WTF do i do?

gary the great

I dont usually post here, but my head is messed at the moment and need some encouragement and advice.

Ive got a job offer on the plate in england, its a fantastic opportunity for me which probably wont come up again, but the gf of 4 years doesnt want to go.

i love her to bits and dont know if i can go ahead with it. Ive had it in my head that im definetly goin and have told her this, but over the last while ive started to realise that i dont think i can leave her. I know its only an hour away by plane and im totally committed to making this work but apparently from what her friends told me last night the gf doesnt think it will work.

I know long distance relationships are based on trust we do trust each other, but seriously can it work or am i just being totally optimistic?
My head is in bits trying to decide what i should do, this is the hardest and biggest decision ive ever had to make in my life.

Any advice would be cool.

Wibbs

Bloody hell, that's a tough one. Is there no chance the GF could be persuaded to go with you, even after a couple of months when you get settled? Is she on a career path here and that's why she can't go or is it her family?

I'd get more confirmation of what her friends have said she said too. Friends can be very bad transmitters of reality, especially if they don't want to see her go. I'd talk to her about it and even mention you've heard she thinks it won't work. Ask her the reasons for her pessimism.

Is this job permanent or contract? That might make a diff.

Longterm, it's a hard choice to make and if you've been with this person for four years and she seems to be the "one" as it were, it's a total headwrecker. The romantic eejit in me would hope in a similar situation I'd pick the GF as a jobs a job. The realist in me is not so sure though.

Best of luck there. I don't envy you.

danyosan

Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this woman? Is the job a career furthering opportunity? You have to look at the long term picture here. If you answer yes to the first, I'd make the decision with her. If not, and it is a big career move, I'd call her bluff and go. Might be hard if she decides it not for her, but you would get over her eventually. You've got to think of the bigger picture here.

Miss Fluff

gary the great wrote:

Ive got a job offer on the plate in england, its a fantastic opportunity for me which probably wont come up again, but the gf of 4 years doesnt want to go.

If you are committed to putting the time and effort into the relationship there is no reason why is should not work. How serious are you about your girlfriend? My thinking would be that if you DON'T go, you will always harbour resentment towards her for stopping you.

Yes, long distance relationships have to be nurtured and worked at (and long distance phone calls are a complete head wreck) but think about this logically. It's not Ulan Batur sweetheart, you can still see each other everey weekend (and spend quality time together).

Also, you are merely going on second hand information through her friends. Have you had an indepth discussion with your girlfriend about this? If not, I would urge you to do so and think very carefully about giving up and oportunity that you have until now dreamt of. I can understand you are afraid of losing her but, as simplistic as it may sounds, it if is meant to work it will. Good Luck:)

Faith

Gary, you posted in a thread in Abroad about getting a job in England. At the time (early January), you had no job offer there and were just thinking about it. Subsequently, you applied for several jobs over there, and got accepted for one.

Did you not discuss moving with your girlfriend then? Would that not have been important? It seems you decided to go apply for jobs in England, move, and then see if your girlfriend is happy about it? You say that you don't think you can leave her, did this not occur to you before applying for a job in a different country?

gary the great

danyosan wrote:

Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this woman? Is the job a career furthering opportunity? You have to look at the long term picture here. If you answer yes to the first, I'd make the decision with her. If not, and it is a big career move, I'd call her bluff and go. Might be hard if she decides it not for her, but you would get over her eventually. You've got to think of the bigger picture here.

To answer this yes i want to be with her forever i think were perfect for each other, she thinks the same.

Ye the job is a career furthering opportunity, I love the work il be doing and have a friend over there doing it. If i dont take this job, il never get a decent job in my choosen career here in ireland. Its rare an opportunity like this comes up.

So i just dont know what to do, all her friends and my friends are really pissed off at me cos im planning on going and leaving her here.

I know if i dont take it il regret it forever, but if i go i run the risk of loosing the love of my life.

biko

How long is this job for? A year or several?
You could take the job and give it 12 months. Then re-evaluate your situation.

On the other hand, there will be more work opps but maybe not another girlfriend like her.

gary the great

Faith wrote:

Gary, you posted in a thread in Abroad about getting a job in England. At the time (early January), you had no job offer there and were just thinking about it. Subsequently, you applied for several jobs over there, and got accepted for one.

