Virgin

Ickle Magoo

Incidentally, if you think having sex with a prostitute is a great way of shedding light on the mystery of the rest of womankind & giving you a boost to find a gf - that may a good place to start if you are trying to work out where you are going wrong, lol! :eek:

greenkittie

Seraphina wrote:

you sleep with alot of men then?
the men with experience usually *think* they're great... and are fairly wrong about it...

Oh so very very true.

greenkittie

Sure use it as a way to lure women in "i'm a virgin cause i was waiting for someone special... now i have found you" they will be putty :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

VirginBaaaaaaad wrote:

There seems to be a stigma around being a virgin. Not one of the twenty something year-old virgins who have posted so far (including myself) have done so under their boards name.

I'm a virgin and rightly or wrongly I see things everywhere that remind me of it - tv, soap operas, films, internet discussion boards (ahem). Its strange to thing that being a virgin is so funny that they could make an entire film about it! There could be some degree of oversensitivity on my part about it but I think the negative (loser) stereotype of being a virgin is backed up by the fact that all us virgins have gone anonymous.

I know what you mean, but there's more to it than stigma in my opinion. For one, I always post anon in personal issues because it makes posts (paradoxically) less personal and I suppose... less confrontational? It's easier to speak my mind to someone without feeling overbearing because of it. I'm faceless.

The status of my virginity or lack thereof is also something I would talk about when anonymous, but my reason for not discussing it otherwise is not shame at my sexual history (I'm perfectly content with that) but more that I'd consider it to be private. By default, even not having sex involves other people, and while I'm normally content to be completely open about my personal life, I feel strongly that personal issues that intersect with interpersonal issues should be kept personal. As it were. If other people are involved in any way or will be involved in the future, then it's not just my secret to tell.

I really think the OP and anyone else reading should really be careful to make sure they're not acting as a result of this perception of there being something wrong about virginity. Have sex if you want to have sex, with a prostitute or otherwise - just make sure it's not because you're being made to feel like you should be having sex. And conversely, don't be put off by people with archaic and judgmental atttidues trying to convince you that there's something to be ashamed of or immoral about sleeping with a prostitute or having a one night stand.

Sleeping with someone else when you're engaged, now THAT's immoral.

Talliesin

If the idea of developping a worldview similar to kekekeke's doesn't put the OP of the idea, nothing will.

panda100

dr.bollocko wrote:

I think I might address something overlooked in previous posts: It is possible that your first sexual experience could influence your attitude to having sex in the future.
.

I would have to agree with this. I think its important for your first sexual experience to be something your comfortable with. Whatever you decide to do make sure you are 100% sure of it. If you fell going to a prostitute to lose your virginity is 'not right' then dont do it,Listen to your instincts.

MontgomeryClift

This is a very interesting discussion altogether. The women try to discourage the OP from going to a prostitute because it might do him harm (?). They seem to prefer the idea of a hapless virgin because, maybe, it empowers them in some way? The more virgins the better for them, it seems. Can you be jealous of a prostitute even though you only know the fella as an anonimous name on a message board?

And to your man who's pained at the notion of telling his girlfriend that he lost it to a prostitue. Did it occur to him that he might only have a gf now because he broke himself in with a prostitute?

cupsoftea

I'm a woman, and it seems therefore I can't understand what being a virgin is like.
But anyhow, I'll throw in my thoughts any way.

As a woman, I'm not sure what having sex with a prostitute will do for you other than get rid of the virginity chip you are carrying around on your shoulders. From what i can gather a 5-10 minute ride is what you'll get with the prostitute in amsterdam. I'm sure you'll learn what is supposed to go where and what it feels like to penetrate and all that, but i can't see how that would make you better in bed in a proper sexual situation.
And a one night stand is completely different to sex with a prostitute surely? I know there is no deep and meaningful relationship going on, but most one night stands (drunken though they may be) involve some sort of attraction and chemistry, there may even be kissing and foreplay and indeed some sort of flirting and conversation before bit A gets stuck in bit B. Getting bit A stuck in bit B is not that difficult and does not require that much practice. And if you do go to a prostitute 20 times to get it out of your system you still won't know whether you are good at sex, when/where to touch, when/where to go fast/slow.


