Virgin

LegacyUser

I am a 24 male virgin. I'll be honest, that doesnt look like it going to change for a while (low self-esteem, when I'm out I cant even talk to women etc. usual stuff). Which is why I am now thinking about going to Amsterdam to have sex with a prostitute for the very first time.

Like, I know prostitution is legal over there but do all the women there do it of their own free will? I would never go looking for a prostitute in Ireland because of the trafficking problem. However, is it any better in Holland? Is there actually women who do it because they simply love having sex all the time???

Sure, it'd be great to meet a girl normally and things to run their course that way but as I said its not gonna happen.

Seraphina

meh. i dont really get it tbh, the whole prostitute thing. satisfying urges with your hand is one thing, but why pay for what should be an expression of love between two people.

tbh i'd say working on your self esteem and social issues is far more important that worrying about trafficking women. when things happen with a special girl, you'll regret you paid some randomer to get your leg over.

its not gonna happen because of your negative attitude. i dont see how a prostitute seems like a solution to your inability to talk to girls.

Jules

OP, don't do that. You are really worth more. Dont be in a rush to lose your virginity, tbh most of the time your not missing out on much anyway. A friend of mine lost his virginity to a pro in amsterdam and he regrets it to this day. I know im prolly gonna get a slagging for this but you virginity is something very special and you should not cheapen it by paying some woman, who stands in a window for all to see and who will just get up, get dressed and got stand in her window for the next punter, to have sex with you.

You are worth more than that!!!

Rabies

Join a club or find a new hobby. Get to know new people and make friends with people that have the same interests as you (not sex).
Might find someone you like and that likes you back. Give it time.

Ruu_Old

Seraphina wrote:

meh. i dont really get it tbh, the whole prostitute thing. satisfying urges with your hand is one thing, but why pay for what should be an expression of love between two people.

tbh i'd say working on your self esteem and social issues is far more important that worrying about trafficking women. when things happen with a special girl, you'll regret you paid some randomer to get your leg over.

its not gonna happen because of your negative attitude. i dont see how a prostitute seems like a solution to your inability to talk to girls.

Agreed, taking it a bit too far OP imo. What do you do outside of work/college?

free2fly

Bad idea. You need to build some self-respect OP. And self-confidence. A woman will spot a man with a bad attitude a mile away. You need to focus on the good things about yourself. Is there something that you do well such as play guitar or write music?

REDZ

Don't do it, thats not a good way to lose it, you will regret it. go try it on with some radomn lass somewhere, so what it she tells you to piss off, you only have one thing to lose.

LegacyUser

i couldnt believe when i saw this post, cos i just being thinking the same thing for the past few days...
im in the exact situation as you , only difference is that im 21.
tbh i know how u feel, i c it as a very big thing as well which doesnt seem its gonna change for a while.
It has nearly nothing to do with my look, because i take care of myself a lot , i ve bein goin to the gym regularly since i was 17 and other stuff; all i can do really is blame my personality

, because im having the same difficulties chatting up girls and what bothers me the most is seeing other guys not having the same difficulty.
This really puts me off cos i dont consider myself inferior to them at all( actually quite the opposite), but with girls its a separate issue.
i know this post might sound a bit pessimistic , but things like this wont change all of a sudden without you actually doin something about it.
at this age the personality of a person is very well formed and difficult to change,so if u are introverse you will stay the same.
all you can do really is join as many things as you can and try to create your own chances ( the same chances that some ppl get without even lifting a finger) which i know sounds terribly unfair but we ll just have to cope with it..
Dont forget to do loads of sports ( gym, swim whatever) cos that will not only increase your self estime but it will make a man more attractive under the eyes of most women.

I m not too bothered about losing my virginity ,im more concerned of getting the attention of the girls and find a girl that i like.
Virginity is important only when you are with the right person, but with a pro is not a matter of verginity anymore, its about you trying to forget about that problem that you have which will come back straight away .

I would wish you goodluck , but it isnt a matter of luck, its all a matter of personality in the end and gain self confidence.