Did you not discuss moving with your girlfriend then? Would that not have been important? It seems you decided to go apply for jobs in England, move, and then see if your girlfriend is happy about it? You say that you don't think you can leave her, did this not occur to you before applying for a job in a different country?

We did discuss it and the long distance relationship was the conclusion, and i was happy with that at the time and convinced myself it would be grand for the year or so that im gone. But now as the time gets closer to going im having serious second thoughts about it

gary the great

biko wrote:

How long is this job for? A year or several?
You could take the job and give it 12 months. Then re-evaluate your situation.

On the other hand, there will be more work opps but maybe not another girlfriend like her.

I dont know how long it will be for. I could hate it and come home in a month or i could love it and want to stay. But im planning about a year or so hopefully

LegacyUser

Well, cheesy as it sounds, you gotta think of your future... This job could set you up for a good life, but is this the girl you're gonna stay with? If you're not 110% sure then go with the job...
If you're sure she's "the one" then you've a few options:
- Ask her to move with you
- Try the job for a while, if it doesn't work move back
- Let the job pass you by and hope you'll find one here
You need to talk to her... Have a serious think... Whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you!

Gyalist

Go and let the chips fall where they may. Do not alter your major life goals for any woman. Would she turn down an irresistible job offer in another country to stay here with you? I doubt it.

You don't want to put yourself in the position a few years down the line where you are filled with regret for not taking the chance for a new adventure. That will breed resentment towards your girlfriend for having held you back.

gary the great

Gyalist wrote:

Go and let the chips fall where they may. Do not alter your major life goals for any woman. Would she turn down an irresistible job offer in another country to stay here with you? I doubt it.

You don't want to put yourself in the position a few years down the line where you are filled with regret for not taking the chance for a new adventure. That will breed resentment towards your girlfriend for having held you back.

She would refuse an irresistible job for me, i know that. Im just a lot more driven and maybe ambitious than her and thats why were in this situation.

And shes not just any woman, shes the love of my life and in know if it does end il never find anyone like her.

forbairt

The GF's been completely behind me on my decision to start being self employed ... its been a big step for me ... (we're getting married this year). I was looking at a job in london a while back and I guess she would have tried to move with me if I went there. So I'm not in the same boat but semi know what you're going through ...

I personally think if you don't take the job you'll end up semi resentful ... maybe you don't think so .. but it'll come out at some stage in the future ... you'll wonder what if ... and so on ...

England is a plan ride away and if ye are both commited to making the relationship work then I guess it wouldn't be that big a problem ?

You could take the job for a number of months and see how the commuting works out for ye ? (assuming one of ye has weekends free) If it isn't working after 2 to 3 months settling in period .. pack it in and move back ?

LegacyUser

I think if it's only for a year youse could probably manage to do the whole long-distance thing or manage to persuade her to go with you if it's only a year. I personally would give it a go and if the long distance thing isn't working I'd come back, what's the use of a great job when you've got a broken heart? Only you know which is more important to you. Will you resent her if you don't go, will it affect the relationship? If she has said she doesn't think it'll work if you're gone then tell her she doesn't know that for sure and will never know until she gives it a try. I did the long-distance thing for 16 months and it was ok for the first year but gradually stopped working.

flamingo

It sounds like she's not particularly career-minded, from what you say, yet you would end up regretting it if you did not take this once-in-a-lifetime job ... so what are her reasons for not moving over with you for a year? Is it job, family, friends, etc? Are they 'valid' reasons?!

Personally, I see no reason why the LDR option would not work - I mean, it's only a short hop, and it's perfectly possible to use up all your joint annual leave to ensure that you get to spend about a week a month together - which isn't really THAT bad, when weekend breaks are also such an easy option. However, if she is so convinced it wouldn't work (well, if what her friends say is to be believed) I think I'd be wondering what's that about. Why is she so convinced it would not work, without even trying it?! Does she have some unacknowledged uncertainties about the relationship?

I recognise what you're saying about her being the love of your life, and that's great, but resentments can fester all the same. You both really need to sit down and bash it all out, considering ALL options, looking outside the box, at the pro/cons of all situations, and seeing option would be the least damaging for you in the long-term.