If its just the penetration bit you want then fair enough. But don't presume it will do you any favours with women. The vast majority of women will not be impressed that you have paid for sex. If they don't think that it is seedy and demeaning to women it will at the very least make you look a little sad that you had to out and pay for it.

I don't think going out with a virgin would give some women some sort of power kick, I think that they would like it because it makes them special, that there aren't just the next in a long line of other lovers. If you can get some more self esteem, get interested in something else, learn to be confidant in a sport or a hobby- and try not to obsess about it, it might happen naturally.

LegacyUser

I M H O, if you have low self-esteem your proposed mission to Amsterdam might help to lower it even further.

You may subsequently feel that you have demeaned yourself uneccessarily if you then have the experience that you desire with a woman to whom you have connected emotionally.

Your intended mission will be as emotionally connective as bringing your car for an NCT as you will only be paticipating in an essentially commercial transaction.

You would be better going there to see tulips than to have yourself deflowered commercially.......

smemon

you're basically paying someone to be with you :rolleyes:

now, unless you're a ghost with zero contacts, you don't have to pay someone to be with you.

it's all about mental strength and the ability to shake off peer pressure things like this.

you're basically crumbling under pressure, caving in due to weakness, you're giving people a thief your wallet and saying 'my visa pin is 5892'.

there's something wrong there.

stand up and be counted, kick your fears into touch and inject yourself with a little bit of optimism.

don't be a victim of peer pressure. we've already got too many sheep in the world, we need a few more shepards

CathyMoran

What is the big deal about being a virgin at 24, I certainly was and it was no big deal, it was for me out of choice not offers but that is another issue. You have plenty of time to meet the right person to have your first time, then it will be wonderful.

Ickle Magoo

MontgomeryClift wrote:

This is a very interesting discussion altogether. The women try to discourage the OP from going to a prostitute because it might do him harm (?). They seem to prefer the idea of a hapless virgin because, maybe, it empowers them in some way? The more virgins the better for them, it seems. Can you be jealous of a prostitute even though you only know the fella as an anonimous name on a message board?

Emotionally, I think it will do him harm. If a man has trouble talking to women or being confident in general, then those issues are best tackled at source rather than rolling the whole "problem" up as a need to have sexual intercourse ASAP with anyone or anything available - or accepting the going rate. Men who are virgins are not attractive to women in a nasty way - they are attractive as it shows a degree of thoughtfulness, patience & bravery that he fought against all the modern hype that a man must be promiscuous or he is less of a man. I don't know any woman jealous of a prostitute - I can't honestly believe you even think that way...I know many women who feel very sorry for prostitutes and the life they are often forced (through poverty, drugs or coertion) to live. Do you really have such a negative image of women that you think they try to talk a man out of using a prostitute due to some kind of bitter personal agenda?! When I answer a post I try & answer as I would if it were my son, nephew, brother, etc, asking the question. Your post would suggest you have quite a negative view of women - not unlike some of the other posters in favour of the OP using a prostitute - I wonder if that is purely coincidental?

On a side note..."Breaking yourself in", "take the burden of viginity off your back", "every man is paying for it somehow"....all very negative images. Being obsessed with your virginity to the point you are willing to pay a prostitute just to get a notch on the board is not a healthy attitude towards sex, just as paying a prostitute for the use of her body so you may experience vaginal sex without any kind of intimacy or reciprocation is not a healthy attitude towards women. Deal with the real issues OP & you may even avoid creating more.

Pigman II

OP you may get rid of the monkey on your back with a hooker but you still don't get any bragging rights. Whichever you do don't go round boasting about it after to your mates cos they'll will just think you're a twat behind your back. I have a mate who thinks it's great to visit hookers whenever he's in a new country and as a result I've lost a lot of respect for him.

onemanband

cupsoftea wrote:

I'm a woman, and it seems therefore I can't understand what being a virgin is like.
But anyhow, I'll throw in my thoughts any way.