Tuesday_Girl

My advice would be not to do it, it would be a clinical and mechanical transaction which you would probably not enjoy, especially with first-time nerves and all that. I live in Amsterdam and while I don't think the woman here are trafficked, they are also not doing it for the love of sex, they do it to earn money, just like we all do our jobs.

As someone else said, she will be back in the window before you're gone out the door, and I doubt you would feel very good after the experience.

Begob

Big mistake.
Learn to get over the hurdle of being quiet.
Believe it or not people socially in small groups are nice,they wont bite you-unless of course you get to know one of them real well or one of their friends and then you will be bitten consentually and you'll enjoy it

Motley Crue

ProssieSeeker wrote:

I am a 24 male virgin.

Which is why I am now thinking about going to Amsterdam to have sex with a prostitute for the very first time.

Like, I know prostitution is legal over there but do all the women there do it of their own free will?

Em...youve got it all wrong man, i 100% gaurentee you that if your that desperate for sex, youll find a woman to have sex with you in Ireland. Hopefully youll never become that desperate, because I was once, and I personally did consider going to find a prostitute as the only way of losing my virginity (and im still a considerable bit younger then you), but it would have been the stupidest thing i had ever done. Force yourself out, to a bar at night, to a work party, to any excuse you can find for some kind of social event and you will find you will meet girls. You may not get overlaid overnight, unless you go to the right places, but I assure you the guys who have one night stands and quick fixes have either being doing it for years or dont get anything from it.

Not to be smart, but dont give your money to Holland, invest in the Irish economy!

Red Alert

what exactly are you going to get from a prostitute? will it help you talk to and relate to women? i think the answer is no.

a few questions:
- any female friends
- any relationship (of any sort) with girls at all

maybe if you posted some more about your work/college circumstances or why you think you've had trouble with women then we might be able to help you a lot more

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation as the other two unfortunately, and 22. Some days the only thing I care about is losing my virginity but on other days I couldn't care less really.

I've got a pretty good life, loads of friends and I'd consider myself to be pretty attractive, in good shape and generally don't have problems being sociable and liked. I can talk to girls for ages and have a good time with them but never know when to "go for it" so generally nothing happens I tend to avoid that situation now tho as it's somewhat embarassing and just concentrate on having a good time.

The problem with me isn't really meeting or finding girls it's just that I'm quite embarassed about my lack of experience and I think it's fair to say am afraid of not keeping up my side of the deal... Complete nonsense I know but there it is.

I've considered prostitutes in Amsterdam but decided against it for the reasons above. Again I hate the fact that lots of other people my age don't have any problems with women and their "tactics"/confidence around them are vastly superior to mine but despite this I certainitly don't think they are better than me.

So I don't really have any advice on losing the virginity but I'd like to say it's possible to be a virgin in your early twenties and not feel **** about it.. most of the time anyway. Tho when it finally happens I'd say I might look back and think I've wasted my time but maybe not.

0utshined

sameprob wrote:

at this age the personality of a person is very well formed and difficult to change,so if u are introverse you will stay the same.

Gonna have to disagree with you there. You can change if you want to and work on it. It might not be easy but it can be done.

sameprob wrote:

i know this post might sound a bit pessimistic , but things like this wont change all of a sudden without you actually doin something about it.

Bingo. If the OP chooses that route he still hasn't tackled the root cause. I think it would benefit him more to work on that than focusing on having sex just to be able to say he's had sex.

Fanny Cradock

I've heard (on boards) that after you select the girl she then leads you into the room, you exchance cash, she then douses your genitals in an antiseptic wash, rides you for a while and then you are out the door. I really think that this would be a lifetime of regret for a short pleasure (?).

Why not work on being less shy around women. Surely your lack of confidence is the issue here and not the lack of sex. I can't see things getting better JUST because you have had sex.

LegacyUser

Quote:
Originally Posted by sameprob
at this age the personality of a person is very well formed and difficult to change,so if u are introverse you will stay the same.