I don't envy you tho!

slavetothegrind

This may seem cold.

You say she is the love of your life, but is the reverse true?

Does she confide in her friends more than you?

Is she 100% honest with you?

If she has hinted at the relationship not standing up to a year apart it would occur to me that she would see this as a way out for her?

It would be better to be hurt now than later. Have a heart to heart and resolve true feelings. Less than 100% positivity from either of you would probably indicate it is not to be.

I have seen a friend of mine get married and have her leave him the following week when she "realised" it was not for her. A little bit of honesty could have saved a lot of heartbreak.

I sincerely hope it works out for you.

xebec

Really tough one! I'll be in a similar situation in the near future, but have already discussed it with my gf, and at this time in our lives we've agreed that work and jobs are what we're going to focus on for a year or two. This means we'll be in seperate parts of the world, and will only see each other at irregular periods. But the advantage is that it will set both of us up for the future, no matter where we choose to live and work there shouldn't be any problem getting a well-paid job and living comfortably. But then, we haven't been together as long as you guys have, and while we're sure we want to be together we also realise that we have to do the right thing for ourselves as individuals too because who knows what the future brings.

My gut instinct for you would be to take the job and make it work long distance for a year. It really is so easy to get between Ireland and England. Bring her over for a few weeks, you never know, she might fall in love with the place! And if it doesn't work out, it should give you a boost in the Irish job market when you come back (by the sounds of it anyway).

Good luck!

hunnymonster

From the work and jobs forum I understood that you have accepted the job and are going regardless?

I guess I'm not as tolerant as I thought because if, after 4 years togeth,r I was not involved in the decision I would be annoyed. I have given up a job I love to move for my relationship, It was something we talked over, examined all the possibilities and both decided it was the best option.

Beelzebub

Good advice from joeclif and flamingo.

This will be a major test of your relationship.
If your relationship is truly strong then it will not only survive but become stronger.
If your relationship is not strong, then you will know sooner rather than later.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

If she liked you enough, she would go...it is that simple.

The fact that she isn't going means she doesn't love you enough to go...

Don't try make excuses for her, just analyse her actions...if she goes, she adores you, if she doesn't go, she doesn't love you enough...

hunnymonster

cheesedude wrote:

If she liked you enough, she would go...it is that simple.

The fact that she isn't going means she doesn't love you enough to go...

Don't try make excuses for her, just analyse her actions...if she goes, she adores you, if she doesn't go, she doesn't love you enough...

Should I post ...
if you liked her enough, you would stay, it is that simple. The fact that you are going means you don't love her enough. Make excuses for yourself. If you go you just don't love her enough. Make excuses, analyse your actions. If you stay you adore her. if you go, you don't love her enough...

Of course not, we don't know enough about them, their careers or their relationship to say something like that.

honru

Gyalist wrote:

Go and let the chips fall where they may. Do not alter your major life goals for any woman. Would she turn down an irresistible job offer in another country to stay here with you? I doubt it.

I agree. A woman should always be second to your mission in life.

If you told her tomorrow that you aren't going to take the job because you want to stay with her, I don't think she'll be too happy.

Also, she said to her friends that she "doesn't think it will work". That doesn't prove much commitment tbh.

gary the great

f®eak s&#169 wrote: »

I agree. A woman should always be second to your mission in life.

If you told her tomorrow that you aren't going to take the job because you want to stay with her, I don't think she'll be too happy.

Also, she said to her friends that she "doesn't think it will work". That doesn't prove much commitment tbh.

She never actually said she "doesnt think it will work", friends got wires crossed and were drunk last night when it was said etc but that was never said by the gf.

we had a massive chat about it earlier to clear things up.

She knows what an opportunity this is for me and wants me to take, as has been said there would be resentment down the road if i didnt take it. She wants the best for us in the future and knows that I have to do this if im going to be successful.

She wont go as shes to close to her friends and family, unlike me who wouldnt be as close to my family and all my friends are emigrating anyway. Tbh if it werent for her i would of went last year straight outta college with a couple of friends who were going at the time. I stayed for her and tried to get a good job but it didnt work out, and im really frustrated by it. As i said im a really ambitious and driven person and im frustrated by my lack of opportunities and life here.

