last week that when she grows up she wants to work in mac donalds.....

high hopes for herself.

Worked there a few years back, I emember one time we threw out a group of skanger girls aged about 11-13 because they were causin trouble, as I saw them out this little fat yoke of 12 says to me

"Ah yeah, ya tink yer bleedin great dont ya, just cos ya work in McDonalds!"

Oh yeah, that uniform made women wetter than an otters pocket. And thats just the sight of it, once they were within close enough range to smell the burger/geneal grease fat off it, I had to buy 3 new uniforms a week because it was always getting torn off me :rolleyes:

JIZZLORD

we were minding two wee boys (4&6)for a day a while back, i walked into the room and they were sitting up with my sisters

the 4 year old: "Colm, orla was giving me a moustache"
Me: moustache! dont you mean massage?

at that stage i whip out my phone and show a pic of me with a moustache from when i was shaving my beard off, they were asking why i grew a beard so i said that men grow hair all over their bodies when they're older. so the 4 year old starts asking stuff like "do you have hair on your belly?" and my sisters were trying to steer away the conversation as we knew where it was going, then all of a sudden,

"Colm, do you have hair around your willy, my dad does"

so we were laughing away, and the two boys thought we didnt believe them.
they once said that their mum said her willy fell off when they were born.