As a woman, I'm not sure what having sex with a prostitute will do for you other than get rid of the virginity chip you are carrying around on your shoulders. From what i can gather a 5-10 minute ride is what you'll get with the prostitute in amsterdam. I'm sure you'll learn what is supposed to go where and what it feels like to penetrate and all that, but i can't see how that would make you better in bed in a proper sexual situation.
And a one night stand is completely different to sex with a prostitute surely? I know there is no deep and meaningful relationship going on, but most one night stands (drunken though they may be) involve some sort of attraction and chemistry, there may even be kissing and foreplay and indeed some sort of flirting and conversation before bit A gets stuck in bit B. Getting bit A stuck in bit B is not that difficult and does not require that much practice. And if you do go to a prostitute 20 times to get it out of your system you still won't know whether you are good at sex, when/where to touch, when/where to go fast/slow.


If its just the penetration bit you want then fair enough. But don't presume it will do you any favours with women. The vast majority of women will not be impressed that you have paid for sex. If they don't think that it is seedy and demeaning to women it will at the very least make you look a little sad that you had to out and pay for it.

I don't think going out with a virgin would give some women some sort of power kick, I think that they would like it because it makes them special, that there aren't just the next in a long line of other lovers. If you can get some more self esteem, get interested in something else, learn to be confidant in a sport or a hobby- and try not to obsess about it, it might happen naturally.

Spot on!!

Fanny Cradock

ProssieSeeker wrote:

I'd imagine most people lose their virginity by having a 1 night stand, surely visiting a prostitute isnt much different???

The difference between a one night stand and sex with a prostitute should be pretty obvious. Rohipnol (SP?) aside, a one night stand is consensual sex (albeit often alcohol based) between two people who want to do each other, whereas a prostitute is only interested in your money and not your willy. Besides, you shouldn't use one night stands as the justification for using a prostitute.

Jump in the deep end and start talking to girls - you will meet one who you like and who likes you! I think that if you didn't believe that there was absolutely nothing shameful about going to a prostitute then you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 24.

LegacyUser

Sorry to go slightly off topic, but I've noticed that all the virgins posting here seem to be guys. Do girls who are virgins into their mid twenties have the same "get the monkey of my back" feelings? Maybe there just aren't as many female virgins in their mid to late twenties. I have a suspiscion for them it would be easier to get a one night stand if they wanted.

Anyway to go back to the topic at hand. I agree with the poster who said that the OP wouldn't have posted the question at all if he didn't have some issues with going to a prostitute, so my advice would be if in doubt just don't do it for now.

Mrs_Doyle

SlightlyOffTop wrote:

Sorry to go slightly off topic, but I've noticed that all the virgins posting here seem to be guys. Do girls who are virgins into their mid twenties have the same "get the monkey of my back" feelings? Maybe there just aren't as many female virgins in their mid to late twenties. I have a suspiscion for them it would be easier to get a one night stand if they wanted.

Ok, I was 22yrs, 6 mths and 2 weeks old when I lost my virginity - to be exact!

My virgin status was not enforced upon me, it was something that I chose, in that I chose NOT to have sex with anyone else that I had previously been involved with.
So in that regard, I can't say I experienced the same 'get the monkey off my back' feelings, that have been described by some of the male posters.

However, there was one aspect that did trouble me.

Almost every boy I ever kissed more then once was someone I was already familiar with, through friends, work, college, etc.

They may have already known I was a virgin, through friends, as I never lied about it when asked, or, alternatively, I would make my status known to them, from very early on, so that they could decide for themselves if they wanted to continue seeing a girl that most likely wasn't going to have sex with them any time soon.

This, in general, worked out pretty well, and for the most part, I was commended for being up-front and honest about it.

Now, for the down side.

I am not a bad looking girl, I am fairly confident, outgoing and talkative, and I could be described as being fairly flirty by nature.
To kiss a boy or two at the college social, or on a night out, would probably have been the norm for me, as it would have been for most young, single, people my age.

So... what's the problem?

Well, my confident, outgoing, talkative and flirty behaviour was obviously not what most people would have considered the behaviour of a virgin.
Over time people started to talk about me, rubbishing my claims of being a virgin and branding me a prick tease, a tramp, a slut, and a liar.

Now the above was pretty annoying, and upsetting, and I would often get very worked up over it.
Some times I would fight my corner, and other times I would just think "Fcuk them, what do I care if they believe me or not, it's not their opinions of me that matter, my own opinion of me is the only one that really matters!"