Besides my gf, there is nothing here in ireland for me, in fact my decision to go without her means that all her friends think im an asshole which is losing me more friends but that is neither here or there, but its putting more pressure on me and my gf during this tough time.

And i havent actually accepted the job, but have to make the decision this week and i was all set to take it but am now getting second thoughts, hence the thread.

Elessar

Good grief take the job. If you're not happy you can always come back. Your own goals and ambitions in life should always come before another person - I dont mean that in a bad way, it's just that your life is your life and you have to make the most of it, for you.

If your relationship is strong you will make it work.

As for your friends thinking you are an asshole - WTF?! Do they not realise you also have a life to live? They should be wishing you well.

flamingo

gary the great wrote:

we had a massive chat about it earlier to clear things up.

She knows what an opportunity this is for me and wants me to take, as has been said there would be resentment down the road if i didnt take it. She wants the best for us in the future and knows that I have to do this if im going to be successful.

I'm glad ye had 'the' chat, Gary, and that it doesn't seem quite so negative now! Good luck with your decision, and I'm sure it'll all work out for ye

louisecm

Long distance (or medium distance in this case) relationships can work, but both parties have to really want it to because otherwise the strain can definitely have a negative impact on things. I have two good friends who are in long term long distance relationships and they are fine, their relationships are strong. But if there was any uncertainty about things on either side I reckon they wouldn't have survived. So I'd make bloody sure your girlfriend is as committed to your relationship as you say you are.

ZiabR

gary the great wrote:

I dont usually post here, but my head is messed at the moment and need some encouragement and advice.

Ive got a job offer on the plate in england, its a fantastic opportunity for me which probably wont come up again, but the gf of 4 years doesnt want to go.

i love her to bits and dont know if i can go ahead with it. Ive had it in my head that im definetly goin and have told her this, but over the last while ive started to realise that i dont think i can leave her. I know its only an hour away by plane and im totally committed to making this work but apparently from what her friends told me last night the gf doesnt think it will work.

I know long distance relationships are based on trust we do trust each other, but seriously can it work or am i just being totally optimistic?
My head is in bits trying to decide what i should do, this is the hardest and biggest decision ive ever had to make in my life.

Any advice would be cool.

This really is a tough one for you mate. If it were me i would only have to ask myself one question. "Can i see myself spending the rest of my life with this woman?" If the answer is "yes" then i think you know what to do, but if you have any doubt at all about how you both feel for each other then maybe you should take the job. Either way it is a very hard choice for you.

One thing i will say is, there is no guarentee that you will like living over there and you might not like the job or the people you are working with etc. Then you might come home after 2 months, and ask yourself, you gave up the love of your life and took a chance and now you are left with nothing.

I know its negitive for me to say that but it is all possible.

Good luck with it.

gary the great

logik wrote:

This really is a tough one for you mate. If it were me i would only have to ask myself one question. "Can i see myself spending the rest of my life with this woman?" If the answer is "yes" then i think you know what to do, but if you have any doubt at all about how you both feel for each other then maybe you should take the job. Either way it is a very hard choice for you.

One thing i will say is, there is no guarentee that you will like living over there and you might not like the job or the people you are working with etc. Then you might come home after 2 months, and ask yourself, you gave up the love of your life and took a chance and now you are left with nothing.

I know its negitive for me to say that but it is all possible.

Good luck with it.

i dont really get you, were not breaking up were going to go with the long term relationship option. If i hate it, i can just come home and continue with the relationship a couple of months later, knowing that i tried and there will be no regrets.

were both definetly commited to this, even though its going to be really really hard. Im still not totally certain im going to go, my head is wrecked thinking about it every minute of everyday.

It would be great if she would come with me (she definetly wont, she likes Ireland, her friends and family to much) or if i could get a good job here, but lifes a bitch.

I know friends should be encouraging me and wishing me well, but they cant believe im doing this and leaving her here.this has become a big issue over the last few days as there not afraid to tell the GF what they think of me for doing this and its increasing tension between everyone. They think it means i dont love her enough to stay for her etc but tbh its made me learn a lot about them and i dont mind leaving them behind now.

Arrrrrrgh!!!

ZiabR

gary the great wrote:

i dont really get you, were not breaking up were going to go with the long term relationship option. If i hate it, i can just come home and continue with the relationship a couple of months later, knowing that i tried and there will be no regrets.