Gonna have to disagree with you there. You can change if you want to and work on it. It might not be easy but it can be done

yep totally agree with this,

low self-esteem, when I'm out I cant even talk to women etc. usual stuff
Sure, it'd be great to meet a girl normally and things to run their course that way but as I said its not gonna happen.

you can change, it'll be one of the hardest things you'll ever do but believe me it can be done, i was one of the most introverted people ever and had absolutely no confidence, but i changed, i went from not being able to even look at a cute guy to just chatting up cute random guys, just force yourself to do it once, it gets easier, if its a disaster so what?, i'm 21 female by the way, i don't understand what the big deal is, people dont have to know you're a virgin, its not the be all and end all, to be honest i'd be rather have sex with a guy who hadn't done it before than a guy who'd been with 20 girls.

its only 'not gonna happen' if you don't try and make it happen, sleeping with a prostitute is not going to boost your self esteem, it'll only put you in a worse situation than you're in now.

LegacyUser

Agree with all the other posters, do something about your self esteem, find new outlets to meet people, join clubs etc, things won't change by themselves , I was in the same situation as yourself at that age and did nothing about it and now find myself in my thirties as a billy no mates and still a virgin too but I wouldn't worry about the whole "virgin" label, sort out the real problem and that will sort itself out too

LegacyUser

It's funny, the OP isn't asking what people think of his idea, he's just wondering if any one has any info about potential exploitation. Personally I don't know much about the sex industry in Amsterdam (I'm guessing not many around here do), so my advice would be to google about it and maybe try and get on some related forums. To be honest, I would think you'd get a fair feel for a situation once you're in it. I shouldn't need to say that a prostitute is just a person! So if you get a good feeling that they genuinely like their job you can probably trust your gut. Avoid anything that seems ambiguous.

I can relate to your feelings, I have to admit I found the exact same thought crossing my mind at one point. But tbh, the difference between your first time and any other time is ultimately just an abstract concept. Don't get hung up on losing this imaginary thing. If you want to make having sex with prostitutes or having one-night stands a regular thing in your life, then you might as well go for it - but just don't do it for the sake of having done it, is all I'd say. If you think you'd ever like to be having sex with only one special person, or be a person that only ever has sex with people that mean something to them, then you will regret this eventually. So do give it a bit of thought, if you haven't already.

Sexually liberal as we've all become, it seems to me like some of the advice trying to dissuade you is really based on moral judgements. Clearly, there's nothing immoral in what you're considering - the only area of moral ambiguity in prostitution is where exploitation enters into it, and you're already being careful of that. So I'd also suggest you try not to let other people's personal hang-ups about the subject affect your choices here either. Meaningless sex is meaningless sex. You know better than anyone here if it suits you or not. But then... I guess that's why you didn't ask!

Incidentally, being a virgin at 24 is not nearly as uncommon as you probably think it is!

Talliesin

ProssieSeeker wrote:

I am a 24 male virgin.

You do know that that isn't actually that unusual, don't you?

ProssieSeeker wrote:

I'll be honest, that doesnt look like it going to change for a while (low self-esteem, when I'm out I cant even talk to women etc. usual stuff). Which is why I am now thinking about going to Amsterdam to have sex with a prostitute for the very first time.

"Which is why" implies some sort of direct casual link. Sorry, but you're leaving a bit out of what you're telling us here, since nobody ever actually died from virginity.

ProssieSeeker wrote:

Like, I know prostitution is legal over there

Prostitution is legal here too. The laws around prostitution are looser there, and enforcement looser still, but there are still some btw. Do check out the legal situation of what you do if you do go.\

ProssieSeeker wrote:

but do all the women there do it of their own free will?

Yeah sure, it's just like "Pretty Woman" but in Dutch :rolleyes:

ProssieSeeker wrote:

I would never go looking for a prostitute in Ireland because of the trafficking problem. However, is it any better in Holland?

No, it's much, much worse in Holland.

ProssieSeeker wrote:

Is there actually women who do it because they simply love having sex all the time???

Yes. Such people really do exist. However, you aren't going to find one, just like if you buy a lottery ticket tomorrow you aren't going to win.

If you want to find a woman who has sex all the tiime because she enjoys having sex all the time restrict your search to women who have sex all the time and don't charge.

ProssieSeeker wrote:

Sure, it'd be great to meet a girl normally and things to run their course that way but as I said its not gonna happen.

Yes. With that attitude it definitely isn't.

