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Confessions of a failed girl

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    #62
    DaBreno
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,156 ✭✭✭DaBreno


    Pffffft. It aint manly til he fights off a Giant Squid with a Harpoon and STILL eliminates all creases. Now thats Harcore.


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    #63
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    I think the battery ran out just before the squid battle


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    #64
    Lust4Life
    Registered Users Posts: 6,350 ✭✭✭Lust4Life


    I hate hair dryers too. But the drawback to not using one is I have to get up early so my hair will dry before I leave the house. So I surf boards every morning while it drys! a Win/win situation!


    Oh and tanning beds! Don't get me started! Never ever ever will I set foot in one of those. I used to work with a pack of Tanning Bed Queens and they all looked like they were old hags after spending 2 hours a week in those damn things!


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    #65
    Backtoblack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 848 ✭✭✭Backtoblack


    UB wrote:
    Clothes: Although I have many nice clothes, none of them match each other. I have not ironed in six months. I still don't understand washing machine instructions. No matter how I try, I always look unkempt. I don't know what kitten heels are, and am unclear about skirt terms too.

    Hair: I cannot accomplish anything more than a ponytail. I bought a curling tongs and gave up in frustration after five minutes of waiting for it to heat up. I buy hair cair products but don't know how to use them. I don't own a hairdryer. I go out with my hair wet (but haven't caught my death of cold).

    Makeup: When I try to look pretty, I end up like an extra from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I try to put on mascara and it ends up on my cheek. I buy makeup but don't know how to use it. Even for big nights out, I leave getting ready so late that I end up just applying mascara to my cheek instead of using my array of make up products.

    Shopping: Dundrum shopping centre brings me out in a cold sweat. Clothes shopping with friends makes me revert to my five-year-old self: I want to go home, and I want to go home NOW. I'm physically afraid of smiling assistants.

    Conversation: I am not competent to discuss soap operas, hair, beauty routines, clothes or most of the other tea-break subjects.

    Beauty routines: I have never been on a sunbed, had a massage or gone for a facial. When I shave my legs, I use shampoo. I do not exfoliate regularly. Waxing worries me, and my ineptness at small talk (coupled with the hot wax) makes the whole affair uncomfortable.

    What am I to do? Is there perhaps a support group for the likes of me? Can you advise me?

    I'm the total opposite, I won't leave the house without make-up and my hair done. I can't stop buying clothes... eh.. surely you don't go swimning without a bit of a trip to the waxing lady at the b.salon???? :eek:
    I mean, we all started out not having ever gone for a massage or facial etc... just go treat yourself for god's sake!!! See I'm nearly in debt from "needing" massage and "needing" to use the best conditioner so that my hair is the shiniest on the block!!! :D
    You should decide that your new years resolution will be to do a girl it up once a month for the whole year.... and, like, you're worth it!!!!!
    ;)


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    #66
    Backtoblack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 848 ✭✭✭Backtoblack


    Lust4Life wrote:
    I hate hair dryers too. But the drawback to not using one is I have to get up early so my hair will dry before I leave the house. So I surf boards every morning while it drys! a Win/win situation!


    Oh and tanning beds! Don't get me started! Never ever ever will I set foot in one of those. I used to work with a pack of Tanning Bed Queens and they all looked like they were old hags after spending 2 hours a week in those damn things!


    Yep, sun beds ain't no good!!!

    I have a frizz head so I wash my hair every 2 or 3 days, blowdry it and ghd it really well.. and then only need to give it a quick straighten in the mornings.
    Too much hazzle trying to do it every day. I'm up at 6am every morning too, so i'm sure my flatmates wouldn't be happy with the hairdryer going off that early either. :)


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    #67
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,236 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Enjoyed your humour UB.


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    #68
    Setun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,805 ✭✭✭Setun


    Blue_Lagoon wrote:
    Enjoyed your humour UB.
    Ditto.

    She probably can't cook either.


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    #69
    flanger20002003
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭flanger20002003


    Yes, very humourous indeed...always suspected there were girls like you out there, UB...why bother changing, will it really make you any happier? Think of all that extra effort...I suggest you breathe a big apathetic sigh of 'Meh' and start workin on a beer belly :D


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    #70
    jaggeh
    Registered Users Posts: 2,997 ✭✭✭jaggeh


    i call fat daughter on this one.


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    #71
    pbsuxok1znja4r
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭pbsuxok1znja4r


    This is the one and only way anyone can fail at being a girl, TBH -

    Genitals: Penis.

    :)


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