My apologies mate, i misread the post. It is great that you are both commited to this and commitied to giving it a shot.

Faith

What happens if you adore the job and excel at it, constantly getting promoted? What if you're offered a fantastic promotion, but you have to move to California for it or something?

I think you need to think in the long term here. If your girlfriend is never going to leave Ireland, and yuo feel you'll never get a decent job here, then you've got a problem.

warrenaldo

personally if it was me - the girl or the job. id choose the girl.

jobs can be changed and you can move around until you can find the right one. but will you ever find a girl as good?

and what if you dont like the job when you go over. maybe youll be working long hours - might be stressfull.

i have a friend who moved over to the UK in similar circumstances. about 6 months ago now. altho he finshed with his g/f a few months prior to leaving.

he is moving back next month as he feels a bit homesick. he has a good social life over there but misses his friends and family and the lifestyle he had over here.

food for thought.

Glowing

To be honest, I think your girlfriend is being selfish. If this is such a great opportunity for you, then she should be delighted for you! No, its not going to be easy, but it should definately be manageable for a couple of years.

You'll never know until you go - why not give it 6-12 months, then re-assess?

LegacyUser

'

Faith wrote:

What happens if you adore the job and excel at it, constantly getting promoted? What if you're offered a fantastic promotion, but you have to move to California for it or something?

I think you need to think in the long term here. If your girlfriend is never going to leave Ireland, and yuo feel you'll never get a decent job here, then you've got a problem.

I think Faith has hit it on the head there. These are possibilities facing me & my boyf now when he finishes college. We are in for the long haul & if I had to I would go anywhere with him if it was really important to him & I know he would the same. In life, we are a team and we would work it out.

You do need to consider the big picture'

Zambia

At this stage your a team.

You should be deciding where you both want to live..

You have failed to mention what she will do there , or what are her needs. If you are by far the main bread winner i think she should consider the benefits of your future finance benefits. As opposed to her need to be with mammy when she has no kids and no real need for that close links to her family.

If all else fails flip a coin and the instant you see the coins decision see what your initial feeling is and go with that.

Best of luck mate

gary the great

Faith wrote:

What happens if you adore the job and excel at it, constantly getting promoted? What if you're offered a fantastic promotion, but you have to move to California for it or something?

I think you need to think in the long term here. If your girlfriend is never going to leave Ireland, and yuo feel you'll never get a decent job here, then you've got a problem.

If i love the job, excel and keep getting promoted etc Irish employers will know how good i am and il get a job back here and be with the GF, its all about finding the happy medium really.

Shes not going to leave Ireland in the forseeable future and that is a problem. Were quite different in that i love travelling and she doesnt (except for a week holiday here and there). But if it happens that i do love it to much over there to come home (which i think will be unlikely), we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

gary the great

warrenaldo wrote:

personally if it was me - the girl or the job. id choose the girl.

jobs can be changed and you can move around until you can find the right one. but will you ever find a girl as good?

and what if you dont like the job when you go over. maybe youll be working long hours - might be stressfull.

i have a friend who moved over to the UK in similar circumstances. about 6 months ago now. altho he finshed with his g/f a few months prior to leaving.

he is moving back next month as he feels a bit homesick. he has a good social life over there but misses his friends and family and the lifestyle he had over here.

food for thought.

Im totally aware that i could hate it, thats not a problem - if i do ill come home

And no i'll never find a girl as good, but the plan is actually not to loose her in the first place, but making it long distance.

hunnymonster

Zambia232 wrote:

At this stage your a team.

You should be deciding where you both want to live..

A couple of us have made this point but the OP doesn't appear to be addressing it.

kraggy

Obviously, she wants to live here in Ireland and he wants to give his career a shot.

OP, where in the Uk is the job. You don't have to tell but is it near a Ryanair-serviced airport? From a practical point of view, the relationship could be as non-long-distance as my relationship with my girlfriend when i was in college in Dublin and she was working in Galway. Very do-able! (The relationship, as well as my gf!:D )

Anyway, what i'm saying is that you could home every weekend if not every second weekend and she could head over to you too.

Going to England is not the big thing it used to be.