Colm_OReilly

This is a thread where I'd agree with essentially all the posters response to the OP - which is unusual.

Although I can well imagine that when people say "develop confidence" or "work on your self esteem" it doesn't sound helpful at all, does it?

Chances are you probably say "yeah that's all well and good but I can't!" and therein lies the problem. At the moment, you can only think of how you aren't confident and how you can't be confident. If you're just mulling thoughts in your head and lacing them with negative emotions it won't help.

So here's some free advice:
Get a piece of paper and write down all the things you're confident in. Dedicate a good half hour to this. At first, you'll find it very hard to write down anything, and the thigns you write down you might explain away as being lucky or circumstantial or whatever. That's fine. The key thing is to write down as many positives, wins, times you got lucky as you can.

Next is to start focusing on the emotions you had. Put yourself back to when you felt really chuffed about something, and dwell on that.

When you first do this exercise, it mightn't feel like you've done much. But, it's like if you were obese and started exercising. The extra 500lbs won't just disappear, but it will begin to have an effect. The more you repeat this cycle the more your negative self talk and self image with dwindle and the better you feel.

A major thing is that you have to believe you can become more confident, socially successful and outgoing. If you can't see yourself being the next Casanova that's okay, picture yourself as 10% more outgoing than you are now. When you get there, another 10%.

Any questions, reply or PM me,
Colm

PS: Social Anxiety is one of the world's leading psychological disorders and also highly undiagnosed. You might be interested in looking it up on Wiki.

fatboypee

ummmm.....

Taking the Virginity issue aside for just a minute, and looking into the low-self-esteem, can't even talk to Women side.. I'm gonna sound like an auld Git and maybe it's true but in my youth I went through the same issues, like most guys do, as a kid I was excruciatingly shy, that followed into adolescence and young adulthood, I could not talk to women, struck dumb, felt incredibly insignificant, ridiculed for dress sense, style etc etc...

Looking back now at a ripe old age I cannot see why I was so uptight, I realise now that my so-called peers were as uptight, nervous, insecure and basically inept as I was, if not worse ? Thats how life is, confident joe down the road ? Pah ! not a chance !, not at a tender age anyhow, if you watch and look around you you can see its true, the minute you do that, you realise you've alot more to offer than you think.

There is NO "Other Side" to virginity,losing it alone will not bring you any more confidence. If anything, it will be going out with the woman you lose it to and the resulting relationship....

Was for me anyhow.....

Aidan78

I have to agree with a lot of what's been said so far, OP. In the past, I've considered Amsterdam as a means of getting rid of the albatross of virginity, but knew that once I got there, I would chicken out. So I waited. Joined some clubs, took up some new hobbies, worked on the whole self-confidence and self-esteem issues.

Was friends with a wonderful girl but in the past 2 months, things have developed between us that I never thought could. I'm 28 now, a few months away from being 29. I lost my virginity to my girlfriend 2 weeks ago, and although that may make me sound sad and pathetic to some, I am happy to admit that I'm delighted I waited.

Now I think that if I had gone through with Amsterdam and ended up with some faceless stranger, how would that make me feel? I read on boards a few months ago a post from someone who said that he had lost his virginity to a prostitute and had regretted the decision. Don't make the same mistake, OP. And that is directed at the rest of the posters who find themselves in the same situation as the OP.

A.

mountainyman

Don't do it. You would be better off going to Laos or Senegal or somewhere where each 'contact' will be cheap. You will need to have sex 20 or 30 times to get it out of your system.

Sex isn't a big deal when your are getting it. So don't go to Amsterdam go on a sex holiday to the rthird wortld

MM

LegacyUser

Aidan78 wrote:

I'm 28 now, a few months away from being 29. I lost my virginity to my girlfriend 2 weeks ago, and although that may make me sound sad and pathetic to some, I am happy to admit that I'm delighted I waited.

I'm in the same situation as the OP and thats the best post I've read in a long time. Way to go man, hope its the same for me.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

mountainyman wrote:

Don't do it. You would be better off going to Laos or Senegal or somewhere where each 'contact' will be cheap. You will need to have sex 20 or 30 times to get it out of your system.