Anyhow, to get back to your original question - I am glad I waited, BUT, I have to admit that it was beginning to become a bit of an issue in the last year or so, thanks to the gossipers around me.

want2play

Faith wrote:

Um, off-topic perhaps, but, unless i read your story wrong, the groom had sex with a prostitute in Amsterdam on his stag weekend? That's cheating, pure and simple. I hope he's planning on telling his fiancée! I wouldn't marry a man who'd do that.

Well your not marrying him are you?

She knew what was going to happen there, its fun and emotionless and a lot of people realise sex can be a physical thing or a love thing. Personally I wouldnt cheat on my girlfriend and wouldnt feel the need to pay if i were to, but its just adult fun.

Typical Irish "thats filthy" attitude.

cupsoftea

"Typical Irish "thats filthy" attitude".

Having cheap sex with a prostitute when you are engaged to marry someone. Surely by anyone's standards "that's filthy".

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies, certainly didnt expect so many to be in a similiar position.
The story of the 28 year old guy is a nice one too.
Was also surprised that while many admitted to being in the same situation as me, all were male. Are there no 24 year old female virgins anymore???
Think I'll wait a while mre anyways, as one poster says I've waited 24 years, I can wait a little longer. Maybe sometime it'll happen for me...

CathyMoran

SlightlyOffTop wrote:

Sorry to go slightly off topic, but I've noticed that all the virgins posting here seem to be guys. Do girls who are virgins into their mid twenties have the same "get the monkey of my back" feelings? Maybe there just aren't as many female virgins in their mid to late twenties. I have a suspiscion for them it would be easier to get a one night stand if they wanted.

Anyway to go back to the topic at hand. I agree with the poster who said that the OP wouldn't have posted the question at all if he didn't have some issues with going to a prostitute, so my advice would be if in doubt just don't do it for now.

I lost mine somewhere in my mid 20's, yes, it would have been easy to find someone willing to take it off my hands for several years but it would have been part of a long term relationship, I did almost loose it on a second date with someone around a year before I lost it but in the end for me I wanted to loose it to another virgin and did, him being a virgin was actually very attractive to me and it was the difference from the other guy that I considered loosing it to.

OP, a lot of women would find it attractive that you are still a virgin.

LegacyUser

CathyMoran wrote:

OP, a lot of women would find it attractive that you are still a virgin.

Name ONE !

Mrs_Doyle

Unreggie wrote:

Name ONE !

Me, my current boyfriend had a couple of partners before me, but I certainly will admit to being attracted to the idea of losing my virginity to another virgin.

misswex

Me too, lost mine the exact same way Cathymoran did!! Waited for the right guy to come along, could have lost earlier but I knew I wanted it to be right and I wanted to be in a committed relationship. Honestly thought I would never found a guy who thought and wanted the same things as me but i did and I'm engaged to be married now so I'm glad I waited till I was in my mid twenties too.

So all we're saying OP is that you should wait and trust in the fact that most girls out there would love to be given the chance to go out with you and to see where it leads and you shouldn't feel that because you are a virgin that it will stop girls from going out with you as Cathymoran has said it might make them want to go out with you even more!!

So give it more time, try and work on your confidence and see where it goes cos I can't see how sleeping with a prostitute will help, think I would wreck your self-esteem more if anything.

letterman

Just wondering, on the basis of the previous posts, when people have said they waited and waited and waited for the right person to come along, how many virginity donors are still associated with the donee?????

CathyMoran

letterman wrote:

Just wondering, on the basis of the previous posts, when people have said they waited and waited and waited for the right person to come along, how many virginity donors are still associated with the donee?????

I am, getting married in under 2 months now.

letterman

CathyMoran wrote:

I am, getting married in under 2 months now.

Well done, congrats etc.

Mrs_Doyle

Yep, we are still together, and hopefully it will stay that way

Ickle Magoo

letterman wrote:

Just wondering, on the basis of the previous posts, when people have said they waited and waited and waited for the right person to come along, how many virginity donors are still associated with the donee?????

I'm not with him anymore - but it was a fantastic experience as part of a long-term relationship & one I will never ever feel ashamed about or have any regrets about...:) It taught me a lot about male physiology, biology & psyche as well as learning a lot about myself...job done

misswex

Just bought a house and are saving to get married!