Best of luck

k.

gary the great

hunnymonster wrote:

A couple of us have made this point but the OP doesn't appear to be addressing it.

i think i have? I want to go, she wants me to go and give it a shot to, so thats whats going to happen it seems.

And yep im only about 25 mins drive from Gatwick airport, so i know its easily do-able to get home every few weeks.

aidan24326

I'd normally be very wary of the whole long-distance thing. It has a habit of not working out in the longer term, despite best intentions.

But the fact you'll only be 25 minutes from Gatwick means you (and she) will have no excuses for not seeing each other on a fairly regular basis, with the increasing availabilty of cheap flights and the fact it's only a short hop from London (London is probably more accessible now from Dublin than some places in Ireland are). The travel time is quick and the cost is not a major factor if you're making any kind of decent money (and I trust you're not moving to England to work for peanuts!). So it's doable.

Could be a problem further down the line if you want to stay there though, and are doing well. She sounds a bit clingy to mammy and the friends tbh.

Just remember that a genuine quality girl is harder to replace than any job. Do bear that in mind. Good luck anyway.

aidan24326

I'd normally be very wary of the whole long-distance thing. It has a habit of not working out in the longer term, despite best intentions.

But the fact you'll only be 25 minutes from Gatwick means you (and she) will have no excuses for not seeing each other on a fairly regular basis, with the increasing availabilty of cheap flights and the fact it's only a short hop from London (London is probably more accessible now from Dublin than some places in Ireland are). The travel time is quick and the cost is not a major factor if you're making any kind of decent money (and I trust you're not moving to England to work for peanuts!). So it's doable.

Could be a problem further down the line if you want to stay there though, and are doing well. She sounds a bit clingy to mammy and the friends tbh.

Just remember that a genuine quality girl is harder to replace than any job. Do bear that in mind. Good luck anyway.

Lamps

Why is she so clingy to the friends and mammy? What do they do for her that you dont? Its a bit sad really, what age is she?

She obviously has her priorites and her friends and family come ahead of you. You just got to accept that, but i dunno if id settle for 3rd best after a 4 year relationship.

Anyway you got to go, don't let her lack of ambition and her need to stay with mammy stop you from being successfull in life. You got to think of number 1, as thats whats she's doing anyway.

I have a bit of a dislike for women today!

But if gatwick is so close, you can come home every second weekend and it should be ok as long as you don't get to carreid away with yourself. Keep an eye on her and trust her, im sure theres lads that will move in like vulchers as soon as your off the scene.

Crea

Lamps wrote:

Why is she so clingy to the friends and mammy? What do they do for her that you dont? Its a bit sad really, what age is she?

She obviously has her priorites and her friends and family come ahead of you. You just got to accept that, but i dunno if id settle for 3rd best after a 4 year relationship.

Anyway you got to go, don't let her lack of ambition and her need to stay with mammy stop you from being successfull in life. You got to think of number 1, as thats whats she's doing anyway.

I have a bit of a dislike for women today!

But if gatwick is so close, you can come home every second weekend and it should be ok as long as you don't get to carreid away with yourself. Keep an eye on her and trust her, im sure theres lads that will move in like vulchers as soon as your off the scene.

There are alot of people who are homebirds and don't want to travel. I would worry that life/work would be so great in the UK that OP wouldn't want to come home. A friends husband went to work in England for "a year" and she stayed at home with the 3 kids and he went home every weekend. She ended up joining him after 18 months cause there was no sign of him coming home. She is now there over 2 years and hates it but is stuck because he doesn't want to move back. "There isn't a job at his level in Ireland" - this seems to be the big excuse for alot of people. My sister was in the same boat but only moved to Galway then hubby got the big job in Dublin so she wouldn't go with him and moved back to her home town. They're managing.
If OP is prepared to come home after a specific time (say a year or 18mths) then I can see the relationship lasting. I do think it would be great for the girlfriend to go over there with him so she can get out of her comfort zone and it'll make her grow up a bit, as long as he was willing to come back when promised.

gary the great

Crea wrote:

There are alot of people who are homebirds and don't want to travel. I would worry that life/work would be so great in the UK that OP wouldn't want to come home. A friends husband went to work in England for "a year" and she stayed at home with the 3 kids and he went home every weekend. She ended up joining him after 18 months cause there was no sign of him coming home. She is now there over 2 years and hates it but is stuck because he doesn't want to move back. "There isn't a job at his level in Ireland" - this seems to be the big excuse for alot of people. My sister was in the same boat but only moved to Galway then hubby got the big job in Dublin so she wouldn't go with him and moved back to her home town. They're managing.
If OP is prepared to come home after a specific time (say a year or 18mths) then I can see the relationship lasting. I do think it would be great for the girlfriend to go over there with him so she can get out of her comfort zone and it'll make her grow up a bit, as long as he was willing to come back when promised.