Sex isn't a big deal when your are getting it. So don't go to Amsterdam go on a sex holiday to the rthird wortld

Dangerous advice there MM - Senegal has a very high incidence of Aids, and Laos is full of fat European paedophiles.

OP I'm going unreg for this one because it's something I'm not proud of - but I've visited more than one prostitute over the years (unhappy marriage, desparate for intimacy, blah blah, any excuse etc). But here's what I learned:

1. The actual act is soulless and devoid of feeling.
2. It's like expensive, assisted masturbation.
3. She won't like or respect you - you'll just be some pathetic guy who uses prostitutes ffs!
4. She's not doing it because she enjoys sex - she wants or needs the money and Tesco don't pay as much as you will.
5. You'll leave feeling empty but needing more
6. You'll keep returning, trying to achieve the intimacy, but you never will.
7. You'll eventually cop on that it's corroding your soul and preventing you achieving real intimacy with another human being.
8. You'll regret the visit (or visits) and feel embarrassed that it took you so long to figure it all out.

So please save yourself the pointless quest and concentrate on sorting out your confidence issue, not the symptom (virginity). And stop worrying about it too; believe me if you meet the right girl, she won't be disappointed, or laugh at you.

Finally, if you ignore the advice and feel you must do it, find an independent 'service provider' so that way you can be reasonably sure there's no trafficking involved. Oh and expect to pay upwards of €250 for a half hour interlude (did I mention it's an expensive habit?)

Black Swan

The first time should be special, with someone you care about.

mountainyman

Well Virgin take notprouds advice and work on the confidence issues, I was just saying that if you have a hangup about sex perhaps what you need is just lots of sex.

MM

LegacyUser

Geesh... if the guy wants to go to a prostitute what's the big deal? I didn't lose my virginity to one, but I did go through long periods where I just wasn't getting any sex and... well, a man becomes frustrated in these situations. Maybe some of you don't understand this, but for us guys, sex is sometimes just sex. It doesn't have to be this big emotional thing... so if the OP wants to have a shag, then I say "Go for it". I went to prostitutes on two different occasions. My last experience was really good and the girl was beautiful. It was nice to have sex after having none for years. My first time was a disaster cos I couldn't get it up after I gave her the money. I was just too nervous.

Gaining sexual experience is also no harm. I looked on going to a prostitute as "training" for when I have a girlfriend. I'm glad I went as well, cos I leant a few things about how my body fits together with that of a female, and I had to change my approach to sex a little bit (my penis was not flexible enough for sex, so I had to do some excercises on it over a period of months to make it more flexible).

He just wants sex. Sometimes a man needs sex. Why make him repress it any longer? After having sex he might feel even more confident and females often sense when a man has a good sex life or is confident sexaully. Let this guy get some practice in for Gods sake...

want2play

Fanny Cradock wrote:

I've heard (on boards) that after you select the girl she then leads you into the room, you exchance cash, she then douses your genitals in an antiseptic wash, rides you for a while and then you are out the door. I really think that this would be a lifetime of regret for a short pleasure (?).

Why not work on being less shy around women. Surely your lack of confidence is the issue here and not the lack of sex. I can't see things getting better JUST because you have had sex.

Just back from a stag weekend in Amsterdam and the stag was sent to a window with a nice nurse behind, we pushed him in, paid her €50 (suck + ****) he came out 20 minutes later smiling......

She told him to wipe with a baby-wipe she put a condom on him (with her mouth - he found that amazing?) he got a BJ for about 10 minutes then had intercourse with her for about 10 minutes.

She was a great laugh as were most of the (Dutch) girls we spoke to there, very chatty and happy.

But only had this 1 experience with a prostitute, just too wrecked to stumble down by the canals.

Faith

Um, off-topic perhaps, but, unless i read your story wrong, the groom had sex with a prostitute in Amsterdam on his stag weekend? That's cheating, pure and simple. I hope he's planning on telling his fiancée! I wouldn't marry a man who'd do that.

Anywho, OP, don't do it. Like the others have said, it'll just feel cheap and emotionless and you will regret it afterwards. It will not make you more confidant around womem, or increase your chances of getting laid in the future. You need to change yourself for that to change.