Ah i'll be home after a year max. After a year if its still going good with us id defiently repay the favour and come back home, with experience to hopefully get me a job here. And we'd all live happliy ever after...well thats the plan!


Her family are dead against me doing this as well, as are her friends. Its seroiusly pissing me off cos the gf is getting really annoyed with it to. Plus all the "abondoning" comments and "if she was the most important thing in the world to you you'd stay" is actually doing my head in so bad. Any advice on how i should tackle this?

honru

Wow, are her family and friends jealous or something?

Make no excuses for what you have to do. Don't even argue with them. They sound like right begrudgers.

Whichever path you take I wish you the best of luck, gary.

Crea

gary the great wrote:

Ah i'll be home after a year max. After a year if its still going good with us id defiently repay the favour and come back home, with experience to hopefully get me a job here. And we'd all live happliy ever after...well thats the plan!


Her family are dead against me doing this as well, as are her friends. Its seroiusly pissing me off cos the gf is getting really annoyed with it to. Plus all the "abondoning" comments and "if she was the most important thing in the world to you you'd stay" is actually doing my head in so bad. Any advice on how i should tackle this?

Tell them that it isn't any of their concern and that it's between the 2 of you, if she's ok with it their comments have no worth. Tell them this. If they're that interfering I don't know why she isn't rushing to get away. It's them that aren't normal not the 2 of you.

Lamps

her friends and family sound like assholes tbh, although they are probly aware that theres a chance you may be taking their duaghter and friend away from them and are trying to influence her decision and make you out to be the bad guy for going.

TBH you sound like you would be better off without them all and the hassle there obviously causing you. Its your life remember and theres no way your gf's friends should be trying to convince you to change your life plan so that they can see there friend a lot more often. they sound like the bitchy type friends anyway which your best off not being involved with.

skywalker

gary the great wrote:

Her family are dead against me doing this as well, as are her friends. Its seroiusly pissing me off cos the gf is getting really annoyed with it to. Plus all the "abondoning" comments and "if she was the most important thing in the world to you you'd stay" is actually doing my head in so bad. Any advice on how i should tackle this?

Time has come for you to bluntly tell them to butt out then hasnt it?

kaalgat

Why should you have to explain yourself to her friends and family?

It's your relationship with her that it will affect, and between the two of you, you have to sort it out.

Nothing to do with any of them.

BeardyGit

Gary, I'm not trying to be mean, but come on will ye. This is only as tough as you want it to be. Learn to deal with the smart arsed comments from her family and friends for the love of pete, will you?

It would be great if your 'better half' could deal with them for once and for all (because only she can), but I don't think she will....Actually, I'd speak with your girlfriend about her coming up trumps on the whole support thing.

Why hasn't she set her family and friends straight about the reason for your move yet? Why are YOU having to deal with what is largely HER crap to deal with?

Man, how can you honestly say you'll never find another as good?

Really?

LegacyUser

gary the great wrote:

Ah i'll be home after a year max. After a year if its still going good with us id defiently repay the favour and come back home, with experience to hopefully get me a job here. And we'd all live happliy ever after...well thats the plan!


Her family are dead against me doing this as well, as are her friends. Its seroiusly pissing me off cos the gf is getting really annoyed with it to. Plus all the "abondoning" comments and "if she was the most important thing in the world to you you'd stay" is actually doing my head in so bad. Any advice on how i should tackle this?

**** that. The simple fact of the matter is, you have been a solid team for four years, u have an amazing opportunity, it really does boil down to this...if she liked you enough she would go with you. It is that simple. Can you marry your friends and family? I don't think so. So if she loved you enough, she would go. It's that simple dude.